Confusing title, isn't it? Well, let me explain. Today I'm going to do a video challenge where I take a name of a wrestler, search for that wrestler on Google Video, and then take the number of characters in their name and watch whatever number video that is. For example, if I type in Hulk Hogan, I would watch the ninth video down because the name 'Hulk Hogan' has nine characters. Got it? Well, even if you don't, I'm going to get started anyway.
1. Tony Atlas - Tony Atlas in Piper's Pit
Roddy Piper is doing his interview segment, and he runs Tony Atlas down for not having the guts to show up to the pit. But hold on a minute, because here comes Atlas, wearing half of a shirt. In case you are wondering, it's the top half. Piper sits Atlas down, and his bodyguard Bob Orton Jr. comes onto the set. Piper asks if Atlas got his big arms from eating soul food, and Atlas admits that yes, he likes to eat fried chicken and chitlins and pigs feet. Of course, Piper starts to scoff at Atlas's admission, and naturally Tony takes umbrage and starts getting up in Piper's face, which gets the attention of Orton. Piper says something along the lines of 'you're not so tough now, are you Tony?' But Tony gets the last dig in when he asks which of the Piper-Orton duo wears the skirt around the house. Piper gets one last comment in about watermelons or something and we go to break. Well, that was rather politically incorrect. The WWE certainly couldn't get away with that today. I don't know what to rate the segment, but I'll give Atlas's half shirt a .5 out of 5.
2. Jon Moxley - DGUSA.tv - Jon Moxley wins FIP World Heavyweight Title
Moxley's a wrestler on the indie circuit who has been getting some hype due to his wrestling and his promo skills. I've only seen Moxley once before this, at a Dragon Gate USA PPV. He said something, but the audio was just awful and I couldn't really make out what he was saying, so to be honest, I have no opinion on Moxley either way. This video shows highlights of Moxley winning the FIP (Full Impact Pro) Title. Moxley is shown putting a cross-face chicken wing on some wrestler I don't recognize, than exchanging moves in the title match against Roderick Strong. Afterwards, Moxley delivers a promo about his title win from the backstage area. After calling for some Cervezas, Moxley compares himself to Tiger Woods, "not just because he likes the skanks" but because he's a clutch performer that gets the job done, like Tiger Woods used to be. Moxley compares himself to other former FIP Champions like Daniel "Tie Choker" Bryan, CM Punk, and Homicide, and says that he will have a bigger impact on the sport than all of those other champions, promising to use the belt to "make a scar on the face of the wrestling industry." Moxley says that he will start making his mark with his appearance at Dragon Gate USA's next show on May 7, in Windsor, Ontario. Well, good for him. Moxley promises to take on all comers who don't like the sight of him holding the FIP belt, and that's where the video ends. I must say that compared to other indy wrestlers, Moxley's a rather good promo man, although he's probably done better ones than this. I'll give it a 3.2 out of 5.
3. Shane Douglas - Bill Goldberg vs. Shane Douglas, WCW Nitro, 9/4/00
Hey, this might be interesting. Douglas comes out with Torrie Wilson, and both he and Torrie run down Dallas before Goldberg's music interrupts Shane's sure to be legendary diatribe about how much Dallas sucks. Goldberg is accompanied by WCW's security force on his way to the ring. I never understood why they did that, especially with a guy pushed to be able to beat 10 men at once like Goldberg. Some three minutes after his music hit, Goldberg is in the ring and the match begins. Goldberg dominates at the beginning, putting Douglas in a leg submission hold that forced Douglas to the ropes. To the outside, Goldberg continues his control of the match until Douglas ducks a punch and Goldberg ends up slamming his arm against a ring post. Douglas goes to work on the arm, but all of that effort gets nullified a minute later when Goldberg slams Douglas down from a standing position using only his bad arm. Goldberg hits a short-arm clothesline and sets Douglas up for a spear, which brings out the Natural Born Thrillers. Despite the 6 on 1 odds, Goldberg goes through the NBTs as if they were wet tissue. Douglas gets some brass knuckles, but Goldberg spears Douglas down before the knucks could be used. Jackhammer, and Goldberg wins with ease, overcoming seven on one odds. Well wasn't that special? I'll give it 1 out of 5 just because it was short.
Bill Goldberg vs. Shane Douglas
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4. Bunkhouse Buck - Sting and Dustin Rhodes vs. Bunkhouse Buck and Arn Anderson WCW Main Event 11/6/1994
Anderson and Buck are accompanied by Col. Robert Parker and Meng, making this perhaps the most awesome foursome in the history of wrestling. Sting and Dustin both are wearing ugly jackets, which must be the driving force behind their friendship. Sting's ribs are taped, which might come into play later in the match. Arn and Dustin start, Arn gets a few blows in but Dustin is able to take control of the match with a clothesline off the top rope. Sting and Buck are tagged in, and Sting gorilla presses the 245lb Bunkhouse over his head. Sting and Dustin remain in control with quick tags and high impact blows. At one point Arn tries to go for Sting's ribs, but Sting is able to fend him off with a series of kicks and punches. The commentators keep hyping the upcoming main event of the Clash, which has Sting teaming with Hulk Hogan and Dave Sullivan against Kevin Sullivan, Avalanche, and Earthquake. At one point Tony Schiavone calls it the biggest six man tag match in the history of national Television. That is a bold-faced lie. Back to the match, Dustin remains in control of the match until Buck catches him with a knee to the back. At this point, Arn and Buck keep Dustin isolated in their corner, punishing the youngster with some less than legal tactics. Bunkhose whips Dustin in, but Buck ducks too early and takes a boot in the face from Rhodes, which gives him time to tag in Sting. Sting fires away on both men, sending Arn to the outside. Col. Parker gets on the apron, but that backfires, as Sting whips Buck into Parker, knocking the Colonel onto Meng and Buck for a loop. Sting delivers a cross body block off the top rope, and there's the match. Quick little tag match that was quite enjoyable. I'll give it a 3 out of 5.
Sting & Dustin Rhodes vs. Arn Anderson & Bunkhouse Buck
Uploaded by Stinger1981. - Discover the latest sports and extreme videos.
Well, I could go on, but I think I'll end it here for now. Perhaps I will do something like this another time. Until then, thanks for reading, and if you have any comments about this or other posts, or ideas for future reviews, than feel free to share them either by leaving a comment or by sending me an e-mail at kthec2001@gmail.com.
Showing posts with label video challenge. Show all posts
Showing posts with label video challenge. Show all posts
Friday, July 30, 2010
Friday, July 2, 2010
Canon Video Challenge: Van Hammer vs. the Cruiserweights
Yesterday, a friend of mine and a reader of The Canon Review, Dickson S., came up with a video challenge for me. For some reason, he was watching matches featuring everyone's favorite rock star-wrestler, Van Hammer, and I guess he wanted me to experience the awesomeness of Van Hammer as well, so he came up with a video challenge. The rules are simple:
1. Watch four matches featuring Van Hammer
2. The matches must be against opponents that are considered "cruiserweights"
Well, it took me an hour, but I found four such matches that qualify, so good for me. Let's get this thing started, shall we?
Match 1: Van Hammer vs. Alex Wright, WCW Monday Nitro, September 14, 1998
Here's a non-interesting tidbit, this is the first wrestling match to ever take place at the Bi-Lo center in Greenville, SC. Wright comes out doing his dance, while Hammer comes out dressed like a hippie with a peace sign on his tie-dye shirt. For some reason, Hammer comes out to the old Hollywood Blondes theme song. Hammer speaks into the camera, saying "excuse me while I beat this guy". We start with a tie up, Wright is whipped into the ropes but leapfrogs over Hammer. He celebrates the leapfrog by dancing. Wright takes Hammer down by his hair and starts stomping on him in the corner. Hammer gets up, backdrops the charging Wright, and gives hi two big bodyslams, sending Wright to the outside. Hammer chases Wright back in, but Ernest Miller comes down from the back. While Hammer is taunting Wright from the outside of the ring, Miller ring Hammer's bell with a jumping kick to the side of the head, causing a disqualifaction. Miller gets on the mic, says he's the greatest and other stuff before Doug Dillinger and some police officers handcuff Miller and escort him out of the building. For what, kicking Van Hammer? Who among us would not have done the same thing if we were put in Ernest Miller's shoes? Match was short and not good, so I'll give it an 0.7 out of 5.
Match 2: Van Hammer vs. Chris Jericho, WCW Thunder, January 14, 1999
Jericho comes out with his personal bodyguard, the legendary Ralphus. Before the match, Jericho gets on the mic, and promises to make Perry Saturn wear a dress after their upcoming match at Souled Out 99. Hammer comes out saying something about how too much partying will mess up your brain. The match starts, Jericho dropkicks Hammer after an irish whip and highsteps around the ring. Jericho irish whips Hammer, but Hammer catches Jericho with a short-arm clothesline, and mocks Jericho while Chris is on the ground. The two exchange moves for a couple of minutes, Jericho hits a spinning wheel kick and a vertical suplex. Jericho whips Hammer to the ropes, but Hammer holds on, causing Jericho to whiff on a dropkick. Saturn comes out, maybe to kick Van Hammer in the head. Hammer superplexes Jericho, but only gets a two count. Hammer is unfazed by the kick out, and proceeds to give Jericho a sleeper-hold slam. That only gets two as well. Hammer goes for an enziguri (huh?), but Jericho counters into the Liontamer, forcing Hammer to tap out. Jericho wins, and Saturn applauds his future foe before heading to the back. Short match that was neither good nor bad, just there. I'll say a 1.5 out of 5.
Match 3: Van Hammer vs. Mikey Whipwreck, WCW Great American Bash, June 13, 1999
Yes, WCW charged people 30 dollars to watch Mikey Whipwreck and Van Hammer wrestle. Not only that, this same card featured Hak vs. Brian Knobbs, Disco Inferno vs. Buff Bagwell, and my favorite match, Ernest "The Cat" Miller vs. Horace Hogan. No wonder WCW is out of buisness. Anyway, Hammer comes out not dressed as a hippie this time, instead wearing a black singlet which says Hammer in big white letters. The match starts, and Hammer dominates his much smaller foe. Hammer continues to dominate Whipwreck. Hammer beals Mikey off the top rope after blocking a monkey flip, a move which the three idiots calling the match actually shut up about the White Hummer for a second to yell OOOOOOOOOHH! Hammer follows up with some of the weakest looking stomps in the history of Western civilization. Hammer picks Mikey up on the turnbuckle, and delivers a good looking Superplex, but he lands hard on his neck, which temporarily shakes him up. Hammer follows with a legdrop but only gets two. Hammer puts Mikey in an abdominal stretch, and the crowd begins to chant "boring" as Bobby Heenan says something about Billy Ripken possibly being in the crowd tonight. Oooh, Billy Ripken, what a big star! Mikey tries to get in some offense, but Hammer has none of it and throws Mikey outside the ring. Hammer sets up the ring steps against the guardrail, picks Mikey up in a fallaway-slam type position, climbs the stairs, and drops Mikey throat first on the guardrail. Why Hammer needed the steps, I'll never know. Hammer goes to pick up Whipwreck, but Mikey counters, and pulls Hammer by his singlet into the guardrail. Mikey gets back in, does a suicide dive, and Hammer has to hustle just to catch him, as Whipwreck was well short of his target. Both men get back in, Whipwreck with a Thesz press from the top, but only gets two. Whipwreck dives off the second turnbuckle, but gets caught and rudely slammed down by Hammer. Oh no, Hammer's taking down the straps which means the end is near. Kurt Angle would later steal that from Van Hammer, or at least I choose to believe that. Hammer with a cobra clutch slam on Whipwreck, which gets the three count. After the match, Hammer looks in the camera and says "I've got nothing to say to you". Tony Schiavone says that sounds like his wife. I wish Tony had nothing to say to us. There was nothing terrible about this match, but it's not something I'd go out of my to see again. I'll give it a 1.95 out of 5.
Match 4: Van Hammer vs. Blitzkrieg, WCW Thunder, September 9, 1999
Another non-interesting note, 9-9-99 was the day the Sega Dreamcast was released to the public. Just thought you might like to know. Hammer comes out and Blitzkrieg soon follows. I guess it's Blitzkrieg's turn to use the old Hollywood Blondes' music. Basically, Hammer throws Blitzkrieg around the ring for about five minutes, doing multiple biels and also doing some sort of move where he spins Blitzkrieg around on his back and slams him down to the mat. They plug the upcoming WCW Mayhem video game, which Mike Tenay pronounces as "Mayham". Hammer is in control until he goes for a senton (huh?) off the second rope and misses. Blitzkrieg does a standing moonsault, but Hammer sort of moves on the second one and Blitzkrieg mostly misses. Hammer with a biel, but Blitzkrieg counters another biel attempt with a kick to the face. They go to the outside, where Blitzkrieg is able to show off his aerial prowess with an asai moonsault off the apron. Back in, Blitzkrieg tries for a slingshot attack, but Hammer catches him and throws him down. A cobra clutch slam shortly after ends the match and your winner is Van Hammer. This match was just as boring as the other ones, I'll give it a 1.2 out of 5.
Well, that was fun. On one hand, Van Hammer's a big guy that doesn't screw up many of his moves and has some agility. On the other hand, Van Hammer has a pedestrian offense and shows little to no psychology in any of his matches. Is Hammer the worst wrestler I've ever seen? Far from it, but most of his matches are just boring to me. I'm sure there are a few huge Van Hammer fans out there who appreciate his work and felt that he never got a fair shot in WCW, but I'm not really one of them. Well, thanks for reading, and if you have any thoughts on this topic, or any ideas for future topics for The Canon Review to cover, than share them either by leaving a comment or by sending me an e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com. As a bonus, here's the Hollywood Blondes' theme song that 20 other WCW wrestlers used over the years. If you watched any WCW over the years, than trust me, you will recognize this song.
1. Watch four matches featuring Van Hammer
2. The matches must be against opponents that are considered "cruiserweights"
Well, it took me an hour, but I found four such matches that qualify, so good for me. Let's get this thing started, shall we?
Match 1: Van Hammer vs. Alex Wright, WCW Monday Nitro, September 14, 1998
Here's a non-interesting tidbit, this is the first wrestling match to ever take place at the Bi-Lo center in Greenville, SC. Wright comes out doing his dance, while Hammer comes out dressed like a hippie with a peace sign on his tie-dye shirt. For some reason, Hammer comes out to the old Hollywood Blondes theme song. Hammer speaks into the camera, saying "excuse me while I beat this guy". We start with a tie up, Wright is whipped into the ropes but leapfrogs over Hammer. He celebrates the leapfrog by dancing. Wright takes Hammer down by his hair and starts stomping on him in the corner. Hammer gets up, backdrops the charging Wright, and gives hi two big bodyslams, sending Wright to the outside. Hammer chases Wright back in, but Ernest Miller comes down from the back. While Hammer is taunting Wright from the outside of the ring, Miller ring Hammer's bell with a jumping kick to the side of the head, causing a disqualifaction. Miller gets on the mic, says he's the greatest and other stuff before Doug Dillinger and some police officers handcuff Miller and escort him out of the building. For what, kicking Van Hammer? Who among us would not have done the same thing if we were put in Ernest Miller's shoes? Match was short and not good, so I'll give it an 0.7 out of 5.
Match 2: Van Hammer vs. Chris Jericho, WCW Thunder, January 14, 1999
Jericho comes out with his personal bodyguard, the legendary Ralphus. Before the match, Jericho gets on the mic, and promises to make Perry Saturn wear a dress after their upcoming match at Souled Out 99. Hammer comes out saying something about how too much partying will mess up your brain. The match starts, Jericho dropkicks Hammer after an irish whip and highsteps around the ring. Jericho irish whips Hammer, but Hammer catches Jericho with a short-arm clothesline, and mocks Jericho while Chris is on the ground. The two exchange moves for a couple of minutes, Jericho hits a spinning wheel kick and a vertical suplex. Jericho whips Hammer to the ropes, but Hammer holds on, causing Jericho to whiff on a dropkick. Saturn comes out, maybe to kick Van Hammer in the head. Hammer superplexes Jericho, but only gets a two count. Hammer is unfazed by the kick out, and proceeds to give Jericho a sleeper-hold slam. That only gets two as well. Hammer goes for an enziguri (huh?), but Jericho counters into the Liontamer, forcing Hammer to tap out. Jericho wins, and Saturn applauds his future foe before heading to the back. Short match that was neither good nor bad, just there. I'll say a 1.5 out of 5.
Match 3: Van Hammer vs. Mikey Whipwreck, WCW Great American Bash, June 13, 1999
Yes, WCW charged people 30 dollars to watch Mikey Whipwreck and Van Hammer wrestle. Not only that, this same card featured Hak vs. Brian Knobbs, Disco Inferno vs. Buff Bagwell, and my favorite match, Ernest "The Cat" Miller vs. Horace Hogan. No wonder WCW is out of buisness. Anyway, Hammer comes out not dressed as a hippie this time, instead wearing a black singlet which says Hammer in big white letters. The match starts, and Hammer dominates his much smaller foe. Hammer continues to dominate Whipwreck. Hammer beals Mikey off the top rope after blocking a monkey flip, a move which the three idiots calling the match actually shut up about the White Hummer for a second to yell OOOOOOOOOHH! Hammer follows up with some of the weakest looking stomps in the history of Western civilization. Hammer picks Mikey up on the turnbuckle, and delivers a good looking Superplex, but he lands hard on his neck, which temporarily shakes him up. Hammer follows with a legdrop but only gets two. Hammer puts Mikey in an abdominal stretch, and the crowd begins to chant "boring" as Bobby Heenan says something about Billy Ripken possibly being in the crowd tonight. Oooh, Billy Ripken, what a big star! Mikey tries to get in some offense, but Hammer has none of it and throws Mikey outside the ring. Hammer sets up the ring steps against the guardrail, picks Mikey up in a fallaway-slam type position, climbs the stairs, and drops Mikey throat first on the guardrail. Why Hammer needed the steps, I'll never know. Hammer goes to pick up Whipwreck, but Mikey counters, and pulls Hammer by his singlet into the guardrail. Mikey gets back in, does a suicide dive, and Hammer has to hustle just to catch him, as Whipwreck was well short of his target. Both men get back in, Whipwreck with a Thesz press from the top, but only gets two. Whipwreck dives off the second turnbuckle, but gets caught and rudely slammed down by Hammer. Oh no, Hammer's taking down the straps which means the end is near. Kurt Angle would later steal that from Van Hammer, or at least I choose to believe that. Hammer with a cobra clutch slam on Whipwreck, which gets the three count. After the match, Hammer looks in the camera and says "I've got nothing to say to you". Tony Schiavone says that sounds like his wife. I wish Tony had nothing to say to us. There was nothing terrible about this match, but it's not something I'd go out of my to see again. I'll give it a 1.95 out of 5.
Match 4: Van Hammer vs. Blitzkrieg, WCW Thunder, September 9, 1999
Another non-interesting note, 9-9-99 was the day the Sega Dreamcast was released to the public. Just thought you might like to know. Hammer comes out and Blitzkrieg soon follows. I guess it's Blitzkrieg's turn to use the old Hollywood Blondes' music. Basically, Hammer throws Blitzkrieg around the ring for about five minutes, doing multiple biels and also doing some sort of move where he spins Blitzkrieg around on his back and slams him down to the mat. They plug the upcoming WCW Mayhem video game, which Mike Tenay pronounces as "Mayham". Hammer is in control until he goes for a senton (huh?) off the second rope and misses. Blitzkrieg does a standing moonsault, but Hammer sort of moves on the second one and Blitzkrieg mostly misses. Hammer with a biel, but Blitzkrieg counters another biel attempt with a kick to the face. They go to the outside, where Blitzkrieg is able to show off his aerial prowess with an asai moonsault off the apron. Back in, Blitzkrieg tries for a slingshot attack, but Hammer catches him and throws him down. A cobra clutch slam shortly after ends the match and your winner is Van Hammer. This match was just as boring as the other ones, I'll give it a 1.2 out of 5.
Well, that was fun. On one hand, Van Hammer's a big guy that doesn't screw up many of his moves and has some agility. On the other hand, Van Hammer has a pedestrian offense and shows little to no psychology in any of his matches. Is Hammer the worst wrestler I've ever seen? Far from it, but most of his matches are just boring to me. I'm sure there are a few huge Van Hammer fans out there who appreciate his work and felt that he never got a fair shot in WCW, but I'm not really one of them. Well, thanks for reading, and if you have any thoughts on this topic, or any ideas for future topics for The Canon Review to cover, than share them either by leaving a comment or by sending me an e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com. As a bonus, here's the Hollywood Blondes' theme song that 20 other WCW wrestlers used over the years. If you watched any WCW over the years, than trust me, you will recognize this song.
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