As I mentioned earlier, Merlin Olsen, a legendary football player and an actor who starred in the TV Show Father Murphy, died today. Olsen was also in a little movie called Mitchell, playing a butler/bodyguard named Benton. In tribute to Mr. Olsen, I decided to watch and review the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode of Mitchell. For those that don't know, Mystery Science Theater 3000 was a show that featured a guy and two robots making wisecracks about bad movies. Sure, the movie is just awful, but it's a great episode, probably my favorite one. A few thoughts:
-Mitchell is played by Joe Don Baker, who starred in the original Walking Tall. I think this movie killed off what little appeal Baker may of had as a leading man. He was pretty bad in this film, as his only expression for most of the movie seemed to be one of confusion.
- Whoever thought the audience would be appealed to Mitchell was dead wrong. Sure, he's a cop that plays by his own rules, but he's also a jerk to everyone he meets, he's usually drunk or hung over, and whatever good police work he does is usually the result of dumb luck more than any particular detective skills he may possess. He also sleeps with hookers, and then arrests them for prostitution. That's kind of hypocritical, isn't it.
- The opening credits feature our man Mitchell in super-slow motion picking a rock over his head and flinging it to the ground. Why the powers that be decided to do this, I'll never know, as Mitchell has his mouth open and looks like a fool during the credits.
- The audio of this movie is quite poor, and the poor quality is compounded by the fact that Joe Don Baker mumbles his lines a lot during the movie. There were a couple of times where I couldn't understand what he was saying.
- I'm having a hard time deciding what was the best scene in this movie. I think it was when Mitchell was on stakeout and a kid skated by. The kid skated by, said something about his mother not liking Mitchell, and Mitchell responded by saying he doesn't like the kid's mother. What follows next is true comedy, as Mitchell repeats everything the kid says, except to take a small break to tell him to buzz off. This goes on for about a minute, until Mitchell finally screams "BUZZ OFF" at the kid and the kid skates away. Mitchell then rolls up his window, cursing and screaming and turning his radio on really loud for some reason. Who wouldn't want to root for a cop that screams at children?
- The opening of the movie features a burglar breaking into somebody's house. Unfortunately, the homeowner Walter Deaney (played by John Saxon) comes home (with two loose women, I might add) and hears the commotion. He gets a gun out from the wall or something and shoots the burglar in cold blood. Deaney then plants a gun on him. Of course, Mitchell comes in, looking like he's had about 8 tall boys, and doesn't by Deaney's story. So, Mitchell comes up with a master plan. He breaks into Deaney's house, unarmed, so Deaney can shoot him or something. I'm pretty sure that's illegal, or at the very least entrapment. Anyway, Mitchell gets shot at, but to the audience's horror, does not get hit by any bullets.
- Mitchell is such an alcoholic that during sex, he must have a six pack by his bed at all times. In a move befitting of his talents, Mitchell uses his toes to grab the six-pack by the plastic rings, gets a beer, and than puts the rest of it back on the night stand, and yes, there was a sex scene with Joe Don Baker in this movie. Luckily most of it was concealed under the sheets, but what I saw was disturbing enough.
- The hosts of this show really rip into this movie, particularly the lead character (and why not, he's such an easy target). Allegedly, Joe Don Baker heard about their actions, and is reportedly very upset with the crew at MST3K. Personally, I felt their words were quite appropriate, as this movie sucked on ice and Joe Don wasn't exactly Laurence Olivier in this flick.
- I've seen this movie three times (or rather, this episode), and I still have no idea what's happening or who's ripping off who. There was supposed to be a heroin deal, the main villian, Cummings (played by Martin Balsam) sends Mitchell to pick it up. Why Mitchell agrees to it, I'll never know. Cummings and Benton (Merlin Olsen) then take off on a boat. Mitchell picks up the heroin, which is an unsuspecting old lady's luggage. Mitchell drives off a few feet, stops the car, busts the trunk open and digs through the old lady's luggage. He finds the heroin in a secret compartment, takes about 2 kilos in his fingers and licks it. He discovers it's chalk. Mitchell, ever the humanitarian, then tells the old lady to walk away, leaving her without her luggage at the docks. The dealers are told to kill Mitchell, then put him on Cummings boat, only Cummings has taken off for Mexico, making the second part of the task just a smidge more difficult. Anyway Mitchell, after putting a handkerchief in the gas tank, arrives at the meet. The dealers find out it's fake and blames Mitchell, so naturally he blows up the car. This is just one of the confusing plot lines found in this movie, and it only got worse from there.
- During the filming of this movie, Merlin Olsen was still an active player. In fact, in 1974 he won the Bert Bell NFL Player of the Year Award. To follow up on this success, Olsen decides to act in Mitchell. I'd say that's a dramatic step down, but to each their own.
- Interesting note about this episode, as this was Joel Hodgson's last episode. Hosgson, one of the original creators of Mystery Science Theater 3000, had decided he wanted to try other things. So off he went, to be replaced by Mike Nelson. To some, this meant a drastic drop of quality in MST3K, but personally, I think the Nelson episodes were just as good as the Hodgson episodes.
- At many points during the movie, the cast kept yelling Mitchell! when our hero waddled onto the screen. The reason I mention this is because this became a bit of an inside joke amongst my friends and I. In fact, during my college graduation, while I was walking to get my diploma, my brother Ben decided to yell, Mitchell! once my name was called. I actually couldn't make out what he said (incidentally, much like viewers sometimes can't understand what Joe Don Baker is saying at various times during Mitchell) but it did get a laugh out of a couple of people, while everyone else around him wondered what the heck he said and why. If only I had that on tape.
In conclusion, this movie is 31 flavors of suck. However, as an episode as Mystery Science Theater 3000, it is very very funny. This movie is rather easy to mock, and boy do they ever mock this one. So overall, I give it a 9.3204404 out of 10. Thanks for reading. If you have ideas for future posts, or want to submit a review of your to The Canon Review, than e-mail those ideas to me at KtheC2001@gmail.com. I leave you with one of the least exciting car chases in cinema history, from where else, Mitchell.
Showing posts with label Mitchell. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mitchell. Show all posts
Friday, March 12, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Canon Video Game Review: Ninja Kid (NES)
It's a sad day here at The Canon Review, as Merlin Olsen, the man that played Benton the butler in Mitchell, has passed away. Sure, Olsen was a Hall of Fame defensive lineman in the NFL, who went on to have some success acting, but to me, he'll always be the butler that served cold coffee to his boss and got impaled on a boat hook by Joe Don Baker. RIP Merlin, you were not a lousy butler.
But while we mourn the loss of Benton, we must move on. Perhaps later today I will watch Mitchell, but I'm not sure yet. However, I did have the pleasure of playing the 1986 video game classic known as Ninja Kid. Released in 1986 for the Nintendo, Ninja Kid was developed and produced by Bandai. According to Wikipedia, Ninja Kid was based on a popular Japanese manga series at the time called GeGeGe No Kitaro, which is about a boy born in a graveyard who has one eye and has lived over 350 years, fighting the forces of evil with many weapons and powers. However, the developers decided to make this game more generic, as the game's main character is nameless and the levels are pretty generic. Here is the cover for Ninja Kid, courtesy of theoldcomputer.com
That kid has some interesting looking cheeks. Also, his shoes don't match, and he is shooting lightning. In the game, he doesn't shoot lightning so I think that's false advertising. It would have been a whole different ballgame if I could zap my opponents with a bolt of electricity, that's for sure, but I digress. The game starts with the lead character on a map, there are a few buildings up, but he can only go to the one closest to him, which is where the action begins. There are four different levels, and each level is random. The levels are each side scrolling affairs, and depending on the levels, you must complete a certain task in order to advance. For example, there's one level where you must collect 10 ghosts, and another level where you have to kill 10 enemies. The controls are rather simple, A jumps, B fires your weapon, and you move using the d-pad.
This game is rather difficult, because only one hit by any of your enemies will cause you to lose a life, and you only have three lives. Also, whereas your character can only shoot horizontally, your enemies can shoot vertically, horizontally, and diagonally, putting you at a great disadvantage. It would have helped if I had done some research on this game before playing it, as I just dove right in without any clue, and oftentimes I kept running around like a headless chicken because I was unaware of the different objectives required by the game. Also, this game cheats. At one point I was on an upper platform, when a skeleton comes from the ground, somehow flies up to right where I was standing and killed me. I didn't know ground dwelling skeletons could soar through the air like a bald eagle. Stupid game.
The graphics are what you would expect from a 1986 Nintendo side-scrolling platform game, they're not great, but I'd say the graphics were pretty good considering the game's timeframe. The audio kind of stinks, as they play this annoying song non-stop throughout the game, unless you get to a boss level, in which the music becomes only slightly less annoying.
Overall, this game is better than the last game I reviewed, but there's not a whole lot that makes me want to play it again. The story is bland, the levels change slightly, but not a whole lot, and the only real variety is the tasks you have to do to pass the levels. Plus, from what I read, this game never ends, as once you pass all the levels and bosses, it just starts over at a harder level. That kind of stinks. I'll give this a 4.12 out of 10, as the game is inoffensive enough (if a little difficult) but to me, it doesn't seem to have a lot of replay value. Well, thanks for reading, and if you have any ideas for future reviews or posts, or you would like to review something for The Canon Review (it can literally be anything you want to talk about), than e-mail me your ideas and or complaints at KtheC2001@gmail.com. I'll try to post something later tonight, to make up for yesterday's activity, so for the 4 to 7 people that read this blog, be prepared.
But while we mourn the loss of Benton, we must move on. Perhaps later today I will watch Mitchell, but I'm not sure yet. However, I did have the pleasure of playing the 1986 video game classic known as Ninja Kid. Released in 1986 for the Nintendo, Ninja Kid was developed and produced by Bandai. According to Wikipedia, Ninja Kid was based on a popular Japanese manga series at the time called GeGeGe No Kitaro, which is about a boy born in a graveyard who has one eye and has lived over 350 years, fighting the forces of evil with many weapons and powers. However, the developers decided to make this game more generic, as the game's main character is nameless and the levels are pretty generic. Here is the cover for Ninja Kid, courtesy of theoldcomputer.com
That kid has some interesting looking cheeks. Also, his shoes don't match, and he is shooting lightning. In the game, he doesn't shoot lightning so I think that's false advertising. It would have been a whole different ballgame if I could zap my opponents with a bolt of electricity, that's for sure, but I digress. The game starts with the lead character on a map, there are a few buildings up, but he can only go to the one closest to him, which is where the action begins. There are four different levels, and each level is random. The levels are each side scrolling affairs, and depending on the levels, you must complete a certain task in order to advance. For example, there's one level where you must collect 10 ghosts, and another level where you have to kill 10 enemies. The controls are rather simple, A jumps, B fires your weapon, and you move using the d-pad.
This game is rather difficult, because only one hit by any of your enemies will cause you to lose a life, and you only have three lives. Also, whereas your character can only shoot horizontally, your enemies can shoot vertically, horizontally, and diagonally, putting you at a great disadvantage. It would have helped if I had done some research on this game before playing it, as I just dove right in without any clue, and oftentimes I kept running around like a headless chicken because I was unaware of the different objectives required by the game. Also, this game cheats. At one point I was on an upper platform, when a skeleton comes from the ground, somehow flies up to right where I was standing and killed me. I didn't know ground dwelling skeletons could soar through the air like a bald eagle. Stupid game.
The graphics are what you would expect from a 1986 Nintendo side-scrolling platform game, they're not great, but I'd say the graphics were pretty good considering the game's timeframe. The audio kind of stinks, as they play this annoying song non-stop throughout the game, unless you get to a boss level, in which the music becomes only slightly less annoying.
Overall, this game is better than the last game I reviewed, but there's not a whole lot that makes me want to play it again. The story is bland, the levels change slightly, but not a whole lot, and the only real variety is the tasks you have to do to pass the levels. Plus, from what I read, this game never ends, as once you pass all the levels and bosses, it just starts over at a harder level. That kind of stinks. I'll give this a 4.12 out of 10, as the game is inoffensive enough (if a little difficult) but to me, it doesn't seem to have a lot of replay value. Well, thanks for reading, and if you have any ideas for future reviews or posts, or you would like to review something for The Canon Review (it can literally be anything you want to talk about), than e-mail me your ideas and or complaints at KtheC2001@gmail.com. I'll try to post something later tonight, to make up for yesterday's activity, so for the 4 to 7 people that read this blog, be prepared.
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