Before I begin, I'd like to apologize for my week-long break from updating this place. Recently I started a new job, and the job left with very little free time between work and sleep. Plus, I'm not exactly the best person at managing my time wisely, so there's that. But never fear, Canon Review readers, as I'm not going anywhere and will continue to provide reviews on a variety of topics whenever possible. Plus, there's the 2011 Canon Review Baseball Preview to look forward to, and that will be due out sometime next week, hopefully before Thursday.
But enough about that, as here's a look back at the January 17, 2002 episode of WWF Smackdown. This show is significant in that it featured the first match in which Triple-H and Booker T were involved in together. Well, maybe it's not that significant, but whatever. Anyway, this is the 'go-home' show before the 2002 Royal Rumble, so I expect a lot of talk about that event on this show. Well, let's start this thing.
The show starts with The Rock arriving just in time. Stone Cold Steve Austin greets The Rock with some good news, as Austin is going to win the 2002 Royal Rumble. But with that news comes some bad news, as Austin explains to The Rock that after Rock wins the Undisputed Title from Chris Jericho at the Royal Rumble, he'll have to face Stone Cold for a third time at Wrestlemania. Austin reminds Rock that he has a 2-0 record against him at Wrestlemania, but the Rock casually proclaims that he doesn't need a reminder, as he thinks about that fact quite often. In fact, Rock thought about it when he pinned Austin at the 2001 Survivor Series just mere months ago. Oh Snap.
Fireworks go off and the show officially starts with Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler doing commentary. Nine years after this, and they're going to wrestle each other at Wrestlemania. I can honestly say I did not see that one coming back in 2002. The two explain that in tonight's main event, the former Two-Man Power Trip of Austin and Triple-H will reform tonight to face off against Booker T and Kurt Angle in Triple-H's first match back from injury. But forget all that, because next is Rob Van Dam vs. William Regal. On the previous edition of Raw, Regal used brass knuckles to knock out both Van Dam and Edge and win a tag match along with Test, who is a non-factor here. Van Dam takes Regal by surprise with a series of quick kicks and gets a two-count after a quick leg drop, but Regal uses a massive overhead German Suplex on Van Dam to flip RVD over and take the advantage. Regal continues working over Van Dam with a series of blows and a couple of submission holds before Van Dam begins his comeback. Rolling Thunder by Van Dam gets a two count, as does a body press from the top rope. Regal dodges a Van Dam charge in the corner, drags him over to the apron, and goes outside to grab some brass knuckles conveniently stashed away along with a chair. The ref catches the chair, and Regal seems taken aback as Van Dam catches him with a flying kick to the head. Regal's backed up in the corner again and Van Dam gives Regal a pair of shoulder blocks before backflipping for a third. But the backflip is all the time Regal needs to take the knucks out and blast Van Dam with a punch, and he gets the victory. Decent match considering the time constraints, which is no surprise from Regal.
Kurt Angle is looking for The Rock, but he still has time to berate a security guard. He finds Rock talking his cell phone to Jerry Lynn, and interrupts Rock to tell him that he, Kurt Angle, will win the 2002 Royal Rumble and face Rock at Wrestlemania. Seems like nobody's giving Jericho a chance to make it through as champ to Wrestlemania, does it. Rock digs it, calls it a dream match and tells Angle to close his eyes and imagine the possibilities. However, just as Angle is really getting into the dream of kicking the Rock's butt at Wrestlemania, the Rock gets in his own digs and proclaims that the only way Angle is beating Rock is in a dream world. Angle does not seem to be pleased by this at all. Up next is Billy Gunn, which means that many people back then were wondering what else was on that night. He comes out with Chuck Palumbo to face Tajiri, who is with Torrie Wilson. Tajiri uses his speed to gain the upper hand early on with a headscissors and an enziguri kick, but his momentium is halted quite forcefully by a full-nelson facebuster from Gunn. Gunn keeps him down for a minute, but Tajiri gets back in the match and eventually catches Gunn in the Tarantula hold, setting up for the buzzsaw kick. Chuck comes in, and gets green mist sprayed in his face for his efforts. But Chuck's distraction was worthwhile, as Gunn catches Tajiri with the Famouser (ugh) and gets the three count. Post match, Chuck's still not happy about having green mist in his face, so he Super Kicks Tajiri in anger. Match was what it was, nothing really to write home about as it was too short to build to anything.
The Coach is standing outside Triple-H's locker room when a man that is definitely not Triple-H walks out to inform Coach that HHH is looking for The Rock. Well, Triple-H finds him in his locker room, and as you might suspect, informs the Rock that it will be he that wins the Royal Rumble. I suppose Chuck Palumbo and Lance Storm are also going to tell Rock that they'll win as well. To the back, where Trish Stratus is wearing an ugly green hat and being interviewed by Lillian Garcia. After Lillian stumbles through a question, Jazz attacks Trish Stratus from behind, then slams a crate against Trish's hand before proclaiming that she'll see Stratus again on Sunday as Lawler questions why Jazz attacked Trish. My guess would be that she did it to weaken Trish for Sunday, but what do I know?
Yo, it's DDP, and he's taking on The Big Boss Man. If Page wins, he gets to compete in the Royal Rumble, but Lawler seems to doubt DDP's chances for whatever reason. At first, Bossman seems to be proving Lawler right, punishing DDP with power moves such as a big boot and a powerslam. But a desperation jawbreaker out of a sleeper hold turns the tide for DDP, and a tornado clothesline follows. DDP gets Bossman in the corner for a ten punch, but just as ref Teddy Long tries to get between them, Bossman hits a low blow. Bossman starts jaw jacking about pancakes or whatever to the crowd, then scoops DDP up. But the master of the Diamond Cutter strikes again, as he slithers out of Bossman's grip and drops the former lawman to get the three count and enter the Royal Rumble. Now, he gets to go back and tell Rock that he's going to win the Rumble. Good little TV match here, all in all.
But before DDP can tell the Rock anything, The Undertaker has a word for the "People's Champ". Like everyone else, The Undertaker proclaims that he will win the Royal Rumble, but he's the first man that says that he doubts The Rock will beat Jericho on Sunday. But just in case, he wants The Rock to think about a potential Rock-Undertaker meeting. The Rock has had enough of people telling him about their plans, so he decides to go to the ring. Coming out to a tremendous ovation, The Rock explains that this year's Royal Rumble will be different, because everybody's going to win. He finds a cameraman, takes his camera, and explains that the camera man just whispered that he's going to win the Rumble. The Rock still has the camera, which is badly out of focus at this point, and zooms up on a six-year old kid and a cute blonde in the front row and says that they also proclaimed victory in the Royal Rumble, as did section 108. Finished with the camera, The Rock proclaims that it does not matter if it's Austin, Undertaker, Mr. Perfect, or "Punky Brewster on an ice cream sammich" that wins the Rumble, but whoever it is they'll be facing the Rock for the Undisputed Championship, and nothing can stop that. Out comes the man that can stop that, future Dancing With the Stars competitor and current champion Chris Jericho, and he does not look happy. Jericho seems pissed off that's he being referred to as an afterthought, and tells everyone that they can go to hell. He then reminds Rock that it was Jericho that beat Rock on the way to becoming Undisputed Champion, and that Rock can face whoever he darn well pleases at Wrestlemania, but it won't be for Jericho's title. Jericho then proclaims that this is his show, which the Rock takes exception to, as Smackdown is The Rock's show. Actually, it's Vince McMahon's show, but who's counting. Before the Rock can deliver his trademark line, Jericho interrupts and demands respect from the Rock, proclaiming that he is not a joke. So the Rock comes down to the ramp, and the two have a staredown before Rock promises to deliver a beating upon Jericho if he smells what is cooking. Really good stuff here between two masters of the mic, as this was quite an intense promo and made me want to go back and watch their match from the 2002 Rumble.
Up next is Rikishi in an over-the-top challenge against Lance Storm and Christian that, according to Michael Cole, will draw interest to those not familiar with the Royal Rumble. Well that, or people will vomit after Rikishi sticks his bulbous butt in somebody's face. The two Canadians try to double team Rikishi, but that doesn't go too well, as Kishi dominates the smaller men. He gives Lance Storm a stinkface, then kicks him out of the ring. Christian tries to attack from behind, but gets backdropped over the top onto Storm. But WAITAMINUTE! here comes The Big Show to get some. He clotheslines Rikishi down, but then takes a Samoan Drop for his efforts. Rikishi waits for Show to get back on his feet, which proves to be a mistake, as Show picks him up and carries him across the ring before dumping the Samoan over the top rope. Here comes the APA of Bradshaw and Faarooq, and they eliminate Show after a Bradshaw clothesline takes him over the rope. Bradshaw nearly dumps Faarooq over, but catches him before he can leave. They argue a bit, then Faarooq does the same, and then they make up only for Kane to come down. He gets double-teamed, but is able to duck a Bradshaw clothesline and back drop him over the ropes. Then Kane grabs Faarooq by the throat and slings him over the top before setting the posts aflame with his own two hands. Well, as far as previewing the Royal Rumble, this segment did it's job.
It's the Stacker 2 burn of the week, which sees Spike Dudley pick up the upset victory over his half-brother Bubba Ray thanks to some help from Spike's partner Tazz. Cut to earlier tonight in the parking lot, and The Dudley Boys put a beating on Spike and Tazz once they arrived at the building. Bubba slams Tazz against an 18-wheeler before locking him in the trunk of his own car, then the two Dudleys mercelessly beat up on Spike before dropping him with a 3-D on the concrete floor. Will Spike and Tazz be able to defend their titles at the Rumble? Meanwhile, Debra wants a piece of Stephanie McMahon Helmsley, but since her husband is teaming up with Debra's husband Stone Cold, Austin asks that Debra stay in the back so he can get through tonight's match without distraction. To the back, where Kurt Angle and Booker T are discussing the tag-team main event later tonight, and argue about which one of them will win the Rumble on Sunday. Angle states that this match will be "sweet and sour like an ice-cold shower" Right. Back to the ring, where Edge comes out to face off against Test. Edge starts the match on top with the world's worst Frankensteiner and a spinning heel kick that gets a two count, then Test takes over after an Uncle Slam. After stomping on Edge for a while, Test slips up and takes an enziguri from Edge. Edge gets a pair of two counts after a modified front face buster and an Edge-O-Matic, then the two men take the fight to the outside. Regal comes out and tries to sneak up on Edge, but that doesn't work, then Test tries to come from behind with a steel chair, only to get speared. Edge then wipes out both of his opponents with chair shots to the head. Referee Nick Patrick disqualifies Edge, so Edge decides that Patrick needs a chair shot to the head as well. Match was kind of boring, to be honest.
A video preview of the Royal Rumble plays, set to the song 'Cocky' by Kid Rock. Then it's to the back, where Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley is gloating over Debra not being allowed at ringside. But hold the phone, as Triple-H declares that Stephanie is also not allowed at ringside tonight in this, his first match back from injury. It's now time for the main event of the evening. In his last match, Triple-H teamed up with Stone Cold, but apparently the significance is lost on the announcers as they never mention this. HHH and Austin stare down at the beginning, but Angle tries to charge both men and ends up eating a fistful of fists from both men. Austin dominates Angle early on, then Booker T comes on only to eat a clothesline. Austin holds Booker up, and tags in the game, who fires away on Booker with ruthless aggression. After a distraction from Angle, Booker T hits a thrust kick to knock 'The Game' down. Tag to Angle, and Triple-H does that weird running choke he did for a couple of months after his comeback. Austin comes in, takes care of both men for a while until a standing spin kick from Booker finally knocks down Austin. Booker and Angle double up on Austin for the next few minutes or so, using quick tags and stomps to keep Austin down. Austin tries for a comeback, but a well-timed overhead belly-to-belly suplex from Angle takes care of that. Tag to Booker T, who hits the ax kick, does the Spinarooni and nails Austin with the Harlem Sidekick. Cover, but HHH breaks it up. Angle and Booker continue to work over Austin, but after a missed double team effort, Austin clotheslines both his opponents and then crawls over for the hot tag to Triple-H. He takes care of everybody with running knees and clotheslines. HHH gets a two count on Booker after a knee to the face, then Angle comes in and oh here go hell come as all four men are now brawling. Austin and Triple-H throw their opponents over the top rope, then back into each other and tease a showdown, but Angle and Booker T come in and go after them. That doesn't go too well, as Triple-H sets Booker up for the Pedigree, but Angle takes care of that with a german suplex. Austin comes in, throws Angle over the ropes, ducks a leaping sidekick from Booker and hits the Stone Cold Stunner. But Booker doesn't go down right away, which allows Triple-H the opportunity to Pedigree him and pick up the victory for his team. Post-match, The Undertaker comes down and stares a hole through Austin and Triple-H. Match wasn't too bad, although it seemed like Triple-H was still unsure about his leg at this time. But still, these four men know what they're doing in the ring, and Angle and Booker bumped like mad men for their opponents here tonight.
Overall, not a bad show, but not one that really stands out either. The best part of the night was The Rock's 'camera promo' followed by his verbal confrontation with Jericho, while the main event was the best match of the night. Other than that, a lot of stuff seemed to be either filler or just not that interesting. Overall, I'd give this episode of Smackdown a 5.55 out of 10. Well, thanks for reading, and if you have any comments about this or previous posts, or ideas for future reviews or posts, than share them either by leaving a comment or by sending me an e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com.
Showing posts with label wrestling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wrestling. Show all posts
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Canon Book Review: Undisputed: How to Become the World Champion in 1,372 Easy Steps
Last week, I picked up Dancing With the Stars contestant Chris Jericho's second book, Undisputed: How to Become the World Champion in 1,372 Easy Steps. Jericho's first autobiography, A Lion's Tale, is regarded as one of the best wrestling books ever written (I'd say it's the best, but that's just my opinion), and many people were eagerly waiting for his second book to drop. Undisputed picks up where A Lion Tale's ends, with Jericho making his debut promo for the WWF in 1999. From there, Jericho details his first run in the WWE, as well as the trials and tribulations of making it in the music business with his band Fozzy and his foray into acting.
While Jericho came into the WWE with a lot of fanfare, things didn't go to well for Y2J when he first arrived. Jericho details the struggles he had with adapting to the WWE style and the politics of the WWE locker room. Jericho also had a feud with Chyna that wasn't exactly a career highlight for him, and even got vehemently berated by Vince McMahon, who said that Jericho wasn't worth the paper his contract was written on. Eventually, Jericho would adapt and become one of the biggest superstars in the industry. In Undisputed, Jericho details some of the classic matches he had with superstars such as Shawn Michaels, Chris Benoit, The Rock, John Cena, Hulk Hogan, and Triple-H, among others. Jericho also delves into the backstage shenanigans of the WWE locker room, including his complicated relationship with WWE head Vince McMahon and his backstage fight with Goldberg in 2003 (in which Goldberg comes across as a bit of a wimp).
The other part of the book is about Jericho's metal band, Fozzy, which actually started out as a joke before rising to semi-prominence in the world of heavy metal. Fozzy's evolution from a gimmicky cover band to a legitimate metal band with their own material is covered in great length in Undisputed. In many ways, Fozzy's tribulations are quite similar to the same problems that Jericho had when he first became a wrestler, as Fozzy would sometimes play a gig in front of sparse audiences that didn't exactly have the warmest reception for Fozzy. But Fozzy did have their share of highlights, including stealing the show in front of 25,000 people at a metal festival in Germany and opening for such bands as Motorhead. I've heard some criticism over all the focus on his music career instead of his wrestling career in this book, but personally I found all the tales of Fozzy and the music industry quite entertaining, and it didn't take away from the book at all.
Readers of A Lion's Tale will know that Jericho has a great sense of humor, and that humor is on full display here in Undisputed. There are many, many instances where I laughed at some of the crazy stories presented here in this book, and it helps that Jericho is not someone who takes themselves seriously. Also, much like his fellow wrestler Mick Foley (who has never beaten Jericho in a wrestling match, as Jericho points out many times in this book), Jericho is not afraid to drop a name or two, and the book details all sorts of celebrity encounters Jericho had. From meeting big-time stars such as Wayne Gretzky (who called him Jeff Jericho) and Bruce Willis, to talking about ring ropes with Jon Lovitz and punching former pitcher Scott Erickson in the face, Jericho recounts each of these encounters with a sense of amusement. Jericho's attempts to break into Hollywood are also recounted here, including his appearance as a contestant of Celebrity Duets, where he was the first voted off. Hopefully, that's not an omen for his upcoming Dancing with the Stars stint.
While most of the book is filled with humor, Jericho also delves into some of the personal struggles he's gone through over the years, including his drunk driving arrest and the deaths of his mom and his close personal friends Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit. Jericho devotes an entire chapter to his mother in the book and it's a very poignant part of the book. He also devotes an entire chapter to the Benoit murder-suicide and how he dealt with the feelings of such a shocking event. While Jericho was one of Benoit's best friends and a man who considered Benoit a mentor, he also paints a realistic picture of Chris Benoit the man, who was a little eccentric at best. It's a very interesting and revealing look at the feelings Jericho was dealing with after the unspeakable tragedy committed by one of his best friends.
Overall, Undisputed is a worthy successor to A Lion's Tale and will probably go down as one of the best wrestling autobiographies out there along with Foley's Have A Nice Day and Bret Hart's Hitman: A Life in Tights. If you are a fan of wrestling and looking for something to read, I suggest you pick up this book as soon as possible. I'd give it a 9.25 out of 10. Well, thanks for reading, and if you any ideas for future posts, or thoughts about this post, than either leave a comment on the blog or send them to me at e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com.
While Jericho came into the WWE with a lot of fanfare, things didn't go to well for Y2J when he first arrived. Jericho details the struggles he had with adapting to the WWE style and the politics of the WWE locker room. Jericho also had a feud with Chyna that wasn't exactly a career highlight for him, and even got vehemently berated by Vince McMahon, who said that Jericho wasn't worth the paper his contract was written on. Eventually, Jericho would adapt and become one of the biggest superstars in the industry. In Undisputed, Jericho details some of the classic matches he had with superstars such as Shawn Michaels, Chris Benoit, The Rock, John Cena, Hulk Hogan, and Triple-H, among others. Jericho also delves into the backstage shenanigans of the WWE locker room, including his complicated relationship with WWE head Vince McMahon and his backstage fight with Goldberg in 2003 (in which Goldberg comes across as a bit of a wimp).
The other part of the book is about Jericho's metal band, Fozzy, which actually started out as a joke before rising to semi-prominence in the world of heavy metal. Fozzy's evolution from a gimmicky cover band to a legitimate metal band with their own material is covered in great length in Undisputed. In many ways, Fozzy's tribulations are quite similar to the same problems that Jericho had when he first became a wrestler, as Fozzy would sometimes play a gig in front of sparse audiences that didn't exactly have the warmest reception for Fozzy. But Fozzy did have their share of highlights, including stealing the show in front of 25,000 people at a metal festival in Germany and opening for such bands as Motorhead. I've heard some criticism over all the focus on his music career instead of his wrestling career in this book, but personally I found all the tales of Fozzy and the music industry quite entertaining, and it didn't take away from the book at all.
Readers of A Lion's Tale will know that Jericho has a great sense of humor, and that humor is on full display here in Undisputed. There are many, many instances where I laughed at some of the crazy stories presented here in this book, and it helps that Jericho is not someone who takes themselves seriously. Also, much like his fellow wrestler Mick Foley (who has never beaten Jericho in a wrestling match, as Jericho points out many times in this book), Jericho is not afraid to drop a name or two, and the book details all sorts of celebrity encounters Jericho had. From meeting big-time stars such as Wayne Gretzky (who called him Jeff Jericho) and Bruce Willis, to talking about ring ropes with Jon Lovitz and punching former pitcher Scott Erickson in the face, Jericho recounts each of these encounters with a sense of amusement. Jericho's attempts to break into Hollywood are also recounted here, including his appearance as a contestant of Celebrity Duets, where he was the first voted off. Hopefully, that's not an omen for his upcoming Dancing with the Stars stint.
While most of the book is filled with humor, Jericho also delves into some of the personal struggles he's gone through over the years, including his drunk driving arrest and the deaths of his mom and his close personal friends Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit. Jericho devotes an entire chapter to his mother in the book and it's a very poignant part of the book. He also devotes an entire chapter to the Benoit murder-suicide and how he dealt with the feelings of such a shocking event. While Jericho was one of Benoit's best friends and a man who considered Benoit a mentor, he also paints a realistic picture of Chris Benoit the man, who was a little eccentric at best. It's a very interesting and revealing look at the feelings Jericho was dealing with after the unspeakable tragedy committed by one of his best friends.
Overall, Undisputed is a worthy successor to A Lion's Tale and will probably go down as one of the best wrestling autobiographies out there along with Foley's Have A Nice Day and Bret Hart's Hitman: A Life in Tights. If you are a fan of wrestling and looking for something to read, I suggest you pick up this book as soon as possible. I'd give it a 9.25 out of 10. Well, thanks for reading, and if you any ideas for future posts, or thoughts about this post, than either leave a comment on the blog or send them to me at e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Fun with Random Wrestling Matches
I've had a bit of writer's block over the past two days, but by golly I'm back with a review of a few different wrestling matches that looked interesting to me. Hopefully, this post will be interesting to you.
Match 1: Shinya Hashimoto vs. Jake Roberts IWGP Championship, 9-23-93
Roberts comes out with a snake to the same music that Fit Finaly used in WCW, looking as if he's had a couple of prematch libations. Hashimoto enters with the IWGP Title on his shoulders. Match starts, and the two delay before finally tying up. The first few minutes of the match is just a series of rest holds between the two, usually broken up by Hashimoto and followed by Roberts pantomiming his disgust. Roberts goes for his patented DDT twice early on, but each time Hashimoto is able to escape, much to Roberts' chagrin. After Hashimoto turns down a handshake, he whips Roberts into the ropes. Roberts tries for a leapfrog, but seems to have hurt his knee on the landing. The ref spends a minute checking Roberts, but while Hashimoto has his back turned, Roberts comes to life and knocks Hashimoto down with a forearm. The Snake follows up with a short arm clothesline, calls for a DDT, and hits it. Instead of going for the cover right away. Roberts does some jumping jacks to prove that the knee is fine, and motions that he's about to win the belt before finally making the cover, but Hashimoto kicks out at two. Roberts, still in control, knocks Hashimoto to the outside and tries to get his snake, but the referee puts a stop to that. Instead Roberts keeps on the attack of Hashimoto, hitting an atomic drop for two and a clothesline as well. Roberts goes to choke the champ, but Hashimoto is able to block it and get back to his feet. An irish whip sends Roberts to the corner, he bounces off chest first and then takes three kicks to the torso from Hashimoto. Hashimoto tries a back suplex, but Jake counters with a sloppily performed bulldog. Both men get back up, Hashimoto hits a leaping kick to the face, and then follows with a spinning heel kick which gets the three count for him. Post match, Roberts pulls out the snake, but Hashimoto is able to escape before being attacked. Roberts then drops the snake to the mat, lets it slither around the ring for a few seconds before kicking it to the outside and stuffing it back in his back. Yes, he kicked a snake out of the ring. I'm sure PETA wouldn't care for that if they bothered to watch Japanese wrestling over 15 years old. This match wasn't all that great, as both men have probably had hundreds of matches better than this one. I'll give it a 1.85 out of 5.
Jake Roberts vs Shinya Hashimoto
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Match 2: Steve Williams vs. Davey Meltzer, UWF, 9-23-90
For those of you that remember Herb Abrams's Universal Wrestling Federation, it should come as little surprise that he would name a prelim guy after the writer of the Wrestling Observer and send him to face Dr. Death Steve Williams. Yes, this match is little more than an inside joke that I'm sure hardly anybody actually got. Why Abrams was mad at Meltzer? We'll never know for sure, but considering Herb Abrams died of a cocaine overdose after chasing prostitutes with a baseball bat, naked, while covered in baby oil, well it could be anything. Anyway, Meltzer seems to have borrowed some boots, as his has the same red skull and crossbones logo as Dr. Death's. Meltzer goes for a handshake, but gets a hard clothesline from Williams instead. From there, it's just total domination from Dr. Death, as he punishes Meltzer with a series of knife edge chops, turnbuckle smashes, a big gorilla press, and a pair of shoulder blocks out of the three-point stance while Abrams makes veiled comments about Dr. Death sending a message. Finally, Williams scoops Meltzer up, runs and bounces him off of two turnbuckles before finally planting him with the Oklahoma Stampede. That gets the three count. Afterwards, Williams digs out some paper, writes on it, and shoves it in Meltzer's mouth while Abrams remarks "Steve is sending a message to Dr. Death." This was a mildly entertaining squash, but nothing worth seeing twice. I'll give it a 1.24 out of 5.
Match 3: Beau James vs. Tony Givens, NCW, 2001
This is from some independent company in the Tennessee-Kentucky area. Tony Givens looks like your typical indy prelim guy, billed at 170 pounds but probably 155 or less. James, the "King of Kingsport, TN", is billed at 282 pounds and looks like a sleazier Ron Jeremy, if that is possible. James does not waste any time, attacking Givens before the bell and smothering him with punches, stomps, and other brawling tactics. James throws Givens to the outside and continues to punish the youngster before bringing him back in. Cover, but James lifts Givens up and continues his assault as the announcer mentions his feud with Todd Morton and that last week, a masked man stole Beau James' crown. James picks Givens up, and throws him over the ropes onto the elevated entrance ramp. James follows up with a big slam off the ramp onto the concrete floor. Back in the ring, James once again goes for the cover and lifts Givens's head off the canvas before 3. After a minute or so of chinlocks, James informs the crowd that he will end Givens's career with a piledriver. However, Todd Morton comes out with James's crown on his head, distracting James. This allows Givens time to roll up James and get the upset victory over the veteran. Afterwords, Morton puts the crown of Givens as the two walk to the back. Nothing really worth seeing again here. I'll give it a 0.95 out of 5.
Match 4: Dingo Warrior vs. Frenchy Martin - 7-10-87
The future Ultimate Warrior takes on veteran prelim wrestler Frenchy Martin in one of his first WWF appearances. Interestingly, the 'Dingo' Warrior is from Queens, NY, far from any dingos that I'm aware of. Tie up to start, Frenchy smacks the Warrior across the chest, but to no effect, as Warrior violently shoves Frenchy down. After another tie up and knockdown and some shenanigans about hair pulling from Martin, Warrior lifts Martin up and places him on the turnbuckle before backing away. Martin tries to get a running start to attack Warrior, but gets nothing but a big shoulderblock and back elbow from the Warrior for his troubles. Martin goes to the outside to catch his breath, and takes his sweet time doing so. Back in, Martin continues to take punishments, eating a back elbow and taking a huge body slam. Finally, Warrior gorilla presses Martin and throws him down to the mat, covering Martin and getting the three count. Match was just a showcase for Warrior, and he was very green around this time, so it's not that great. I'll give it a 0.75.
Match 5: Col. DeBeers, Ryuma Go, and Psicosis vs. Rey Mysterio Jr., Billy Jack Haynes, and C.W. Bergstrom, June 22, 1994 2-out-of-3 Falls
I defy you to come up with a weirder six-man tag team than the Mexican luchadore Psicosis, the Japanese comedy wrestler Ryuma Go, and Col. DeBeers, whose gimmick is that of a racist South African mercenary. You find a match with a weirder trio than that, and I will waste no time reviewing it. To top it all off, they come out to Kiss's "Love it Loud" and pose with some ring girls for one of the weirdest photos in wrestling history. The combination of Haynes, Bergstrom (a big blond guy with a Dok Hendrix haircut) and Mysterio is rather strange itself. Everybody gets introduced with their very own ring girl, and it takes a while to clear everyone out before the match begins. Wisely, Mysterio and Psicosis start the match off, and the two exchange standard lucha libre moves to excite the crowd. After a few minutes, Rey tags in Haynes, and Rey uses Haynes as a launching pad to floor Psicosis with a couple of high flying manuevers before Haynes clotheslines Psicosis out of the ring. Ryuma Go comes in, and he and Haynes actually put together a decent chain wrestling sequence before they stand off. Go gets control after some punches, and keeps Haynes down with some stomps and choke holds before Billy gets up and floors Go with a clothesline. In comes DeBeers to face off with Haynes, but he eats a huge shoulderblock and eventually is knocked out of the ring by Haynes and Mysterio. Bergstrom comes in, does nothing but a side headlock for a minute and tags out to Mysterio, who now must face the much larger DeBeers. Mysterio crawls between the Colonel's legs a couple of times before DeBeers catches him in the corner with a punch. DeBeers backs Rey up against the corner and tries to avalanche Rey, but Rey ducks and Col DeBeers ends up landing gut first on the top turnbuckle, bouncing up and down before Rey kicks him off and DeBeers takes a huge bump to the mat. Mysterio to the top, he dives, but is caught and slammed by DeBeers, who attempts to follow with an elbow drop, but he misses. Tags to Bergstrom and Go. Bergstrom takes a slam and neckbreaker from Go, and Ryuma drags Bergstrom to his corner. DeBeers comes back in, but Bergstrom is able to counter DeBeers' irish whip with a pair of clotheslines. Tag to Haynes, and while DeBeers is dazed, Haynes clotheslines the Colonel from behind and gets the first fall for his team.
The second fall starts, and Haynes tries to lock in the Full Nelson on DeBeers, but Go cuts him off. From there, the three back Haynes into the corner and deliver a variety of punishing holds on him, including a swinging neckbreaker from Go followed with a gutwrench suplex, which gets a two count. Go continues to go to work on Haynes, keeping him grounded with moves such as elbow drops and chinlocks. Go then decides to work on Haynes's left leg with a kneebar. From there, Go and DeBeers work over the leg with stomps and other leglocks, such as the spinning toe hold, wrenching on Haynes's leg violently. Finally, the ref counts to three, as Haynes' shoulder is down due to the spinning toe hold, and DeBeers takes the second fall for his team.
The third fall starts in chaos, as Haynes is still being worked over by Go while Psicosis attacks Rey Mysterio, performing a backdrop and a snake-eyes on Mysterio before both men leave the ring. Poor Billy spends the next five minutes with his leg under constant attack from Go, DeBeers, and Psicosis. Go puts Haynes in a figure-four, but he won't give and Psicosis is tagged in. He goes up top, but Haynes is able to move. However, DeBeers gets tagged in before Haynes can reach his corner. From there, Haynes is still under fire from DeBeers and Go, ad Go uses a single leg crab and an Indian death lock to try to get the submission victory, but Haynes just won't give up. Finally, after minutes of constant attack, Haynes is able to kick DeBeers a couple of times in the thigh with his good leg, knocking him down and allowing Haynes to tag in Bergstrom. Bergstrom comes in on fire, with clotheslines and slams for everyone in sight before tagging out to Mysterio and launching him towards Go for a dropkick. In comes Psicosis, and Rey baffles him with a Maivia Hurricane. After attempting it once, Mysterio is able to hit the leaping hurracanrana on the second attempt, covers Psicosis, and gets the deciding fall for his team. What a strange match, as if it was half lucha style, half southern tag style, and there was a lot of confusion in this match. Plus, Bergstrom was by far the weak link in the match, although since he was in the least, he didn't do too much damage. Overall, I'd give this a 2.39 out of 5.
Well, that's all for now. Thanks for reading, and if you have any comments about this post, or ideas for future posts, than let me know about them either by leaving a comment or by sending me an e-mail at kthec2001@gmail.com.
Match 1: Shinya Hashimoto vs. Jake Roberts IWGP Championship, 9-23-93
Roberts comes out with a snake to the same music that Fit Finaly used in WCW, looking as if he's had a couple of prematch libations. Hashimoto enters with the IWGP Title on his shoulders. Match starts, and the two delay before finally tying up. The first few minutes of the match is just a series of rest holds between the two, usually broken up by Hashimoto and followed by Roberts pantomiming his disgust. Roberts goes for his patented DDT twice early on, but each time Hashimoto is able to escape, much to Roberts' chagrin. After Hashimoto turns down a handshake, he whips Roberts into the ropes. Roberts tries for a leapfrog, but seems to have hurt his knee on the landing. The ref spends a minute checking Roberts, but while Hashimoto has his back turned, Roberts comes to life and knocks Hashimoto down with a forearm. The Snake follows up with a short arm clothesline, calls for a DDT, and hits it. Instead of going for the cover right away. Roberts does some jumping jacks to prove that the knee is fine, and motions that he's about to win the belt before finally making the cover, but Hashimoto kicks out at two. Roberts, still in control, knocks Hashimoto to the outside and tries to get his snake, but the referee puts a stop to that. Instead Roberts keeps on the attack of Hashimoto, hitting an atomic drop for two and a clothesline as well. Roberts goes to choke the champ, but Hashimoto is able to block it and get back to his feet. An irish whip sends Roberts to the corner, he bounces off chest first and then takes three kicks to the torso from Hashimoto. Hashimoto tries a back suplex, but Jake counters with a sloppily performed bulldog. Both men get back up, Hashimoto hits a leaping kick to the face, and then follows with a spinning heel kick which gets the three count for him. Post match, Roberts pulls out the snake, but Hashimoto is able to escape before being attacked. Roberts then drops the snake to the mat, lets it slither around the ring for a few seconds before kicking it to the outside and stuffing it back in his back. Yes, he kicked a snake out of the ring. I'm sure PETA wouldn't care for that if they bothered to watch Japanese wrestling over 15 years old. This match wasn't all that great, as both men have probably had hundreds of matches better than this one. I'll give it a 1.85 out of 5.
Jake Roberts vs Shinya Hashimoto
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Match 2: Steve Williams vs. Davey Meltzer, UWF, 9-23-90
For those of you that remember Herb Abrams's Universal Wrestling Federation, it should come as little surprise that he would name a prelim guy after the writer of the Wrestling Observer and send him to face Dr. Death Steve Williams. Yes, this match is little more than an inside joke that I'm sure hardly anybody actually got. Why Abrams was mad at Meltzer? We'll never know for sure, but considering Herb Abrams died of a cocaine overdose after chasing prostitutes with a baseball bat, naked, while covered in baby oil, well it could be anything. Anyway, Meltzer seems to have borrowed some boots, as his has the same red skull and crossbones logo as Dr. Death's. Meltzer goes for a handshake, but gets a hard clothesline from Williams instead. From there, it's just total domination from Dr. Death, as he punishes Meltzer with a series of knife edge chops, turnbuckle smashes, a big gorilla press, and a pair of shoulder blocks out of the three-point stance while Abrams makes veiled comments about Dr. Death sending a message. Finally, Williams scoops Meltzer up, runs and bounces him off of two turnbuckles before finally planting him with the Oklahoma Stampede. That gets the three count. Afterwards, Williams digs out some paper, writes on it, and shoves it in Meltzer's mouth while Abrams remarks "Steve is sending a message to Dr. Death." This was a mildly entertaining squash, but nothing worth seeing twice. I'll give it a 1.24 out of 5.
Match 3: Beau James vs. Tony Givens, NCW, 2001
This is from some independent company in the Tennessee-Kentucky area. Tony Givens looks like your typical indy prelim guy, billed at 170 pounds but probably 155 or less. James, the "King of Kingsport, TN", is billed at 282 pounds and looks like a sleazier Ron Jeremy, if that is possible. James does not waste any time, attacking Givens before the bell and smothering him with punches, stomps, and other brawling tactics. James throws Givens to the outside and continues to punish the youngster before bringing him back in. Cover, but James lifts Givens up and continues his assault as the announcer mentions his feud with Todd Morton and that last week, a masked man stole Beau James' crown. James picks Givens up, and throws him over the ropes onto the elevated entrance ramp. James follows up with a big slam off the ramp onto the concrete floor. Back in the ring, James once again goes for the cover and lifts Givens's head off the canvas before 3. After a minute or so of chinlocks, James informs the crowd that he will end Givens's career with a piledriver. However, Todd Morton comes out with James's crown on his head, distracting James. This allows Givens time to roll up James and get the upset victory over the veteran. Afterwords, Morton puts the crown of Givens as the two walk to the back. Nothing really worth seeing again here. I'll give it a 0.95 out of 5.
Match 4: Dingo Warrior vs. Frenchy Martin - 7-10-87
The future Ultimate Warrior takes on veteran prelim wrestler Frenchy Martin in one of his first WWF appearances. Interestingly, the 'Dingo' Warrior is from Queens, NY, far from any dingos that I'm aware of. Tie up to start, Frenchy smacks the Warrior across the chest, but to no effect, as Warrior violently shoves Frenchy down. After another tie up and knockdown and some shenanigans about hair pulling from Martin, Warrior lifts Martin up and places him on the turnbuckle before backing away. Martin tries to get a running start to attack Warrior, but gets nothing but a big shoulderblock and back elbow from the Warrior for his troubles. Martin goes to the outside to catch his breath, and takes his sweet time doing so. Back in, Martin continues to take punishments, eating a back elbow and taking a huge body slam. Finally, Warrior gorilla presses Martin and throws him down to the mat, covering Martin and getting the three count. Match was just a showcase for Warrior, and he was very green around this time, so it's not that great. I'll give it a 0.75.
Match 5: Col. DeBeers, Ryuma Go, and Psicosis vs. Rey Mysterio Jr., Billy Jack Haynes, and C.W. Bergstrom, June 22, 1994 2-out-of-3 Falls
I defy you to come up with a weirder six-man tag team than the Mexican luchadore Psicosis, the Japanese comedy wrestler Ryuma Go, and Col. DeBeers, whose gimmick is that of a racist South African mercenary. You find a match with a weirder trio than that, and I will waste no time reviewing it. To top it all off, they come out to Kiss's "Love it Loud" and pose with some ring girls for one of the weirdest photos in wrestling history. The combination of Haynes, Bergstrom (a big blond guy with a Dok Hendrix haircut) and Mysterio is rather strange itself. Everybody gets introduced with their very own ring girl, and it takes a while to clear everyone out before the match begins. Wisely, Mysterio and Psicosis start the match off, and the two exchange standard lucha libre moves to excite the crowd. After a few minutes, Rey tags in Haynes, and Rey uses Haynes as a launching pad to floor Psicosis with a couple of high flying manuevers before Haynes clotheslines Psicosis out of the ring. Ryuma Go comes in, and he and Haynes actually put together a decent chain wrestling sequence before they stand off. Go gets control after some punches, and keeps Haynes down with some stomps and choke holds before Billy gets up and floors Go with a clothesline. In comes DeBeers to face off with Haynes, but he eats a huge shoulderblock and eventually is knocked out of the ring by Haynes and Mysterio. Bergstrom comes in, does nothing but a side headlock for a minute and tags out to Mysterio, who now must face the much larger DeBeers. Mysterio crawls between the Colonel's legs a couple of times before DeBeers catches him in the corner with a punch. DeBeers backs Rey up against the corner and tries to avalanche Rey, but Rey ducks and Col DeBeers ends up landing gut first on the top turnbuckle, bouncing up and down before Rey kicks him off and DeBeers takes a huge bump to the mat. Mysterio to the top, he dives, but is caught and slammed by DeBeers, who attempts to follow with an elbow drop, but he misses. Tags to Bergstrom and Go. Bergstrom takes a slam and neckbreaker from Go, and Ryuma drags Bergstrom to his corner. DeBeers comes back in, but Bergstrom is able to counter DeBeers' irish whip with a pair of clotheslines. Tag to Haynes, and while DeBeers is dazed, Haynes clotheslines the Colonel from behind and gets the first fall for his team.
The second fall starts, and Haynes tries to lock in the Full Nelson on DeBeers, but Go cuts him off. From there, the three back Haynes into the corner and deliver a variety of punishing holds on him, including a swinging neckbreaker from Go followed with a gutwrench suplex, which gets a two count. Go continues to go to work on Haynes, keeping him grounded with moves such as elbow drops and chinlocks. Go then decides to work on Haynes's left leg with a kneebar. From there, Go and DeBeers work over the leg with stomps and other leglocks, such as the spinning toe hold, wrenching on Haynes's leg violently. Finally, the ref counts to three, as Haynes' shoulder is down due to the spinning toe hold, and DeBeers takes the second fall for his team.
The third fall starts in chaos, as Haynes is still being worked over by Go while Psicosis attacks Rey Mysterio, performing a backdrop and a snake-eyes on Mysterio before both men leave the ring. Poor Billy spends the next five minutes with his leg under constant attack from Go, DeBeers, and Psicosis. Go puts Haynes in a figure-four, but he won't give and Psicosis is tagged in. He goes up top, but Haynes is able to move. However, DeBeers gets tagged in before Haynes can reach his corner. From there, Haynes is still under fire from DeBeers and Go, ad Go uses a single leg crab and an Indian death lock to try to get the submission victory, but Haynes just won't give up. Finally, after minutes of constant attack, Haynes is able to kick DeBeers a couple of times in the thigh with his good leg, knocking him down and allowing Haynes to tag in Bergstrom. Bergstrom comes in on fire, with clotheslines and slams for everyone in sight before tagging out to Mysterio and launching him towards Go for a dropkick. In comes Psicosis, and Rey baffles him with a Maivia Hurricane. After attempting it once, Mysterio is able to hit the leaping hurracanrana on the second attempt, covers Psicosis, and gets the deciding fall for his team. What a strange match, as if it was half lucha style, half southern tag style, and there was a lot of confusion in this match. Plus, Bergstrom was by far the weak link in the match, although since he was in the least, he didn't do too much damage. Overall, I'd give this a 2.39 out of 5.
Well, that's all for now. Thanks for reading, and if you have any comments about this post, or ideas for future posts, than let me know about them either by leaving a comment or by sending me an e-mail at kthec2001@gmail.com.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Canon Book Review: Countdown to Lockdown
Before I begin this review, I'd first like to plug my good friend Sonny Bone's new website, http://www.axebombermag.com. The website is the result of all of the positive feedback from the digital magazine Axe Bomber Magazine, and instead of waiting three months to release another issue, it has been decided by the powers-that-be that a website would be more prudent. That way, any breaking news on wrestling video games and other related topics will be covered right away. Already, there is a preview of the newly announced Fire Pro wrestling game for the XBox 360 to be released in the near future. So check it out, and be on the lookout for new articles, including some by yours truly, relating to wrestling video games at axebombermag.com.
Now for today's review. Recently I was fortunate to get my hands on an advance copy of Mick Foley's 4th autobiography, Countdown to Lockdown. I'd like to thank my friend Dickson S. for providing me with a copy of the book. See, Dickson works at a TV station, and the station was sent an advance copy of the book a couple of weeks ago. For whatever reason, they gave the book to Dickson, who then proceeded to give me the copy of the book so I could have the rare opportunity of reviewing something on this site before it was released to the public. So thanks again, Dickson, and I hope you enjoy this review of Mick Foley's Countdown to Lockdown, which will be available in stores on October 1st.
As previously mentioned, this is the fourth biography written by wrestler Mick Foley (Have a Nice Day, Foley is Good, and The Hardcore Diaries being the other three). This book is written in a similar style to The Hardcore Diaries in that a large portion of the book is a journal detailing the buildup and events leading up to a big match. In this case, Foley is chronicling the events leading up to his big steel cage match with his old rival Sting at TNA's Lockdown 2009 event in Philadelphia, PA, the home of many a Mick Foley classic match in the past. The book differs from The Hardcore Diaries in that, this time, Foley seems to have complete support from the TNA creative team, as he's able to offer suggestions and basically carry out the angle with Sting the way he sees fit. Because of that, Foley seems to be more upbeat than he was while writing The Hardcore Diaries. However, Foley also struggles with self-doubt over his physical condition and whether or not he can deliver a high quality match with Sting in the main event of a TNA pay-per-view.
In between journal entries, Foley writes about the events that took place between the completion of The Hardcore Diaries and the writing of this book, including Foley's announcing career, which eventually would lead to his departure from WWE due to a series of disagreements with Vince McMahon. Also, Foley details his charity work and his travels to Mexico and Sierra Leone, his family's venture into reality television (which, unfortunately, never aired), and his celebrity encounter with Tori Amos, whose music has been a constant source of inspirtation to Foley. Also, Foley tackles serious subjects such as the large amount of wrestlers dying young and the use of steroids in wrestling and sports.
Throughout the book, Foley writes about the conflicts he had with Vince McMahon and the WWE brass. To his credit, Foley often takes the high road when dealing with the events that led to his resignation with the WWE, choosing not to bury Vince and the WWE. Unlike some other wrestlers, Foley does not use his book as an opportunity to settle scores or bury other people he may of had a problem with. Well, he did kind of go off about his old dog Pom Pom, although in that case I could definitely see why. Like his last books, Foley is not afraid to drop a name or two, which can get annoying at times, but heck if I had met a bunch of famous people I might do the same thing.
Overall, Countdown to Lockdown is not a bad read by any means. Yes, it's not as good as Foley's Have a Nice Day, and to be honest, the book is kind of hard to get into at the beginning, at least to me. But as a whole, the book is an entertaining read that will interest any wrestling fan and will provide readers with laughs as well as something to think about. Overall, I give Countdown to Lockdown a 7.5 out of 10. Well, thanks for reading, and if you have any ideas for future reviews, or comments about this review, then share them either by leaving a comment or by sending me an e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com
Now for today's review. Recently I was fortunate to get my hands on an advance copy of Mick Foley's 4th autobiography, Countdown to Lockdown. I'd like to thank my friend Dickson S. for providing me with a copy of the book. See, Dickson works at a TV station, and the station was sent an advance copy of the book a couple of weeks ago. For whatever reason, they gave the book to Dickson, who then proceeded to give me the copy of the book so I could have the rare opportunity of reviewing something on this site before it was released to the public. So thanks again, Dickson, and I hope you enjoy this review of Mick Foley's Countdown to Lockdown, which will be available in stores on October 1st.
As previously mentioned, this is the fourth biography written by wrestler Mick Foley (Have a Nice Day, Foley is Good, and The Hardcore Diaries being the other three). This book is written in a similar style to The Hardcore Diaries in that a large portion of the book is a journal detailing the buildup and events leading up to a big match. In this case, Foley is chronicling the events leading up to his big steel cage match with his old rival Sting at TNA's Lockdown 2009 event in Philadelphia, PA, the home of many a Mick Foley classic match in the past. The book differs from The Hardcore Diaries in that, this time, Foley seems to have complete support from the TNA creative team, as he's able to offer suggestions and basically carry out the angle with Sting the way he sees fit. Because of that, Foley seems to be more upbeat than he was while writing The Hardcore Diaries. However, Foley also struggles with self-doubt over his physical condition and whether or not he can deliver a high quality match with Sting in the main event of a TNA pay-per-view.
In between journal entries, Foley writes about the events that took place between the completion of The Hardcore Diaries and the writing of this book, including Foley's announcing career, which eventually would lead to his departure from WWE due to a series of disagreements with Vince McMahon. Also, Foley details his charity work and his travels to Mexico and Sierra Leone, his family's venture into reality television (which, unfortunately, never aired), and his celebrity encounter with Tori Amos, whose music has been a constant source of inspirtation to Foley. Also, Foley tackles serious subjects such as the large amount of wrestlers dying young and the use of steroids in wrestling and sports.
Throughout the book, Foley writes about the conflicts he had with Vince McMahon and the WWE brass. To his credit, Foley often takes the high road when dealing with the events that led to his resignation with the WWE, choosing not to bury Vince and the WWE. Unlike some other wrestlers, Foley does not use his book as an opportunity to settle scores or bury other people he may of had a problem with. Well, he did kind of go off about his old dog Pom Pom, although in that case I could definitely see why. Like his last books, Foley is not afraid to drop a name or two, which can get annoying at times, but heck if I had met a bunch of famous people I might do the same thing.
Overall, Countdown to Lockdown is not a bad read by any means. Yes, it's not as good as Foley's Have a Nice Day, and to be honest, the book is kind of hard to get into at the beginning, at least to me. But as a whole, the book is an entertaining read that will interest any wrestling fan and will provide readers with laughs as well as something to think about. Overall, I give Countdown to Lockdown a 7.5 out of 10. Well, thanks for reading, and if you have any ideas for future reviews, or comments about this review, then share them either by leaving a comment or by sending me an e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com
Friday, July 2, 2010
Canon Video Challenge: Van Hammer vs. the Cruiserweights
Yesterday, a friend of mine and a reader of The Canon Review, Dickson S., came up with a video challenge for me. For some reason, he was watching matches featuring everyone's favorite rock star-wrestler, Van Hammer, and I guess he wanted me to experience the awesomeness of Van Hammer as well, so he came up with a video challenge. The rules are simple:
1. Watch four matches featuring Van Hammer
2. The matches must be against opponents that are considered "cruiserweights"
Well, it took me an hour, but I found four such matches that qualify, so good for me. Let's get this thing started, shall we?
Match 1: Van Hammer vs. Alex Wright, WCW Monday Nitro, September 14, 1998
Here's a non-interesting tidbit, this is the first wrestling match to ever take place at the Bi-Lo center in Greenville, SC. Wright comes out doing his dance, while Hammer comes out dressed like a hippie with a peace sign on his tie-dye shirt. For some reason, Hammer comes out to the old Hollywood Blondes theme song. Hammer speaks into the camera, saying "excuse me while I beat this guy". We start with a tie up, Wright is whipped into the ropes but leapfrogs over Hammer. He celebrates the leapfrog by dancing. Wright takes Hammer down by his hair and starts stomping on him in the corner. Hammer gets up, backdrops the charging Wright, and gives hi two big bodyslams, sending Wright to the outside. Hammer chases Wright back in, but Ernest Miller comes down from the back. While Hammer is taunting Wright from the outside of the ring, Miller ring Hammer's bell with a jumping kick to the side of the head, causing a disqualifaction. Miller gets on the mic, says he's the greatest and other stuff before Doug Dillinger and some police officers handcuff Miller and escort him out of the building. For what, kicking Van Hammer? Who among us would not have done the same thing if we were put in Ernest Miller's shoes? Match was short and not good, so I'll give it an 0.7 out of 5.
Match 2: Van Hammer vs. Chris Jericho, WCW Thunder, January 14, 1999
Jericho comes out with his personal bodyguard, the legendary Ralphus. Before the match, Jericho gets on the mic, and promises to make Perry Saturn wear a dress after their upcoming match at Souled Out 99. Hammer comes out saying something about how too much partying will mess up your brain. The match starts, Jericho dropkicks Hammer after an irish whip and highsteps around the ring. Jericho irish whips Hammer, but Hammer catches Jericho with a short-arm clothesline, and mocks Jericho while Chris is on the ground. The two exchange moves for a couple of minutes, Jericho hits a spinning wheel kick and a vertical suplex. Jericho whips Hammer to the ropes, but Hammer holds on, causing Jericho to whiff on a dropkick. Saturn comes out, maybe to kick Van Hammer in the head. Hammer superplexes Jericho, but only gets a two count. Hammer is unfazed by the kick out, and proceeds to give Jericho a sleeper-hold slam. That only gets two as well. Hammer goes for an enziguri (huh?), but Jericho counters into the Liontamer, forcing Hammer to tap out. Jericho wins, and Saturn applauds his future foe before heading to the back. Short match that was neither good nor bad, just there. I'll say a 1.5 out of 5.
Match 3: Van Hammer vs. Mikey Whipwreck, WCW Great American Bash, June 13, 1999
Yes, WCW charged people 30 dollars to watch Mikey Whipwreck and Van Hammer wrestle. Not only that, this same card featured Hak vs. Brian Knobbs, Disco Inferno vs. Buff Bagwell, and my favorite match, Ernest "The Cat" Miller vs. Horace Hogan. No wonder WCW is out of buisness. Anyway, Hammer comes out not dressed as a hippie this time, instead wearing a black singlet which says Hammer in big white letters. The match starts, and Hammer dominates his much smaller foe. Hammer continues to dominate Whipwreck. Hammer beals Mikey off the top rope after blocking a monkey flip, a move which the three idiots calling the match actually shut up about the White Hummer for a second to yell OOOOOOOOOHH! Hammer follows up with some of the weakest looking stomps in the history of Western civilization. Hammer picks Mikey up on the turnbuckle, and delivers a good looking Superplex, but he lands hard on his neck, which temporarily shakes him up. Hammer follows with a legdrop but only gets two. Hammer puts Mikey in an abdominal stretch, and the crowd begins to chant "boring" as Bobby Heenan says something about Billy Ripken possibly being in the crowd tonight. Oooh, Billy Ripken, what a big star! Mikey tries to get in some offense, but Hammer has none of it and throws Mikey outside the ring. Hammer sets up the ring steps against the guardrail, picks Mikey up in a fallaway-slam type position, climbs the stairs, and drops Mikey throat first on the guardrail. Why Hammer needed the steps, I'll never know. Hammer goes to pick up Whipwreck, but Mikey counters, and pulls Hammer by his singlet into the guardrail. Mikey gets back in, does a suicide dive, and Hammer has to hustle just to catch him, as Whipwreck was well short of his target. Both men get back in, Whipwreck with a Thesz press from the top, but only gets two. Whipwreck dives off the second turnbuckle, but gets caught and rudely slammed down by Hammer. Oh no, Hammer's taking down the straps which means the end is near. Kurt Angle would later steal that from Van Hammer, or at least I choose to believe that. Hammer with a cobra clutch slam on Whipwreck, which gets the three count. After the match, Hammer looks in the camera and says "I've got nothing to say to you". Tony Schiavone says that sounds like his wife. I wish Tony had nothing to say to us. There was nothing terrible about this match, but it's not something I'd go out of my to see again. I'll give it a 1.95 out of 5.
Match 4: Van Hammer vs. Blitzkrieg, WCW Thunder, September 9, 1999
Another non-interesting note, 9-9-99 was the day the Sega Dreamcast was released to the public. Just thought you might like to know. Hammer comes out and Blitzkrieg soon follows. I guess it's Blitzkrieg's turn to use the old Hollywood Blondes' music. Basically, Hammer throws Blitzkrieg around the ring for about five minutes, doing multiple biels and also doing some sort of move where he spins Blitzkrieg around on his back and slams him down to the mat. They plug the upcoming WCW Mayhem video game, which Mike Tenay pronounces as "Mayham". Hammer is in control until he goes for a senton (huh?) off the second rope and misses. Blitzkrieg does a standing moonsault, but Hammer sort of moves on the second one and Blitzkrieg mostly misses. Hammer with a biel, but Blitzkrieg counters another biel attempt with a kick to the face. They go to the outside, where Blitzkrieg is able to show off his aerial prowess with an asai moonsault off the apron. Back in, Blitzkrieg tries for a slingshot attack, but Hammer catches him and throws him down. A cobra clutch slam shortly after ends the match and your winner is Van Hammer. This match was just as boring as the other ones, I'll give it a 1.2 out of 5.
Well, that was fun. On one hand, Van Hammer's a big guy that doesn't screw up many of his moves and has some agility. On the other hand, Van Hammer has a pedestrian offense and shows little to no psychology in any of his matches. Is Hammer the worst wrestler I've ever seen? Far from it, but most of his matches are just boring to me. I'm sure there are a few huge Van Hammer fans out there who appreciate his work and felt that he never got a fair shot in WCW, but I'm not really one of them. Well, thanks for reading, and if you have any thoughts on this topic, or any ideas for future topics for The Canon Review to cover, than share them either by leaving a comment or by sending me an e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com. As a bonus, here's the Hollywood Blondes' theme song that 20 other WCW wrestlers used over the years. If you watched any WCW over the years, than trust me, you will recognize this song.
1. Watch four matches featuring Van Hammer
2. The matches must be against opponents that are considered "cruiserweights"
Well, it took me an hour, but I found four such matches that qualify, so good for me. Let's get this thing started, shall we?
Match 1: Van Hammer vs. Alex Wright, WCW Monday Nitro, September 14, 1998
Here's a non-interesting tidbit, this is the first wrestling match to ever take place at the Bi-Lo center in Greenville, SC. Wright comes out doing his dance, while Hammer comes out dressed like a hippie with a peace sign on his tie-dye shirt. For some reason, Hammer comes out to the old Hollywood Blondes theme song. Hammer speaks into the camera, saying "excuse me while I beat this guy". We start with a tie up, Wright is whipped into the ropes but leapfrogs over Hammer. He celebrates the leapfrog by dancing. Wright takes Hammer down by his hair and starts stomping on him in the corner. Hammer gets up, backdrops the charging Wright, and gives hi two big bodyslams, sending Wright to the outside. Hammer chases Wright back in, but Ernest Miller comes down from the back. While Hammer is taunting Wright from the outside of the ring, Miller ring Hammer's bell with a jumping kick to the side of the head, causing a disqualifaction. Miller gets on the mic, says he's the greatest and other stuff before Doug Dillinger and some police officers handcuff Miller and escort him out of the building. For what, kicking Van Hammer? Who among us would not have done the same thing if we were put in Ernest Miller's shoes? Match was short and not good, so I'll give it an 0.7 out of 5.
Match 2: Van Hammer vs. Chris Jericho, WCW Thunder, January 14, 1999
Jericho comes out with his personal bodyguard, the legendary Ralphus. Before the match, Jericho gets on the mic, and promises to make Perry Saturn wear a dress after their upcoming match at Souled Out 99. Hammer comes out saying something about how too much partying will mess up your brain. The match starts, Jericho dropkicks Hammer after an irish whip and highsteps around the ring. Jericho irish whips Hammer, but Hammer catches Jericho with a short-arm clothesline, and mocks Jericho while Chris is on the ground. The two exchange moves for a couple of minutes, Jericho hits a spinning wheel kick and a vertical suplex. Jericho whips Hammer to the ropes, but Hammer holds on, causing Jericho to whiff on a dropkick. Saturn comes out, maybe to kick Van Hammer in the head. Hammer superplexes Jericho, but only gets a two count. Hammer is unfazed by the kick out, and proceeds to give Jericho a sleeper-hold slam. That only gets two as well. Hammer goes for an enziguri (huh?), but Jericho counters into the Liontamer, forcing Hammer to tap out. Jericho wins, and Saturn applauds his future foe before heading to the back. Short match that was neither good nor bad, just there. I'll say a 1.5 out of 5.
Match 3: Van Hammer vs. Mikey Whipwreck, WCW Great American Bash, June 13, 1999
Yes, WCW charged people 30 dollars to watch Mikey Whipwreck and Van Hammer wrestle. Not only that, this same card featured Hak vs. Brian Knobbs, Disco Inferno vs. Buff Bagwell, and my favorite match, Ernest "The Cat" Miller vs. Horace Hogan. No wonder WCW is out of buisness. Anyway, Hammer comes out not dressed as a hippie this time, instead wearing a black singlet which says Hammer in big white letters. The match starts, and Hammer dominates his much smaller foe. Hammer continues to dominate Whipwreck. Hammer beals Mikey off the top rope after blocking a monkey flip, a move which the three idiots calling the match actually shut up about the White Hummer for a second to yell OOOOOOOOOHH! Hammer follows up with some of the weakest looking stomps in the history of Western civilization. Hammer picks Mikey up on the turnbuckle, and delivers a good looking Superplex, but he lands hard on his neck, which temporarily shakes him up. Hammer follows with a legdrop but only gets two. Hammer puts Mikey in an abdominal stretch, and the crowd begins to chant "boring" as Bobby Heenan says something about Billy Ripken possibly being in the crowd tonight. Oooh, Billy Ripken, what a big star! Mikey tries to get in some offense, but Hammer has none of it and throws Mikey outside the ring. Hammer sets up the ring steps against the guardrail, picks Mikey up in a fallaway-slam type position, climbs the stairs, and drops Mikey throat first on the guardrail. Why Hammer needed the steps, I'll never know. Hammer goes to pick up Whipwreck, but Mikey counters, and pulls Hammer by his singlet into the guardrail. Mikey gets back in, does a suicide dive, and Hammer has to hustle just to catch him, as Whipwreck was well short of his target. Both men get back in, Whipwreck with a Thesz press from the top, but only gets two. Whipwreck dives off the second turnbuckle, but gets caught and rudely slammed down by Hammer. Oh no, Hammer's taking down the straps which means the end is near. Kurt Angle would later steal that from Van Hammer, or at least I choose to believe that. Hammer with a cobra clutch slam on Whipwreck, which gets the three count. After the match, Hammer looks in the camera and says "I've got nothing to say to you". Tony Schiavone says that sounds like his wife. I wish Tony had nothing to say to us. There was nothing terrible about this match, but it's not something I'd go out of my to see again. I'll give it a 1.95 out of 5.
Match 4: Van Hammer vs. Blitzkrieg, WCW Thunder, September 9, 1999
Another non-interesting note, 9-9-99 was the day the Sega Dreamcast was released to the public. Just thought you might like to know. Hammer comes out and Blitzkrieg soon follows. I guess it's Blitzkrieg's turn to use the old Hollywood Blondes' music. Basically, Hammer throws Blitzkrieg around the ring for about five minutes, doing multiple biels and also doing some sort of move where he spins Blitzkrieg around on his back and slams him down to the mat. They plug the upcoming WCW Mayhem video game, which Mike Tenay pronounces as "Mayham". Hammer is in control until he goes for a senton (huh?) off the second rope and misses. Blitzkrieg does a standing moonsault, but Hammer sort of moves on the second one and Blitzkrieg mostly misses. Hammer with a biel, but Blitzkrieg counters another biel attempt with a kick to the face. They go to the outside, where Blitzkrieg is able to show off his aerial prowess with an asai moonsault off the apron. Back in, Blitzkrieg tries for a slingshot attack, but Hammer catches him and throws him down. A cobra clutch slam shortly after ends the match and your winner is Van Hammer. This match was just as boring as the other ones, I'll give it a 1.2 out of 5.
Well, that was fun. On one hand, Van Hammer's a big guy that doesn't screw up many of his moves and has some agility. On the other hand, Van Hammer has a pedestrian offense and shows little to no psychology in any of his matches. Is Hammer the worst wrestler I've ever seen? Far from it, but most of his matches are just boring to me. I'm sure there are a few huge Van Hammer fans out there who appreciate his work and felt that he never got a fair shot in WCW, but I'm not really one of them. Well, thanks for reading, and if you have any thoughts on this topic, or any ideas for future topics for The Canon Review to cover, than share them either by leaving a comment or by sending me an e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com. As a bonus, here's the Hollywood Blondes' theme song that 20 other WCW wrestlers used over the years. If you watched any WCW over the years, than trust me, you will recognize this song.
Friday, June 25, 2010
The Canon Review of Starrcade 1994
After reviewing the brief WCW tenure of the Honky Tonk Man a couple of weeks ago, I found myself interested in watching more of World Championship Wrestling, circa 1994. This can't be a healthy interest, as most wrestling fans are not big fans of that particular time period, and for good reason. Well, I don't care, I'm going to watch and review Starrcade 1994 anyway. Starrcade 1994 is notable because the main event featured WCW World Champion Hulk Hogan taking on his best friend Brutus Beefcake, going by the moniker of "The Butcher" for some reason here. Yes my friends, WCW's biggest show of the year is main-evented by Brutus freakin' Beefcake. But wait, there's more, as the other big matches include Sting vs. Avalanche (John Tenta), Vader vs. U.S. Champion Hacksaw Jim Duggan, and in what was likely the match of the year, Kevin Sullivan wrestles Mr. T. This looks to be quite the show. Actually, I've seen it before, but that was like 10 years ago and besides, a show like this should be rewatched at least 9 times. So, in the words of Tazz, here comes the pain.
We open with a rundown of the card and the introduction of our announcers, Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, and Gene Okerlund doing the interviews. Great, I'm going to have to suffer three hours of Bobby telling jokes and Tony refusing to laugh at any of them. Bobby makes some joke about Nashville being full of rednecks which Tony ignores and Gene chastises Bobby for. Aaron Tippin sings the national anthem, wearing a Tampa Bay Lightning jersey for some reason. After that, we see clips of Randy Savage promising to confront Hogan at Starrcade and Hogan accepting the Wrestler of the Year award from Pro Wrestling Illustrated magazine. After all of that nonsense, we are finally ready to start this show.
Up first is the first of tonight's "Triple Main Event", between Vader and Hacksaw Jim Duggan for Duggan's United States Championship. Duggan comes out ready to fight tonight, as he constantly beats Vader to the punch and keeps his opponent off balance for the first few minutes of the match with a variety of clotheslines and punches. Duggan even pulls out a cross-body block and bodyslams the 450 pound Vader at one point. Eventually, Vader takes control, and gets a two count after the Vader splash off the second rope. A short while after, Vader attempts the moonsault, but Duggan moves out of the way. Duggan gets back up, clotheslines Vader a couple of more times, and catches and slams Vader down after Vader jumped off the middle rope. Duggan's got the cover, but referee Nick Patrick is distracted by Vader's manager, Harley Race. Duggan goes into the three point stance and charges his opponent, but Vader throws Duggan into Race, who puts Duggan's 2 x 4 in the air and Duggan runs into it. Duggan's down, but Vader picks him up off the ground, and slams him face first with an inverted powerbomb type maneuver. That gets three, and Vader's the new United States Champion. Not a bad match, and Duggan got the crowd fired up early, even though a lot of people cheered when Vader eventually won. Too many clotheslines in this match, though, and Vader didn't seem all that interested, to be honest. I'll give it a 2.5 out of 5.
Mean Gene's in the back with the Faces of Fear (Butcher, Kevin Sullivan, and Avalanche). Sullivan's the only one that should talk, but everybody gets some mic time and Butcher ends up flubbing a couple of lines. Up next is a matchup of two young superstars. One of which would become arguably the biggest star in the business, while the other had a few years of employment, but by and large was out of the sport a few years later. It's Alex Wright vs. Jean-Paul Levesque, better known today as Triple-H. I suddenly became very sleepy while watching this match. A LOT of chin locks and mat wrestling that really goes nowhere. Levesque used a spinning wheel kick at one point, which I don't think he's done since. The end comes after Levesque whips Wright into the corner, Wright backflips behind his opponent, schoolboys Levesque and gets the victory. After watching the match, it was clear that Levesque was the better worker, but both men were very inexperienced at this point and the match basically killed the crowd dead. Afterwards, WCW kept pushing Wright as it's hot young superstar, while Levesque soon left WCW to go on to bigger and better things in the WWE. In hindsight, I think WCW might have made a mistake here. Match gets a 1.2 out of 5.
The next match is supposed to be the third Honky Tonk Man-Johnny B. Badd match, but HTM walked out on the company just before the show, so mercifully I am spared from watching that debacle. Instead we get Arn Anderson vs. Johnny B. Badd for Badd's television title. Heenan states that they should have bombed Nashville instead of Horishima, which just horrifies Schiavone. I guess Heenan's not a fan of the Music City. The match starts with a bunch of tie-ups, Badd pulls off a move, and Arn quickly backs away sequences. Johnny B. gets the advantage with a few punches, but Arn hits the spinebuster, but doesn't cover Badd because he's still dazed from the punches. From there, Arn takes over, using the abdominal stretch, and a sleeper hold. Badd gets out of the sleeper, puts on his own sleeper, but Anderson gives Badd the jawbreaker to get out of it. Both men get back up, and Badd counters out of an Irish whip with a nice-looking headscissors. He gets a couple of two counts, than attempts the sunset flip from the top rope. Badd hits it, but Anderson once again kicks out at two. Anderson rolls up Badd and has his foot on the ropes, but the referee saw it and gets Arn off of him. Arn thinks he's won for some reason, but Badd sneaks up behind him and uses the same finish as the previous match, a schoolboy that gets the three count. Anderson is in shock and Badd retains the TV title. Probably better than anything HTM and Badd could have put together, but I wouldn't go out of my way to watch this match again. I'll give it a 2 out of 5.
The Nasty Boys are presented with the 1994 PWI Award for Tag Team of the Year, which leads us into our next match featuring the Boys and Harlem Heat, who are accompanied by Sister Sherri. The match starts off as a brawl between the two teams, but quickly becomes an honest to goodness wrestling match. That's not really a good thing, though, as basically the Nasties do a lot of arm work on Harlem Heat, but that's quickly forgotten, so we basically got four minutes of mat wrestling for no real reason. Stevie Ray drags Jerry Sags out of the ring, and gives him a pump kick out in the aisle, giving Harlem Heat the advantage. However, Booker T's the legal man, so we have to wait for about a minute before Stevie drags Sags (hey, that rhymes) back to the ring. From there, Booker T delivers a scissor kick, but only gets two. Harlem Heat slows the match down even more, because clearly that's what this show needed, another slow match. Sags delivers a DDT to both men and gets the hot tag to Brian Knobbs, who gets in there and brawls with Stevie Ray. Sherri gets on the apron, goes to spray Knobbs with some sort of aerosol product, but she "accidentally gets Stevie Ray instead. I say accidentally because Knobbs ducked some five seconds before Sherri used the spray. Booker gets on the top, but Knobbs throws him off and Sags hit a big elbow drop. Cover, but Sherri dives off the top to break it up. Somehow, the Nasties see this and move, making Sherri land on Booker T instead. The ref calls for a disqualification, and the Nasties have Sherri cornered. They then stick Sherri's face in Sags' arm pit. Well, that's disgusting. After the match, both teams are shown in the back delivering promos about how they'll continue to fight or whatever. The promos looked very ECW-ish, if that makes any sense at all. This match kind of sucked, I'll give it a 1 out of 5.
Sting is presented with PWI's most popular wrestler of the year. We go to the back with Sting and Gene. Sting says he's tired of hearing everybody talk about what they're going to do at Starrcade, so naturally, he talks about what he's going to do at Starrcade. I wish he would have talked more, because up next we have Kevin Sullivan wrestling Mr. T. Sullivan comes out, and we get another ECW-style promo of Sullivan clawing at the wall backstage because he's crazy. Mr. T has decided to dress like a prisoner, with a black-and-white striped shirt and stocking hat on. T gets the first moves in, but Sullivan gets the advantage with some brawling. They go the outside, a cameraman trips over the stairs, and unfortunately for him, T and Sullivan decide to wrestle in the exact same area, so the poor cameraman is under Mr. T, who is getting beat down by Sullivan. It was actually funny, at least to me. Santa Claus comes out, somebody in the audience pulls off his hat and Jimmy Hart gives him a megaphone to put in his bag. Santa's actually Evad Sullivan, Kevin's "brother" and he wallops Kevin in the back with the sack. Mr. T covers, and wins the match. Evad celebrates with the fans outside the ring, but Kevin comes up from behind and beats him up. He takes Evad to the ring, and Evad's pants are falling off. Luckily, he had his wrestling gear underneath, or otherwise that would have been a quite unwelcome sight. Kevin piledrives Evad, takes Santa's belt off, and whips his "brother" in the face with the belt. That looked like it might hurt. The match gets a 0.3 out of 5, as T really couldn't do anything and well, it just sucked.
Hulk Hogan and Jimmy Hart are in the back with Gene. Hulk addresses both the Butcher and Randy Savage and promises to rip all of his opponents in half. Jimmy Hart says he'll never leave the Hulkster's side. Well, that turned out to be a lie, didn't it. Avalanche comes out for his match with Sting, and naturally, Sting follows. What transpires after this is one of the sloooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeesssssssstttttttt matches you will see. Avalanche does hardly anything and is blown up about five minutes in. All Sting can do with Avalanche is kick him in the leg and wait for Avalanche to get his breath back. Sting tried, but it just was not going to happen. Avalanche stalls a lot and does a bunch of side headlocks with the occasional leg drop or clothesline thrown in. Sting finally starts to get some momentium, knocking Avalanche down with a clothesline. He backs the 'Lanche into the corner and hits the Stinger Splash, but the referee was trapped behind Avalanche and he goes down as well. Sting turns over Avalanche for the Scorpion Death Lock, but Kevin Sullivan interferes. Sting has some success fighting them off, but the numbers are too much for Sting. Avalanche uses his patened sit-down splash on Sting, and goes for another one but Hogan comes out and chases his two enemies out with a chair. Sting wins by disqualifaction, marking yet another unsatisfying and cheap finish on this show. I almost fell asleep during this match at least twice, so I'll give it a 0.5 out of 5.
We see Jimmy Hart win the Manager of the Year Award from PWI. Whoop-dee-damn-do. We then get a recap of the events that led up to Hogan wrestling his best friend. See, a masked man kept attacking Hogan, and at Halloween Havoc, that man was revealed to be Brutus Beefcake. So, here we are. Butcher comes out with Sullivan and Avalanche, while Hogan comes with Jimmy Hart and a chair. Michael Buffer makes the introductions, which takes up about three minutes of time, Avalanche and Sullivan are sent to the back, and off we go. This match set the record for most back rakes used in a single match, as 80% of both men's offensive repertoire was the dreaded back rake. Hogan even pulled out the dreaded chest rake as well. Hogan uses a chair, but the match still continues. Hogan starts biting the Butcher, but again, the ref lets it go. Butcher does something, I don't remember, but it ends with a nerve hold on Hogan. Butcher then puts his patented sleeper on Hogan. Hogan's arm drops twice, but he just barely holds it up the third time. Butcher thinks that he's won, but he has not, and Hogan begins to Hulk out all over Butcher. Sullivan runs out, and Avalanche struggles to jog out. They both get blows from Hogan, so they hang out on the apron and watch Hogan legdrop Butcher for the three count. Afterwards, the three Faces of Fear surround Hogan, but here comes Randy Savage. Savage shakes Sullivan's hand, but WAITAMINUTE! Savge attacks Sullivan and teams with Hogan to run the threesome off. Savage shakes Hogan's hand and the two celebrate. To the locker room with a post-match interview with Savage and Hogan. They talk about this and that, but here comes Vader, who calls the Hulkster out. Chaos then ensues as wrestlers and security struggle to hold the two men apart. Looks like we've got a main event for the next WCW Pay-Per-View spectacular. I don't know what to give this match and I never want to see it again, so I'll just say a 1 out of 5 and leave it at that.
Well, that was not very good at all. Most of the matches either disappointed or sucked as much as you thought they would. The first match was the best of the night, and even that was just ok. So I strongly recommend you not watch this show unless you are having trouble falling asleep one night. I'll give the whole show a 2.4 out of 10. Well, thanks for reading, and if you have any better ideas for reviews than this, then for goodness sakes send them to me. You can send them either by e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com or by leaving a comment on the blog.
We open with a rundown of the card and the introduction of our announcers, Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, and Gene Okerlund doing the interviews. Great, I'm going to have to suffer three hours of Bobby telling jokes and Tony refusing to laugh at any of them. Bobby makes some joke about Nashville being full of rednecks which Tony ignores and Gene chastises Bobby for. Aaron Tippin sings the national anthem, wearing a Tampa Bay Lightning jersey for some reason. After that, we see clips of Randy Savage promising to confront Hogan at Starrcade and Hogan accepting the Wrestler of the Year award from Pro Wrestling Illustrated magazine. After all of that nonsense, we are finally ready to start this show.
Up first is the first of tonight's "Triple Main Event", between Vader and Hacksaw Jim Duggan for Duggan's United States Championship. Duggan comes out ready to fight tonight, as he constantly beats Vader to the punch and keeps his opponent off balance for the first few minutes of the match with a variety of clotheslines and punches. Duggan even pulls out a cross-body block and bodyslams the 450 pound Vader at one point. Eventually, Vader takes control, and gets a two count after the Vader splash off the second rope. A short while after, Vader attempts the moonsault, but Duggan moves out of the way. Duggan gets back up, clotheslines Vader a couple of more times, and catches and slams Vader down after Vader jumped off the middle rope. Duggan's got the cover, but referee Nick Patrick is distracted by Vader's manager, Harley Race. Duggan goes into the three point stance and charges his opponent, but Vader throws Duggan into Race, who puts Duggan's 2 x 4 in the air and Duggan runs into it. Duggan's down, but Vader picks him up off the ground, and slams him face first with an inverted powerbomb type maneuver. That gets three, and Vader's the new United States Champion. Not a bad match, and Duggan got the crowd fired up early, even though a lot of people cheered when Vader eventually won. Too many clotheslines in this match, though, and Vader didn't seem all that interested, to be honest. I'll give it a 2.5 out of 5.
Mean Gene's in the back with the Faces of Fear (Butcher, Kevin Sullivan, and Avalanche). Sullivan's the only one that should talk, but everybody gets some mic time and Butcher ends up flubbing a couple of lines. Up next is a matchup of two young superstars. One of which would become arguably the biggest star in the business, while the other had a few years of employment, but by and large was out of the sport a few years later. It's Alex Wright vs. Jean-Paul Levesque, better known today as Triple-H. I suddenly became very sleepy while watching this match. A LOT of chin locks and mat wrestling that really goes nowhere. Levesque used a spinning wheel kick at one point, which I don't think he's done since. The end comes after Levesque whips Wright into the corner, Wright backflips behind his opponent, schoolboys Levesque and gets the victory. After watching the match, it was clear that Levesque was the better worker, but both men were very inexperienced at this point and the match basically killed the crowd dead. Afterwards, WCW kept pushing Wright as it's hot young superstar, while Levesque soon left WCW to go on to bigger and better things in the WWE. In hindsight, I think WCW might have made a mistake here. Match gets a 1.2 out of 5.
The next match is supposed to be the third Honky Tonk Man-Johnny B. Badd match, but HTM walked out on the company just before the show, so mercifully I am spared from watching that debacle. Instead we get Arn Anderson vs. Johnny B. Badd for Badd's television title. Heenan states that they should have bombed Nashville instead of Horishima, which just horrifies Schiavone. I guess Heenan's not a fan of the Music City. The match starts with a bunch of tie-ups, Badd pulls off a move, and Arn quickly backs away sequences. Johnny B. gets the advantage with a few punches, but Arn hits the spinebuster, but doesn't cover Badd because he's still dazed from the punches. From there, Arn takes over, using the abdominal stretch, and a sleeper hold. Badd gets out of the sleeper, puts on his own sleeper, but Anderson gives Badd the jawbreaker to get out of it. Both men get back up, and Badd counters out of an Irish whip with a nice-looking headscissors. He gets a couple of two counts, than attempts the sunset flip from the top rope. Badd hits it, but Anderson once again kicks out at two. Anderson rolls up Badd and has his foot on the ropes, but the referee saw it and gets Arn off of him. Arn thinks he's won for some reason, but Badd sneaks up behind him and uses the same finish as the previous match, a schoolboy that gets the three count. Anderson is in shock and Badd retains the TV title. Probably better than anything HTM and Badd could have put together, but I wouldn't go out of my way to watch this match again. I'll give it a 2 out of 5.
The Nasty Boys are presented with the 1994 PWI Award for Tag Team of the Year, which leads us into our next match featuring the Boys and Harlem Heat, who are accompanied by Sister Sherri. The match starts off as a brawl between the two teams, but quickly becomes an honest to goodness wrestling match. That's not really a good thing, though, as basically the Nasties do a lot of arm work on Harlem Heat, but that's quickly forgotten, so we basically got four minutes of mat wrestling for no real reason. Stevie Ray drags Jerry Sags out of the ring, and gives him a pump kick out in the aisle, giving Harlem Heat the advantage. However, Booker T's the legal man, so we have to wait for about a minute before Stevie drags Sags (hey, that rhymes) back to the ring. From there, Booker T delivers a scissor kick, but only gets two. Harlem Heat slows the match down even more, because clearly that's what this show needed, another slow match. Sags delivers a DDT to both men and gets the hot tag to Brian Knobbs, who gets in there and brawls with Stevie Ray. Sherri gets on the apron, goes to spray Knobbs with some sort of aerosol product, but she "accidentally gets Stevie Ray instead. I say accidentally because Knobbs ducked some five seconds before Sherri used the spray. Booker gets on the top, but Knobbs throws him off and Sags hit a big elbow drop. Cover, but Sherri dives off the top to break it up. Somehow, the Nasties see this and move, making Sherri land on Booker T instead. The ref calls for a disqualification, and the Nasties have Sherri cornered. They then stick Sherri's face in Sags' arm pit. Well, that's disgusting. After the match, both teams are shown in the back delivering promos about how they'll continue to fight or whatever. The promos looked very ECW-ish, if that makes any sense at all. This match kind of sucked, I'll give it a 1 out of 5.
Sting is presented with PWI's most popular wrestler of the year. We go to the back with Sting and Gene. Sting says he's tired of hearing everybody talk about what they're going to do at Starrcade, so naturally, he talks about what he's going to do at Starrcade. I wish he would have talked more, because up next we have Kevin Sullivan wrestling Mr. T. Sullivan comes out, and we get another ECW-style promo of Sullivan clawing at the wall backstage because he's crazy. Mr. T has decided to dress like a prisoner, with a black-and-white striped shirt and stocking hat on. T gets the first moves in, but Sullivan gets the advantage with some brawling. They go the outside, a cameraman trips over the stairs, and unfortunately for him, T and Sullivan decide to wrestle in the exact same area, so the poor cameraman is under Mr. T, who is getting beat down by Sullivan. It was actually funny, at least to me. Santa Claus comes out, somebody in the audience pulls off his hat and Jimmy Hart gives him a megaphone to put in his bag. Santa's actually Evad Sullivan, Kevin's "brother" and he wallops Kevin in the back with the sack. Mr. T covers, and wins the match. Evad celebrates with the fans outside the ring, but Kevin comes up from behind and beats him up. He takes Evad to the ring, and Evad's pants are falling off. Luckily, he had his wrestling gear underneath, or otherwise that would have been a quite unwelcome sight. Kevin piledrives Evad, takes Santa's belt off, and whips his "brother" in the face with the belt. That looked like it might hurt. The match gets a 0.3 out of 5, as T really couldn't do anything and well, it just sucked.
Hulk Hogan and Jimmy Hart are in the back with Gene. Hulk addresses both the Butcher and Randy Savage and promises to rip all of his opponents in half. Jimmy Hart says he'll never leave the Hulkster's side. Well, that turned out to be a lie, didn't it. Avalanche comes out for his match with Sting, and naturally, Sting follows. What transpires after this is one of the sloooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeesssssssstttttttt matches you will see. Avalanche does hardly anything and is blown up about five minutes in. All Sting can do with Avalanche is kick him in the leg and wait for Avalanche to get his breath back. Sting tried, but it just was not going to happen. Avalanche stalls a lot and does a bunch of side headlocks with the occasional leg drop or clothesline thrown in. Sting finally starts to get some momentium, knocking Avalanche down with a clothesline. He backs the 'Lanche into the corner and hits the Stinger Splash, but the referee was trapped behind Avalanche and he goes down as well. Sting turns over Avalanche for the Scorpion Death Lock, but Kevin Sullivan interferes. Sting has some success fighting them off, but the numbers are too much for Sting. Avalanche uses his patened sit-down splash on Sting, and goes for another one but Hogan comes out and chases his two enemies out with a chair. Sting wins by disqualifaction, marking yet another unsatisfying and cheap finish on this show. I almost fell asleep during this match at least twice, so I'll give it a 0.5 out of 5.
We see Jimmy Hart win the Manager of the Year Award from PWI. Whoop-dee-damn-do. We then get a recap of the events that led up to Hogan wrestling his best friend. See, a masked man kept attacking Hogan, and at Halloween Havoc, that man was revealed to be Brutus Beefcake. So, here we are. Butcher comes out with Sullivan and Avalanche, while Hogan comes with Jimmy Hart and a chair. Michael Buffer makes the introductions, which takes up about three minutes of time, Avalanche and Sullivan are sent to the back, and off we go. This match set the record for most back rakes used in a single match, as 80% of both men's offensive repertoire was the dreaded back rake. Hogan even pulled out the dreaded chest rake as well. Hogan uses a chair, but the match still continues. Hogan starts biting the Butcher, but again, the ref lets it go. Butcher does something, I don't remember, but it ends with a nerve hold on Hogan. Butcher then puts his patented sleeper on Hogan. Hogan's arm drops twice, but he just barely holds it up the third time. Butcher thinks that he's won, but he has not, and Hogan begins to Hulk out all over Butcher. Sullivan runs out, and Avalanche struggles to jog out. They both get blows from Hogan, so they hang out on the apron and watch Hogan legdrop Butcher for the three count. Afterwards, the three Faces of Fear surround Hogan, but here comes Randy Savage. Savage shakes Sullivan's hand, but WAITAMINUTE! Savge attacks Sullivan and teams with Hogan to run the threesome off. Savage shakes Hogan's hand and the two celebrate. To the locker room with a post-match interview with Savage and Hogan. They talk about this and that, but here comes Vader, who calls the Hulkster out. Chaos then ensues as wrestlers and security struggle to hold the two men apart. Looks like we've got a main event for the next WCW Pay-Per-View spectacular. I don't know what to give this match and I never want to see it again, so I'll just say a 1 out of 5 and leave it at that.
Well, that was not very good at all. Most of the matches either disappointed or sucked as much as you thought they would. The first match was the best of the night, and even that was just ok. So I strongly recommend you not watch this show unless you are having trouble falling asleep one night. I'll give the whole show a 2.4 out of 10. Well, thanks for reading, and if you have any better ideas for reviews than this, then for goodness sakes send them to me. You can send them either by e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com or by leaving a comment on the blog.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Let's talk about Takeshi Morishima
Today's random wrestler feature will focus on Takeshi Morishima. Morishima has accomplished a lot in his short career, winning titles in Japan with Pro Wrestling NOAH, in America with Ring of Honor, and in Mexico with the AAA promotion. He also is highly praised for his brawling skills, even winning the Brawler of the Year award from the Wrestling Observer in 2007. So, with that in mind, and because I'm suddenly in the mood to watch some Japanese wrestling, here are just a few matches featuring Takeshi Morishima, who looks like this (photo from wikipedia):
Match 1: Takeshi Morishima vs. Naomichi Marufuji, December 2, 2007
Morishima comes out wearing a fur lined black jacket. Marufuji is wearing gold pants. They start by exchanging basic manuevers, but Marufuji gets the advantage by putting an arm bar on his opponent and holding it for a looooooooooong time. Morishima escapes, but Marufuji continues working on the left arm. Finally, Morishima has had enough, and clotheslines Marafuji off the apron. Morishima runs off the ropes, and does a suicide dive between the ropes, knocking his opponent to the ground. Morishima gains the advantage and beats down his opponent. Eventually, Marafuji gets back the advantage with a dropkick, sending the bigger man to the outside. He then tries to hit a dive attack, but barely clips Morishima, who sells it anyway even though it looked like crap. From there, it's a back and forth battle for the next eight minutes or so, as Marafuji tries to counter his opponent's size with speed, although he was able to lift him up for a falling power bomb off the middle rope and a german suplex with a bridge. Marafuji almost gets the countout win after hitting the C-4 off the entrance ramp to the mat on the outside of the ring, but Morishima gets back in at 15 (count-outs go to 20 to Japan, in case you are unaware). Morishima uses a variety of power moves, including a bunch of clotheslines, but shows some agility with a missle dropkick. The end comes after Marafuji gives his opponent three superkicks, but is short-arm clotheslined and backdropped for his efforts. That only gets two. Marafuji goes for his finisher, the Shiranui Kai (a.k.a. Sliced Bread #2) but Morishima counters, and clotheslines Marafui for the ninth time this match. Marafuji gets back up, but Morishima gives him a backdrop driver and gets the three count. Match had its moments, but it was far from an all-time classic. Still, it was overall a good match, so I'll give it a 3 out of 5.
Match 2: Morishima vs. Mitsuharu Misawa, GHC Title Match, March 2, 2008
Morishima comes out wearing a cowboy hat and a full-length leather coat, looking like a fatter, Japanese version of Cowboy James Storm. Misawa comes out with the belt in his traditional green coat and green tights. This is a hard hitting match, as both men use their signature strikes with alarming frequency (Misawa the forearm shot, Morishima the lariat). The match is a back and forth affair, as both men seem to be trying to outslug the other. Both men also use the tope suicida during the match, with the camera getting an impressive visual of Morishima's dive on Misawa, making it look as if Morishima is coming right at you. Basically, the story of the match is that Misawa tries to throw everything he has at his bigger, stronger, and younger opponent, including not one but two Emerald Frosions, but Morishima is able to absorb all the punishment and dish out some of his own. At the end, Morishima gains the advantage, winning this match the same way he won the last match, with the clothesline-back suplex-clothesline-Backdrop driver combo. Misawa landed right on his neck on the backdrop driver, which made me cringe considering that Misawa died last year basically because he took too many bumps on his neck. Morishima gets the three count, and Misawa's seconds come in immediately to apply ice packs on Misawa's neck. Morishima gets presented the belt and addresses the crowd. Match was decent, but all the clotheslines and forerarm strikes become tiresome after a while. I'll give it a 2.68 out of 5.
Match 3: Takeshi Morishima & Mohammed Yone vs Shinjiro Ohtani & Kazunari Murakami, November 25, 2006
The teams are introduced, and Ohtani and Murakami waste no time, attacking their opponents as soon as Mohammed Yone's name is announced. The match goes to the outside and it's a real "slobberknocker" in the beginning. Ohtani and Murakami isolate Yone, with Yone being put in the tree of woe and dropkicked in the head by Ohtani twice. Then Yone and Morishima get the advantage and Morishima does a flying butt attack on the outside of the ring. Morishima uses his weight to his advantage by sitting on Murakami. Eventually, Murakami gets the tag to Ohtani, who is angry and starts whipping up on fools. He delivers a few face washes to Morishima, and isn't above kicking him when he's down. Murakami comes back in, and since he's got fighter's gloves and kick pads on, you know instantly that most of his offense is strike based. But at least it looks good, so I've got no real complaints. The match looks over after Murakami puts Yone in a sleeper hold, while Ohtani holds off Morishima, but Yone somehow gets to the ropes. Yone is still in trouble, bot Morishima has had enough, so he gets in there and delivers a lariat to Ohtani. Tag in to Morishima, he gets in and delivers a lot more lariats, which by this point I'm tired of seeing. Murakami comes in, starts kicking some ass, but misses an attempted kick to the head on Morishima, who ducks and does a sloppy-looking schoolboy rollup to get the victory. Ohtani was fun to watch, but this match was not very good other than him. I'll give it a 1.958 out of 5.
Well, I'm all lariated out at this point, and since the lariat seems to be about 75% of Morishima's offense, I think I'll stop here. From what I can tell, Morishima's not a bad pro wrestler, but I can't see why anybody would consider him to the be among the best in the world today. Maybe I just haven't seen enough or watched the wrong matches. If there are any huge fans of Morishima out there, than feel free to tell me what I'm missing, because while I don't dislike his wrestling, I don't think he's anything special either.
Well, thanks for reading, and if you have any Morishima match recommendations, or recommendations for any other subject for that matter, than feel free to share them either by leaving me an e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com, or by leaving a comment on the blog.
Match 1: Takeshi Morishima vs. Naomichi Marufuji, December 2, 2007
Morishima comes out wearing a fur lined black jacket. Marufuji is wearing gold pants. They start by exchanging basic manuevers, but Marufuji gets the advantage by putting an arm bar on his opponent and holding it for a looooooooooong time. Morishima escapes, but Marufuji continues working on the left arm. Finally, Morishima has had enough, and clotheslines Marafuji off the apron. Morishima runs off the ropes, and does a suicide dive between the ropes, knocking his opponent to the ground. Morishima gains the advantage and beats down his opponent. Eventually, Marafuji gets back the advantage with a dropkick, sending the bigger man to the outside. He then tries to hit a dive attack, but barely clips Morishima, who sells it anyway even though it looked like crap. From there, it's a back and forth battle for the next eight minutes or so, as Marafuji tries to counter his opponent's size with speed, although he was able to lift him up for a falling power bomb off the middle rope and a german suplex with a bridge. Marafuji almost gets the countout win after hitting the C-4 off the entrance ramp to the mat on the outside of the ring, but Morishima gets back in at 15 (count-outs go to 20 to Japan, in case you are unaware). Morishima uses a variety of power moves, including a bunch of clotheslines, but shows some agility with a missle dropkick. The end comes after Marafuji gives his opponent three superkicks, but is short-arm clotheslined and backdropped for his efforts. That only gets two. Marafuji goes for his finisher, the Shiranui Kai (a.k.a. Sliced Bread #2) but Morishima counters, and clotheslines Marafui for the ninth time this match. Marafuji gets back up, but Morishima gives him a backdrop driver and gets the three count. Match had its moments, but it was far from an all-time classic. Still, it was overall a good match, so I'll give it a 3 out of 5.
Match 2: Morishima vs. Mitsuharu Misawa, GHC Title Match, March 2, 2008
Morishima comes out wearing a cowboy hat and a full-length leather coat, looking like a fatter, Japanese version of Cowboy James Storm. Misawa comes out with the belt in his traditional green coat and green tights. This is a hard hitting match, as both men use their signature strikes with alarming frequency (Misawa the forearm shot, Morishima the lariat). The match is a back and forth affair, as both men seem to be trying to outslug the other. Both men also use the tope suicida during the match, with the camera getting an impressive visual of Morishima's dive on Misawa, making it look as if Morishima is coming right at you. Basically, the story of the match is that Misawa tries to throw everything he has at his bigger, stronger, and younger opponent, including not one but two Emerald Frosions, but Morishima is able to absorb all the punishment and dish out some of his own. At the end, Morishima gains the advantage, winning this match the same way he won the last match, with the clothesline-back suplex-clothesline-Backdrop driver combo. Misawa landed right on his neck on the backdrop driver, which made me cringe considering that Misawa died last year basically because he took too many bumps on his neck. Morishima gets the three count, and Misawa's seconds come in immediately to apply ice packs on Misawa's neck. Morishima gets presented the belt and addresses the crowd. Match was decent, but all the clotheslines and forerarm strikes become tiresome after a while. I'll give it a 2.68 out of 5.
Match 3: Takeshi Morishima & Mohammed Yone vs Shinjiro Ohtani & Kazunari Murakami, November 25, 2006
The teams are introduced, and Ohtani and Murakami waste no time, attacking their opponents as soon as Mohammed Yone's name is announced. The match goes to the outside and it's a real "slobberknocker" in the beginning. Ohtani and Murakami isolate Yone, with Yone being put in the tree of woe and dropkicked in the head by Ohtani twice. Then Yone and Morishima get the advantage and Morishima does a flying butt attack on the outside of the ring. Morishima uses his weight to his advantage by sitting on Murakami. Eventually, Murakami gets the tag to Ohtani, who is angry and starts whipping up on fools. He delivers a few face washes to Morishima, and isn't above kicking him when he's down. Murakami comes back in, and since he's got fighter's gloves and kick pads on, you know instantly that most of his offense is strike based. But at least it looks good, so I've got no real complaints. The match looks over after Murakami puts Yone in a sleeper hold, while Ohtani holds off Morishima, but Yone somehow gets to the ropes. Yone is still in trouble, bot Morishima has had enough, so he gets in there and delivers a lariat to Ohtani. Tag in to Morishima, he gets in and delivers a lot more lariats, which by this point I'm tired of seeing. Murakami comes in, starts kicking some ass, but misses an attempted kick to the head on Morishima, who ducks and does a sloppy-looking schoolboy rollup to get the victory. Ohtani was fun to watch, but this match was not very good other than him. I'll give it a 1.958 out of 5.
Well, I'm all lariated out at this point, and since the lariat seems to be about 75% of Morishima's offense, I think I'll stop here. From what I can tell, Morishima's not a bad pro wrestler, but I can't see why anybody would consider him to the be among the best in the world today. Maybe I just haven't seen enough or watched the wrong matches. If there are any huge fans of Morishima out there, than feel free to tell me what I'm missing, because while I don't dislike his wrestling, I don't think he's anything special either.
Well, thanks for reading, and if you have any Morishima match recommendations, or recommendations for any other subject for that matter, than feel free to share them either by leaving me an e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com, or by leaving a comment on the blog.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Canon Review List-A-Mania: The Ten Worst Wrestling Themes
As you could probably tell from reading this blog, I like pro wrestling. Not as much as I used to, but I still I admit to liking it. Part of watching pro wrestling is that you get to hear a lot of mostly bad music that serve as the "themes" or introductions to the wrestlers. Oh sure, there are some good themes, like Ric Flair coming out to "Also Sprach Zachtura" (aka the theme from 2001: A Space Odyssey) or Edge, who uses Alter Bridge's "Metalingus". But a lot of it you wouldn't want to be caught listening to. The worst of these themes makes you embarrassed to hear it, they're so bad. So, here are the top 10 worst themes in wrestling, and believe me I could have easily made this a top 30.
10. Cactus Jack's WCW Theme (Mr. Bang Bang)
This is from the somewhat infamous WCW Slam Jam album, which had a lot of other candidates for this list. In fact, there is another song from that CD upcoming on the list. For now, let's focus on Mr. Bang Bang. The person signing seems to marbles in his mouth, they're doing an awful rip-off of ZZ Top, and the lyrics are ridicoulous (i.e. "He's a strange as a man can be, He ain't got no family"). Also, at the end they put a bunch of random sound effects in, including a phone ringing.
9. Theme for X-Factor (performed by Uncle Kracker)
Anything that combines X-Pac and Uncle Kracker is bound to disliked by most wrestling fans, and this song does not disappoint. Unlike most wrestling themes, which are designed to grab people's attention by starting out loud, this one starts out soft. Plus, it's an Uncle Kracker song, so how good is it going to be in the first place.
8. Chyna's WWE Theme
This is particularly hard to listen to. The same lines are repeated over and over for three minutes, and the song sounds like as if it's performed by the world's worst version of Evanescence. I've got two words to describe this song, just brutal.
7. Buff Bagwell's WCW Theme (Buff Daddy)
Yep, it's Buff Bagwell singing his own theme, while some female backup vocalists keep saying "Buff Daddy" and "Buff is the stuff" ad nauseum. It's enough to make someone cry. Also, what exactly is a "Buff Daddy" anyway?
6. "I'm an Ass Man" (Billy Gunn theme)
Billy Gunn's had some rough themes to listen to (the "Rockabilly" theme is particularly bad), but this one takes the cake due to its pure absurdity. In this song, a man proclaims his love for asses, whether looking at them, kicking them, or "sticking them". He is lover of every kind, and proclaims that "the best surprises always sneak up from behind" With this theme, it's small wonder that Billy Gunn's main event push never took off in 1999.
5. Bastion Booger's theme
The Bastion Booger's whole gimmick was that he was a nasty fat guy, so I guess it made sense to have a theme with noises of snoring and farting and who knows what other bodily functions. They decided to set those noises to some music you might here in Silent Hill or some other suspense game or movie. It makes for a strange combination, but I wouldn't say it's good. In fact, it's almost unlistenable.
4. Rob Van Dam's TNA Theme
My goodness is this annoying. All it is is some band trying to play the worst possible metal music possible while the lead singer growls on about Rob Van Dam and his moves. This goes on for three minutes, and after about 10 seconds it becomes hard to take. To make matters worse, it gets stuck in your head after one listen, like an annoying fly that just won't go away no matter what you try to do. However, it's not the worst theme in TNA today, because that would be . . .
3. Jeff Hardy's TNA Theme
This song is called Modest, and is performed by Jeff Hardy's own band Peroxwhy?gen. With a name like that, you would expect bad music, and by golly this song does not disappoint. Jeff Hardy can do a lot of things, he can wrestle, he can build a volcano in his own backyard and he can paint his face with the best of them, but one thing Mr. Hardy can not do is sing, and this song makes that fact painfully clear.
2. Ricky Steamboat's WCW Theme (Family Man)
Ricky Steamboat is a true legend in the professional wrestling world, but WCW decided that instead of giving "The Dragon" a good or at least passable theme, they decided to give Steamboat a theme that sounds like the opening song to some cheesy 80s song. I really can't decide which part I hate the most, from the sappy lyrics to the annoying background music to the singer who tries to scream certain lyrics but it ends up sounding like a nearly incomprehensible growl. This song is 31 flavors of awful, but the next song is 63 flavors of awful, so this only finishes number two.
1. American Males Theme
This song is so bad that goes all the way around to being good, and then goes around to be bad once again. Words can not describe this song, so just listen to it and you'll know why it top (or bottoms) the list of the worst theme songs in wrestling history.
Well, thanks for reading. I'm pretty sure I didn't get all the bad themes on this list, so if your favorite (or least favorite) theme didn't make the cut, than feel free to share it. Also, if you have any ideas for future reviews, than give them to me either by e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com or by leaving a comment on this blog.
10. Cactus Jack's WCW Theme (Mr. Bang Bang)
This is from the somewhat infamous WCW Slam Jam album, which had a lot of other candidates for this list. In fact, there is another song from that CD upcoming on the list. For now, let's focus on Mr. Bang Bang. The person signing seems to marbles in his mouth, they're doing an awful rip-off of ZZ Top, and the lyrics are ridicoulous (i.e. "He's a strange as a man can be, He ain't got no family"). Also, at the end they put a bunch of random sound effects in, including a phone ringing.
9. Theme for X-Factor (performed by Uncle Kracker)
Anything that combines X-Pac and Uncle Kracker is bound to disliked by most wrestling fans, and this song does not disappoint. Unlike most wrestling themes, which are designed to grab people's attention by starting out loud, this one starts out soft. Plus, it's an Uncle Kracker song, so how good is it going to be in the first place.
8. Chyna's WWE Theme
This is particularly hard to listen to. The same lines are repeated over and over for three minutes, and the song sounds like as if it's performed by the world's worst version of Evanescence. I've got two words to describe this song, just brutal.
7. Buff Bagwell's WCW Theme (Buff Daddy)
Yep, it's Buff Bagwell singing his own theme, while some female backup vocalists keep saying "Buff Daddy" and "Buff is the stuff" ad nauseum. It's enough to make someone cry. Also, what exactly is a "Buff Daddy" anyway?
6. "I'm an Ass Man" (Billy Gunn theme)
Billy Gunn's had some rough themes to listen to (the "Rockabilly" theme is particularly bad), but this one takes the cake due to its pure absurdity. In this song, a man proclaims his love for asses, whether looking at them, kicking them, or "sticking them". He is lover of every kind, and proclaims that "the best surprises always sneak up from behind" With this theme, it's small wonder that Billy Gunn's main event push never took off in 1999.
5. Bastion Booger's theme
The Bastion Booger's whole gimmick was that he was a nasty fat guy, so I guess it made sense to have a theme with noises of snoring and farting and who knows what other bodily functions. They decided to set those noises to some music you might here in Silent Hill or some other suspense game or movie. It makes for a strange combination, but I wouldn't say it's good. In fact, it's almost unlistenable.
4. Rob Van Dam's TNA Theme
My goodness is this annoying. All it is is some band trying to play the worst possible metal music possible while the lead singer growls on about Rob Van Dam and his moves. This goes on for three minutes, and after about 10 seconds it becomes hard to take. To make matters worse, it gets stuck in your head after one listen, like an annoying fly that just won't go away no matter what you try to do. However, it's not the worst theme in TNA today, because that would be . . .
3. Jeff Hardy's TNA Theme
This song is called Modest, and is performed by Jeff Hardy's own band Peroxwhy?gen. With a name like that, you would expect bad music, and by golly this song does not disappoint. Jeff Hardy can do a lot of things, he can wrestle, he can build a volcano in his own backyard and he can paint his face with the best of them, but one thing Mr. Hardy can not do is sing, and this song makes that fact painfully clear.
2. Ricky Steamboat's WCW Theme (Family Man)
Ricky Steamboat is a true legend in the professional wrestling world, but WCW decided that instead of giving "The Dragon" a good or at least passable theme, they decided to give Steamboat a theme that sounds like the opening song to some cheesy 80s song. I really can't decide which part I hate the most, from the sappy lyrics to the annoying background music to the singer who tries to scream certain lyrics but it ends up sounding like a nearly incomprehensible growl. This song is 31 flavors of awful, but the next song is 63 flavors of awful, so this only finishes number two.
1. American Males Theme
This song is so bad that goes all the way around to being good, and then goes around to be bad once again. Words can not describe this song, so just listen to it and you'll know why it top (or bottoms) the list of the worst theme songs in wrestling history.
Well, thanks for reading. I'm pretty sure I didn't get all the bad themes on this list, so if your favorite (or least favorite) theme didn't make the cut, than feel free to share it. Also, if you have any ideas for future reviews, than give them to me either by e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com or by leaving a comment on this blog.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
An Eveving with Doink the Clown
I know what you're saying right now, "Just one Evening?" Yes, it is a tribute to everyone's favorite wrestling clown, Doink. Portrayed by a lot of wrestlers, but primarily by Matt Borne, Doink was a prominent member of the WWF for 3 years from 1993-95. He is most known for being a clown, and eventually they added a dwarf clown, Dink, to his act as well. Doink started out as an evil clown hell-bent on causing chaos, but eventually turned good and feuded with the likes of Bam Bam Bigelow and Jerry Lawler. Well, without further adieu, let's send in the clown!
Match 1: Doink the Clown vs. Typhoon, Monday Night Raw, February 1, 1993
Doink is the heel in this match, and has some eerie entrance music. The announcers deride Doink, but the clown gets a 'Doink' chant from a small pocket of the Raw crowd. Doink starts the match by outwrestling Typhoon, performing wrist locks and drop toe hold so he's able to control the much larger Typhoon. He has control until trying to punch the big man down, but Typhoon doesn't budge. Doink bounces off the ropes, but is caught and slammed by Typhoon. Typhoon back Doink into the corner, tries to avalanche him but misses. This allows Doink to hit a shoulder block from the middle rope for the cover, and with a grip on Typhoon's tights, Doink the Clown gets the victory over a much larger opponent. The match was just there, but the commentary was just brutal, as "comedian" Rob Bartlett told some rather unfunny jokes in an unenthusiastic manner. I'll give it a 1.2 out of 5.
Match 2: Doink the Clown vs. Mr. Perfect, sometime in 1993
According to the announcers, this match is a qualifying match for the King of the Ring tournament. Doink comes out eating popcorn and has a demented look in his eyes. He then goes on to make a kid cry in the audience. That ticks Perfect off, so he goes after Doink and starts brawling with him in the aisle. The two head back to the ring, and Perfect dominates early, working over the leg of Doink and even putting him in the figure four. They go to the outside, but Doink gets the advantage by posting Perfect. They go back to the ring, and Doink is in control, but he doesn't want to just beat Perfect, he wants to outwrestle him. So he tries and succeeds to do just that for a while until Perfect finally gets a second wind. The two combatants exchange punches when the bell rings. Mr. Perfect hits Doink with the Perfect Plex, but is told by the referee that the match has ended due to a time limit draw. Perfect asks "Bozo" for five more minutes, and at first it looks as if Doink is going to oblige, but he thanks otherwise of the offer. He does sneak in and attack Perfect from behind just before the video ended. Decent match, I'll give it a 2.3958 out of 5.
Match 3: Doink vs. Cory Student, WWF Superstars
This match came after Doink's face turn, as he comes out with his dwarf mascot Dink. Student looks to be a big guy, about 4 inches taller than Doink. Doink picks Dink up on his shoulder, and Dink sprays Mr. Student with water from the flower on his lapel, to the delight of some of the crowd. Match starts, they lock up, and Doink takes him down immediately. Doink then grabs under Student's shoulders, flips him on his back, and gets the three count in a match that was half a minute. I guess Student must have sucked, considering the powers that be only had him in the ring for thirty seconds without much effort being exerted. The match was just a reason to display Doink's technical wrestling skills, but it was short so I'll give it a 1.1 out of 5.
Match 4: Doink vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley, WWF Raw, October 16, 1995
The internet's least favorite wrestler takes on a clown. Before the match, there's a video hyping the night's upcoming cage match between Bret Hart and Dr. Issac Yankem. Yay. Helmsley is doing his aristocrat gimmick at this time, spraying something all around the ringside area. Doink comes out, and it's time to rumble, I suppose. Doink takes advantage early by confusing Helmsley with his antics, but that ends after a HHH clothesline. Doink regains the advantage, but once again loses it after missing an elbow drop. Helmsley gets a pair of two counts after a knee drop and a vertical suplex. HHH puts the sleeper on Doink, but he escapes. Doink gets a pair of two counts after a small package and backslide. Doink tries a cross body block, but Helmsley ducks out of the way. Helmsley sets up Doink for the pedigree, and really plants Doink with it. I got to say, the move looks much better here than the way he does it now. Anyway, HHH gets the pin, and afterward, Barry Horowitz talks about baseball with Hakushi. Match wasn't bad or anything, it was just boring. I'll give it a 1.9 out of 5.
Well, there you have it. To be honest, Doink's a better wrestler than I remembered him being, at least at the beginning of his run. I still wouldn't recommend watching a 6 hour comp tape of Doink the Clown, however. Well, thanks for reading, and if you have an idea for a future post on The Canon Review, than let me know about it either by e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com or by some other way.
Match 1: Doink the Clown vs. Typhoon, Monday Night Raw, February 1, 1993
Doink is the heel in this match, and has some eerie entrance music. The announcers deride Doink, but the clown gets a 'Doink' chant from a small pocket of the Raw crowd. Doink starts the match by outwrestling Typhoon, performing wrist locks and drop toe hold so he's able to control the much larger Typhoon. He has control until trying to punch the big man down, but Typhoon doesn't budge. Doink bounces off the ropes, but is caught and slammed by Typhoon. Typhoon back Doink into the corner, tries to avalanche him but misses. This allows Doink to hit a shoulder block from the middle rope for the cover, and with a grip on Typhoon's tights, Doink the Clown gets the victory over a much larger opponent. The match was just there, but the commentary was just brutal, as "comedian" Rob Bartlett told some rather unfunny jokes in an unenthusiastic manner. I'll give it a 1.2 out of 5.
Match 2: Doink the Clown vs. Mr. Perfect, sometime in 1993
According to the announcers, this match is a qualifying match for the King of the Ring tournament. Doink comes out eating popcorn and has a demented look in his eyes. He then goes on to make a kid cry in the audience. That ticks Perfect off, so he goes after Doink and starts brawling with him in the aisle. The two head back to the ring, and Perfect dominates early, working over the leg of Doink and even putting him in the figure four. They go to the outside, but Doink gets the advantage by posting Perfect. They go back to the ring, and Doink is in control, but he doesn't want to just beat Perfect, he wants to outwrestle him. So he tries and succeeds to do just that for a while until Perfect finally gets a second wind. The two combatants exchange punches when the bell rings. Mr. Perfect hits Doink with the Perfect Plex, but is told by the referee that the match has ended due to a time limit draw. Perfect asks "Bozo" for five more minutes, and at first it looks as if Doink is going to oblige, but he thanks otherwise of the offer. He does sneak in and attack Perfect from behind just before the video ended. Decent match, I'll give it a 2.3958 out of 5.
Match 3: Doink vs. Cory Student, WWF Superstars
This match came after Doink's face turn, as he comes out with his dwarf mascot Dink. Student looks to be a big guy, about 4 inches taller than Doink. Doink picks Dink up on his shoulder, and Dink sprays Mr. Student with water from the flower on his lapel, to the delight of some of the crowd. Match starts, they lock up, and Doink takes him down immediately. Doink then grabs under Student's shoulders, flips him on his back, and gets the three count in a match that was half a minute. I guess Student must have sucked, considering the powers that be only had him in the ring for thirty seconds without much effort being exerted. The match was just a reason to display Doink's technical wrestling skills, but it was short so I'll give it a 1.1 out of 5.
Match 4: Doink vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley, WWF Raw, October 16, 1995
The internet's least favorite wrestler takes on a clown. Before the match, there's a video hyping the night's upcoming cage match between Bret Hart and Dr. Issac Yankem. Yay. Helmsley is doing his aristocrat gimmick at this time, spraying something all around the ringside area. Doink comes out, and it's time to rumble, I suppose. Doink takes advantage early by confusing Helmsley with his antics, but that ends after a HHH clothesline. Doink regains the advantage, but once again loses it after missing an elbow drop. Helmsley gets a pair of two counts after a knee drop and a vertical suplex. HHH puts the sleeper on Doink, but he escapes. Doink gets a pair of two counts after a small package and backslide. Doink tries a cross body block, but Helmsley ducks out of the way. Helmsley sets up Doink for the pedigree, and really plants Doink with it. I got to say, the move looks much better here than the way he does it now. Anyway, HHH gets the pin, and afterward, Barry Horowitz talks about baseball with Hakushi. Match wasn't bad or anything, it was just boring. I'll give it a 1.9 out of 5.
Well, there you have it. To be honest, Doink's a better wrestler than I remembered him being, at least at the beginning of his run. I still wouldn't recommend watching a 6 hour comp tape of Doink the Clown, however. Well, thanks for reading, and if you have an idea for a future post on The Canon Review, than let me know about it either by e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com or by some other way.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
The Canon Review's Tribute to Kenny Kaos
Last night, while watching Kenny Kaos's finest hour when Rick Steiner handed him one of the tag team belts, I found myself thinking, hey, what if I watch a few of his matches and see if he's any good. Well, I'm pretty sure I know the answer to that already, but nevertheless, here is The Canon Review's tribute to the blond guy from the WCW tag team High Voltage, Kenny Kaos.
Match 1: High Voltage (Rage and Kaos) vs. Villano IV and Super Calo, WCW Pro, June 1, 1997
What a strange matchup this is, as two luchadores face off against the youngsters High Voltage. Four and Calo start off with the advantage on Kaos, but that changes once Kaos whips Calo into Rage, who promptly delivers an overhead belly-to-belly on Calo. High Voltage dominates for a minute, until Kaos misses an elbow in the corner which allows Calo to get the hot? tag to Villano. Villano beats on Rage and backs him in the corner, but Kaos catches him and puts Villano on his shoulder. Are they going to do the Doomsday Device? No, instead Rage springboards from the apron to deliver a spinning heel kick on IV while he's sitting on Kaos's shoulder. According to the announcers, that move is called the Power Plant, which makes no sense to me, but that's a very good finisher none the less. Rage gets the three and the two muscleheads celebrate. Rage in particular is just juiced to the gills in this match. Short match which I doubt anyone remembers, and I'm quite surprised it's on YouTube. I'll give it a 1.6903 out of 5.
Match 2: High Voltage vs. Disorderly Conduct (Mean Mike and Tough Tom) WCW Thunder, September 3, 1998
The great lost tag team of the 1990s makes a rare Thunder appearance against High Voltage. Tony Schiavone gives a shout out to all the kids staying up late to watch Nitro and Thunder, even though they have school the next day. High Voltage takes control early, as Rage uses a belly to belly suplex on one of the mean tough guys and other power moves as well. Kaos comes in, keeps it up, but eventually the veteran duo get Kaos in a compromising position with heel tactics. One of the Disorderly Conduct (I can't remember which one is which, to be honest, and the announcers are no help) tries to hold Kaos for a double team maneuver, but instead Kaos moves, and the Disorderly Conduct run into each other. Hot tag to Rage, who dropkicks both of his opponents with some good hangtime on those dropkicks. Rage gets one of the Conduct on his shoulders, and Kaos springboards from the apron to deliver a clothesline, which is kind of like the Doomsday Device but instead of diving off the top turnbuckle, Kaos springboards himself and then leaps from the top rope. According to an internet site, this move is called the Circut Breaker, but whatever it's called, it's good enough to get the win. Bobby Heenan and Lee Marshall were really putting over High Voltage during the match, and Heenan even compared them to the young Steiner Brothers. I think Heenan was drunk. This match was really a showcase for High Voltage, but it never did anything for them since WCW brass never seemed interested in giving them a push. Nevertheless, it was decent for what it was. I'll give it a 2 out of 5.
Match 3: High Voltage vs. The Steiner Brothers, WCW Monday Nitro, February 10, 1997
Well, since the comparison was made, why not see these two teams against each other. Scott and Rick come out to a big reaction. An interview is played before the match where the Steiners say they'll win some four way tag coming up at Super Brawl. Match starts. Scott takes control of Rage, but Rage clips him in the knee. Rage comes off the top, but gets caught and Scott overhead belly to belly suplexes him. Scott then lifts Rage up and Gorilla Press slams him. Tag out to Rick, and his future tag team partner Kaos is also tagged in. Rick stays in control to the surprise of no one, and Scott gets back in to powerslam Kaos into the corner. Tag back to Rick, who atomic drops Kaos, and follows with a Steinerline, but Kaos is able to tag out just before taking the move. Rage is in, tries a springboard senton from the apron, but gets caught and powerbombed by Rick instead. The two set Rage up, and Rick delivers his finisher, the bulldog off the top rope onto the opponent, which is on Scott's shoulders. Rick gets the pin and the crowd roars in appreciation. Pretty much a squash, but an entertaining one at least. I'll give it a 2.2 out of 5.
Match 4: Kenny Kaos vs. Goldberg, WCW Monday Nitro, April 12, 1999
I wonder who's going to win this match. Goldberg comes out and punishes Kaos with a few moves, including a leg submission and a gorilla press into a powerslam, which Heenan decides to call the Goldberg Slam. Holy moly, Kaos gets some offense in after a jawjacker against the top rope. He gets a couple of punches into the midsection and a fireman's carry into a slam that looked as if neither man knew what to do there. Kaos to the top, and he hits the guillotine legdrop! Come on Kaos! Kaos attempts a springboard clothesline, but gets swatted away like a fly by Goldberg. Damn it, he was so close! Goldberg takes control with a pumphandle suplex, spear, and the Jackhammer in rapid succession to get the win. Match was kind of sloppy, to be honest. I'll give it a 1.6 out of 5.
Finally, I would not be doing my due dillegence if I didn't include this video. Somebody, apparently a huge fan, decided to make a tribute video to the team of High Voltage, in the style of those "My Sacrifice" videos that the WWE made a few years back. It starts out well, but eventually it's a minute and a half of High Voltage taking a beating. Still, I found it entertaining, so check it out for yourself.
So, what did I learn from this? That Kenny Kaos is not a man to be trifled with, unless you are Goldberg. In all honesty, both Rage and Kaos had some of the tools to be good wrestlers, but never quite put the whole puzzle together and even if they did, it's unlikely that WCW would have given them a chance anyway. Oh well. Today Kaos no longer wrestles. I don't know what he does, but he isn't in wrestling as far as I know. I will say this, Kenny Kaos was better than a lot of guys to step into the ring for WCW.
Well, thanks for reading, and if you have any ideas for future posts, than let me know about them either by leaving a comment or by contacting me via e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com
Match 1: High Voltage (Rage and Kaos) vs. Villano IV and Super Calo, WCW Pro, June 1, 1997
What a strange matchup this is, as two luchadores face off against the youngsters High Voltage. Four and Calo start off with the advantage on Kaos, but that changes once Kaos whips Calo into Rage, who promptly delivers an overhead belly-to-belly on Calo. High Voltage dominates for a minute, until Kaos misses an elbow in the corner which allows Calo to get the hot? tag to Villano. Villano beats on Rage and backs him in the corner, but Kaos catches him and puts Villano on his shoulder. Are they going to do the Doomsday Device? No, instead Rage springboards from the apron to deliver a spinning heel kick on IV while he's sitting on Kaos's shoulder. According to the announcers, that move is called the Power Plant, which makes no sense to me, but that's a very good finisher none the less. Rage gets the three and the two muscleheads celebrate. Rage in particular is just juiced to the gills in this match. Short match which I doubt anyone remembers, and I'm quite surprised it's on YouTube. I'll give it a 1.6903 out of 5.
Match 2: High Voltage vs. Disorderly Conduct (Mean Mike and Tough Tom) WCW Thunder, September 3, 1998
The great lost tag team of the 1990s makes a rare Thunder appearance against High Voltage. Tony Schiavone gives a shout out to all the kids staying up late to watch Nitro and Thunder, even though they have school the next day. High Voltage takes control early, as Rage uses a belly to belly suplex on one of the mean tough guys and other power moves as well. Kaos comes in, keeps it up, but eventually the veteran duo get Kaos in a compromising position with heel tactics. One of the Disorderly Conduct (I can't remember which one is which, to be honest, and the announcers are no help) tries to hold Kaos for a double team maneuver, but instead Kaos moves, and the Disorderly Conduct run into each other. Hot tag to Rage, who dropkicks both of his opponents with some good hangtime on those dropkicks. Rage gets one of the Conduct on his shoulders, and Kaos springboards from the apron to deliver a clothesline, which is kind of like the Doomsday Device but instead of diving off the top turnbuckle, Kaos springboards himself and then leaps from the top rope. According to an internet site, this move is called the Circut Breaker, but whatever it's called, it's good enough to get the win. Bobby Heenan and Lee Marshall were really putting over High Voltage during the match, and Heenan even compared them to the young Steiner Brothers. I think Heenan was drunk. This match was really a showcase for High Voltage, but it never did anything for them since WCW brass never seemed interested in giving them a push. Nevertheless, it was decent for what it was. I'll give it a 2 out of 5.
Match 3: High Voltage vs. The Steiner Brothers, WCW Monday Nitro, February 10, 1997
Well, since the comparison was made, why not see these two teams against each other. Scott and Rick come out to a big reaction. An interview is played before the match where the Steiners say they'll win some four way tag coming up at Super Brawl. Match starts. Scott takes control of Rage, but Rage clips him in the knee. Rage comes off the top, but gets caught and Scott overhead belly to belly suplexes him. Scott then lifts Rage up and Gorilla Press slams him. Tag out to Rick, and his future tag team partner Kaos is also tagged in. Rick stays in control to the surprise of no one, and Scott gets back in to powerslam Kaos into the corner. Tag back to Rick, who atomic drops Kaos, and follows with a Steinerline, but Kaos is able to tag out just before taking the move. Rage is in, tries a springboard senton from the apron, but gets caught and powerbombed by Rick instead. The two set Rage up, and Rick delivers his finisher, the bulldog off the top rope onto the opponent, which is on Scott's shoulders. Rick gets the pin and the crowd roars in appreciation. Pretty much a squash, but an entertaining one at least. I'll give it a 2.2 out of 5.
Match 4: Kenny Kaos vs. Goldberg, WCW Monday Nitro, April 12, 1999
I wonder who's going to win this match. Goldberg comes out and punishes Kaos with a few moves, including a leg submission and a gorilla press into a powerslam, which Heenan decides to call the Goldberg Slam. Holy moly, Kaos gets some offense in after a jawjacker against the top rope. He gets a couple of punches into the midsection and a fireman's carry into a slam that looked as if neither man knew what to do there. Kaos to the top, and he hits the guillotine legdrop! Come on Kaos! Kaos attempts a springboard clothesline, but gets swatted away like a fly by Goldberg. Damn it, he was so close! Goldberg takes control with a pumphandle suplex, spear, and the Jackhammer in rapid succession to get the win. Match was kind of sloppy, to be honest. I'll give it a 1.6 out of 5.
Finally, I would not be doing my due dillegence if I didn't include this video. Somebody, apparently a huge fan, decided to make a tribute video to the team of High Voltage, in the style of those "My Sacrifice" videos that the WWE made a few years back. It starts out well, but eventually it's a minute and a half of High Voltage taking a beating. Still, I found it entertaining, so check it out for yourself.
So, what did I learn from this? That Kenny Kaos is not a man to be trifled with, unless you are Goldberg. In all honesty, both Rage and Kaos had some of the tools to be good wrestlers, but never quite put the whole puzzle together and even if they did, it's unlikely that WCW would have given them a chance anyway. Oh well. Today Kaos no longer wrestles. I don't know what he does, but he isn't in wrestling as far as I know. I will say this, Kenny Kaos was better than a lot of guys to step into the ring for WCW.
Well, thanks for reading, and if you have any ideas for future posts, than let me know about them either by leaving a comment or by contacting me via e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Canon Wrestling Review: WCW Monday Nitro: October 26, 1998
Earlier today, reader Ben W. and I were reminiscing about the time preliminary wrestler Kenny Kaos was suddenly given one half of the Tag Team Titles by Rick Steiner on an episode of Nitro. I liked thinking about it so much that I decided to watch that very show when it happened. So strap up and hold on tight, as we review the October 26, 1998 version of WCW Monday Nitro.
We start with dancing from the Nitro Girls and some fireworks. The usual gang of idiots are here, but before the show starts, Tony Schiavone has some bidness to take care of. See, the night before was WCW Halloween Havoc, and due to the fact that they went 20 minutes over schedule, some people did not get to see the conclusion of the show, which was the conclusion to that God-awful Hogan-Warrior match and the entire main event between Diamond Dallas Page and WCW Champion Goldberg. So, out of the kindness of their hearts, WCW has decided to air the entire main event unedited during the broadcast. According to Schiavone, the competition is claiming that this is a ratings ploy, but to prove those bastards wrong, the match will air at 9:00 eastern at the beginning of the second hour. Oddly enough, that's when the competition is supposed to start their show. Coincidence? Larry Zybszko says that technology is not perfect and if you think this is bad "wait until the KY2 bug hits in the year 2000". That sounds awful, thank goodness that didn't happen.
DANGER! HIGH VOLTAGE! Out comes Kaos to no reaction. He faces off against Stevie Ray of the nWo, who the announcers decry for having the gall to refer to himself as the "enforcer" of the nWo. Hey, that's Arn Anderson's name, come up with something else. Ray beats up Kaos both inside and outside the ring, and says something incoherent into the camera. Kaos comes back with a springboard clothesline, which brings out Buff Bagwell. Bagwell throws Stevie Ray his slapjack and distracts the referee long enough for Stevie to nail Kaos with it. Stevie than hits his finisher, also known as the slapjack (double underhook facebuster). How odd. Ray gets the three and the nWo puts the boots to Kaos. That brings out Rick Steiner with a T-shirt underneath his singlet to chase them off. Rick grabs a mic and says, hey Kaos, mind being my partner in defending the tag titles tonight? Kaos, not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, accepts. Of all the people Steiner could have chosen, he chose a guy that already got beat down by the nWo and hasn't won a match in about two years unless its against Lodi or somebody like that. Now the fans are treated to two Kaos matches in one night. That will bring in the ratings.
Next is the late, great Kanyon taking on the still living but merely average Prince Iaukea. Kanyon asks the crowd, "Who's better than Kanyon?" which gets a lot of responses but not the one Kanyon was looking for, so he kicks Iaukea in the gut and starts the match in anger. Kanyon is on offense for most of the match, but Iaukea gets a couple of moves in, including a backdrop out of an attempted piledriver on the stairs by Kanyon and a springboard senton on a standing Kanyon. Of course, the announcers are too busy talking about how Rick Steiner won the Tag Team titles last night against three men by himself. Kanyon could have taken a leak in the middle of the ring and they'd still be talking about Rick Steiner or the great decision made to air the DDP-Goldberg match on this show. Kanyon counters a backslide into the Flatliner, and pins his opponent for the three count. He then proclaims himself the King of the World, a la Leo DiCaprio in Titanic. Decent enough match, although not enough time was given to make it worthwhile.
The Nitro Girls are dancing around the announce table, which causes Tony and Mike Tenay to react like they've never seen a woman before. Gene Okerlund is in the ring, and he introduces the Four Horseman, which causes Tony to yell in the mic in approval. There's no Mongo McMichael here for some reason, but Ric Flair assures us that he'll be here later. Well, let's hope not. Flair goes on about how Eric Bischoff will fail in his attempts to block him from wrestling, which brings out a rather pale looking Bischoff. Bischoff says that he's made a mistake, that he's underestimated the fans love of Ric Flair and that we will see Ric Flair wrestle tonight. Flair says Hell yeah, bring out anybody and he'll take them on. The announcers are optimistic but cautious of Bischoff's true intentions.
There's a video shown of this week's winning Nitro Party, with a bunch of dumb wannabe frat boys acting like Konnan and Bagwell while watching Nitro. Stills are shown of last night's Kevin Nash vs. Scott Hall match, where Nash just walked away after powerbombing Hall twice. We go to the entrance ramp, where Alex Wright comes out to face Barry Horowitz. The announcers spend most of the match talking about what nice guys they are for showing last night's PPV Main Event. Wright, to the surprise of absolutely no one, is in control most of the match, although Horowitz counters a top rope dive from Wright. Horowitz does his patented pat on the back, before messing up his own top rope move. Wright hits the Rude Awakening on Horowitz and gets the victory. He then celebrates by doing his stupid dance. Match was short and not that great.
Lee Marshall announces the location of next week's Nitro, which I don't care enough to remember, and then we get a recap of last night's Hogan-Warrior match, which I believe was named the worst match of the year. The announcers have decided that the match was too graphic to show on the air even though some people didn't see the ending. It also sucked on ice. Anyway, Horace Hogan helped his uncle win a week after his uncle brained him with a steel chair, leaving 11 stitches on Horace's head.
Sick Boy comes out to be squashed by Wrath, who actually gets quite a good reaction from the fans. Sick Boy gets almost no offense in, and Wrath gets to show off his skills, including a slingshot shoulderblock and a bunch of power moves. Wrath sets up Sick Boy for the Meltdown (pumphandle slam), which gets a HUGE reaction from the fans. Wrath gives the fans what they want and gets the victory to the delight of the crowd. Match was a squash, but man these people were really digging Wrath at this time. Too bad he had to rug pulled out from under him a few weeks later.
The announcers remind us that Ric Flair will wrestle and that now is finally the time to show the Page-Goldberg match. Michael Buffer does the ring announcing for this match, noting that Page is from the Jersey Shore by way of the school of Hard Knocks, just like The Situation. Page comes through the crowd, while Goldberg comes out accompanying by a 10 man security force for reasons that are unknown to me even to this day. Match starts, and each man can't get an advantage, although it's clear that Goldberg is the superior athlete. Goldberg does a backflip to counter a Page leg sweep, which impresses everybody. For the first few minutes, Goldberg seems to be targeting the arm of Page, presumably to prevent him from using the Diamond Cutter. Goldberg retains control until Page does a headscissors out of a power slam attempt. Didn't think Page could do that move. Goldberg side kicks Page in the chest, backing him into the corner. He then goes for the spear, but Page moves and Goldberg slams his shoulders into the ring post. Goldberg's hurt his arm, which allows Page to hit a flying clothesline and then counter a spinebuster into a tornado DDT. Page calls for the Diamond Cutter, but Goldberg has none of that and spears Page to the ground. But it's with his bum shoulder. The two slowly get up, and Goldberg goes for the Jackhammer, but hasn't the strength to do it. He finally gets Page up, but Page counters with the Diamond Cutter! The crowd explodes after that, but Page doesn't have enough energy to make the cover. Page finally gets the cover, but only gets a two count. Page then tries a suplex, but unfortunately for him Goldberg is able to counter and use the Jackhammer on Page. Goldberg gets the win in what was his best match to date at this point, and may be the best match of his career. Great match, I would recommend it to anyone if you want to see good wrestling.
Now back to the crap. Gene catches up with Kevin Nash in his dressing room, which has two couches and a bathroom for some reason. Gene asks Nash why he didn't pin Scott Hall, but wait a minute, Hall is in the room as well. What's going on? Nash just wants his friend back, and Hall admits that last night he "hit a wall" and realized some things. Just when you think the two will become friends again, The Giant sneaks in and beats Nash up. Hall joins in, and eventually they pick up Nash and throw him through a wall. I guess Nash was the one that hit the wall after all.
A video of the Nitro Girls is shown, before we go back live to see the Nitro Girls dance. That was unnecessary, but I don't mind. The nWo Hollywood contingent comes out, with new member Horace Hogan. Somebody forgets to turn up the mic, so Bischoff repeats this stupid line three times: "Life is good when you're with Hollywood". Hulk Hogan gets the mic, says that when you wear the black and white you do it for life and that in order to do so, you must prove your loyalty by stabbing yourself in the heart in the name of Hollywood. The hell? Which brings us to Horace, as he "passed the test" last night and is given the nWo T-shirt and a nWo weightbelt. Hulk calls Horace the "most important, most valuable member of nWo Hollywood". It must be opposite day for the nWo. Strange promo.
Zbyszko is replaced by Bobby Heenan, and Tony wastes no time in expressing his displeasure about it. Watching these old Nitros is somewhat interesting now just because of the thinly-veiled comments both Tony and Bobby have for each other, as you can really feel the hatred between the two. Try watching a Nitro from say, 97 onward, and you'll be able to pick up on that rather easily. Anyway, Perry Saturn comes out, with a new vest that looks, um, interesting. He is followed by Eddy Guerrero who was the leader of the lWo at this time. This should be a good match, but Eddy at this point was burnt out, so we shall see. Saturn uses an overhead belly-to-belly early on, but Guerrero gains the advantage after dropkicking Saturn's knee. Guerrero then continues the attack on the leg. Guerrero does his trademark slingshot somersault, this time on Saturn's knee. After a few more moves, Saturn is able to gain the advantage after turning a tornado DDT into a Northern Lights suplex. From there, Saturn starts throwing around Eddy with his T-Bone suplex and a Falcon Arrow, which of course the announcers don't know the name of. Saturn signals for the DVD, which brings out lWo members Damian 666 and Hector Garza. Saturn has little problem fighting them off, overhead belly-to-belly suplexing both of them quite nicely. This brings out the rest of the lWo, including a guy who nobody knows. The unknown man, who btw is Eddy's close personal friend Art Flores, uses a sweet brainbuster on Saturn, setting him up for a frog splash by Eddy. The lWo celebrates the beatdown of Saturn. Decent match, could of been better if given more time, but what can you do.
Gene-O is at the entrance ramp, he brings out Judy Bagwell. The crowd is on the edge of their seats with anticipation over what Buff's mom will say. Judy is tired of Buff's actions, and says that he has disgraced the Bagwell name. Brother Jeff is pissed at Buff, I am sure. Mrs. Bagwell goes on to say that she loves Marcus with all of her heart, but she's had enough of Buff. Me too, and he's only been on the show for a minute thus far.
The Giant and Stevie Ray come out representing the nWo against the newly-minted tag team Champions Rick Steiner and Kenny Kaos. Just because Kaos has to wrestle twice doesn't make it okay to subject us to two Stevie Ray matches in one night. Where's Bryan Adams when you need him? Predictably, the nWo beats up Kaos something fierce, or as fierce as the 550 pound Giant can at this point. To call him unmotivated is an understatement. Rick gets tagged in, hits a Steinerline for what looked like a three count but was only two, but the nWo take over again. Double team coming, but Kaos distracts the Giant, allowing Steiner to backdrop Stevie Ray. Steiner then hits a dangerous looking bulldog off the top on Stevie Ray and the champs retain. Good for them, although things would get worse once Steiner decided to make Judy Bagwell a tag team champion a few weeks later. Match was awful, however it was short at least.
Fireworks go off to signify the third hour of Nitro and to wake up the crowd after that last match. Eric Bischoff has replaced Tenay on commentary, which is a lateral move as far as I'm concerned. Bischoff says that he is a man of his word and we will see Flair wrestle, and he delivers, sort of. Instead of a live match, we get clips from Flair vs. Hulk Hogan at Bash at the Beach 1994, with all of the clips shown to make Flair look bad against the Hulkster. Well, technically, Bischoff didn't lie, but it's still crap. Mr. T and Shaquille O'Neal were there at ringside and Hogan wins with a legdrop and celebrates with the two. Bischoff says that this just shows that Flair will always be second best to the Hulkster. He asks the announcers how Flair looked, and Heenan says not too good, which causes Tony to scream at him. I bet Heenan just wanted to pop Schiavone on many days.
The Cruiserweight Title is on the line in this next match, as Juventud Guerrera takes on the champion, Billy Kidman, whose normally white shirt is now an ugly shade of gray. Wash your shirt, Kidman. This match was quite fun, as they start out fast and just pick up speed from there. A lot of two counts and great looking manuevers by these two wrestlers packed into six minutes. The end comes after Juvi learns you can't power bomb Kidman, as he counters with a Tiger Bomb, setting him up for a Shooting Star Press, which he landed perfectly for once. Kidman gets the win and the crowd shows its appreciation. Back to the announce table, where a Sting and Macho Man video are both plugged. Heenan tries to steal one of the videos, but Tony catches him in the act.
The nWo music plays for the 293rd time tonight, and this time Scott Steiner and son of Judy Bagwell come out. Steiner asks if the ladies love him for his mind or his body, and to that I say what mind? Bagwell is angry at his mother, and says that women belong at home cooking and cleaning. Buff than implores his dad to put Judy back in her place. So now Buff hates all women? Steiner than calls out J.J. Dillon to set up a match between him and his brother. Dillon comes out, says something about it being late in the show so you can't have your rematch. Steiner then says that he's an honest man but he has lied. Okay. Instead, Steiner has two questions for Dillon. One, why did the referee that started the match last night didn't finish the match, and two, well we never get that far as Dillon gets beaten up for failing to answer the first one correctly. Security tries to break it up, but Scott puts Dillon in the Steiner Recliner while Buff runs interference.
The Warrior's music plays, which the announcers act like they've never heard before even though the dude's been in the company for three months by now. Warrior gets a pretty good reaction from the crowd, and then proceed es to speak about how Hogan is a chicken or something. Warrior proceeds to drop an S-bomb during the interview. I don't think you can do that. He says Hogan has opened the door to Warrior's hell, and that he is the gatekeeper. Well good for you Warrior. Hogan comes out, followed quickly by Horace and Bischoff, and not so quickly by The Giant. Horace attacks first but gets clotheslined out of the ring for his trouble. The Giant comes in, but sufferes the same fate, but that allows Hogan to clubber on Warrior from behind. Warrior recovers, delivers a flying shoulder tackle to Hogan, and the Warrior stands tall in the ring. He wouldn't be in WCW much longer after this, however.
There's a commercial for WCW Bashin' Brawlers that is shown. Hey, I used to have some of those. They would scream out whenever you put pressure on a body part, for example, if you twist their arm, they would say "OW, you're hurting my left arm" They only made one for the big names, like Page, Savage, and Hogan. If only they made one for Van Hammer. The nWo music plays yet again, bringing out Scotts Hall and Steiner. Lex Luger and Konnan come out, and we have a tag match that quickly degenerates into an all-out brawl. Luger squares off with Hall while Steiner and Konnan fight. It's interesting that whenever one pair goes to the outside, the other pair go back to the inside of the ring. Well, maybe not interesting. Eventually, Luger hits Hall with the bionic forearm and signals for the Torture Rack, but Steiner comes to stop that with a low blow. Konnan brings a steel chair, and crushes Steiner on the head with it. Luger than jabs Hall with the chair. The two teams keep fighting until commercial, and the match is eventually declared a no-contest. Meh.
Michael Buffer is here to announce the main event, a match for the U.S. Title between DDP and the Champion Bret Hart. Buffer gets Hart's name right this time, something he has struggled with before. The two trade moves for a while, and it's a good back-and-forth affair between the two. Hart starts to take control after a Russian Leg Sweep and a DDT on DDP, which the announcers seemed to find funny. Hart gets a two after the DDT, and starts freaking out on Mickey Jay, which gives Page the opening to hit the Cactus Jack clothesline and a pancake. Page goes up top, but Hart catches him and superplexs his foe down to the mat. Only two, Page small packages Hart for two, but the Hitman regains control with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Flying elbow off the second rope by Hart, but Page gets out at two, which causes Hart to call Mickey Jay's mother a whore or something. Page takes Hart down with a Fujiwara armbar, but instead of holding on, he just lets go. That was awkward. Page gets Hart in the corner, bashes his head into the turnbuckle, but Hart manages to mule-kick both Page and the ref in the jewels. Hart digs out some knucks, revives the ref, but Page suddenly catches him with the Diamond Cutter. On this night, that would be enough, and we have a new U.S. Champion. This does not please Hart, as he gets a chair and starts attacking Page's leg with it. He puts DDP in the sharpshooter, which cause Page to scream in agony. Hart eventually tires of that, and goes back to bashing Page's leg with the chair before Goldberg comes out just as the show was ending. Good match, not great, but good.
Overall, this show was made a lot better due to the airing of Page-Goldberg, but even so it was still just an average show. At least there were two good matches in the final hour in Kidman-Juvi and Hart-Page, but all the nWo stuff was either boring or just plain dumb. I'll give this show an overall score of 4.89 out of 10. Tomorrow at The Canon Review, we pay tribute to Kenny Kaos, for no good reason whatsoever. But until then, if you have any better ideas for reviews, than send them to me either by leaving a comment or by e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com. Here's some videos from this episode of Nitro.
We start with dancing from the Nitro Girls and some fireworks. The usual gang of idiots are here, but before the show starts, Tony Schiavone has some bidness to take care of. See, the night before was WCW Halloween Havoc, and due to the fact that they went 20 minutes over schedule, some people did not get to see the conclusion of the show, which was the conclusion to that God-awful Hogan-Warrior match and the entire main event between Diamond Dallas Page and WCW Champion Goldberg. So, out of the kindness of their hearts, WCW has decided to air the entire main event unedited during the broadcast. According to Schiavone, the competition is claiming that this is a ratings ploy, but to prove those bastards wrong, the match will air at 9:00 eastern at the beginning of the second hour. Oddly enough, that's when the competition is supposed to start their show. Coincidence? Larry Zybszko says that technology is not perfect and if you think this is bad "wait until the KY2 bug hits in the year 2000". That sounds awful, thank goodness that didn't happen.
DANGER! HIGH VOLTAGE! Out comes Kaos to no reaction. He faces off against Stevie Ray of the nWo, who the announcers decry for having the gall to refer to himself as the "enforcer" of the nWo. Hey, that's Arn Anderson's name, come up with something else. Ray beats up Kaos both inside and outside the ring, and says something incoherent into the camera. Kaos comes back with a springboard clothesline, which brings out Buff Bagwell. Bagwell throws Stevie Ray his slapjack and distracts the referee long enough for Stevie to nail Kaos with it. Stevie than hits his finisher, also known as the slapjack (double underhook facebuster). How odd. Ray gets the three and the nWo puts the boots to Kaos. That brings out Rick Steiner with a T-shirt underneath his singlet to chase them off. Rick grabs a mic and says, hey Kaos, mind being my partner in defending the tag titles tonight? Kaos, not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, accepts. Of all the people Steiner could have chosen, he chose a guy that already got beat down by the nWo and hasn't won a match in about two years unless its against Lodi or somebody like that. Now the fans are treated to two Kaos matches in one night. That will bring in the ratings.
Next is the late, great Kanyon taking on the still living but merely average Prince Iaukea. Kanyon asks the crowd, "Who's better than Kanyon?" which gets a lot of responses but not the one Kanyon was looking for, so he kicks Iaukea in the gut and starts the match in anger. Kanyon is on offense for most of the match, but Iaukea gets a couple of moves in, including a backdrop out of an attempted piledriver on the stairs by Kanyon and a springboard senton on a standing Kanyon. Of course, the announcers are too busy talking about how Rick Steiner won the Tag Team titles last night against three men by himself. Kanyon could have taken a leak in the middle of the ring and they'd still be talking about Rick Steiner or the great decision made to air the DDP-Goldberg match on this show. Kanyon counters a backslide into the Flatliner, and pins his opponent for the three count. He then proclaims himself the King of the World, a la Leo DiCaprio in Titanic. Decent enough match, although not enough time was given to make it worthwhile.
The Nitro Girls are dancing around the announce table, which causes Tony and Mike Tenay to react like they've never seen a woman before. Gene Okerlund is in the ring, and he introduces the Four Horseman, which causes Tony to yell in the mic in approval. There's no Mongo McMichael here for some reason, but Ric Flair assures us that he'll be here later. Well, let's hope not. Flair goes on about how Eric Bischoff will fail in his attempts to block him from wrestling, which brings out a rather pale looking Bischoff. Bischoff says that he's made a mistake, that he's underestimated the fans love of Ric Flair and that we will see Ric Flair wrestle tonight. Flair says Hell yeah, bring out anybody and he'll take them on. The announcers are optimistic but cautious of Bischoff's true intentions.
There's a video shown of this week's winning Nitro Party, with a bunch of dumb wannabe frat boys acting like Konnan and Bagwell while watching Nitro. Stills are shown of last night's Kevin Nash vs. Scott Hall match, where Nash just walked away after powerbombing Hall twice. We go to the entrance ramp, where Alex Wright comes out to face Barry Horowitz. The announcers spend most of the match talking about what nice guys they are for showing last night's PPV Main Event. Wright, to the surprise of absolutely no one, is in control most of the match, although Horowitz counters a top rope dive from Wright. Horowitz does his patented pat on the back, before messing up his own top rope move. Wright hits the Rude Awakening on Horowitz and gets the victory. He then celebrates by doing his stupid dance. Match was short and not that great.
Lee Marshall announces the location of next week's Nitro, which I don't care enough to remember, and then we get a recap of last night's Hogan-Warrior match, which I believe was named the worst match of the year. The announcers have decided that the match was too graphic to show on the air even though some people didn't see the ending. It also sucked on ice. Anyway, Horace Hogan helped his uncle win a week after his uncle brained him with a steel chair, leaving 11 stitches on Horace's head.
Sick Boy comes out to be squashed by Wrath, who actually gets quite a good reaction from the fans. Sick Boy gets almost no offense in, and Wrath gets to show off his skills, including a slingshot shoulderblock and a bunch of power moves. Wrath sets up Sick Boy for the Meltdown (pumphandle slam), which gets a HUGE reaction from the fans. Wrath gives the fans what they want and gets the victory to the delight of the crowd. Match was a squash, but man these people were really digging Wrath at this time. Too bad he had to rug pulled out from under him a few weeks later.
The announcers remind us that Ric Flair will wrestle and that now is finally the time to show the Page-Goldberg match. Michael Buffer does the ring announcing for this match, noting that Page is from the Jersey Shore by way of the school of Hard Knocks, just like The Situation. Page comes through the crowd, while Goldberg comes out accompanying by a 10 man security force for reasons that are unknown to me even to this day. Match starts, and each man can't get an advantage, although it's clear that Goldberg is the superior athlete. Goldberg does a backflip to counter a Page leg sweep, which impresses everybody. For the first few minutes, Goldberg seems to be targeting the arm of Page, presumably to prevent him from using the Diamond Cutter. Goldberg retains control until Page does a headscissors out of a power slam attempt. Didn't think Page could do that move. Goldberg side kicks Page in the chest, backing him into the corner. He then goes for the spear, but Page moves and Goldberg slams his shoulders into the ring post. Goldberg's hurt his arm, which allows Page to hit a flying clothesline and then counter a spinebuster into a tornado DDT. Page calls for the Diamond Cutter, but Goldberg has none of that and spears Page to the ground. But it's with his bum shoulder. The two slowly get up, and Goldberg goes for the Jackhammer, but hasn't the strength to do it. He finally gets Page up, but Page counters with the Diamond Cutter! The crowd explodes after that, but Page doesn't have enough energy to make the cover. Page finally gets the cover, but only gets a two count. Page then tries a suplex, but unfortunately for him Goldberg is able to counter and use the Jackhammer on Page. Goldberg gets the win in what was his best match to date at this point, and may be the best match of his career. Great match, I would recommend it to anyone if you want to see good wrestling.
Now back to the crap. Gene catches up with Kevin Nash in his dressing room, which has two couches and a bathroom for some reason. Gene asks Nash why he didn't pin Scott Hall, but wait a minute, Hall is in the room as well. What's going on? Nash just wants his friend back, and Hall admits that last night he "hit a wall" and realized some things. Just when you think the two will become friends again, The Giant sneaks in and beats Nash up. Hall joins in, and eventually they pick up Nash and throw him through a wall. I guess Nash was the one that hit the wall after all.
A video of the Nitro Girls is shown, before we go back live to see the Nitro Girls dance. That was unnecessary, but I don't mind. The nWo Hollywood contingent comes out, with new member Horace Hogan. Somebody forgets to turn up the mic, so Bischoff repeats this stupid line three times: "Life is good when you're with Hollywood". Hulk Hogan gets the mic, says that when you wear the black and white you do it for life and that in order to do so, you must prove your loyalty by stabbing yourself in the heart in the name of Hollywood. The hell? Which brings us to Horace, as he "passed the test" last night and is given the nWo T-shirt and a nWo weightbelt. Hulk calls Horace the "most important, most valuable member of nWo Hollywood". It must be opposite day for the nWo. Strange promo.
Zbyszko is replaced by Bobby Heenan, and Tony wastes no time in expressing his displeasure about it. Watching these old Nitros is somewhat interesting now just because of the thinly-veiled comments both Tony and Bobby have for each other, as you can really feel the hatred between the two. Try watching a Nitro from say, 97 onward, and you'll be able to pick up on that rather easily. Anyway, Perry Saturn comes out, with a new vest that looks, um, interesting. He is followed by Eddy Guerrero who was the leader of the lWo at this time. This should be a good match, but Eddy at this point was burnt out, so we shall see. Saturn uses an overhead belly-to-belly early on, but Guerrero gains the advantage after dropkicking Saturn's knee. Guerrero then continues the attack on the leg. Guerrero does his trademark slingshot somersault, this time on Saturn's knee. After a few more moves, Saturn is able to gain the advantage after turning a tornado DDT into a Northern Lights suplex. From there, Saturn starts throwing around Eddy with his T-Bone suplex and a Falcon Arrow, which of course the announcers don't know the name of. Saturn signals for the DVD, which brings out lWo members Damian 666 and Hector Garza. Saturn has little problem fighting them off, overhead belly-to-belly suplexing both of them quite nicely. This brings out the rest of the lWo, including a guy who nobody knows. The unknown man, who btw is Eddy's close personal friend Art Flores, uses a sweet brainbuster on Saturn, setting him up for a frog splash by Eddy. The lWo celebrates the beatdown of Saturn. Decent match, could of been better if given more time, but what can you do.
Gene-O is at the entrance ramp, he brings out Judy Bagwell. The crowd is on the edge of their seats with anticipation over what Buff's mom will say. Judy is tired of Buff's actions, and says that he has disgraced the Bagwell name. Brother Jeff is pissed at Buff, I am sure. Mrs. Bagwell goes on to say that she loves Marcus with all of her heart, but she's had enough of Buff. Me too, and he's only been on the show for a minute thus far.
The Giant and Stevie Ray come out representing the nWo against the newly-minted tag team Champions Rick Steiner and Kenny Kaos. Just because Kaos has to wrestle twice doesn't make it okay to subject us to two Stevie Ray matches in one night. Where's Bryan Adams when you need him? Predictably, the nWo beats up Kaos something fierce, or as fierce as the 550 pound Giant can at this point. To call him unmotivated is an understatement. Rick gets tagged in, hits a Steinerline for what looked like a three count but was only two, but the nWo take over again. Double team coming, but Kaos distracts the Giant, allowing Steiner to backdrop Stevie Ray. Steiner then hits a dangerous looking bulldog off the top on Stevie Ray and the champs retain. Good for them, although things would get worse once Steiner decided to make Judy Bagwell a tag team champion a few weeks later. Match was awful, however it was short at least.
Fireworks go off to signify the third hour of Nitro and to wake up the crowd after that last match. Eric Bischoff has replaced Tenay on commentary, which is a lateral move as far as I'm concerned. Bischoff says that he is a man of his word and we will see Flair wrestle, and he delivers, sort of. Instead of a live match, we get clips from Flair vs. Hulk Hogan at Bash at the Beach 1994, with all of the clips shown to make Flair look bad against the Hulkster. Well, technically, Bischoff didn't lie, but it's still crap. Mr. T and Shaquille O'Neal were there at ringside and Hogan wins with a legdrop and celebrates with the two. Bischoff says that this just shows that Flair will always be second best to the Hulkster. He asks the announcers how Flair looked, and Heenan says not too good, which causes Tony to scream at him. I bet Heenan just wanted to pop Schiavone on many days.
The Cruiserweight Title is on the line in this next match, as Juventud Guerrera takes on the champion, Billy Kidman, whose normally white shirt is now an ugly shade of gray. Wash your shirt, Kidman. This match was quite fun, as they start out fast and just pick up speed from there. A lot of two counts and great looking manuevers by these two wrestlers packed into six minutes. The end comes after Juvi learns you can't power bomb Kidman, as he counters with a Tiger Bomb, setting him up for a Shooting Star Press, which he landed perfectly for once. Kidman gets the win and the crowd shows its appreciation. Back to the announce table, where a Sting and Macho Man video are both plugged. Heenan tries to steal one of the videos, but Tony catches him in the act.
The nWo music plays for the 293rd time tonight, and this time Scott Steiner and son of Judy Bagwell come out. Steiner asks if the ladies love him for his mind or his body, and to that I say what mind? Bagwell is angry at his mother, and says that women belong at home cooking and cleaning. Buff than implores his dad to put Judy back in her place. So now Buff hates all women? Steiner than calls out J.J. Dillon to set up a match between him and his brother. Dillon comes out, says something about it being late in the show so you can't have your rematch. Steiner then says that he's an honest man but he has lied. Okay. Instead, Steiner has two questions for Dillon. One, why did the referee that started the match last night didn't finish the match, and two, well we never get that far as Dillon gets beaten up for failing to answer the first one correctly. Security tries to break it up, but Scott puts Dillon in the Steiner Recliner while Buff runs interference.
The Warrior's music plays, which the announcers act like they've never heard before even though the dude's been in the company for three months by now. Warrior gets a pretty good reaction from the crowd, and then proceed es to speak about how Hogan is a chicken or something. Warrior proceeds to drop an S-bomb during the interview. I don't think you can do that. He says Hogan has opened the door to Warrior's hell, and that he is the gatekeeper. Well good for you Warrior. Hogan comes out, followed quickly by Horace and Bischoff, and not so quickly by The Giant. Horace attacks first but gets clotheslined out of the ring for his trouble. The Giant comes in, but sufferes the same fate, but that allows Hogan to clubber on Warrior from behind. Warrior recovers, delivers a flying shoulder tackle to Hogan, and the Warrior stands tall in the ring. He wouldn't be in WCW much longer after this, however.
There's a commercial for WCW Bashin' Brawlers that is shown. Hey, I used to have some of those. They would scream out whenever you put pressure on a body part, for example, if you twist their arm, they would say "OW, you're hurting my left arm" They only made one for the big names, like Page, Savage, and Hogan. If only they made one for Van Hammer. The nWo music plays yet again, bringing out Scotts Hall and Steiner. Lex Luger and Konnan come out, and we have a tag match that quickly degenerates into an all-out brawl. Luger squares off with Hall while Steiner and Konnan fight. It's interesting that whenever one pair goes to the outside, the other pair go back to the inside of the ring. Well, maybe not interesting. Eventually, Luger hits Hall with the bionic forearm and signals for the Torture Rack, but Steiner comes to stop that with a low blow. Konnan brings a steel chair, and crushes Steiner on the head with it. Luger than jabs Hall with the chair. The two teams keep fighting until commercial, and the match is eventually declared a no-contest. Meh.
Michael Buffer is here to announce the main event, a match for the U.S. Title between DDP and the Champion Bret Hart. Buffer gets Hart's name right this time, something he has struggled with before. The two trade moves for a while, and it's a good back-and-forth affair between the two. Hart starts to take control after a Russian Leg Sweep and a DDT on DDP, which the announcers seemed to find funny. Hart gets a two after the DDT, and starts freaking out on Mickey Jay, which gives Page the opening to hit the Cactus Jack clothesline and a pancake. Page goes up top, but Hart catches him and superplexs his foe down to the mat. Only two, Page small packages Hart for two, but the Hitman regains control with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Flying elbow off the second rope by Hart, but Page gets out at two, which causes Hart to call Mickey Jay's mother a whore or something. Page takes Hart down with a Fujiwara armbar, but instead of holding on, he just lets go. That was awkward. Page gets Hart in the corner, bashes his head into the turnbuckle, but Hart manages to mule-kick both Page and the ref in the jewels. Hart digs out some knucks, revives the ref, but Page suddenly catches him with the Diamond Cutter. On this night, that would be enough, and we have a new U.S. Champion. This does not please Hart, as he gets a chair and starts attacking Page's leg with it. He puts DDP in the sharpshooter, which cause Page to scream in agony. Hart eventually tires of that, and goes back to bashing Page's leg with the chair before Goldberg comes out just as the show was ending. Good match, not great, but good.
Overall, this show was made a lot better due to the airing of Page-Goldberg, but even so it was still just an average show. At least there were two good matches in the final hour in Kidman-Juvi and Hart-Page, but all the nWo stuff was either boring or just plain dumb. I'll give this show an overall score of 4.89 out of 10. Tomorrow at The Canon Review, we pay tribute to Kenny Kaos, for no good reason whatsoever. But until then, if you have any better ideas for reviews, than send them to me either by leaving a comment or by e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com. Here's some videos from this episode of Nitro.
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