Wednesday, March 31, 2010

The Canon Review List-A-Mania, Top 5 Female Vocalists

 Recently, a reader named Ben W. gave me an idea. He asked for a list of the top female vocalists. I'm not really sure how one quantifies who is the best singer, but I'll give it a shot. Thinking about this list made me realize one thing, and that is most of the songs I like are sung by men. However, there are a good bit of female vocalists that I like listening to, so the list wasn't that hard to put together. I decided just to rank my favorite five female singers, so I'm absolutely sure that your top 5 would be completely different from mine. Normally, I don't really like making arguments about music, because it's one of those things that's almost completely subjective. But, since this blog is basically nothing but opinion, and I accept all challenges, I've decided to do it anyway. Like I said, I'm sure that there will be some disagreements with this list, so if you feel your favorite female singer was omitted, than feel free to let me know. Now, onto the list.

5. Sheryl Crow

While I may not agree with her politics, I must say that I do like her music, ever since I heard Crow's "Leaving Las Vegas" back when I was a wee lad in 1993. I'm not exactly sure how to label Crow, as she's not quite rock, not quite country, and not quite adult comtemporary, but most of her songs are very good. I'd say that her stuff in the 90s were better than anything done in the 21st century, but if there is a Sheryl Crow song on the radio, I will not change the channel.

4. Stevie Nicks

Lately, I've been on a bit of a Fleetwood Mac kick, so that might explain Nicks' placement on the list. However, I always felt that she was the perfect singer for that band, and I like some of her solo stuff like "Edge of Seventeen" as well. There may be singers with more powerful voices, but there's a reason why every prominent female vocalist over the last 20-25 years have listed Nicks as a major influence.

3. Gwen Stefani

Gwen's placement on the list is mainly due to the fact that I've always been a No Doubt fan, as I'm not really into her solo stuff that much. I will also admit that there are probably more talented singers than her, such as Whitney Houston and Christina Aguilera, that did not make this list. But it's my list, and for whatever reason, I've been a No Doubt fan since 1995, so Gwen Stefani makes the list. Personally, I can't imagine anybody else singing for No Doubt other than Stefani, as her voice seemed to suit their ska-pop-rock style perfectly.

2. Janis Joplin

I've also been on a bit of a Joplin kick lately, I don't know why, but I just am. The best way to describe Joplin's style was raw. She somehow had the ability to convey all of her emotions into every lyric she belted. Joplin was heavily influenced by blues music, and that influence definitely shows up in her songs. Simply put, Joplin was one of the most influental female vocalists of all-time.

1. Ann and Nancy Wilson (Heart)

These women not only rock, they can also really sing. I have no problem admitting that I'm a Heart fan. From their early songs like "Barracuda" and "Crazy on You", to their eighties songs like the power ballad "Alone" and "These Dreams" and even their 1993 hit "Will You Be There(In the Morning)" it's all good. While Ann is the lead singer on most of the songs (she's particularly great in "Alone"), Nancy is the lead on quite a few songs, and more than holds her own, although Ann is probably the better singer. Bottom line, you can't go wrong with Heart, at least in my opinion.

Well, I've got to get ready for work now, so that's all the time I have. Thanks for reading, and if you're favorite female vocalist isn't on my list, or if you think my list, than feel free to let me hear about it. So until next time, stay cool.

Monday, March 29, 2010

The Canon Review List-A-Mania, Top 9 Candy Bars

One of my many weaknesses is candy bars. I don't eat a candy bar every day, but nary a week goes by without me eating one, whether in miniature or full-size form. Sure, they're not very healthy, but dang it, they taste so good. Sure, there are a couple that aren't so hot (like Butterfingers, for example) but most of them are quite tasty. So, in salute of these chocolate confectioneries, I give you The Canon Review's Top 9 Candy Bars.

 9. Almond Joy - If you don't like coconut, you will hate Almond Joy. Fortunately for me, I like coconut, and when combined with almonds and milk chocolate, it makes a winning combination. The Mounds bar is similar, but Almond Joy makes it on the list because it has nuts, and Mounds don't.

8. Crunch Bar- A simple candy bar made by Nestle, it's a chocolate bar with crisped rice put in to give it its "Crunch". Simple, but very good nonetheless. Hershey's makes a similar candy bar, Krackel, but only in miniature form for some reason.

7. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups- Some people may say that this is not technically a candy bar. Well, it's my list, so Reese's will count. Sure, they come in cup form instead of the traditional bar form, although they do have Reese's Peanut Butter Bars. Nevertheless, the combination of chocolate and peanut butter is too good to ignore. The white chocolate Reese's are just as good, if not better.

6. Mr. Goodbar- Two of my favorite things, chocolate and peanuts, are combined in one great candy bar. One of the original Hershey's candy bars, Mr. Goodbar is, in my opinion, the most underrated candy bar out there.

5. Twix- Always a favorite of mine, Twix is a great mixture of chocolate, caramel, and that cookie crunch. There commercials sure are annoying, but nevertheless, the bar is just too good to leave off the list. An interesting trivia note, Twix was called Raider in many European countries until 1991, according to Wikipedia.

4. Kit Kat- I just had a Kit Kat earlier today. It was good, like usual. The bar consists of four wafer fingers covered with chocolate. If one wanted to, you could take apart the wafer fingers one by one and eat it that way, but usually I prefer to just eat it whole. In Japan, Kit Kat is a very popular candy, and there are many different flavors of Kit Kat, from Green Tea and Pineapple to Beet and Soy Sauce. I shudder to think what a Soy Sauce Kit Kat would taste like.

3. Snickers- Named after a horse, Snickers is a combination of nougat, caramel, and peanuts covered with milk chocolate. It is all sorts of good, at least in my opinion. Snickers ice cream and ice cream bars are also very good, although a little expensive.

2. Baby Ruth- Somewhat similar to Snickers, with the only differences being that Baby Ruth has more nougat and more peanuts spread all across the candy bar. It's bigger and sweeter than Snickers, yet somehow not as filling, so go figure. The origin of the Baby Ruth name is under some debate, as many believe the bar was named after Babe Ruth, but the company insists that the bar was named after former president Grover Cleveland's daughter, Ruth. Although why somebody would name a candy bar after the daughter of a president long since out of office is confounding to me, as the Baby Ruth first appeared in stores in 1921. Coincidentally (or not), in 1921, Babe Ruth was merely the most famous athlete alive. So draw your own conclusions.

and the number one candy bar (according to The Canon Review) is:

1. Hershey's Cookies n' Creme- A controversial choice, but it is my choice after all. For one, I'm a huge fan of white chocolate, and this bar is one of the few that are made of white chocolate. Add to that the chocolate cookie bits, and the result is one great tasting candy bar. It may be a little sweet for some, but I find the taste just right. Bottom line, if I could only have one candy bar for the rest of my life, than my choice would be Hersehey's Cookies n' Creme.

Well, thanks for reading. This list is only my opinion, and I'm sure that your list of top candy bars would be a lot different than mine, since everybody has different tastes. If you have any feedback or complaints on this topic, or if you have an idea for a future post on The Canon Review, than either leave a comment on the blog or send me an e-mail at Here's a couple of commercials for candy bars to wrap this thing up.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Wrestlemania One Match Wonders (Part 2)

Continuing where we left off yesterday

Match 4: ECW Originals (Rob Van Dam, Tommy Dreamer, Sandman, Sabu) vs. The New Breed (Elijah Burke, Kevin Thorn, Matt Striker, Marcus Cor Von), Wrestlemania 23

Of the eight men in this match, this would be the only Wrestlemania match for seven of them (although Striker's now a commentator and technically, has been on another Wrestlemania broadcast). The ECW Originals come out through the crowd to the original ECW music, while the New Breed have a more traditional entrance. The match starts with Sabu delivering a couple of springboard dropkicks on Striker, then setting up Striker for a guillotine legdrop by the Sandman. Burke and Dreamer come in, but Dreamer is distracted by Thorn's manager Ariel, allowing Burke to get the advantage. For the next few minutes, Burke, Cor Von, and Thorn take turns beating on Dreamer, before Dreamer finally comes back with a Nova-like DDT neckbreaker combo move on Burke and Cor Von. Dreamer gets the hot tag to RVD, who whoops up on Matt Striker, including a monkey flip with Striker flying through the air. RVD hits the Rolling Thunder on Striker, but Cor Von busts that up and goes to the outside, only to get dived on by Sabu. Dreamer comes in and DDT's Striker head first. Say what you want about him, but Striker's a heck of a bumper. All hell breaks loose as everyone but Striker ends up on the outside. RVD comes back in to frog splash a still downed Striker for the three count, giving the Originals a win over their foes. The Originals celebrates and Joey Styles is pleased. Match was just there, and you would think an eight man tag would be given more than six minutes, but what can you do? I'll give it a 2.4 out of 5.

Match 5: Big Show vs. Kane vs. Raven (c), Hardcore Title Match, Wrestlemania 17

This would be Raven's only Wrestlemania match, while the other two men have become mainstays of Wrestlemania, for better or worse, depending on how you feel about them. Raven comes out with a shopping cart full of weapons, including a potted plant for some reason. Kane comes out, and he and Raven start trading blows before the Big Show comes out. Now here comes the Big Show, in no particular hurry. This match is kind of nuts, as the three quickly find themselves in the backstage area. Raven gets thrown into a wall, while Kane gets slammed on wooden pallets by the Big Show. The two big men continue to fight each other to a standstill, while poor Raven gets beaten on constantly. Kane throws Raven through a window, but is caught by the Big Show, who tries to chokeslam Kane on the floor. That is thwarted, and eventually the two monsters end up going through a wall. Raven gets on a golf cart, but Show jumps on as well. Raven eventually crashes the cart and the two go brawling down the hallway. Meanwhile, Kane and a referee hop on another golf cart, following his opponents down the way. Eventually, the three end up on the entrance ramp, and Raven continues to get beaten on. The end comes when the Big Show overhead presses Raven, but eats a boot from Kane, causing both Show and Raven to fall through part of the stage. Kane than leaps off the ramp onto the Big Show with a legdrop, and gets the three count. This match was akin to Godzilla battling Mothra, with Raven playing the part of Tokyo. There were a few fun spots, so I'll give it a 3 out of 5.

Match 6: Billy Jack Haynes vs. Hercules (Full nelson Challenge), Wrestlemania 3

This is Billy Jack's only Wrestlemania match, in front of the largest crowd to ever see an American wrestling show. These two behemoths have been battling over who has the best full nelson, which is as good as any other reason to fight a guy, I suppose. Not surprisingly, this match is full of power moves. Haynes uses a gorilla press on Hercules, which was an impressive bump for Hercules to take considering his size. Hercules comes back though, using a back drop and a vertical suplex to ground his opponent. Hercules goes for the cover, but lifts up Haynes after two, because he want to put the Full Nelson on his foe. Hercules then uses his own gorilla press before putting on the Full Nelson. However, he doesn't have the fingers locked, so Haynes is able to escape. Double clothesline and both men are down. Haynes is up first, and uses a series of strikes and clotheslines to wound his opponent. Haynes does a second rope fist drop, and now is ready to sink in that Full Nelson. He tries, but Hercules gets to the ropes and both men go flying to the outside. Haynes then fully applies the Full Nelson on Hercules on the outside, but both men get counted out, making it a no contest. Haynes chases Herc's manager Bobby Heenan around, which allows Hercules to sneak up on Haynes and blast him with his chain wrapped fence. Herc continues the assault, drawing blood, before putting the Full Nelson on a downed Haynes, much to the disapproval of the fans.  I guess this match was ok, but it was pretty boring. I'll give it a 1.7 out of 5.

Well, thanks for reading. I hope that you have enjoyed this review of Wrestlemania one match wonders. If you have any ideas for future reviews, or feedback on this blog, than either leave a comment or send me an e-mail at

Wrestlemania One Match Wonders (Part 1)

First of all, I once again apologize for my lack of activity yesterday, as frankly I was too tired and had a hard time coming up with something to post about. However, I'm going to try and make it up to you over the next couple of days. How, I don't know, but I'll think of something, by God.

Anyway, tomorrow is the 26th Wrestlemania, the WWE's biggest card of the year, where legends are made and all of that crap. Normally, I usually don't watch Wrestlemania, and this year will be no exception, as I don't have 55 dollars to pay for it and besides, The Amazing Race is on. However, I did want to write about something relating to the big show (not that Big Show) and my first plan was to review each Wrestlemania main event 1-25. I changed my mind once I realized that I would have to see that horrid Sid Undertaker match from Wrestlemania 13 again, and frankly, I just did not want to subject myself to that again. So I came up with another idea, to watch and review a few Wrestlemania matches in which one of the participants made their only Wrestlemania appearance. So today, that's what I'll be doing. Let's get this party started.

Match 1: Christian vs. Diamond Dallas Page (c), European Title Match, Wrestlemania 18

This would be Page's first and only appearance at Wrestlemania, as he left the WWE a month after this match. Christian is announced as being from Tampa, FL, in spite of the fact that the match is taking place in his hometown of Toronto. Guess we know who the heel is. Page comes out to a decent response. This takes place during DDP's motivational speaker gimmick, which by this point was starting to get over a little bit. These guys did not have a lot of time, so most of the match is power moves and a quick foray to the outside for some brawling action. At one point, Christian was on the top rope, when Page climbed to the second rope and performed a diving overhead throw, with DDP flopping face first on the mat. Don't see that too often. Page used a discus clothesline, which Jim Ross called a "almost a discus like ...punch ... clothesline". Page hit a nice looking sitdown powerbomb on Christian that nearly got a three count. At the end, both men tried for their finishers, but Page won out in the end, hitting the Diamond Cutter for the three count. Afterwards, Page praised Christian for not throwing a temper tantrum in spite of losing in front of 67,000 people. Predictably, Christian threw a tantrum. Match was decent, even though it was only six minutes. I'll give it a 2.5 out of 5.

Match 2: The Orient Express (Sato & Tanaka) vs. The Rockers (Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannetty), Wrestlemania 6

This would be one of these teams' only Wrestlemania match, try to guess which one. This is the inferior version of the Orient Express, as the second team with Paul Diamond and Tanaka was much better. Then again, Sato is actually orient, so it makes more sense than putting a Canadian under a mask and present him as Japanese. This match is rather average, as the Rockers didn't seem terribly interested in the proceedings amd the Orient Express were just an average team at best. Tanaka hit a crazy looking move where he started with his back towards Michaels as he was coming off the ropes, than did a twisting jump and used his palms to knock Michaels down. Michaels and Tanaka were in for most of the match, with Jannetty getting the hot tag towards the end. The Rockers hit a terrible looking double dropkick (mainly Jannetty's fault) and also messed up their double superkick spot early in the match. The end came after Mr. Fuji distracted Jannetty. Jannetty gave chase, only to get salt in the eye from Sato. Jannetty then stumbles around and even trips over the guardrail. The match ends in a countout, with the win going to the Orient Express. Decent match, but these two teams had better matches than this, whether with Sato or Diamond. I'll give this a 2.1 out of 5.

Match 3: Adam Bomb vs. Earthquake, Wrestlemania 10

The match starts with Harvey Wippleman (Adam Bomb's manager) arguing with ring announcer Howard Finkel, who for reasons I won't get into, is wearing a toupee. Wippleman insults him, until Finkel finally has enough and shoves his antagonist to the ground. This brings out the Bomb, who threatens Finkel until Earthquake comes out to start the match. Earthquake hits a belly to belly suplex and a powerslam, before finishing off Adam Bomb with his finisher "the big one". Earthquake gets the win, and poor Adam Bomb's one Wrestlemania appearance lasted 30 seconds. Tough break.

I'm getting tired, so I think I will finish this tomorrow. So stay tuned for part 2 of The Canon Review's tribute to Wrestlemania's One Match Wonders. Thanks for reading, and if you have a match fitting this category that you would like to see me review, than leave a comment before Sunday afternoon at about 1 o'clock. Or if you have any ideas for future reviews, than let me know by leaving a comment or by e-mail at Here's a video of one of the reviewed matches right here.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

The Canon Review on YouTube recommendations

First off, I apologize for my lack of activity last week. Yesterday was just a crazy day, just wacko. Today was pretty wacky as well, but dang it, I've got to get back on the horse, so to speak. Today I will be reviewing some videos off of YouTube, Canon Review style. One of my favorite features of YouTube is the Recommended for you feature, where the site recommends videos based on past videos you've already watched. However, it is also somewhat perplexing, as there are times where a video of three guys jumping on a chair is recommended because you watched a video about football. Needless to say, there recommendations aren't always perfect. Anyway, since most of my free time seems to be spent on YouTube, I decided to watch a few of these videos recommended for me and see what happens.

Video 1: Ultimate Warrior Slim Jim Commercial

If those aren't the five greatest words in the English Language, than it is a close second. What could possibly be better than eating over processed meat sticks with an insane, possibly homicidal pro wrestler? The commercial features three boys sitting in a dark garage bored. All of a sudden, the garage door opens and its the Ultimate Warrior with a bunch of beef sticks. He starts yelling semi-coherently about how the boys should relieve their boredom by snapping into a  Slim Jim. Snapping into Slim Jims apparently cause a lot of property damage, because with each snap, something gets destroyed. A stereo speaker, a shelf, heck one of the kids even goes flying out of his shoes before safely landing on his couch. All of this is happening while Warrior is still going on about something (I could only understand about half of what he said, and I've watched the video four times). He does say "Snap into a Slim Jim" five times in thirty seconds, and something about antiques, I don't know. Quite a bizarre little commercial.

Video 2: 1982 tb

That's a vague name for a video. This video is just a clip from a 1983 playoff game between the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Dallas Cowboys. In the clip, Dallas QB Danny White runs a play action, rolls to the right, and throws a pass out in the flat to FB Timmy Newsome, who takes the rest of the way for a ten yard touchdown. The rest of the clip just shows the Dallas fans celebrating the score. John Madden and Pat Summerall were the commentators, although they don't say much during the video. The video obviously came from a video tape or something, as the quality isn't very good.

Video 3: MST3K - Favorite Moments - Werewolf

Obviously, this is somebody's favorite moments from the MST3K episode that featured the movie Werewolf. I must admit that I've never seen that episode, but judging from the clips, it looks like a hoot and a half. From Tom Servo's opening joke of "Werewolf, I don't know you had him last?" to an actress that manages to convey no emotion whatsoever (at least in the clips shown) to a gun-toting Santa Claus lookalike, this movie looks like a winner. Perhaps a future Canon Review will feature this episode. Only time will tell.

Video 4: Funny Game Show Answers

It's always interesting to hear some of the stuff that comes out of game show contestants' mouths. A lot of the clips are from Family Feud, which makes sense because you don't have to be too smart to get on that show. For example, there was the man that said London was known for its pasta. Or the young man that wouldn't want the police to find pickles in the back of his trunk. Or the man that when asked what day of the year you would like to hang out with friends, responded December. My favorite clip in this video was the guy on Family Feud who, when asked for a slang name for a police officer, responded "dick" in a real loud, gruff voice. There are clips from other shows, but nothing beats an awful answer on Family Feud.

Well, thanks for reading this quick little post. I'd write more, but I have to get up at 6:20 a.m. If you have an idea for a review, than either leave a comment or send me an e-mail at I leave you with one of the videos I reviewed earlier, try to guess which one.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Canon Review List-A-Mania, Top 7 Kickers in NFL History

Earlier today, the NFL passed a new rule stating that, in playoff games that go into overtime, if the team that gets the ball first scores a field goal, than the other team would get the ball and get one chance to score. The rule came about from last year's NFC Championship Game, which ended when the New Orleans Saints' Garrett Hartley kicked a field goal to defeat the Minnesota Vikings. The media felt that this was somehow unfair, and the NFL agreed, as the owners voted 28-4 to adopt the new overtime policy. Interestingly, one of the teams that voted against the rule change was the Minnesota Vikings, who lost the game that created this whole mess in the first place. Personally, I think it's dumb. After all, the Vikings had a chance to stop the Saints from driving into field goal range, and they failed, so they deserved to lose. Since a kicker was the reason for this rule change, I decided to rank the top seven kickers in NFL History. Why seven? because that's the first number that came into my head, that's why.

7. Mark Moseley

Moseley is the only kicker to ever win the NFL MVP Award. Granted that was in the strike-shortened 1982 season, but nevertheless, Moseley had a heck of a season that year. He hit 20 out of 21 field goal attempts for the Washington Redskins, helping his team to a league best 8-1 record and eventually, a win in the Super Bowl. The next year, Moseley let the NFL with 161 points scored. The last "straight-style" kicker in the NFL, Moseley led the NFL in field goals four times, and currently ranks 22nd all time in scoring.

6. Matt Stover

A model of consistency, Stover spent 18 consecutive years with the Cleveland Browns/Baltimore Ravens (the Browns moved to Baltimore after the 1995 season).  Currently on the Colts, Stover has not missed an extra point since 1996, and is 8th all time in field goal percentage. Stover is also fourth all-time in points with 2,004, and scored 100 or more points in 12 seasons.

5. Gary Anderson

Anderson is a four time Pro Bowler, and was named to the NFL all-decade team for both the 1980s and 1990s. In 1998, Anderson had perhaps the greatest regular season a kicker has ever had, making all 35 of his field goal attempts and all 59 extra points attempts. However, Anderson may be most well-known for his missed field goal late in the NFC Championship Game, leaving the door open for the Falcons to come back and win against Anderson's Minnesota Vikings. Interestingly enough, Anderson once held the NFL record for most consecutive postseason field goals made (16). A kicker for 23 years, Anderson is currently second all time in points (2,434) and field goals made (538)

4. Adam Vinatieri

Vinatieri was named to the NFL All-Decade team for the 2000s. He also is the only kicker in NFL History to hit two Super Bowl winning kicks in the final seconds, in Super Bowls XXXVI and XXXVIII. Vinatieri is the all time leader in postseason field goals with 42, and is largely considered the best clutch kicker of all time. Currently, Vinatieri is 15th in career points (1,530) and 13th in field goals (338), and chances are good that Vinatieri will climb his way up the all-time rankings.

3. Lou Groza

Unlike most other great kickers, Groza played primarily in the 1940s and 50s, where conditions were much tougher to kick in. Not only was Groza an ace kicker, he was also a six-time All-Pro offensive lineman for the Cleveland Browns, and was a key part of eight championship teams in the AAFC and the NFL. Even though his accuracy numbers look mediocre compared to modern kickers, Groza was the most accurate kicker of his era, leading in field goal accuracy five times and in 1953, Groza hit 22 out of 25 field goals in a league whose kickers had a 44% success rate. Elected to the Hall of Fame in 1974, Groza has an award named after him with annually awards college football's best kicker.

2. Jan Stenerud

Stenerud remains the only player elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame who was a full-time kicker. One of the first "soccer style" kickers, Stenerud helped revolutionize pro football forever, becoming one of the first full-time kickers in NFL History (before the 60s, kickers and punters usually were players like Groza and Jerry Kramer, men that played other positions on the field). Stenerud was a 6 time Pro Bowler, and was named the kicker on the NFL's 75th Anniversary team in 1994. Currently, Stenerud is 11th in career points (1,699) and 9th in field goals (399).

1. Morten Andersen

Not only does Andersen hold the record for most points (2,544) and most field goals made (565), he also holds the record for most games played in NFL history (382). Andersen, a seven-time Pro Bowler, was not only accurate, he also possessed one of the strongest legs in NFL History, constantly pinning teams deep with his booming kickoffs. Andersen was also a premier clutch kicker, setting an NFL record for most game-winning field goals (103) and kicking the game winning field goal in the 1998 NFC Championship Game that put the Atlanta Falcons in the Super Bowl. In 2007, at the age of 47, Andersen connected on 25 of 28 field goal attempts. For those reasons and more, Morten Andersen is the greatest kicker in NFL History, at least to the Canon Review.

Well, I have to go to bed, as I probably should have been asleep by now considering I have to wake up at 6:45. Oh well, I'll sleep later. Thanks for reading, and if you have any ideas for future reviews or posts, than let me know either by leaving a comment or by e-mail at

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Canon Video Game Review: Virtua Fighter (32X)

I'm not the world's biggest fan of fighting games. The main reason is because I never was any good at them. While my brother and my friends would master games like Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter, pulling off all of the combos and the fatalities and what not, I'd be struggling pulling off even the simplest combos, except for Scorpion's "get over here" move in Mortal Kombat. Other than that, I was lost.

I also am not the biggest fan of the Sega 32X. Then again, there are not very many fans of the 32X. In case you don't know, the 32X was an add-on for the Sega Genesis, with its own games and a 32-bit processor, meaning that in theory, it was twice as powerful as the 16-bit Genesis. The way it worked was that you would plug in an adapter to the back of the Genesis system, and then put the 32X into the Genesis in the slot where normally cartridges are put. If it sounds complicated, well, that's because it was. I remember back in 1996 or so, where we first bought a 32X from a music store in Commerce, GA. At first, it was kind of fun, particularly the game Doom. But it never really worked right, as we had problems after problems with the 32X. We'd go to different stores, trying to find another 32X, which by this point had become rare. We even went out and got a different Sega Genesis system just to get the 32X working properly. Eventually, we gave up on it, and my Dad went out and bought a PlayStation instead, which turned out to be the right move.

With all of that said, it was only natural that I would review Virtua Fighter, a game whose genre I'm not particularly a fan of, which was originally for a system that I came to despise. Released in 1995, Virtua Fighter is credited with being the first fighting game that used 3-D polygons. The game was originally released by Sega as an arcade game, and much like other arcade games like Mortal Kombat and NBA Jam, the game was ported to other systems once it became popular. Virtua Fighter was ported for the Sega Saturn, as well as the 32X. I have decided to review the 32X version because, well, that's the one that's on my computer.

While the graphics for this game were considered revolutionary at the time of its release, they really don't hold up today. The characters are all blocky, and the fighting environments are flat and boring. Even 2D games like Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat had superior looking fighting environments. However, the animations are smooth, and there's not any issues with character movement or anything like that. The controls seem to be responsive enough, however, I was using a keyboard so it was hard to tell. There are eight different characters in this game. At first I chose Pai, mainly because she had on a silly hat, but I found her moveset hard to master. Then I went with the Australian fisherman Jeffry, and a was at least able to master a few of his big moves, like the power slam and the overhead gorilla press slam. There are a lot of different moves in Virtua Fighter, and unlike other fighting games at the time, there's nobody that shoots fire or ice or uses duplicity or anything of that sort. It's all hand to hand combat, making it a little more realistic than its competitors. The gameplay isn't bad at all, as it's quick paced and everything runs smoothly. The one problem I had was that each character had a vertical leap like Michael Jordan, and would seem to float in the air for a good two to three seconds. The jumping made it seem like the fighters were competing on the moon or another low-gravity surface. It was actually kind of ridiculous.

To conclude this review. Virtua Fighter is a rarity, a quality game for the 32X. Sure there are some weaknesses, but the overall package is strong enough to compensate somewhat for the issues that the game has. If for some reason you have a 32X (or if you're like me and have a 32X emulator on your computer), then this game will be an enjoyable experience. Put it this way, there are a lot worse games you can play than this one. Overall, I'll give Virtua Fighter a 6.5 out of 10. Thanks for reading, and if you have any ideas for future reviews, or you would like to contribute a review of your own, than either leave me a comment on The Canon Review or shoot me an e-mail at I leave you with a man nearly setting himself on fire.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Canon Cereal Review: General Mills Monster Cereals

This review comes from an idea from reader Dickson S., who requested that I try all three of the General Mills 'Monster Cereals' and give my impression on each one. The monster cereals, otherwise known as Count Chocula, Franken Berry, and Boo Berry, have been off and on the market over the past few years, but are back on the market right now. It is uncertain how long they will be out, but if you like those cereals, than strike now while the iron is hot, that is, if the cereal is actually available in your area. If not, General Mills usually releases each cereal around Halloween. Each box costs just two dollars, which is a good deal for cereal. So yesterday I went to Dill's Food City of Lavonia, and picked up a box of each cereal.

I must say that this was a new experience for me in two ways. One is that I had never bought three boxes of cereal at the same time while buying nothing else, and the other is that I had never had any of the three cereals before. To be honest, I'm not sure why, as when I was a kid we usually had cereal for breakfast before school, and a wide variety of cereals at that. Just one of those things I guess. Anyway, enough chit chat. I'm going to dive right in

By the way, all of the images are courtesy of the site As you can tell, first up is Count Chocula, which is a chocolate flavored cereal with marshmallows. Normally, I'm not a huge fan of chocolate flavored cereals, I'm not really sure why, but that's just one of my quirks. This, unfortunately, is no exception. The chocolate part didn't taste much like chocolate at all. In fact, it had hardly any taste at all. The marshmallows tasted exactly like the ones in Lucky Charms, which is unsurprising since both cereals are manufactured by the same company. I will say that Count Chocula is better than Lucky Charms, but since Lucky Charms suck, that's not much of a compliment. Much like Georges St. Pierre, I'm not impressed by Count Chocula's performance. I'll give it a 4 out of 10.

Up next we have Franken Berry. I don;t know why Frankenstein looks so surprised, and frankly, I don't want to know. Franken Berry is a strawberry flavored cereal which also contains bits of marshmallow. Why General Mills decided that Strawberry should be the flavor that best represents Frankenstein, I'll never know. Anyway, I enjoyed this cereal much more than Count Chocula, which may strike some as strange since they're basically the same cereal with different artificial flavoring. Never the less, Franken Berry actually tasted like strawberries, and so it gets major props for that. I'd buy this cereal again, no question about it. Overall, Franken Berry gets a 7.8 out of 10.

Last, but not least is Boo Berry. Boo looks like he's been smoking grass recently, which also might explain the purple hat and bowtie. Boo Berry is a blueberry flavored cereal, again with marshmallow bits contained inside. What I remember most about Boo Berry is how sweet and sugary it was. Of course, all of these cereals are packed with sugar, but it seemed to me that Boo Berry had more sugar than the other two. The blueberry flavor was ok, but not quite as good as Franken Berry's strawberry flavor. Then again, I do prefer strawberries to blueberries, so perhaps that is skewing my opinion somewhat. One thing I noticed about each of these cereals is that they tend to scratch the roof of your mouth, making the whole cereal eating experience a little less enjoyable. For some reason, Boo Berry was more guilty of this infraction than the other two, although part of that might be because I ate this last. Anyway, Boo Berry is a decent cereal, not anything I would actively seek out, but if it's already there I would eat it. I'll give it a 5.8 out of 10.

So, to recap, Franken Berry is the best of the three cereals, followed by Boo Berry, and Count Chocula bringing up the rear. Interestingly, coming in to this review, I felt that Franken Berry would be the worst, and Count Chocula would be the superior cereal. But you never know until you try it. Well, since there's nearly three whole boxes of cereal left, I'm already pretty sure what this week's breakfast will be. Thanks for reading, and if you have an idea for a future review, than send me the details either by commenting on this blog or by e-mail at I leave you with another commercial about cereal.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Random Cereal Commercials

Today, The Canon Review is going to feature a certain theme, breakfast cereal. In case you don't know, cereal is a food that usually comes in a box and is primarily consumed with milk. According to Wikipedia, cereal was developed in the late 19th century as a vegetarian alternative to the primary breakfast of the time, which was bacon, sausage, eggs, ham, all that good stuff. It eventually became popular due to the fact that no cooking was involved, so a family could have a healthy breakfast without using too much effort. Got that? Good. Anyway, in this review, I will be going on YouTube and watching old commercials for cereals, and then commenting on them. Let us begin, shall we?

Ad #1: Nintendo Cereal System

The great thing about the Nintendo Cereal System is that it's two cereals in one. Unfortunately, both cereals look about as appetizing as a bowl full of gravel. This commercial is kind of out there, as Mario traps a bunch of kids in televisions and leads them through the worlds of Super Mario Bros and Zelda. Why are the kids wearing television sets, exactly? Is that really neccesary. The commercial also has a crummy theme song in which Nintendo is chanted about eight times in thirty seconds. Also, look at the kids as they jump awkardly, especially the kid in the green sweater. That's not normal. Anyway, I never had the pleasure of having Nintendo Cereal System, but I'm sure it wasn't all that great. Maybe I'm wrong, but something tells me I'm not.

Ad #2: Lucky Charms Cereal

This commercial is from 1992. The concept is simple, there's a mountain of marshmallows, and Lucky is using his Irish magic to change them into his Lucky Charms. That's fine, but why doesn't Lucky spend some time on the rest of his cereal, because that's the part that could use some work. I don't know why the people of General Mills won't make Lucky Charms all marshmallow bits, because the only reason people buy the cereal is for the marshmallow, and besides, the rest of the cereal is just awful and barely fit for human consumption. Anyway, the commercial ends with a couple of kids successfully obtaining Lucky's charms, I guess, and there's free Play-Doh inside each box, so at least you have that to look forward to. 

Ad 3: Frosted Flakes Cereal:

This commercial is from 1984. Hey look, we're at the beach, and Tony and a girl are eating Frosted Flakes and watching two kids dominate at volleyball. I guess they get cocky, because they challenge Tony and the girl to a game. They accept, but only after they finish their Frosted Flakes because they're GRRREEEAAAT! The other team chuckles at the notion of the girl playing the net, but personally, I would bet my money on the team with the 6 foot tiger playing. Naturally, Tony's teammate, powered by a bunch of sugar coated corn flakes, gets a big spike, impressing her opponents and giving their team a 1-0 advantage. According to the commercial, Frosted Flakes brings out the tiger in you. That's GRRRRRRRRREAT! I've always wondered what could possibly possess a tiger to spend his days traveling the globe eating nothing but Frosted Flakes, but to each their own.

Ad #4: Apple Jacks Cereal

Apple Jacks had some interesting commercials back in the day, and by interesting, I mean they featured a bunch of smart-aleck kids who you wanted to smack upside their heads. This commercial is no different, as four lamebrain boys are sitting around when one of the kids' dads comes around, saying "I thought you were going to clean the garage" One of them says "we're just resting". Some other dummy starts impersonating the man or something, saying hey why do those kids eat Apple Jacks, they don't taste like apples. Another kid says well that's not why we like them. and a third one chimes in "then why?" The dad comes around, says "I know, I know, you just do" and everyone else says "yeah" in agreement. Why Kellogg's decided to advertise Apple Jacks as the cereal that people like but no one knows why, I'm not sure. I guess it worked, because they made like a 100 different types of the same commercial. This commercial is much more annoying than I just described, but your mileage may vary. As for the cereal itself, well, let's just say I'm a big fan.

Ad# 5: Mr. T Cereal

There's not a lot that can be said about this ad, or the cereal which contains nothing but T's. Just watch it once, and the song will be stuck in your head.

Well, that's it for now. Join us later when The Canon Review reviews three different cereals. What cereals are they, you ask? Well log in later to find out.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Canon Movie Review: The Swan Princess

First of all, congratulations to the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets for winning their NCAA tournament game against Oklahoma State. Say what you will about the Jackets season, but at least they can say they won one game in the "Big Dance". Too bad Derrick Favors is leaving after the season and Georgia Tech will go back to a below-average team, but for now, I'll enjoy it. Next the Jackets play Ohio State, and I'm expecting that their season will end after that game. But hey, at least they did better than Clemson. Enough about that, let's get to the review. This idea came from reader Maggie W. who requested that I watch the movie The Swan Princess while I was eating at the Italian Garden. Originally, she wanted me to watch all three movies of the Swan Princess series, but eventually she reduced the request to just the first Swan Princess movie. That's a relief, as sequels to animated movies usually suck. For example, I liked the first Aladdin movie, but I remember seeing the sequel to it in middle school and thinking it was just ridiculous. Anyway, I finally got around to watching The Swan Princess earlier today, and here are a few thoughts I have on the film:

- I feel unqualified to give this movie a proper review, as I'm pretty sure that the makers of The Swan Princess did not tailor it so a 27 year old male would like it. With that said, I will say that I enjoyed it more than I Know Who Killed Me, as the plot actually made sense. I could have done without all the singing, but then again, I'm sure the movie's intended audience enjoyed it.

- The movie had an interesting cast. After all, what movie ever featured Jack Palance, Steven Wright, and John Cleese together? No other movie can make that claim, that's for sure. The rest of the cast was composed mainly of performers from Broadway who could at least carry a decent tune and a bunch of bit actors you've probably never heard of.

- The story is rather simple, a princess is born to a King William. He and a widowed queen named Uberta come up with a cunning plan, they will try to get the King's daughter, Odette, to marry the queen's son, Derek. All of this because Derek showed the princess a shiny necklace or something. To ensure that this works, the king sends his daughter away to Uberta's house every summer so Derek and Odette can spend three months together and hopefully fall for each other. Neither Derek or Odette is particularity pleased at this prospect, and express this feeling in a three minute song. I could hardly blame them, especially poor Odette, who had to spend three months away from home for reasons unknown. That would kind of suck. Eventually, the two do realize that they feeling for each other, but just before they are to announce their engagement, Derek, like most men, screws it up. When Odette asks if Derek loves her for a reason other than her beauty, Derek replies; "What else is there?" Well, that was a dumb thing to say. If our boy Derek had said something else, her charm, her sense of humor, her carpentry skills, anything, then they would have married right then and there. Instead the princess leaves in a huff and everyone's disappointed.

- After all of that, the King and Odette are attacked by a sorcerer type guy named Lord Rothbart (played by Jack Palance), who turns into a giant dragon laying everyone to waste. He then kidnaps Odette and puts a spell on her that changes her to a swan every day, and she can only turn human at night, if the moonlight shines on her wings and if she's in the lake at the time. He then asks for Odette's hand in marriage for control of her kingdom. Since no woman in their right mind would marry a bald man with a giant mustache who has casts a spell turning them into a bird every day and keeping her against her will, Odette refuses. Meanwhile, Odette the swan makes other animal friends, such as Speed the turtle (played by Steven Wright) and a delusional frog named Jean-Bob (played by John Cleese) who thinks he's a prince and will change back to human form if Odette kisses him. With a name like Jean-Bob, I suspect he's a prince from the southern region. Odette also rescues a wounded bird named Puffin, who claims to be a lieutenant. We never found out which army Puffin serves in, because he ends up hanging around and becoming the mastermind of this rag-tag group on a mission to find Derek.

- Odette's animal sidekicks aren't too annoying, even though Jean-Bob is a little overbearing, Speed makes up for by being awesome. He was my favorite character in the movie by far. Derek also has his entourage, most of whom are pleasant enough. However, his boyhood chum Bromley is an annoying cheat and the type of guy who's always talking crap but folds when things gets rough. He was totally useless, except at the end where he (and Derek) just happened to be at the right place at the right time. Then he goes on bragging again. First of all, I can't see how Derek would be so loyal to such a putz. Sure, Derek's not the sharpest tool in the drawer, but even he should have been able to see how useless Bromley was. Second, it probably wasn't nice of me to root for his death at the hands of Rothbart, but dang it, I couldn't help myself.

- At the end, Rothbart comes up with a cunning scheme where Derek will pledge his unending love to another woman besides Odette, which for whatever reason will kill her (tangent: which also means that Rothbart would have no legal claim to the throne, and since he was already kicked out of town, I'm absolutely positive that the townspeople in the other kingdom which we never hear from again after five minutes would revolt if Rothbart would try to claim the throne, but I digress). Anyway, Rothbart disguises his old bat of an assistant as Odette, and sure enough, Derek makes the vow to the wrong woman (if Derek had made that vow to the actual Odette, than the spell would be broken, I forgot to mention that part). Odette "dies" and Derek and Rothbart fight for the life of Odette. You can figure out what happens from there.

As you might be able to tell if you've read this post, I really don't know what to say about this film. It's a simple story about a princess and a prince and the troubles that keep them apart, with a few animal sidekicks and a bunch of singing thrown in. If you like those types of movies, than The Swan Princess should fit the bill quite nicely, as there's nothing really bad about the film that I can see. The story is engaging enough, the songs are catchy, most people would find the characters endearing, and it all wraps up with a ending where everyone lived happily ever after. As for me, I found this movie to be harmless enough, although there were times I wished everyone would stop singing and do something instead. Plus both Derek and Odette were, frankly, quite one-dimensional characters once you get past the fact that Odette was a swan half the time. But I will say that at least this movie wasn't that annoying, and I was at least entertained by the film. I'll give The Swan Princess a 5.79 out of 10, and I'll completely understand if you choose to ridicule me for liking this film, but that's how I feel about it.

Thanks for reading. As you can plainly see, I'll write about pretty much any requests you have, so if you have an idea for a review, than let me know by leaving a comment or by shooting be an e-mail at Tomorrow, I'm going to buy cereal for a future review, so be on the lookout for that. I leave you with a musical montage from The Swan Princess called No Fear. Enjoy.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Canon Video Game Reviews: Back to the Future and Bill and Ted's Excellent Video Game Adventure (Part 2: Bill and Ted's Excellent Video Game Adventure)

I would have done this sooner, but today was the start of the NCAA Tournament, and what a start it was. Plenty of close games, a couple of buzzer beaters, and quite a few upsets. Who would have thought that Ohio would beat Georgetown? or that Robert Morris would have beaten Villanova had the referees not bailed the Wildcats out? All in all, it was a great day of basketball. I wish I could say that it was a great day of video gaming for me, but it wasn't. In the previous post, I reviewed Back to the Future and how much it sucked. Now it's time for Bill and Ted's Excellent Video Game Adventure. Here's the video game cover, courtesy of

It's Bill and Ted on top of their telephone booth time machine, with Rufus in a moon for some reason. Looks like they are in outer space, which is odd because they never went to outer space in the first movie, nor do they in the game. Well, whatever. The game was published by LJN and released in 1991, around the time the Bill and Ted sequel was released. The game starts out promising enough, as Rufus appears on screen to inform both Ted and Bill separately that space-time rebels have kidnapped historical figures and placed them in different times. To save the world, Bill and Ted must go back in time, collect the historical figures and put them in their actual time. They must do this before their concert, which according to Rufus is the one where the Wyld Stallyns get discovered and start on their road to become the most influential band in the universe. The story picks up right where the movie left off, which is more than you can say about the previous game. There are 12 historical figures to collect in all, ranging from King Arthur to Elvis, and each person has a number which the guys have to dial in order to go back to the proper time. You play as either Bill and Ted, depending on whose turn it is, as Ted starts, then Bill goes, and so on. In order to get the person to follow you, you must find a piece of "historical bait" hidden in the game, as well as being able to find the person.

Sounds simple enough, right? Well it is not that simple. For one thing, the levels are huge for an NES game. Which would be fine, except a lot of it is a bunch of empty space. There are certain parts where your character can walk, and other parts where your character can't walk and is forced to jump towards an area where he can walk. You can get hints from guards standing still, but a lot of it is contradictory, and really you have no idea what direction is east or north or anything. The guards are easily pissed off, though. If you run into them while moving, they will either take one of your coins or send you to jail. Other guards are so angry that they will chase you down and if they catch you, they send you to jail no matter what. Yet if they're standing still, most of them will give you stuff like keys and firecrackers and other stuff to defend yourself against the very guards giving you these gifts. Go figure.

There are also a few houses you can into, a lot of them have people in them and many of them won't be too helpful and won't be happy to see your slacker self at all. Often times, when you leave a house, there will be a gang of guards around trying to catch you, so get your firecrackers and dangerous textbooks (weapons you can use) ready. This game is rather tedious, as most of it is your character either walking or jumping and trying to avoid guards. Plus, you're given so many dang keys to get out of jail that you are rarely in danger of losing the game. Maybe it would help if I were better at video games, I don't know, but ultimately, I got so bored that I quit after about an hour or so, without finding Thomas Edison or any other historical figure, for that matter.

For an NES game, the graphics aren't too bad. I wish there was more details put into the levels, but what there is does look sharp. The audio is, rather interesting. With each level, there's a theme song. However, it only last about 25 seconds and after that there is nothing but silence. Then, once you exit a house, the theme starts again. I will say the one theme I heard wasn't terrible, I just found it odd that most of the game is played without background music.

In conclusion, as far as how this game relates to the film its based on, I would say that Bill and Ted's Excellent Video Game Adventure at least gets that right by keeping the main theme of the movie while coming up with an original concept based on that theme. So as far as that goes, I'll give it a 8.4 out of 10. As for the actual game, well, at least it's better than Back to the Future, but that's like saying being kicked by a horse is better than being forced to swallow a bowling ball. Out of 10, I'll give this game a 2.5 out of 10, as it had potential, but ended up falling way short. Thanks for reading, and I hope you found it interesting. If you have any ideas for future posts, or would like to contribute something to The Canon Review, then let me know either by leaving a comment on this blog or by email at Posts can be about anything, even something as simple as a bottle of soda. Tomorrow, I'll be reviewing a movie, although I really don't know which one yet, or even if I'll do one or two, so stay tuned.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Canon Video Game Reviews: Back to the Future and Bill and Ted's Excellent Video Game Adventure (Part 1: Back to the Future)

This review is due to an idea by reader Sonny V. His idea was simple, play both Back to the Future and Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure for the Nintendo, and then compare the games to the film and see which one represents its movie more accurately, or something like that. Anyway, thanks to the wonder of emulation, I am able to play both of those games right here on my computer. So let's dive right in, shall we? In the first part of a two part series, we have Back to the Future.

Hey, the cover looks good at least. That's the only positive thing I'm going to say about Back to the Future, the game. Released in September 1989, four years after the movie and the same year Back to the Future 2 was released, Back to the Future was designed by a herd of buffalo with collaboration from two six-month old twins. Even if that were true, I'd still say they underachieved. Back to the Future features one song that is super annoying and repeats over and over and over again. I know you want to hear it, so hear it you shall.

Wasn't that wonderful? The gameplay of this game is simple enough, but not what I would call good. You control Marty McFly, adonred in a sleeveless black T-shirt, and you try to get out of the town of Hill Valley in enough time to beat the level. There are clocks everywhere for you to collect, which will give you about an extra tenth of a second back on the clock. Also, there's a picture of Marty and his siblings, and once it fades out or you run out of time, you lose a life. The screen is always moving forward, so you better be ready to move as soon as the time starts, plus, you can go backwards some, but not too far. To make things worse, apparently Marty has cheesed out the whole town, as anyone as everyone is out to get him. There's the pink-shirted bully who will come right after you, there's hula hoop girls who throw balls at you (Funny, I don't remember that being in the movie). There's multiple duos of movers moving a plane of glass from left to right. Also, there are a ton of giant bees whose sole purpose in life is to knock over Marty McFly. If any of these things hit Marty, he falls down. If Marty runs into a trash can, slips in an oil puddle, or even bumps against the wall, he falls down. If Marty trips over an open manhole, not only does he fall down, but he defies gravity by hovering over the manhole without falling into the sewers below.

There are a couple of pickups in the game available to help Marty. One is what others call a bowling ball, because that was such a big part of the movie, but I highly doubt that Marty McFly or many other humans can throw a bowling ball with the velocity and control of a Roger Clemens fastball. The other is a skateboard, which will help you go faster, but it is also hard to control. There are 15 levels like this, although I only got through the first two or three because I'm not very good at video games. There are also a few mini games, which relate to the movie a lot more than the regular game does. In the mini games, you get to throw pies at bullies, reject your mother's advances (just like in the movie, you're in 1955, so she has no idea that your her future son), rip off Chuck Berry in a guitar playing level (where you don't play guitar, you just move left and right to catch music notes), and finally you get to drive the Delorean with Doc Brown where you must get the car up to 88 miles an hour, just like the movie.

While some of the mini games are heavily inspired by the movie, it seems as if the rest of the game is not. Basically, it's just a lousy scrolling platform game with very few elements from the movie thrown in, like clocks and the fading picture. The rest of the aspects of the game have little or no relation to the movie at all. So, as far as relation to the actual film goes, I'll give it a 2.5 out of 10. As far as the game itself, well, you can play it if you want to, but there are at least 1,000 video and computer games better than this one. You could pick a random game from any system, and chances are it would be better than this one. I was shocked, SHOCKED,  that a video game company would con an unsuspecting public into buying a crappy game by slapping the name of a popular movie franchise on it. And here I was thinking that all video game publishers are good, honest people who care more about making a good game than making a easy buck (end sarcasm). Well, the only thing left to do for this game is score it, so I'll be generous and give it a 1.92013049528 out of 10. Stay tuned for part 2, where I review Bill and Ted's Excellent Video Game Adventure.

Canon MST3K Review: Gamera

What can one really say about Gamera? The end. Just joking, there is something one can say about Gamera, it's a poorly dubbed Japenese flick made in 1965, but looks as if it was made in 1935. Somebody dubbed i English dialogue, and they didn't even bother matching the words spoken to the lips of the person supposedly saying them. Anyway, Gamera is about a giant turtle named, oddly enough, Gamera. He's almost like Godzilla, only he has a turtle shell and can go into his shell and fly off to wherever he pleases. He also can inhale fire, and feeds off of heat, fire, and electricity, but he doesn't like the cold. Gamera must have been frozen like Ted Williams, because he was first discovered (in the movie, that is) in an Eskimo village in the arctic region. It was only when a rogue plane carrying nuclear weapons was shot down over the exact spot Gamera was resting that he emerged. Yeah, I don't know either. A few thoughts about this movie:

- This version had a few scenes cut into the original movie featuring American actors. They must have spent a grand total of 45 dollars on these actors, because they are terrible. There's one soldier who has one line in the movie, and he just butchers it. Worst of all, they left it in as is. Another scene featured a drunk Japanese man who had the worst read line in the script. It was dubbed in, and the guy paused after every word in this line "that I heard them talk about so much lately." It's much worse seeing it on video, trust me.

- So Gamera is an evil turtle hell-bent on destruction. However, because he sees a kid playing with a turtle, he ends up saying that kid's life. At first, I was relieved, even though he was kind of annoying and obsessed with turtles, but whatever. But by the end of the film I wish Gamera had choke slammed that kid to his death, because he is one of the most annoying movie characters I have ever seen. He becomes a crusader for Gamera, and ignores the fact that Gamera is a destructive force whose only interest is to cause as much destruction as possible. The worst part of Kenny's crusade is when he finds three stones to "build a house for Gamera". How we will build a house for an 6 story tall turtle with three stones goes unaswered, but it doesn't matter, because his cousin, seeing how stupid this all is, takes the stones and throws them in the river. Well, our boy Kenny throws a hissy fit, saying that there were no other stones like that and pouting like a 3 year-old not allowed to watch TV. Sure, his cousin threw the rocks in the river, but here's the thing, YOU CAN FIND ROCKS ANYWHERE, SO INSTEAD OF CRYING GET OFF YOUR BUTT AND COLLECT MORE STONES FOR YOUR IMPOSSIBLE PROJECT, OR BETTER YET GO PLAY IN ONCOMING TRAFFIC. Sorry about that, but that kid drove me batty.

- Kenny ends up running away, and finds Gamera. So, while the workers of a coal plant are sending an empty train to distract Gamera, Kenny decides to meet up with his old buddy by climbing on the train. Unfortunately, a man sees him and saves him from his certain death. Kenny has the nerve to tell off the guy, saying he loves Gamera and that they shouldn't harm a bump on his giant ass shell, which the plant workers rightfully ridicule.

- The movie also features a team of scientist, one of which resembles a Japanese Col. Sanders. These guys aren't that smart, because it takes them 30 minutes in the film after seeing their fire attack fail to come up with the idea that maybe freezing Gamera will work. They drop a freeze bomb or something, but Gamera apparently can also withstand sub zero temperatures to fly off into outer space in his shell. Well, that sucks.

- Finally, after Gamera destroys Tokyo, the scientists unleash something called plan Z. At first, it involved lighting fire or something so Gamera can drown in a tidal wave, but since he's an excellent swimmer for a monster, I don't see how that would work. They then draw him inland, where plan Z can take place. What happens is astonishing, as they trap him in a pod, and all of a sudden a rocket is launched with Gamera inside. The rocket is supposedly headed to Mars, but since there were like 10 sequels, I guess Gamera found his way out. Plan Z came about due to a relationship between Japan, the U.S. and the Soviet Union, this being during the Cold War, I highly doubt the Americans and Soviets would enter into a partnership to build a rocket to Mars, but I digress.

This is not one of the stronger MST3K episodes, as the movie is not one of those "so bad it's good" movies, it's just dreary and boring. However, the crew did get a few good lines in it, and this is one of the few shows featuring a robot singing a love song to a turtle. I'll give it a 6.42950 out of 10, as it wasn't one of their strongest episodes, but still rather entertaining. Thanks for reading, and if you have any future ideas for posts so I don't have to watch annoying kids obseesed with a giant turlte, than send them over either by leaving a comment or by e-mail at Tommorrow, I play Back to the Future and Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures for the NES, so look out for that, but until then, enjoy the touching love song Tibby, Oh Tibby.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Canon Restaurant Review: Italian Garden

It is 48 degrees in Canon. I was told to report that, so I did. Anyway, for the second time in three days, my friend Dickson, my sister Maggie, and myself went out to eat at one of the many fine establishments we have in our region. This time, it was Royston's own Italian Garden. We didn't plan on eating there, but since we were already at the Dollar General next to it and we were all hungry, we decided to eat there anyway. This is not the first time I have been to the Italian Garden, having been there a few times before. The Italian Garden is a restaurant that specializes in Italian and Greek foods, but also has a large variety of sandwiches and burgers. They also specialize in pizza, and I believe they are the only place in Royston that delivers.

We get there, and the place is empty. That's not unusual, as every time I go there the place is empty. I think most of their business comes from pizza deliveries and pickups. Anyway, we get there and order drinks, I asked for Dr. Pepper but was told that they had Mr. Pibb. Well, that just wouldn't do, so I had Coca-Cola instead. That's not really a problem, I was just stating what happened. Anyway, we were able to order rather quickly, since nobody else was in the building. I ordered the Chicken Parmesan sub with fries, Dickson ordered the all-meat stromboli, and Maggie ordered shrimp fettuccine alfredo, I think. I know it was a pasta with shrimp in it.

The food came out rather quickly, not surprising since we were the only people there until two other people entered just before we got our food. Anyway, the fries I got were pretty good, not too salty, although they could have used a little more taste, I suppose. As for the sub, the bread was good, the chicken was cooked just right, but the marinara sauce tasted like it had just come out of the freezer. As a frame of reference, the sauce tasted a lot like the sauce from the chicken parmesen dish I used to eat in the college cafeteria, which wasn't exactly the best food around. Then again, at least the restaurant didn't use a frozen chicken patty one could have gotten in the freezer, unlike the cafeteria food, so kudos to them on that. As for my compadres' meals, Dickson felt his Stromboli was ok, which is what he usually says about everything he gets from the Italian Garden. Since the place is within walking distance of his house, Dickson goes there a lot, so he would what's he speaking of. As for Maggie, she was very complimentary of her pasta dish, although not so much about the salad that came with it.

Overall, the service was good, the food was decent, nothing special, but not too bad and very filling. The price wasn't too high either. Overall, I was going to give it a 5.8 out of 10, but since Maggie was so complimentary of her food, I'll bump it up to a 6.3. Thanks for reading, and if you have any other ideas for reviews, either leave a comment or shoot me an e-mail at

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Canon Movie Review: Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure

This review came about because of an idea from reader Sonny V. He requested that I play the NES versions of both Back to the Future and Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, and compare how closely those games follow the movie's script. Well, since I've seen Back to the Future recently, I pretty much know that script, but since it has been a long time since I've seen Bill and Ted, I decided I must familiarize myself with the film, and therefore made the decision to watch the movie. Also, since I'm watching it anyway, I might as well do a review about it. As it turns out, it was probably unnecessary since the plot is so simple that anyone with half a brain can understand it. Basically, two California teenage rockers have to pass their history report, or otherwise one of them, Ted "Theodore" Logan, will be sent to an Alaskan military school. However, the future depends on Ted and his partner in crime, Bill S. Preston ESQ. to stick together and perfect their rock music and the band the Wyld Stallyns. So George Carlin goes back in time and gives the two guys a time traveling phone booth to assist them on their report. They end up collecting a bunch of historical figures for their report, but various hyjinx ensues. So the rest of the movie has the two trying to make it to their school on time for the report. Got it? Good. Now here are a few thoughts on the movie.

- Bill's dad was a bit of a creep. For one thing, he married a girl that went to high school with his son. That's a mid-life crisis if I've ever heard of one. Another thing is that he gives Bill some money to go to the Circle K so he can do his wife Missy right on his bed. Hopefully, Bill changed his sheets once he got home. Come to think of it, Socrates and Sigmund Freud shouldn't be hitting on teenage girls at the mall either.

- Ted's father is a jerk as well. I understand that Ted's an underachiever and all that, but if you want to send your son all the way to Alaska, then you must really not want to deal with him anymore. I'm sure there are many military schools in California, but instead Mr. Logan wants to send his son all the way to Alaska. That's a bit extreme, don't you think?

- The portrayal of the various historical figures is rather interesting. Most of them seem to act as a stranger in a strange land, which many people probably would act like if they had been brought forward in time through a cramped phone booth. Billy the Kid, however, seems to take to time traveling rather quickly, even adopting some of Bill and Ted's language as his own.

- Meanwhile, Napoleon somehow got stuck with Ted's younger brother Deacon. Like any sane person would do with a French Emporer from the 1800s, Deacon decides to take Napoleon with him on a date with two girls. Napoleon eats a giant bowl of ice cream, and then they go bowling, where Napoleon knows nothing about the sport except how to cheat. Eventually, Deacon and girls ditch Napoleon at the bowling alley because, as Deacon told Ted later in the movie, "he was a dick" Probably the most accurate description of Napoleon in cinematic history.

- Towards the end of the movie, all of the historic figures brought forward in time get arrested for various crimes at a shopping mall. Genghis Kahn got arrested when he grabbed a metal bat and started beating a mannequin with it. He then proceeded to attack the mall cops, which isn't a good idea, even for Genghis Kahn. Most of them probably deserved it, but I was perplexed by Beethoven's arrest. All he did was put together a couple of keyboards and started playing them, to the amusement of the large crowd gathered around him. Sure, the owners would probably kick him out of the store after a while, but I don't see where he committed a crime serious enough to warrant arrest. If you ask me, those mall cops are a bunch of jerks, arresting Beethoven like that.

- Before Rufus (George Carlin) saves the day with his time machine, Bill and Ted decide that the best way to learn about history is to ask people at the Circle-K. I shudder to think what answers I would get if I tried this method at some of the gas stations in my area.

- Unlike most of his recent work, Keanu Reaves showed more than one emotion in this film. He even had a different look on his face besides the blank stare he always has. It was quite refreshing. Actually, both Reaves (Ted) and Alex Winter (Bill) were quite excellent in this film. Most of the actors did pretty good, with some minor exceptions (particularly the rescued princesses who were supposed to be attracted to the two, but looked as if they'd rather crawl through 100 yards of garbage). But overall, I can't complain too much.

Overall, this movie is very good for what it is. It's not a movie made to taken seriously, or to be remembered as an epic film like Citizen Kane. It's simply a fun film that provides some laughs and should entertain most audiences. I'll give this film a 7.5 out of 10. Well, thanks for reading, and if you have any ideas for future posts, than either share them by leaving a comment or by e-mail at As a bonus, here's a video not from this movie, but rather it is from Mitchell. I should have posted it earlier, but what can you do? Anyway, this sequence was cut out of the MST3K version, and features Mitchell being chased by dune buggies. Enjoy:

Monday, March 15, 2010

Canon Restaurant Review: Gumlog Barbecue

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of eating at Gumlog Barbecue with my sister Maggie and my friend Dickson. Gumlog Barbecue is somewhat of an institution in my hometown of Lavonia. It's only open Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, but each weekend the restaurant is packed with people, and there are times where it is impossible to find a parking space in the gravel parking lot. Whether it's because the food is so good, or because there's not a lot of places to choose from is up for debate. I have been there a few times before, and I always thought that the food was rather good. Will this experience also lead to good food? We shall see.

We arrived at Gumlog around 7:00 p.m. which was 45 minutes before closing time. Although there are times where the place is packed to the gills, there were plenty of tables available, so we were fortunate in that regard. We sat down and ordered our drinks (Pepsi for me and Maggie, water for Dickson). However, the waitress brought Dickson tea, but quickly rectified her mistake. We then ordered our food. Since Maggie and I weren't all that hungry, we ordered smaller portions. Maggie ordered some Brunswick stew and some coleslaw, while I ordered a grilled chicken sandwich and a bag of potato chips. Meanwhile, Dickson ordered a plate of barbecue chicken, with sides of french fries and Brunswick stew.

The food came, and, I eventually noticed that there were no chips with my sandwich. This did not make me too happy, but instead of making a scene, I waited until the waitress came back over and said that I didn't get my chips. Well, she apologized, and gave me two bags of chips, The chips were Tom's Potato Chips, which are pretty decent, and since it was only 50 cents, the chips were a decent deal. Anyway, I ate one bag, and gave the other to Maggie and Dickson. Then the waitress asked if we wanted more chips, and by golly, Dickson got another bag. As for the sandwich, it was good, but not the best grilled chicken sandwich I ever had. I understand that it's a barbecue place, and that grilled chicken may not be their specialty, but the grilled chicken sandwich from Chick-Fil-A is a lot better, and the piece of chicken is bigger, for the same price. However, I'd say that I was satisfied with my meal overall.

I can not say the same about Dickson however, as he complained that his barbecued chicken was dry, and wasn't very flavorful at all. Since Dickson had been to Gumlog Barbeque many times in the past, and had spoken favorably of its food before, this came as somewhat of a surprise to me.  He didn't seem to be overjoyed with the stew, but then again he ordered another portion of stew, so I guess it wasn't all that bad. Maggie seemed to like her food, as I really don't remember her saying anything either way, but she did eat it all.

There was a little confusion when it came to paying our bill. We had all of the tickets separated, but lo and behold, we found out that Gumlog Barbecue doesn't take debit or credit cards. That put my companions at a slight disadvantage, since they don't usually carry cash. Luckily, I always carry cash (whenever I have it, that is) and I had enough to cover everyone's meals, as well as the takeout order I placed (my parents asked for two barbecue sandwiches, although I don't know if they liked them or not).  Although their no card policy cheesed Dickson off, in the end, at least our food was paid for.

So, overall, there were a couple of mistakes made with our order, but since they were fixed quickly and in a friendly manner, I won't penalize anybody for that. My meal was pretty decent, nothing extraordinary, but not too bad either. However, Dickson's lack of satisfaction with his food will drive my score down somewhat. In the end, I'll give yesterday's experience a 6 out of 10. Perhaps next time I will order the fish instead, as that's really their specialty. Well, thanks for reading, if you have any opinions on the subject, feel free to comment, and if you have any ideas for future reviews, than either leave a comment or e-mail me your ideas at

Gumlog Bar-B-Q Ranch on Urbanspoon

Time for Moore, Shannon Moore

Recently, my brother Ben and I were having a conversation about TNA's show last Monday, which was pretty awful, according to him and I both. Anyway, we were talking about the X-Division Match between X-Division Champion Doug Williams, Kaz, and Christopher Daniels. In the story line, Kaz was supposed to receive an X-Division Title Shot at the next pay-per-view, but apparently he preferred to have it on free TV, and with another man involved. Anyway, Williams won, but out comes Shannon Moore, who attacked Williams and eventually drove him to the back. Eric Bischoff must have been impressed, because he, as one of the 82 people in charge of TNA, named Shannon Moore the Number one contender to Williams' Title, and the men will have a match on the next pay-per-view. Well, Ben did not care for this too much, heavily questioning why Shannon Moore would even be in TNA, much less be given a PPV title match. He even went as far as saying that Shannon Moore has never had one good match. Well, that sounded like a challenge to me, so I set off to prove him wrong, and find a good Shannon Moore match. However, there are some stipulations, as it can't be a multi-man or a tag-team match. Nope, it only can be singles, 1 vs. 1 matches. So without further adieu, here is a summary of what I've found.

Match 1: Shannon Moore vs. Paul London

This match is from 2004 and was shown on Velocity, where all of the B-stars wrestled. Moore has a mohawk, but at least it isn't the spiked mohawk look he has now. Anyway, this was a decent match, although it started off very slowly. Moore was portrayed as the power wrestler in this match, which makes no sense because he's about 5'7" and 170 pounds. London's not that big, but he's bigger than Shannon. Anyway, the match really didn't pick up until London hit a second-rope German Suplex from the tree of woe position. That's something you don't see everyday. After that, the pace began to pick up some. London hit some of his kicks and a leg lariat, but only gets two. Moore fights back, hits a variation of the Mooregasm (which is usually a swinging neckbreaker from the top rope, but this one is from the ground), but only gets two. They excahnge a couple of holds before London uses the magistral cradle on Moore for the three count. This match was ok, and like most WWE cruiserweight matches, probably needed another three minutes. I'll give it a 2.4 out of 5, not bad, but not that great either. Here's a video of the match here, although I think the video may have cut out a few seconds of the match.

Paul London vs Shannon Moore
Uploaded by wrestlingfan1023. - Check out more sports and extreme sports videos.

Match 2: Shannon Moore vs. Chavo Guerrero (WCW Monday Nitro 01/08/01)

This match is for Chavo's Cruiserweight Title. I wanted to like this match, I really did. But these two just didn't mesh for whatever reason. Moore messed up on a couple of spots, including a springboard attempt where he slipped on the rope. The match had its moments, but ultimately it wasn't very good. Chavo ends it with a brain buster that looked more like a powerslam.  I'll give it a 1.8 out of 5. Here's the videos for the match, and you get bonus backstage footage with the Harris Brothers!

Match 3: Shannon Moore vs. The Miz (Smackdown, 4/25/08)

This was a match in the middle of the mini-feud between The Miz & John Morrison vs. Moore and Jimmy Wang Yang. As I recall, it produced some good tag matches, but since I'm only doing singles matches, they do not qualify. John Morrison is at ringside doing commentary, since he is with Michael Cole and Johnathan Coachman, he is by far the best commentator during this match. Cole says Shannon Moore is a "pretty cool guy", so he's got that going for him, which is nice. Miz provided most of the offense, which is good because it plays to Shannon's strengths, which is bumping and making the other guy look good. The Miz hit a nice looking clothesline and a powerslam during this match, but couldn't put Shannon away. Match ends after Miz goes for his finisher, but Moore counters with a backslide for the upset victory. A short match, but everything was done well. I think that this is a good match, not an all-time classic, but good nonetheless. I'll give it a 2.80350 out of 5. Here, once again, is a video so you can see it.

Smackdown 25/4/08 The Miz vs Shannon Moore - MyVideo

Match 4: Shannon Moore vs. Jamie Noble (Smackdown 08/03/2007)

If this match were 10 minutes, it could have been pretty good, unfortunately, it was 3 and a half minutes, and most of that was Noble controlling Moore. Moore did hit a nice corkscrew moonsault press, but whatever momentum he gained was quickly squashed, as Noble hit a vicious looking jumping knee, and then put the Gutbuster on Moore for the three count. Afterwards, things got stupid as Hornswoggle came out to pester Noble.  Match was too short to really accomplish anything, so I'll give it a 1.820 out of 5. You can give it whatever you want, as here's the video.

Shannon Moore Vs Jamie NOble
Uploaded by takerman.

So, what have we learned? Mainly, that Shannon Moore has been used as little more than a spare part over the years, and most of his matches in the big time are going to be short battles where his opponent is the one delivering the majority of the offense. Which makes sense because Moore's not the biggest guy around. Shannon Moore is good at what he does, but other than his unique look, his wrestling doesn't stand out too much. Yes, he can hit some high-flying moves, but mostly he's just a steady hand who won't take anything off the table, but won't put too much on the table either. It's surprising that TNA decided to put him in the X-Division Title Match with Doug Williams, but then again, TNA usually doesn't seem to know what they are doing and besides, it could be a very good match, if they just let the two men wrestle for 10-15 minutes. But enough about all of that, the challenge was to find a good Shannon Moore singles match (to be honest, I made it a singles match challenge, as Ben just said no 6 man tags where Moore's hardly in the ring or something like that). I might have done that, or I might not have. I think I did, but you might watch these matches and think they're all sorts of terrible, and that I have no idea what I'm talking about. If so, that's cool, let me know and I'll try again in the near future.

Well, thanks for reading. If you have any ideas for the Canon Review, then let me know either by leaving comments on the blog, or by e-mail at I leave you with Shannon Moore's last WWE theme music, which I'd say isn't good at all.