Thursday, December 23, 2010

Let's talk about Kurt Angle

Recently, a wrestling magazine out of the UK called Powerslam released it's annual top 50 wrestlers of the year list. Number one on that list is Kurt Angle, as you probably guessed by the title of this post. So, in tribute of this accomplishment, I have decided to watch a few videos on Kurt Angle and review them for your amusement. I will be choosing which videos to watch by searching the Google Video search engine, and picking videos with random numbers, so who the heck knows what I'll get. So, without further adieu, here's a look at a man that shares a birthday with me (albeit a few years apart), Kurt Angle.

Video 1: A Look at Kurt Angle Training

So, we all have wondered how an Olympic Gold Medalist who switched over to professional wrestling and became the most intense individual in a profession full of intense people trains. Well, it may have been just me. Actually, I was never terribly interested either, but this video released by TNA shows us just how Kurt Angle trains to get in shape to carry Mr. Anderson to a decent match. According to this video, all Kurt Angle does to train is lift weights, be it with his legs, arms, whatever. Most of the video is Angle talking about his decision to drop himself out of the top 10 rankings in TNA and beat every wrestler ranked 1-10 on the list in order to earn a World Title match. I'm going to assume that he eventually realized this goal, or maybe he didn't. It is kind of odd to see Angle with some stubble on his face, as I'm more used to seeing him clean shaven. Anyway, I guess this wasn't that bad, so the video gets a 2 out of 5.

Video 2: WWE Kurt Angle Moonsaults From Cage

This video is from 2001, and features Kurt Angle in a commercial selling insurance. No, not really. As the title suggests, Kurt Angle does a moonsault off a cage in a match against Chris Benoit. He ends up missing Benoit and bouncing hard off the ground, which isn't surprising considering he did a backflip from about 12 feet high and landed straight on his torso. Even though it was a planned spot, that still probably didn't feel good. I'll give the video a 2.5 out of 5, because at least it was what it said it was.

WWE  Kurt Angle  Moonsaults From Cage
Uploaded by johncena77. - More professional, college and classic sports videos.

Video 3: TNA: Kurt Angle Threatens Jeff Jarrett 

Yep, it's just as it says, Kurt Angle threatens Jeff Jarrett. This video is from late in 2008, just before TNA Final Resolution 2008. At that show, Kurt Angle is to face Rhino with the stipulation being that if Angle wins, he gets a match with Jarrett, whom he lost to at the previous TNA pay-per-view. If Angle loses, he leaves TNA for good. Obviously, Angle won in a match that I actually reviewed earlier this year. So Angle calls Jarrett out, and tells him to celebrate, because Jarrett's celebrating somehow makes Angle stronger. Angle declares that he's more focused on beating Jarrett then he was winning the Gold Medal at the 1996 Olympics, which either means that he really hates Jeff Jarrett or his priorities are out of whack. Or maybe Angle just lacks perspective. Angle then mentions the issues, both in the ring and out, that he and Jarrett have had since Angle arrived on the scene in 2006. Of course, now they probably have more issues than ever since Jarrett is now married to Angle's ex wife, but that's neither here nor there. Jarrett looks bemused for the first few minutes of Angle's diatribe, until Angle decides to bring up Jarrett's family. That set off Jarrett to the point where now he stood on the entrance ramp with an angered look in his eyes. Angle concludes that stating that he will take Jarrett's company and family away from him because he's Kurt by God Angle, and Jarrett responds that the only way Angle will accomplish that is "over my dead body". Well, I'm sure that's pretty much what Angle stated he was going to set out and do, but whatever. The promo was ok, although it's funny that TNA was building to an Angle-Rhino match when Rhino was hardly mentioned. I'll give it a 2.15 out of 5.


Video 4: John Cena vs. Kurt Angle and Tyson Tomko, Handicap Match

All right, finally a match. This match is from the September 12, 2005 edition of WWE Raw, and Eric Bischoff is out on the ramp to root on Tomko and Angle. Tomko gets the advantage for his team by attacking Cena from behind. Cena gets out of a back suplex and takes down Tomko with punches. Cena off the rope, but Angle gets a shot in from the apron, casuing Jim Ross to react as if Angle sodomized Cena. Tag to Angle, but Cena gets the advantage after a raised boot from the corner, and gets a two count after a side slam. Angle rakes the eyes and tags Tomko, but Cena's vision clears up in time to hit a cross body on Tomko out of the Irish Whip and follow up with a Bodyslam. Cena fights both men off for a while, knocking Angle off the apron, battling with Tomko, then baseball sliding into Angle, which knocks Kurt back against the barricade. Finally, Tomko hits Cena with a crummy looking big boot and Super Cena is down. Cena is able to kick out at one, but all men are down on the mat as we head to commercial.

Back to the action, Angle's stomping away on Cena, and for some reason they show a replay of Tomko's awful boot. Cena goes behind out of a side headlock and hits a back suplex on Angle, and the ref starts to count both men down. Angle's up first and tags in Tomko. Tomko has no success against Cena, as he takes a series of punches and clotheslines before Cena catches him with his awful arm drag after Tomko rebounds from the Irish Whip. Cena's fired up, which can mean only one thing, Oh, Here Go Hell Come. Cena delivers a suplex to Tomko and catches Angle with a Spinebuster. Cena sets up Tomko for the FU, but Angle German Suplexes Cena while he's holding Tomko in the air, and all three men come crashing down to the mat. Angle with another German Suplex, but Cena is able to counter out of the third. Tomko goes for the big boot, but Cena ducks and hits Angle instead. Cena finishes Tomko off after a shoulder block and the FU, and gets the victory. This match felt as if they crammed 10 minutes worth of stuff into a five minute match, as nobody sold anything for more than three seconds. I'd give it a 1.65 out of 5.

Video 5: Kurt Angle VS The Rock VS Stone Cold VS The Undertaker VS Triple H VS Rikishi Hell In A Cell

Oh Here go Hell in a Cell Come, as this is the main event from WWF Armageddon 2000 and is for Angle's World Heavyweight Title. Everybody's facing off against everybody as Kurt Angle and the Undertaker are the first to actually wrestle in the ring. Undertaker gets a two count after a big punch, while The Rock tries to choke Rikishi with a cord on the outside of the ring. Austin slams Triple-H against the cage a couple of times, while the Rock and Rikishi take their turn in the ring. Rikishi counters the Rock's series of punches, but The Rock rebounds with a flying clothesline after an Irish Whip. They leave, while Austin and Triple-H enter the ring to do a sequence that culminates with an Austin Thesz press into punches, followed by a front elbow drop. That gets a two count, and Austin gets another two count after setting Triple H up against the second rope and doing a rope straddle on his back. Triple-H catches Austin with a high knee, then drags Austin to slam his knee against the ring post before they leave and the Rock and Angle come in. Rock gets a two count after a Samoan drop. Now everybody's brawling on the outside, with Triple-H suplexing Austin on the outside mat. The Rock gets slinged into the cage by Rikishi, but Rikishi gets caught with a Kurt Angle baseball slide from the ring. Austin and Undertaker team up on Triple-H, and everyone's just sort of mindlessly brawling at this point. Triple-H becomes the first man to bleed after Austin rakes his head against the cage. Austin then walks all around the ring, raking HHH's face against the cage as he goes before finally stopping and slamming HHH against the cell wall. Austin throws HHH in the ring and goes to enter himself, only to get caught with a big leg drop from Rikishi on the back of his head. Rikishi and Triple-H seem to be an alliance, but Triple H changes that with a Pedigree on Rikishi, and only a last-second save by The Rock keeps The Game from winning the match. Angle saves Triple-H from losing to a DDT from the Rock, and then Olympic Slams the Rock, only for Austin to break up the count. Austin with the Stone Cold Stunner on Angle, but the Undertaker breaks up the cover and chokeslams Austin, only for Triple-H to pull Taker out of the ring. Taker responds by slamming Triple H against the cage a few time while the other men are down in the ring. Austin hits both Rikishi and the Undertaker with clothelines, and reverses a Rikishi Irish Whip with a Thesz Press and punches combo. All of a sudden, here comes Vince McMahon on the back of a flatbed truck.

Vince hooks the door to the back of the truck, and the truck is able to break the door off with ease. Vince then tells the crew of the truck to hook the chains up to the cell and take it down, which is probably not safe for the wrestlers inside. Here come Commissioner Mick Foley, who enforces the rules by force with punches to stooges Patterson and Brisco, before having Vince escorted out by security. Triple-H exits the cell door first, and Stone Cold follows, taking Triple-H down with a clothesline from behind. Austin slams Triple H onto the hood of a conveniently placed clunker. I don't know why there are a few junk cars next to the entrance ramp, but since they're here, why not use them? Austin uses a camera to smash Triple-H in the gut with, while everybody else have found their way to the car lot. Austin and Triple-H brawl around the construction truck, and eventually Triple-H slams Austin face first through a window. That makes Austin bleeder number two. Meanwhile, The Rock attempts to Rock Bottom HHH on the top of a car, but a Triple-H low blow puts a stop to that. Pedigree by Triple-H on the Rock, on the top of a car. Now The Rock is bleeding, meanwhile, Rikishi tries to brain Austin with a barrel, but Austin is able to kick Rikishi in the gut to bring a stop to that. Undertaker slams Angle on the hood of a car, and I believe Angle has a cut on his arm, but I'm not sure. Austin catapults Triple-H onto a car hood, and then tries to smush Triple-H with a barrel, but misses. Meanwhile, Undertaker and Angle are now around the announcer's table, and the Undertaker bonks Kurt on the headwith a microphone. While the others brawl, Angle somehow gets the advantage and bashes the Undertaker's head in with a chair. Now the Undertaker's busted open, and Triple-H has decided to climb the cage wall and go on the roof, with Austin right behind him. The two start brawling on the cage, with Triple-H teasing a fall off the cage, but eventually they move towards the middle and now Angle and the Undertaker have joined in the fun on the roof. Austin with an awkward looking Stunner on the roof. Angle becomes the fifth man to bleed from the forehead after The Undertaker bashes his head against a support beam on the roof of the cell.

Triple-H decides that it would be a good idea to climb down, and Austin follows. Rikihsi and The Rock are now on the roof, while a timekeeper throws The Undertaker a chair, and Taker uses it to bash Angle in the head. The Rock has decided to leave while Rikishi takes the chair to slug Taker. While Rikishi is busy with Undertaker, Angle decides that now would be a good time to head to solid ground. Kishi and Undertaker brawl on the cell, and get perilously close to the edge. Oh No, Taker chokeslams Rikishi off the cage roof into the back of the previously introduced flatbed truck, leaving Rikishi in a mess of wood chips and other stuff. The crowd goes into a frenzy as Rock and Stone Cold square off with each other, ending in a Rock Spinebuster. Rock goes for the People's Elbow, but Triple-H puts an end to that. The Rock knocks Triple-H out of the ring, then counters an Angle offensive attempt with a Rock Bottom. Cover, but Austin breaks it up before three. Both Austin and Rock struggle to their feet, and Austin hits the Stunner on The Rock, allowing The Rock to do his mega sell of that maneuver. Triple-H catches Austin before he can cover The Rock, and hits the neckbreaker on Stone Cold. That allows Kurt to roll over and drape his arm over The Rock, and get the three count to retain the title. Post match, Austin sends a message to Angle with a Stone Cold Stunner. Well, this was a mess of a match, but at least it was an entertaining one. I'll give it a 3.25 out of 5.

Well, thanks for reading The Canon Review's look at Kurt Angle, and if you have any comments about this or previous posts, or ideas for future reviews or posts, than share them either by leaving a comment or by sending me an e-mail at

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