The Canon Review Presents: Wrestling Botches Volume 1

The idea for this next review comes from Canon Review reader Dickson S., who describes his request as follows:

"Post three separate videos with three of the worst botched wrestling moves that you can find. This can be from any federation and from any time period in wrestling."

So, per his request, I have decided to watch a few matches which contains some bad botches and review them, so enjoy.


Match 1: Sid Vicious vs. Nightstalker, Clash of the Champions 13, November 20, 1990

This match is considered to be the worst in wrestling history, and for good reason. The comedy starts early, as Sid cuts a promo before the match, but the audio is so bad that you can hardly make out what he's saying. His opponent is the Nightstalker, a.k.a. Bryan Clark, Wrath, Adam Bomb, etc. The two have a shoving match to start. Test of strength, Nightstalker tries to break it with a kick to the ribs, but Sid fires back with three of his own that barely grazes his opponent. A shoulderblock is attempted but does nothing, and the two have a staredown before Sid leaps into Nighstalker's arms for a bearhug. Sid breaks it, but Nightstalker puts him back in the bearhug. Finally, Sid gets out and backs Nightstalker into the corner with some toe kicks and punches, but the Stalker fires back with a knee to the ribs. He follows up with a few more knees that are supposed to be to the ribs, but are all over the place. More knees and punches to the gut and back follow, before they seem to run out of ideas and the Nightstaker just holds Sid against the ropes for a few seconds. Here comes Curtis Hughes. Sid disposes of the Nightstalker with a back suplex where Nightstalker lands hard on the mat. Vicious then nails Hughes on the apron while Nightstalker gets right back up from the suplex. Nightstalker gets his AXE and tries to hit Sid with it, but ends up hitting the turnbuckle instead. Hughes enters the ring, the three just stare at each other for a second before Sid kicks Hughes in the gut, picks up the axe and shoves back the Nightstalker with the handle, and then covers the Nightstalker for the three count. Post match, the Nighstalker and Hughes try to attack Sid, and Jim Ross gets in the spirit of things by calling Sid 'Luger'. Eventually, Sid rolls out. The only good thing you can say about this match was that it was short. 0.012 out of 5.



Match 2: Bobby Eaton vs. Glacier, WCW Nitro, January 6, 1997

This is the opening match of the first Nitro of the new year Yep, WCW clearly put their best foot forward with this match. Glacier comes out with his elaborate entrance and shows off his martial arts skills. Tie up, Glacier escapes with a leg sweep that sends Eaton down. The two exchange blows before Glacier gets the advantage with a pair of hiptosses and an armbar. Back up, Eaton whips Glacier to the ropes and tries a leapfrog, but for some reason Glacier decides to somersault right towards Eaton's leg and trips Bobby up. Glacier takes advantage with a japanese arm drag and body slam. He sets Eaton up, and kicks him in the face before Eaton could get his hands up to block it. Cover, Eaton kicks out at one, Glacier continues to hook the leg before Eaton gets him off with an eye gouge. Back up, Glacier finishes off Eaton with a Chyronic kick and gets the victory. These two just had no chemistry, and the match was made worse by the fact that the announcers talked about everything but the action in the ring. 0.64 out of 5.





Match 3: Daniel Puder vs. Kurt Angle, Smackdown, November 4, 2004


This video took place during the Tough Enough competition of 2004, which took place each week on Smackdown. Kurt Angle came out and challenged the Tough Enough competitors to a wrestling challenge. After quickly disposing of one of the competitors, Angle asked if anyone else wanted a piece of him, and Puder volunteered. As Puder steps into the ring, Michael Cole boasts that Puder is a cagefighter from the UFC, which is odd because Puder has as many fights in the UFC as I do. Angle and Puder start grappling for position, and Angle backs Puder up against the corner. As Angle drags him out of the corner, Puder drops to the mat and puts Angle in a keylock. At first, Puder doesn't have it on all the way, but he's able to get a deeper hold on it, and really starts to bend Angle's arm. Before Puder can break Angle's arm, the ref quickly counts to three as Puder was on his back at the time, saving one of the WWE's top starts from getting embarrassed by a rookie. In hindsight, it was probably not the best idea to put those two in a free-for-all type competition, as the consequences could have been worse. Afterwards, Angle spews some nonsense about how none of the Tough Enough wrestlers are tough enough to compete in his ring. At the end of the day, nobody got hurt by it, although both Puder and Angle still talk about the incident to this day, claiming they could kick the other's ass in a shoot fight and other nonsense. I'll give it a 1.5 out of 5, because it was kind of funny seeing Angle get shown up like that.





Match 4: Rob Van Dam vs. Sabu, Ladder Match, ECW August 16, 2006

This match is for a title shot at the ECW Title at Summerslam 2006 against the Big Show. The two trade off holds to start, Sabu whips Van Dam into the corner and tries to springboard off the ropes, but Van Dam is one step ahead, as he springboards off the second turnbuckle to deliver a kick to Sabu's gut. Van Dam goes for a cover IN A LADDER MATCH, then remembers where he is and legdrops Sabu. After a back elbow, Van Dam leaps to the top, but Sabu crotches him. Sabu sets up a chair and leaps on the same corner, but ends up falling groin first on the top rope. Van Dam decides it would be a good idea to leap from the top rope to grab the contract, but it goes about as well as you would expect. Sabu clotheslines Van Dam over the top rope. Sabu goes for a ladder, but RVD cuts him off and the two go back into the ring. Sabu whips Van Dam into the corner, springboards off the second rope and catches Van Dam with a sick tornado DDT. Sabu grabs the ladder and sets it up on the apron, only to take a baseball slide from RVD into the ladder to his face. Van Dam continues his assault with a pescado, catching Sabu and the ladder and driving the ladder back into Sabu's gut.

Back from commercial, RVD has Sabu hanging over the guardrail, and does his trademark twisting leg drop off the apron onto Sabu. Back in, Van Dam grabs the ladder, only for Sabu to dropkick his knee, sending Van Dam face first into the ladder. Sabu follows up with a sick Arabian Facebuster to the back of RVD's skull. Sabu tries to climb up the ladder, but RVD thwarts that attempt by tipping the ladder. Sabu lands on his feet however, and sets Van Dam up for a triple jump moonsault using the ladder. However, Sabu trips while trying to leap off the edge of the ladder, and RVD covers up the mishap by legdropping Sabu. The ladder is now set up in the corner, and RVD whips Sabu against the ladder. He tries to do a monkey flip to Sabu, but Sabu moves and RVD lands on the ladder, only to monkey flip the ladder onto Sabu. Van Dam sets Sabu on the ladder and attempts rolling thunder, but ends up landing back first on the ladder instead. Triple jump moonsault by Sabu connects, although Sabu's knee ends up in RVD's gut. With RVD draped over the downed ladder, Sabu attempts an Arabian face buster, but RVD moves, and Sabu nearly breaks his tailbone. RVD tries to climb the ladder, but Sabu pulls him off and RVD lands face first on the mat. Then Sabu just throws the ladder onto a downed RVD. Van Dam knocks Sabu down, and then hits the Five Star Frog Splash. Sabu rolls out of the ring while Van Dam sets up the ladder. He climbs up, then has to wait a few seconds before the Big Show arrives to interfere. Van Dam leaps onto show, but gets caught, and slammed out of the ring through a table set up at ringside. Big Show calls for the contract to be lowered, and it is. But Sabu leaps from the top and attempts a huracanrana on Show. That doesn't work, but after a few seconds of stumbling around, Sabu is able to reach the lowered contract and win the match. Then he gets powerbombed. Post match, Show destroys everybody. Despite the various botches, this was shaping up to be an exciting match until booking got in the way and Big Show interfered. I'll give it a 2.3 out of 5.



Ecw.16.08.2006 - Rob Van Dam Vs Sabu - Ladder.Match
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Well, thanks for reading, and if you have any comments about this or previous posts, or ideas for future reviews or posts, than share them either by leaving a comment or by sending me an e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com.

Canon Wrestling Review: WCW Monday Nitro: April 17, 2000

This post comes thanks to one of the new features on blogspot, the stats menu. One of things that you can do with the stats feature is find out which search terms led a viewer to your blog. Well, according to the amount of people who have ended up here searching for the Wendy's Triple Baconator, I take it that a lot of people are hungry. Anyway, I saw that some reader ended up on the Canon Review because they searched for WCW Monday Nitro: April 17, 2000. So obviously, somebody wants more information about that particular show, so I figured, why not watch this here episode of Nitro and see how it is. Since it takes place during the Bischoff-Russo era, I have a strong feeling that it will suck, but I've been surprised before.

- It's the night after Spring Stampede 2000, and as such we get a minute and a half of still shots detailing last night's show. A lot of crap happened and Mancow wrestled Jimmy Hart, that's all I remember from that show. Your idiots in the booth tonight are Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson, and Mark Madden. A whole bunch of confetti and red balloons drop from the ceiling, and security guards are shown blocking the main entrance in order to block the Millionaire's Club  from entering. Great, take the only people in the company that can draw off the show. Good strategy. Anyway, here comes Russo with his New Blood champions, Chris Candido (Cruiserweight Champion), Buff Bagwell, Shane Douglas (Tag Team Champs), and Scott Steiner (United States Champion). Russo gets on the mic, tells Jim Ross to kiss his ass, than introduces the new World Champion Jeff Jarrett, who also wishes for JR to smooch his backside. Jarrett expresses anger at not being asked to star in Ready To Rumble, which wouldn't make any sense since Jarrett was employed elsewhere at the time the movie was filming, than challenges Diamond Dallas Page to a Triple Cage Match straight out of the movie, which I'm sure everyone has seen at least 25 times, as it's just that great. Anyway, Eric Bischoff comes out with DDP's wife Kimberly, and the two go on to explain why Kimberly bashed her husband in the head with a guitar last night. Apparently, Kim is sick of being in DDP's shadow, and states that she's the real star of the Page family. Russo keeps talking while we cut to the parking lot, where DDP is calmly told that he's not allowed in the building tonight. DDP does not respond kindly to this, knocking out the unarmed security guards and heads to the ring. There's a riot squad around the ring, but they let DDP in without resistance. DDP gets a couple of shots in before the 5-on-1 advantage gets the best of him. Here comes the riot squad, and they start beating up the New Blood with nightsticks. They take off their helmets, and holy moly, it's Ric Flair, Sting, and Lex Luger of the Millionaire's Club! Who saw that coming? I think everyone did. Not the worst way to start, but it took a little too long to get going.

- To the back, where Bischoff chews out a group of New Blood wrestlers for not helping out earlier. Booker T takes exception, and the two exchange words before Booker and the rest leave in a huff. Hulk Hogan calls up Bischoff, and threatens him with a beating in five minutes. Shawn "The Perfect One" Stasiak and Curt Hennig wrestle each other in the first match of the evening. Ms. Hancock is out, for reasons unknown. Hennig hip tosses Stasiak a couple of times, but Stasiak uses punches and two body slams to take advantage. Hennig rolls out, Stasiak gets too close and Hennig pulls him out of the ring. Hennig chops Stasiak and bounces him against the guardrail and the announce table. Hennig sees Mark Madden, and does what any reasonable man would do and throws a cup of water in Madden's face. Unfortunately, the water does not short out Madden's mic, so I still have to hear him talk. Back in, Hennig Cartwheels out of an Irish whip! but Stasiak grounds Hennig with a clothesline. Stasiak uses a suplex to get a 2 count on Hennig, and goes to Irish whip Hennig, but that gets reversed and Stasiak ends up eating a kneelift for his troubles. Hennig with a running clothesline that catches both Stasiak and the referee. Perfectplex from Hennig, but there's no referee. While Hennig gets up to check on the ref, Stasiak digs out some brass knuckles out of his kneepad, and uses them to knock out Hennig. A Perfect Plant (kind of like an F-5, only Stasiak falls forward on his face instead of back) finishes Hennig off, and Stasiak gets the upset victory. Useless match that had no heat and did nothing for anybody. 1 out of 5.

- To the outside, where Hulk Hogan is surrounded by policemen blocking him from the building. Hogan gives the cops a Super Mega Stare, and the cops meekly back down for fear of suffering the wrath of Hulkamania. Apparently, Rockford, Illinois has the wimpiest police force in the United States. Hogan enters the building, seems to wander around as if he doesn't know where the entrance is, and the camera cuts to Stasiak stomping away on Hennig. Hogan, having found the correct way to go finally, comes out, saves Hennig from Stasiak's stomps and throws Stasiak out of the ring, and then we break for commercial.

- Back in the ring, Hogan has a microphone. He goes on about how he hasn't lost a step and is still the top dog and this and that, and challenges anyone in the back that wants to take his spot to come on down and get some. He then starts using his real name while running down Bischoff and Russo, so you know it's a SHOOT~! Hogan, or Terry Bollea as it were, claims that he has more heart than any other wrestler in the back. Well, that's sure to make him some friends. Hogan calls out Kidman, but Kidman shows up on the bigscreen and challenges Hogan to come back to the parking lot for a fight. Hogan rushes out, but he doesn't see Eric Bischoff and the notorious white Hummer. Uh oh.

- Mean Gene is with Jeff Jarrett, who has decided to put an open contract out, and the first New Blood member to sign it gets a shot at his World Title tonight. Hopefully it will be Shannon Moore. Jarrett then concludes the interview by calling Mean Gene a "Jurassic Slapass". Hey, that's my nickname! To the ring, where the Wall is going to wrestle Terry Funk for the WCW Hardcore Title. Yes, Bischoff and Russo's master plan to get the Hardcore Title is to send out The Wall. Funk slams a chair against the Wall's head to begin the match. Wall shrugs it off and throws Funk over the top rope out of the ring. Wall grabs the chair and heads to the outside, but takes a low blow. Funk uses the chair across the Wall's back, and climbs to the top rope. Moonsault press by Funk onto Wall, but that move didn't go quite as planned as Funk nearly lands on his on the outside. Ouch. Wall's up first and delivers a big boot to Funk. The two get on the announce table, and Wall piledrives Funk on the table, but it doesn't give at all and the two just fall off the table. Wall drags Funk around the outside, throwing him against one guardrail and slamming another guardrail against him. Further back, Wall finds a round cage, and uses it to slam the door on Funk's head a couple of times. Wall seems to be in control, until a bunch of tables mysteriously fall on Wall and knock him out. Funk puts a table on the Wall, double foot stomps through it, and gets the three count. A somewhat entertaining spectacle that was ruined by a crappy ending. I'll give it a 1.4 out of 5.

- To the back where Kronick demands a shot at the World Tag Team Titles tonight, but Russo denies them. Meanwhile, somebody signs Jarrett's contract, and when Jarrett sees who it is, he's not happy about it at all. Who is the mystery opponent? I bet it's The Artist Formerly Known as Prince Iaukea. Mean Gene is talking with DDP, who promises to gain revenge on Eric Bischoff for stealing his wife and will leave Mike Awesome laying tonight.

- Bob Probert's in the crowd tonight, watching the Mamalukes (Johnny the Bull and Big Vito) come out. In the back, Kronick is beating up the Harris Brothers, who were supposed to wrestle the Mamalukes but now they can't. What a shame, Kronick comes out instead and brawls with the Mamalukes. Full Nelson slam by Adams on Vito. Johnny the Bull does a flat-footed jump from the ring to the top rope, turns around and jumps back down, but eats a Bryan Clark chokeslam for his efforts. An F-5 from Adams onto Vito, and both Mamalukes end up taking Kronick's High Times finisher (double choke slam) before Adams gets the mic. He states that whoever faces them will end up in chronic pain and living a chronic nightmare, and Russo better give them a title shot or he'll find out what a chronic nightmare entails for himself.

- Vampiro comes out and grabs a mic. He says that Sting knows nothing about pain and that last night at Spring Stampede (where he came out from under the ring and dragged Sting down with him to presumably issue a beating) was only the beginning. At Slamboree, Vampiro promises to devour Sting. That starts Sting's music in the lights go out. The lights come back on just as Sting finishes his descent from the ceiling. Sting beats on Vampiro with his bat for a while, giving Vampiro a lesson in pain, as Sting put it. Sting finishes off with the Scorpion Death Drop to leave Vampiro laying in the middle of the ring. Sting proclaims WCW is his turf before leaving once again. Well, that made Vampiro look like a chump, building very little interest in their match at Slamboree since Sting just got his revenge right then.

- Hogan is still looking for Kidman, and asks some kids if they know where he is. Meanwhile, Jarrett moans and groans to Russo about his title match tonight against the mystery opponent. I bet it's Wade Barrett. DDP comes out as a fan holds up his book, Positively Page, which had recently come out around this time. His opponent is Mike Awesome, and the two waste no time as Page connects with a tornado clothesline and starts beating on Awesome in the corner. Irish Whip to the corner, but Awesome is able to springboard off the second turnbuckle with a back elbow, which almost gets a three count. A big splash from Awesome also gets 2. Irish Whip by Awesome, but Page is able to deliver a floatover DDT which also gets a two count. The two exchange clotheslines, and Page catches Awesome with a Uranage slam for a 2 count. Page eats a back elbow and goes to the outside, allowing Awesome to deliver a springboard lariat to the floor. Man, Awesome went a long way on that move. Awesome tries to give Page a standing splash against a guardrail, but Page moves and slams Awesome in the back with a chair. The announcers take this time to commentate about WCW's new lax disqualification rules. Back in. Page charges in with a chair, but Awesome slams his foot into the chair and into Page's face. A forearm to the chair in front of DDP's head sends Page to the outside. Chris Kanyon runs in, which gets a disqualifaction only half a minute after they talked about the new WCW's policy of letting fights go on. Kanyon takes a German suplex for his efforts, and Awesome goes to get a table. Kevin Nash's music hits, and Awesome waits for him to come to the ring. Instead Nash comes out of the crowd and attacks him from behind, before powerbombing Awesome through the table. Match was rushed, but if these two had 10 minutes they might of had a good match. Instead I'll give it a 1.5 out of 5.

- Tank Abbott is here, hopefully to beat up on Mark Madden again. Mean Gene is talking with the Tag Team champs, Shane Douglas and Buff Bagwell. What an odd combination. Bagwell and Douglas talk about their opponents at Slamboree, which are Lex Luger and Ric Flair, respectively. Douglas then calls Luger a jackass and challenges him to a match tonight, which Luger accepts, provided Vince Russo does not interfere. Tank Abbott is coming to the ring, and Mark Madden is throwing a fit for fear of taking another Tank beating. Abbott puts Madden in his place by yelling "Don't even look at me, fat ass". Ha, of all the wrestlers in the world, Tank Abbott is one of them. Tank goes on to explain that once again, until Goldberg comes back to face him, he will beat up another innocent person. This week's victim was to be part owner of the Chicago Blackhawks Bruce MacArthur, but before Tank could get started, Blackhawks' tough guy Bob Probert (perhaps the best fighter in NHL history) leaped over the rail and saved his boss. Security came out to break the two apart before anything could happen. Such a shame, because it would have been interesting to see those two go at it.

- Hogan asks Terry Taylor, who just arrived about 90 minutes into the show, where Kidman is. Taylor leads Hogan in Kidman's direction, and the fight may finally happen soon. Jarrett is informed by Russo that his mystery opponent still wants the match tonight, which greatly displeases Jarrett to the point where he calls Russo J.J. Dillion. Well, obviously that means that Jarrett's opponent will be Ole Anderson. Lex and Shane Douglas are out to have their match. Luger starts by punching Shane, and than spends the next minute or so using kicks, punches, and turnbuckle smashes all over Douglas, making the Franchise look like a jobber. Douglas finally gets a Russian legsweep and chokes Luger with a piece of tape. Irish Whip into the corner by Douglas, he charges, only to eat a boot to the face. Luger with a series of clotheslines, which brings out Buff, Buff comes out with his music and pyro going off during the middle of the match, distracting Luger and allowing Douglas to take advantage. Luger ducks a clotheslines and runs off the ropes, only for Bagwell to grab his foot. Luger drags Bagwell to the apron, but a low blow sends Luger down. While Bagwell preoccupies himself with Luger's manager Miss Elizabeth, Douglas whips Luger into the guardrail, near a fan with a Sting mask. The fan attacks Douglas with a bat, and reveals himself to be Ric Flair. The two go to beat on Shane inside the ring, and the ref calls for the bell. Russo comes out to drag off Douglas, and the three go to the back arguing about something. You know, for a show that is promising the promotion of the young guys, the young guys are sure taking a butt-whooping on this show. This was no different. I'll give it a 0.6 out of 5 and hopefully I'll forget that I ever watched this match.

- Hogan has finally found Kidman, after 1 hour of looking for him. He starts kicking Kidman's butt before Torrie hits him with a 2 x 4. That doesn't faze Hogan, so he grabs Torrie by the throat and backs her up against a post before Kidman makes the save. Kidman gets two punches on Hogan before Hogan just annihilates Kidman, throwing him against the wall and a plastic cart a few times before yelling that he will kill Kidman. Bischoff is seen hiding in the corner while Hogan picks up Kidman and throws him into a dumpster. Hogan sees Bischoff and goes after him. Bischoff goes in the Hummer, but it won't start, so he takes off up the ramp and out of the parking garage. Hogan decides to get in the Hummer and remarkably, it starts right back up. The hell? He then proceeds to ram the dumpster containing Kidman with the Hummer three times, which is probably illegal in most states. Hogan takes off in the Hummer up the ramp, presumably to commit vehicular homicide on Eric Bischoff. God, this is stupid. Kidman is then rescued from the dumpster and put on a stretcher by medical personnel. 

- Jarrett comes out to wrestle the mystery opponent. That man could be none other than Josh Hamilton. Oh wait, it's Scott Steiner, accompanied to the ring by three of his 'freaks', I suppose. The match starts, and Steiner goes to work on Jarrett in the corner. A clothesline and elbow drop follows by Big Poppa Pump, and Steiner then slams Jarrett with a gorilla press drop. After Steiner whips Jarrett into the corner, Jarrett gets the boots up into a charging Steiner, and starts stomping away at his opponent. Cross body block from the top by Jarrett, that gets a two count. He follows up with a dropkick, but Steiner reverses an Irish Whip and then catches Jarrett on his shoulder as Jarrett leaps in an attempt to dodge Steiner. Slam into the corner by Steiner, followed by a choke while Jarrett's in the Tree of Woe. Belly-to-Belly gets two for Steiner, and after the two exchange low blows, Steiner gets the advantage and puts Jarrett in the Steiner Recliner. Out comes Booker T, who scissor kicks Steiner, drawing the DQ and saving Jarrett's title in the process. Booker grabs Jarrett and says, "you're welcome, punk". That makes for the third DQ of the night, when the announcers had been talking all night about how WCW is going to let their wrestlers fight. Match wasn't long enough to mean anything and wasn't all that good anyways. I'll give it a 1.2 out of 5.

- Hogan's in the back with a pipe, he finally finds Bischoff, and Bischoff takes off running all the way to the ring, Hogan backs up Bischoff in the corner and starts threatening him, when Bret Hart comes out with a chair. Hart swings the chair, but the show goes off the air before we see who he blasts with the chair. Hopefully it's both of them.

This show was 31 flavors of suck. The matches didn't go very long, the interviews tended to drag, and their was way too much Hogan walking around cursing backstage. Plus the show did nothing for the New Blood except make them look like chumps, especially Kidman and Vampiro. This was just one bad wrestling show. I'll give it a 1.8 out of 10, and I recommend nobody go back and watch this tripe. Well, thanks for reading, and if you have any ideas for blog posts or reviews, or thoughts about this post, let me know about them either by e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com or by leaving a comment.


Kidman & Hulk Hogan Brawl 17.4.00
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Let's talk about Bam Bam Bigelow

Earlier today, I had a sudden and strange desire to watch Bam Bam Bigelow matches. Why I have that urge is a mystery, but heck, I need something to blog about, so I'm going to watch and review a few Bam Bam Bigelow videos in no particular order. So let's talk about "The Beast from the East", shall we.

Video 1: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Nikolai Volkoff, WWF Superstars, Aired September 12, 1987

Before the match, Volkoff gets the crowd fired up by singing the Russian National Anthem. Bigelow is accompanied to the ring by his manager Oliver Humperdink. Volkoff tries to jump Bigelow early, but Bigelow instead gets the advantage, and eventually knocks Volkoff out of the ring with a right hand. Bigelow than does a cartwheel to celebrate. The rest of the match pretty much goes like this, Volkoff tries to brawl with Bigelow, but then Bigelow turns it around using kicks, punches, headbutts, a standing dropkick, and a shoulder block. Even when Volkoff tries to use cheap tactics such as eye gouges, Bigelow shrugs it off and goes back to punishing Volkoff. The finish comes when Bigelow ducks a clothesline with a somersault, and then catches Volkoff with a flying headbutt to get the pinfall. Mostly a one-sided match, full of brawling tactics, but the match lacked any sort of intensity and was just filler. I'll give it a 1.5 out of 5.


Bam Bam Bigelow vs Nikolai Volkoff
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Video 2: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Goldberg, SuperBrawl 99

Bam Bam comes out to no entrance music, Goldberg comes out without the security guards for once. A staredown and some jabber-jawing starts the match. Bigelow knocks Goldberg down with a shoulder block, which Goldberg gets right back up from, picks up Bigelow and slams him down to the mat. Goldberg continues to dominate Bigelow with a flying shoulderblock, and an unnecessary fireman's carry slam into cross arm-breaker.  Man, you've got to love Goldberg's random moves to prove he is some sort of technical wizard, as usually he either does a weak rolling leg bar or some random combination of moves like this that really do not link together. Anyway, Bigelow is in such shock that he has to go to the outside. Goldberg gets too close, and Bigelow trips him up and starts working on his leg with some elbow drops. Bigelow continues working on the leg inside the ring with various stomps and leg holds. When he tires of that, Bigelow delivers a couple of diving headbutts on a downed Goldberg. Out of a chinlock, Goldberg stands up and back suplexs Bam Bam, but Bigelow gets up first and slams Goldberg down. To the top, and Bigelow connects with a diving headbutt, which gets two. Bigelow goes to climb the ropes again, but is thrown down by Goldberg. Spear attempt, but Bigelow moves and pounds on Goldberg some. An Irish Whip by Bigelow is reversed, and Goldberg spears Bigelow down. He goes to set up for the Jackhammer, but for some reason decides to give Bigelow a standing side kick and another spear, before finally Jackhammering Bigelow down to the mat to get the three count. Not a bad match, although there were a couple of awkward moments between the two. I'll give it a 2.27 out of 5.


Goldberg vs Bam Bam Bigelow
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Video 3: Goldberg vs. Bam Bam Bigelow, WCW Monday Nitro, November 16, 1998

Okay, this is not really a match, but it would of been had Bam Bam not attacked Goldberg while he was making his entrance. Instead all that happens is a minute of brawling which the announcers yell themselves hoarse over, before the crack WCW security team comes to break it up, and the show ends. A million billion points out of 5.


Goldberg vs Bam Bam Bigelow
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Video 4:Bam Bam UWF Interview

This clip is only 11 seconds long, but Bigelow shows off a great vocabulary on the mic, rhyming two words with mobility. Which words, you ask? Well watch the video to find out.

 

Video 5: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Spike Dudley, ECW As Good as it Gets, 9/20/97

A slight mismatch in size, as Bigelow weighs about three times as much as Dudley. Bigelow wastes no time by press slamming Spike at the start of the match. He then continues to dominate his smaller opponent before Spike counters an overhead lift with a high dropkick in which Spike nearly landed on his head. Spike delivers a jumping DDT, and then a top-rope clothesline gets a two count. Spike is undaunted, and dropkicks Bigelow, forcing Bam Bam out of the ring and through the ringkeeper's table. Spike gets a chair and slams Bigelow in the back, before climbing the rope and delivering a diving chair shot to the head, which almost got the victory for Spike. Spike goes for another top rope chairshot, but misses, and that's when the tables turn, as Bigelow suplexes Spike onto the chair. Bigelow then picks up Spike, and gorilla presses him into the crowd! The crowd then carries Spike around the crowd, as Spike is involuntarily surfing the crowd as if in the mosh pit before security stops him. Bam Bam goes out and gets Spike, rolls him back in, and body splashes the much smaller Spike from the top rope and getting the victory. Post-match, the crowd chants for Bigelow to throw Spike back into the crowd, and Bigelow delivers, as Spike goes for another ride into the crowd. Interesting match, I'm willing to bet you won't see another wrestler thrown into the crowd, but that's ECW for you. As for the match, I'd give it a 2.4 out of 5.


Spike Dudley vs. Bam Bam Bigelow
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Well, I think I'll end it here. Thanks for reading, and if you have any thoughts about this post or Bam Bam Bigelow, or you have an idea or two for a future post, than send them this way either by leaving a comment on the blog or by e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com

Canon Wrestling Review: WCW Saturday Night: January 5, 1991

I wanted to watch and review some pro wrestling today, so here I am, watching the first episode of WCW Saturday Night from 1991. Will it be any good? We can only hope.

We start with Sid Vicious, which is always a good sign. Sid's opponent tonight is Pablo Crenshaw. An odd name combination to be sure. Pablo looks a little bit like Cheech Marin, while Sid Vicious looks like himself. A video plays of Sid laying out a challenge to Lex Luger, and the match begins. Boot to the gut by Sid, followed by the human frisbee move, where Sid just threw Pablo Crenshaw from the top of his shoulders and sent him spinning down to the mat. Sid continues to dominate with some clotheslines and a big legdrop where he actually got pretty high off the ground before finally finishing things off with the powerbomb. Just a squash match here, so I'll give it a 1 out of 5.

To the back, where Paul E. Dangerously is interviewing the 'healthiest man in WCW' Rip Rogers. Rogers has challenged Brian Pillman to a match where pinfalls are not allowed in the first five minutes. Why, you ask? Because Rip Rogers is the Marathon Man and will show that he can go all night long to get the job done. So, warns Rogers, Pillman better watch his carbs or otherwise The Marathon Man will beat him. The match is next, and a video plays of Pillman talking about the match, saying there will be no limit to the punishment he dishes out on Rip Rogers. The match starts with a shoving contest. Pillman hits a shoulder block and goes for the pin, but falls do not count right now. Pillman rolls up Rogers for four straight small packages, but once again falls DO NOT COUNT as of now, even though the ref counts as if they count. Rogers bails to the outside to regroup. Back in, Rogers takes the advantage after a boot to the face from the corner and a clothesline. Rogers throws Pillman out and goes to the top, where he connects with a double axe handle, sending Pillman into the guardrail. The guardrail collapses to the floor upon impact, although since there are no fans behind the rail, so nobody's in danger. Back in Rogers with a headbutt, but Pillman reverses a whip to the corner. However, Rogers counters an attempted monkey flip and Pillman is sent to the ground. Rogers goes for the cover, why I don't know, since it was his idea to have no pinfalls in the first five minutes and we're still not past the five minute mark here. Back up, the two counter and escape a series of moves, which culminates with Rogers turning a body press from Pillman into a cover, but it won't count. We have eclipsed the five minute mark. Pillman tries to grab Rogers from behind, but Rogers ducks and Pillman goes flying out of the ring. On the outside, Pillman counters an attempted bash into the guardrail with one of his own, and climbs up unto a stage just outside the ring, where he leaps and hits Rogers with a clothesline. Back up, Rogers gains the advantage by whipping Pillman into the apron, and then gives Pillman an airplane spin, making both men dizzy. Rogers whiffs on an elbow drop, and Pillman sidekicks Rogers before both men go into the ring. After a slam, Pillman goes to the top and tries to hit the big splash, but Rogers got the knees up. Rogers can't take advantage, as Pillman reverses an attempted turnbuckle smash, dizzying Rogers. Pillman up top, Rogers ducks to take away the possibility of a flying body press, but Pillman instead goes with the sunset flip, which gets the three count. Interesting little match featuring two rather good workers, but the stipulation and the constant covers made the match a little confusing. Still, not bad. I'll give it a 2.59 out of 5.

Highlights are shown of Z-Man winning the Television Title from Arn Anderson on the previous episode of Saturday Night. Then we get an interview with Z-Man promoting this show's TV Title match against Dr. X, which I think is a named that has been used by like 62 wrestlers at this point. Up next is Reno Riggins against Beautiful Bobby Eaton. Eaton is shown before the match talking up his upcoming match with Z-Man at the next Clash of the Champions. Riggins has the words 'Las Vegas' on the back of his tights, and his name is Reno, so he must love the state of Nevada. Match starts with Eaton giving Riggins an armlock and then a quick elbow to the face. Reno reverses an Irish whip into the corner and delivers what Jim Ross calls a handspring elbow, but the camera missed the handspring so I can't tell. Riggins is whipped into another corner, goes behind a charging Eaton and rolls him up for 2. Eaton gets up, and shakes Riggins' hand as a show of respect. Well, that was nice. Eaton then headlocks Riggins and punches him in the face. Irish whip, Riggins reverses, leapfrogs Eaton twice, than hits a high dropkick on Bobby Eaton. After a series of counters, Eaton gains control with a diving clothesline. Riggins eats a fist to the head, and goes out to the floor. Back on the apron, Eaton delivers another clothesline to send Riggins right back out. Back up, Riggins tries for a slingshot attack, but Eaton wisely moves out of the way and lets Riggins land on his butt. Eaton with a few heel tactics and punches, but Riggins fires some punches of his own and whips Eaton in the corner. Riggins goes for another handspring elbow, but Eaton is ready and bulldogs Reno down to the mat, setting him up for the Alabama Jam legdrop. That connects, and Eaton gets the win. Quick match, but rather fun and Riggins got a lot of offense in for a prelim wrestler. I'll give it 2.32 out of 5.

Terry Taylor is interviewed by Paul E. Dangerously, and he is not happy about being passed over for a TV Title shot by Z-Man. So in response, he promises to beat the former TV Champ Arn Anderson and warns the fans that if he has to become more outspoken in getting a title shot, than by golly he will. A commercial for WCW Main Event advertises a Norman/The Juicer vs. Freebirds tag match, and an interview with future Wrestlemania main eventer Lawrence Taylor. Sounds like a must see show. The next match seems like a must-miss show, as the Renegade Warriors of Chris and Mark Youngblood take on two guys you've never heard of, Chuck Coats and Ed Brock. The Warriors are a Native American tag team with face paint on, while Coats and Brock are two typical meathead looking guys. Chris rolls up Coats for a quick two count. For the next four minutes, the Warriors dominate their opponents with a series of flying attacks, such as a double axe handle and a dropkick from the apron to the floor by Chris on Coats. The match ends with a sit-down splash from the top rope by Chris on Ed Brock. Nothing but a showcase match for the Warriors as they get ready to face Arn Anderson and Barry Windham at the next Clash. Since nothing was botched, I'll give it a 1 out of 5. Afterwards, a promo for Wrestle War '91 is shown, featuring the War Games cage match. For some reason, Michael Hayes is dressed up like Uncle Sam, declaring "I want you, for WrestleWar". Well, all right then.

This next match should be fun, or the opposite of fun anyway, as a character named Minotaur faces off with Mountain Man Bailey. Bailey sports coveralls over a wifebeater and a blonde mullet, while Minotaur has his right arm covered up in a leather sleeve for some reason. Minotaur crawls in the ring and the match starts. Minotaur pounces up from a squatting position and shoulder blocks Bailey all the way to the outside of the ring. That proves to be the highlight of the match, as the rest of the match has Minotaur do a move on Bailey, look crazily into the camera for 20 seconds, than repeat. At one point, Minotuar yells out "The Power of ..." well, I couldn't exactly make out the rest, although Jim Ross claims he said "The power of the Minotaur". It's usually not a good sign when the announcers talk about the 'tortoise-like pace' of a wrestler, and this was no exception. Minotaur finishes off Bailey with an elbow drop to end this match that was about three minutes long, but felt like 15. I'm giving this an 0.25 out of 5.

Lex Luger comes out next to face Mike Sample, who is too dumb to face the camera when being introduced, probably because his name is actually Mike Samples, not Sample as the ring announcer indicated. I'm 1000 percent sure who's going to win this match, and if you know anything about wrestling, you are too. A video plays of Curtis 'Big Cat' Hughes who promotes the upcoming football match against Lex Luger. What is a football match, anyway? Luger dominates for the first two minutes with a body slam and a shoulder block and a couple of other power moves before Samples gets a couple of blows in, which Luger totally disregards and goes right back on the attack. Two clotheslines, one of which had Samples falling to the ground well before the move connected, and a flying shoulderblock from the second rope gives Luger the victory. Another squash match. I'll give it a 0.56 out of 5.

Hey kids, remember to call the WCW Hotline at 1-900-909-9900. You can talk to Lex Luger every Friday, awesome! Michael Wallstreet and Gregg Sawyer are the next match, and Alexandria York, Wallstreet's manager, predicts with her computer that Gregg Sawyer will lose in less than six minutes. I don't even need a computer to figure that out. The match starts, and Wallstreet takes 45 seconds to take his suit off, leaving a mere 5 minutes and 15 seconds for Wallstreet to fulfill York's prediction. A clock comes on the screen counting down from 6 minutes on. Ross and Bob Caudle are really putting over Wallstreet on commentary, more than any other wrestler on this show thus far, which is somewhat surprising. Anyway, after a few moves, Wallstreet back suplexes Sawyer out of a headlock. Wallstreet elbowdrops Sawyer five times in a row and then goes for the cover, but lifts Sawyer up. Wallstreet tries a backdrop, but Sawyer counters with a sunset flip for one, which seems to make Wallstreet angry. Wallstreet throws Sawyer to the outside, beats up on him some, and both men come back in. The finish comes about 10 seconds later when Wallstreet catches Sawyer with the Stock Market Crash, making the computer right once again. Not the worst match on the show, I'll give it a 1.1 out of 5. Afterwards Missy Hyatt interviews Wallstreet, who says nothing worth repeating. Paul E. Dangerously comes out and is upset that Missy Hyatt is doing his job, so the two have words before Alexandria York stumbles through a couple of lines and Paul E. leaves.

Up next is Z-Man's first Television Title defense against the mysterious Dr. X. I'm going to say that Dr. X is being portrayed by Skip Sheffield, although I might be wrong about that. Arm twist and takedown by Z-Man to start, and here comes Terry Taylor to ringside. This might be trouble. The two exchange holds while Z-Man keeps an eye on Taylor. Taylor leaves and joins the commentary team, while Z-Man locks up Dr. X in a bow and arrow hold. The two seem to have some trouble decided what to do next before Z-Man hits a hip toss and dropkicks Dr. X down. Z-Man tries for a boomerang body-press, but slips and ends up doing a Shiro Koshinaka style hip-attack on Dr. X which gets two. An obvious botch, but at least two went on as if it was planned. Dr. X pounds away on Z-Man in the corner and does some rudimentary arm work while Taylor complains about being passed over while insisting that he's not complaining. This has heel turn written all over it, but I can't remember if they actually went through with it or not. Anyway, the arm work goes nowhere, as Z-Man uses that same arm to clothesline Dr. X down. Z-Man hits an awful looking sidekick and a better looking dropkick before finishing Dr. X off with a top-rope dropkick. These two had very little chemistry for whatever reason, and it made for a sloppy match. I'll give it a 0.59 out of 5.

Clips are shown of the Freebirds tricking Rick Steiner in a match from two weeks ago, giving the Freebirds a shot at the U.S. Tag Team Titles. The Freebirds then gloat about their ruse some. The next features the "greatest rock n' roll band of all-time' The Freebirds of Michael Hayes and Jimmy Garvin. I highly dispute their claim. They are facing two nobodies in Jimmy McKinnon and Keith (not related to Bret or Stu) Hart. Keith Hart has a wispy mustache that you may normally see on a 16 year-old. Hart reverses an arm drag, but is shoved to the ground for his efforts. Hayes continues to punish Hart and throws him to the outside. To the outside, Hayes flattens McKinnon with a left and Hart accidentally trips over him. That doesn't stop Hayes from picking up Hart and whipping him into a high backdrop from Jimmy Garvin. Back in, Hart takes three straight body slams and a clothesline from Garvin, and Hart is bumping around like a pinball for the 'Birds, so I give him props for that. Hart catches Garvin with a boot and gets a tag to McKinnion, who proceeds to get pounded by Garvin. Gutwrench Suplex by Garvin and he tags out to Hayes, who delivers two side slams to McKinnon. Hayes sets up McKinnon, and Garvin traps Hart as the Freebirds deliver stereo DDTs to their opponents for the victory. Another squash, but not a totally boring one. I'll give it a 1.3 out of 5. After the match, Norman talks about his upcoming match with Sid, which I believe was the match of the year for 1991.

Gordon Soile presents that week's WCW Classics, which features the Sting vs. Ric Flair match from the first Clash of the Champions. That's a great match, but I won't review it since only the final five minutes are shown. I'll just say that I highly recommend that match if you are a wrestling fan,as it's a lot better than anything else on this show. Afterwards, Sting and Flair pontificate about their long-running feud, and each man threatens to defeat the other in their own unique way. Arn Anderson talks about his upcoming match with Terry Taylor, which is coming up next. Shoving match to start, and Arn goes to work hammering away at Taylor with a series of punches and kicks. Taylor gets out of the corner with a sunset flip that gets two, but Arn is angered by that and continues to pound away on Taylor. Taylor dodges a charging Arn Anderson out of the corner, and body slams Arn down. Taylor goes to work on the left arm on Arn, slamming it against the ring post. Taylor continues to wrench on that arm, and then delivers a backbreaker to Arn that gets a two count. A bodyslam by Taylor gets another two count, and Taylor continues to work on the arm. Arn finally gets up and bodyslams Taylor with his good arm, but misses an elbow drop, allowing Taylor to take the advantage once again. Anderson reverses an irish whip and hits his patented Spinebuster on Taylor, but he can't make the cover because his arm hurts too much. Back up, Anderson decides to stomp Terry Taylor in the head, and he goes to work trying to disfigure the handsome features of Taylor. Irish whip, Taylor goes for a sunset flip, but Arn bends down and punches Taylor in the face. Anderson covers, but only gets a two count and goes with a reverse chinlock instead. Taylor is able to escape and back suplexes Anderson, but misses an elbow drop. Anderson tries to do a Vader splash, but Taylor got the knees up. A jawbreaker sends Anderson flopping down on the mat. Taylor eats a knee to the face. Anderson goes to the top but is thrown off by Taylor, who then follows up with a series of punches. Back up, Anderson reverses an irish whip, Taylor ducks a clothesline and hits a flying body press, but Arn turns it around on Taylor and covers him. Anderson puts his feet on the ropes and gets the three count. Very good television match here, as both men were ready to go and really came up with a good story for the match. I'll give it a 3.24 out of 5.

Jim Ross interviews Lawrence Taylor from LT's restaurant, who is Lex Luger's coach for his upcoming football match with Big Cat Curtis Hughes at the Meadowlands. Taylor insults Paul E. Dangerously and Curtis Hughes some and promotes the football match, which will feature both competitors in full football gear and the winner is the man that knocks his opponent out of the ring. Kind of like a sumo match, only with football pads. Taylor insults Paul E.'s name, saying it sounds like a girl's name. Not long after this, Taylor and his Giants went on to win the Super Bowl when Scott Norwood missed a 47 yard field goal.  Tonight's main event is Tim Horner vs. George South. Really? That's the best they could do? Ok then. Horner starts with a quick arm drag, followed by another arm drag. Horner and South do a nice sequence of moves which concludes with a pair of dropkicks and an arm drag into an arm bar by Horner. Horner and South exchange armlocks before Horner does two more arm drags, making it five thus far. South gets a couple of punches in and Irish whips Horner, but it's reversed and Horner monkey flips South to the mat before giving him a wristlock. Irish whip by South, reversed by Horner, and after a couple of counters Horner ends up rolling up South with a bridge to get the three count. Quick match, but competitive. I'll give it a 1.6 out of 5. Afterwards, Missy Hyatt and Paul E. Dangerously bicker about each other. Paul E insinuates that Missy is a tramp, which draws a slap from Missy, and that's the end of the show.

Overall, this episode wasn't too bad for a wrestling program of that era. There were a couple of quality matches, but also a couple of matches that probably could have been better as well. Overall, I'd give the show a 5.2 out of 10. Well, thanks for reading, and if you have any thoughts about this post or other previous posts, or ideas for future posts, than share them either by leaving a comment or by sending me an e-mail at kthec2001@gmail.com. I leave you with a couple of videos from this episode:

Canon Wrestling Review: WCW Fall Brawl 1997

I should have done this yesterday, but I'm too lazy, and Hell's Kitchen was on, and other stuff, so I apologize for not updating The Canon Review yesterday. Anyway, the reason this review came about is that one of my friends said the other day that they attended this show, and Canon Review reader Ben W., who was also there at the time, suggested I go back and watch this show. Well, that's good enough for me, so let's start this show. Fall Brawl 1997 took place in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, and is probably most known for the War Games main event, which takes place in two rings surrounded by a cage, between the Four Horsemen and the new World order, where somebody gets a door slammed on their face. Who is it? Well, read on to find out.

The three idiots at the broadcast position tonight are Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone, and Bobby Heenan. Bobby has decided to wear a red sports jacket with a matching bow tie for reasons unknown. Up first is Eddy Guerrero wrestling Chris Jericho for Jericho's WCW Cruiserweight Title. Guerrero comes out, and the on-screen text introduces him as Harlem Heat. Last I checked, Guerrero was not two people, or black. No wonder this company went out of buisness. I half expected Jericho to be introduced as The Public Enemy, but at least they got his name right. Mike Tenay announces that Jericho is taking a tour of Japan after this match, which kind of gives away the winner of the match. We start off with an exchange of holds and chops, with neither man getting the advantage. Jericho seems to be concentrating on Guerrero's left arm, using a series of arm drags and arm bars to neutralize his opponent. The crowd chants something during the middle of the match, I tried three times to hear what it was, but I couldn't quite decipher it. A hotshot by Jericho leads into the Lionsault, and that gets a two count. Jericho remains in control, but Eddie counters a standing armbar with a jawjacker using the top rope. As Eddy stomps away at Jericho, he gets an "Eddy Sucks" chant. Surfboard by Eddy, he lets Jericho out, only to back suplex him down and put him in the Surfboard hold again. Jericho is really selling the move, as Heenan points out that it looks like Jericho has a "bitter beer face" Jericho gets out, but Eddy beats him down. Eddy does his trademark slingshot senton, which gets a two count. Undaunted, Eddy puts Jericho in his father's old finisher, the Gory Special. Heenan and Tony claim to have never seen the move while Tenay does a good job explaining the significance of Eddy using that hold. Of the three, Tenay was probably the least annoying commentator at this time, of course he's just awful in TNA now, but still.

Jericho counters the Gory Special with one of his own, than throws Eddy down off of his shoulders. Brawling ensues, Eddy gets Jericho in the corner and starts walking the ropes, but Jericho crotches him on the top rope, and pulls up and down on the rope to increase Guerrero's agony. Jericho has Guerrero in a powerbomb position on the apron, and decides to throw Eddy over his shoulders throat first on the top rope. However, Eddy comes staggering down on the outside and runs into Jericho, bumping him into the steel guardrail, so both men are down. Back in, Jericho hits a huge German Suplex, launching Guerrero high in the air. Cover, but Eddy gets his foot on the bottom rope. Jericho goes for another powerbomb, but Eddy escapes, and then catches Jericho with a Uranage suplex, slamming Jericho hard to the mat. Guerrero charges from the corner, but Jericho hits a quick powerslam, which nearly gets a three count. Jericho gets another two count with a spinning wheel kick, and follows that with a pancake manuever. Magistral attempted by Jericho but countered sloppily by Guerrero, that gets a two count. Jericho gets Eddy in the powerbomb position, and powerbombs him twice, holding on after each one. Instead of attempting a third powerbomb, Jericho puts Eddy on the top turnbuckle and attempts a superplex, but Eddy shifts his weight and lands on top of Jericho. With his opponent down, Eddy climbs the turnbuckle, and hits his finisher, the Frog Splash, which gives Eddy the three count and the victory. Match started out kind of slow, but the two really worked hard and had the crowd into the match. Most of the moves executed were done perfectly and the last five to eight minutes or so were just brilliant. Overall, I'll give the match a 3.8 out of 5.

Larry Zbyszko has joined the commentary team, which can not be a good thing. Over at the WCW.com table, the webmaster is conducting a live chat with Jeff Jarrett, who is wrestling Dean Malenko later tonight. Up next is Harlem Heat (w/ Jacquelyn) vs. The Steiner Brothers (w/ Ted DiBiase) in the 830th match these two teams have had. The Heat comes out, which makes these two white guys so happy they high-five each other and start raising the roof. Apparently, the teams felt the presence of Zbyszko, so they decided to pay tribute to him by stalling for five minutes before starting the match. Scott Steiner and Stevie Ray start off with some brawling tactics. Stevie catches Scott with a boot out of the corner, and than whips Scott off the rope and side slams him down. Stevie puts Scott in the corner, but eats a boot of his own, and takes a belly-to-belly suplex. Stevie decides to leave and stall some more before Booker T gets tagged in. Full Nelson on Scott, and Booker lets him out to vertical suplex Scott down. Booker goes to the top, but gets caught by Scott and takes an overhead belly-to-belly. Gorilla Press by Scott on Booker, and Rick Steiner intercepts an oncoming Stevie Ray with a Steinerline. Harlem Heat recovers on the outside while Rick decides now would be a good time to chew on the bottom rope.

We finally get back to action, and Rick gets a two count on Booker after a body slam and elbow drop. The third boot to the face out of the corner in this match is used by Booker, who follows up with a spin kick. Brawling tactics by the Heat ensue, but Rick counters an attempted leapfrog by Booker by catching him and slamming him down. Tag to Scott, he starts to attack Booker, but a distraction by Stevie Ray allows Booker T to thrust kick Scott and sends him to the outside, where Stevie goes to beat up on him. Scott gets back in and whipped off the ropes by Booker, who decks Scott with a flying forearm. Booker goes for a spin kick, but Scott takes a step back and catches Booker, delivering a back suplex. HOT TAG to Rick, who cleans house and hits the top-rope bulldog on Stevie, but Booker breaks it up. Stevie gets back up, hoists Rick on his shoulders while Booker scales the top turnbuckle. Booker missle dropkicks Rick off of Stevie's shoulders in a move Heenan calls the Heatseeker, but Rick gets out at two. Booker gets sent to the outside, Scott catches Stevie Ray from behind and the two Stiener give Stevie a combination Steinerline-German Suplex manuever, and the match abruptly ends after that move gets the three count. The match had a few good moments, but they were too few and far in between. I'll give it a 1.94 out of 5.

Ultimo Dragon comes out to wrestle Television Champion Alex Wright. Mike Tenay is back, so now we have four men doing the job that two can do. Some people in the crowd dance, but most accuse Wright of choosing to live an alternative lifestyle by way of chant. Wright starts off by dancing a lot, so Ultimo gives him a dropkick and Wright bails to the outside to catch his breath. Some holds and counterholds are exchanged by the two men, until Dragon gets control by giving the champ a series of kicks. Wright gets back control with the stun gun (the former finisher of Steve Austin, not a taser). Wright gets a series of two counts after a jumping side kick and a back suplex, and in between those manuever he puts the Dragon in a series of chinlocks. Dragon reverses an Irish whip and cross body blocks Wright, than delivers a series of stiff kicks to his opponent's back. Dragon tries a spinning wheel kick, but Wright holds on to the rope, and goes on the attack with another chinlock. Wright gets up, knees Dragon in the stomach, than uses yet another chinlock. These chinlocks may not be putting Ultimo Dragon to sleep, but it's putting me to sleep. Back up, Dragon is sent into the ropes and attempts a Sunset Flip on Wright, but Alex punches him down and then rather unwisely decides to dance, giving Dragon the opportunity to roll Wright up and get a two count. Both men climb to the top, Wright is thrown down, but has the presence of mind to get the feet up when Dragon dives off the top rope, sending Ultimo to the mat. Wright uses a back heel kick and a snap suplex to floor his opponent, than goes up to the top, only for Dragon to counter his dive by getting the feet up. Dragon goes on the offensive with a series of kicks that send Wright to the outside, following up with his trademark Asai Moonsault which nearly takes the cameraman down along with Wright.

Back in, Dragon with a huracanrana, than both wrestlers just lie on the ground for a few seconds before exchanging knife-edge chops from their knees. Dragon gets the advantage after a short dropkick. Dragon goes up top, but Wright crotches him on the turnbuckle, than dropkicks Dragon to the outside of the ring. Wright with a suicide dive, which the announcers are quite surprised at considering Wright usually doesn't do those types of maneuvers. Back in, the two jockey for position, but Ultimo gets the advantage, and does a release Tiger Suplex on Wright which draws a two count. Dragon follows up with a Dragon Suplex with a bridge, but that also only gets two. Dragon picks Wright up and sets him on the top turnbuckle. The two fight on the top before Dragon flips over Wright's back, lands on his feet and powerbombs his opponent. Wright once again kicks out. Dragon is undaunted, and slams Wright down to set up for a moonsault, which connects and draws yet another two count.  Dragon tries for another Huracanrana, but Wright rolls through and puts Dragon on his back for a two count. Wright is down, and Dragon tries a top rope attack, but Wright gets up in time and catches Dragon mid-air with a dropkick for another near-fall. Both men perform a series of roll-ups for three more two counts, and Dragon dropkicks Wright into the corner and hoists him on the turnbuckle. Dragon then does a turnaround huracanrana on Wright off the top and follows with his finisher, the Dragon Sleeper, but Wright is able to get to the ropes. Dragon once again tries for the Dragon Sleeper, but Wright counters with a jawbreaker, and then uses his finisher, the German Suplex, to finally defeat the Ultimo Dragon and retain his TV Title. Good match that really didn't get going until it was about 12 minutes in, and had some awkward moments. Nevertheless, I'll give it a 3.05 out of 5.

Mean Gene Okerlund is shown in the back shilling the WCW hotline when the nWo comes running by. Gene goes to see what's going on, and finds one of the 4 Horsemen, Curt Hennig, lying on the floor. Will Hennig be ok for the main event? Time will tell. In the meantime we have a number one contenders match for Steve McMichael's United States Title pitting Jeff Jarrett against Dean Malenko. Mike Tenay has left again, so we're back to three announcers. The action has moved from the first ring to the second ring for this match for some reason. Jarrett sends his manager, Debra McMichael, to the back so there won't be any distractions in the match. Match starts, Jarrett uses a hip toss and then does his trademark strut. Back to action, the two exchange before Jarrett gets sent down hard with a Malenko shoulder block. The two exchange some basic wrestling maneuvers before Malenko takes advantage with some punches. Back down to the mat, Malenko gets the advantage with a dropkick, and Jarrett goes to the outside to catch his breath. Back in, Jarrett gets the advantage with a side headlock, but Malenko is able to whip Jarrett off the ropes and starts peppering him with punches before Jarrett ducks and uses a sleeper hold. Malenko gets to the ropes. Jarrett goes for a vertical suplex on Malenko, but Malenko blocks, lifts Jarrett up and sets him on the top turnbuckle, than Superplexes Jarrett down. Both men are down but get up at the same time. Malneko is back on the attack with a dropkick and a German Suplex, than puts Jarrett in his submission finisher, the Texas Cloverleaf. Jarrett gets to the ropes, but Debra comes back from the, well, back.

Malenko clotheslines Jarrett so hard that both men go flying over the top rope. While Jarrett is talking with Debra, Malenko uses the time to come back in the ring and uses the baseball slide kick to send Jarrett into the guardrail. Malenko starts to go to work on Jarrett near the guardrails before the two go back in, where Malenko gets a two count after a dropkick. The announcers, particularly Zybzsko, are grilling Malenko due to his lack of emotion in the ring, saying it makes him a worse wrestler or something, I don't know. Malenko whips Jarrett into a corner and charges, but Jarrett catches him with a back elbow and all of a sudden starts to work over Malenko's legs to set him up for the Figure-Four. While Jarrett is pulling on Malenko's leg from outside the ring, Malenko kicks him off, than as Jarrett gets on the apron, Malenko sets him up for a suplex. But Jarrett counters with a cross-body, and gets a two count. Malenko with a sleeperhold, but Jarrett gets out and than back suplexes Malenko down near the corner. Jarrett climbs the ropes and dives, but Malenko gets a leg up. However, Jarrett catches the leg and goes for the Figure-Four, and Malenko counters with an inside cradle to get two. A series of holds get two counts for each men, and as the two are countering each other's moves, Malenko does a leapfrog but lands awkwardly on his ankle. Jarrett attacks by clipping the leg and slapping the Figure-Four on Malenko, who has no choice but to give up. Jarrett now gets a U.S. Title shot at Halloween Havoc. However, he left WCW a few weeks later and was in the WWF by the time Halloween Havoc aired. Regardless, this was another good match. I'll say it's a 2.8 out of 5.

The nWo War Games team of Buff Bagwell, Konnan, Syxx, and Kevin Nash do a promo concerning tonight's main event. They promise to put an end to the Four Horsemen tonight, Zbyszko proclaims that the nWo makes him sick. Up next is a tag team match between the Faces of Fear (Meng and Barbarian) and the team of Wrath and Mortis. Why they decided to match up two heel tag teams together is anybody's guess. The Faces of Fear have matching red pants on tonight, a change up from their normal black pants. This is just a brawl early on, as the two teams just beat on each other and use clotheslines and body slams to beat each other down. Mortis comes in, gets backdropped by Meng into Barbarian, who catches and then powerbombs him. Wrath breaks up the count. Barbarian and Meng continue to dominate Mortis until Barbarian gets on the top rope, only for Wrath and Mortis' manager, James Vandenberg, to shake the top rope and crotching Barbarian in the process. While Meng chases Vandenberg, Barbarian recovers and dives off the top, only to be countered with a raised boot from Mortis. Wrath comes in with a pump kick, and the two nearly pin Barbarian after a powerbomb-neckbreaker combo move before Meng breaks up the count.

Wrath is tagged in and uses more punches and kicks to stifle his foe the Barbarian, then uses a backbreaker and an elbow drop to down Barbarian. Cover, but Barbarian gets his foot on the rope. Mortis is tagged in, and uses a variation of the Rocker Dropper where he comes in and drives a fully standing Barbarian down to the mat with his leg hooked around Barbarian's neck. That gets two. Wrath is tagged back in, and uses a top rope clothesline to send Barbarian to the outside, where Mortis dumps some stairs on him while he is down. Back in the ring. Barbarian is set up on the top rope. Meanwhile, Mortis is sitting on Wrath's shoulders, and they perform an Ultra Superplex on Barbarian, which really pops the crowd and the announcers. But Mortis is still down, and that allows Barbarian to get the Hot Tag to Meng, which gets the loudest reaction of the night up to this point. Meng is just clobbering people left and right, superkicking Mortis and pounding away on Wrath. Powerslam on Wrath gets a two before Mortis breaks it up.Mortis is in but gets slammed down by Meng, who climbs the top rope and delivers a picture perfect splash on Mortis. Wrath comes in to break up the count. Barbarian comes in but is disposed of by Wrath. Meanwhile, Vandenberg is on the apron but gets caught in the Tongan Death Grip by Meng. Mortis tries to break it up, but gets a Tongan Death Grip of his own. Wrath comes back in from behind, and delivers a Death Penalty (Rock Bottom) to Meng, which gets the victory for Wrath and Mortis. There wasn't a lot of finesse in this match, just a lot of hard-hitting action. Still, it was quite entertaining, so I'll give it a 3.139 out of 5.

Mean Gene is in the back with an interview with three of the Horsemen, Benoit and McMichael say a bunch of boring stuff before Flair fires up the crowd with his interview. Basically, the point was that they will go on without Hennig, making it a 4 vs. 3 match. Scott Norton comes out for his match against The Giant. The two waste no time as they exchange blows before heading outside the ring to continue battle. Giant picks Norton up on his shoulder, but Norton slips out and throws him into the ring post. Norton tries to suplex the Giant, but takes a suplex of his own instead. Norton gets in the ring first, and clotheslines the Giant back out just as he was stepping into the ring. Back in, the two exchange blows, but Norton goes downstairs, than catches Giant with a Stun Gun. Norton gets Giant in a corner and delivers some heavy blows to him. Finally, Norton gets Giant out of the corner and back suplexes him, but that gets two. Norton argues with the ref, but the Giant grabs a rope and then kips up. Not bad for a 7 foot 450 pound man. Giant with a big boot and a dropkick sends Norton down, and he calls for the Choke Slam. Giant grabs Norton by the throat, lifts him up, and slams him down, getting a three count. Short match which wasn't too bad, but not that good either. I'll give it a 1.5 out of 5. During the replay, Heenan calls Scott Norton Ed Norton. I don't know if he made a mistake or was just referencing the old Honeymooners character, but that's what he called him.


Next is a rematch from last month's Clash of the Champions featuring the nWo team of Randy Savage and Scott Hall against WCW's Diamond Dallas Page and Lex Luger, who have had some issues over the past few weeks. Schiavone makes the claim that Luger has the most recognizable upper body in sports. Um, OK. A test of strength between Hall and Luger starts off the match, and Hall loses. Zbyszko states that Hall is one of the most overrated wrestlers in the business, pulling no punches for their ongoing feud. Luger starts delivering clothesline to both Hall and Savage, and while Hall escapes to the outside, Luger Gorilla Press slams Savage over the top rope onto Hall. Tag into DDP, and he and Hall start going at it. Page gets the advantage with a series of punches and an atomic drop, all of which Hall oversells to comedic proportions. Page with a pancake piledriver on Hall and decks Savage off of the apron. That proves to be a bad idea, as Savage gets angry and trips DDP coming off the rope.

The nWo start double teaming Page, and Hall nearly gets a three count after a powerslam. Savage and Hall have Page trapped in the corner, but DDP escapes only for Savage to catch up and hold him from tagging out to Luger. Hall uses this opportunity to take advantage by slugging Luger on the apron and stomping him down in between the two rings, leaving Luger stuck there. While Luger's stuck, Savage and Hall take turns throwing Page from one ring to another, and while Savage is choking Page with a ring rope, Hall decides to deck the referee for no good reason. Another ref comes out, only to meet the same result. That brings out an enraged Zbyszko, who gets on the ring apron to jaw with Hall. Meanwhile Luger is finally getting up, and after Zbyszko shoves Hall, Luger rolls him up from behind and Zbyszko administers the three count, which is apparently good enough to make this a victory for Luger and Page. Schiavone claims that that moment where Zbyszko counted Hall down is a moment we will never forget. Well until five minutes ago, I had completly forgotten about it. This match was little more than a setup for a future angle, and nobody brought their A game, per se. I'll give it a 1.1 out of 5 and hope to never have to see it again.

Before the main event, Gene shills the Hotline once more. Michael Buffer is out, doing his thing. He comes up with a great line in introducing the match, which goes as follows: "Two teams, one cage. (long dramatic pause), It's time to set the stage, for the rage, of the WAR GAMES~!" Well, I liked it. The rules of War Games are this, there are two teams of four, the match starts with a five minute period of one on one action, there's a coin flip, and whoever wins gets to send their next man in, the losing them sends the next man in after two minutes, and after every two minutes, the teams alternate putting people in the match until everybody is in. At which time, the match can only end by submission or surrender. The two teams are matched up mainly due to a parody that the nWo did of former horseman Arn Anderson's retirement speech, which you can see right after I'm done writing. The cage is lowered, and the nWo team is out first. According to Buffer, this unit of the nWo want to be called the "Now Ready for Prime Time Players". I'm thinking Nash came up with that one. Anyway, Kevin Nash, Buff Bagwell, Syxx and Konnan represent the nWo. The Horsemen team come out, but Curt Hennig is conspicuous by his absence, so Ric Flair, Chris Benoit, and Steve "Mongo" McMichael have to go without him.  Bagwell and Benoit will start this match. Benoit dominates early and bounces Bagwell against the cage a couple of times before missing a swan dive headbutt off the top rope. Buff takes this opportunity to mug for the camera and throws Benoit against the cage. Both men get up, Benoit charges at Buff but gets backdropped into the cage wall, nearly landing head first on the mat. Buff stomps on Benoit some. The nWo wins the cointoss, but Benoit is starting to regain control of the match. Konnan comes in and tries to dive onto Benoit, but gets kicked on the way down. Benoit with a snap suplex on Konnan and a bodyslam on Bagwell. Once both men are up, Benoit sends them flying into the cage. The numbers prove to be too much, as Bagwell catches Benoit with a kick to the gut and Konnan DDTs him down to the mat. Bagwell takes this time to again mug for the camera.

The three men take the fight to the other ring but never mind that shit, HERE COMES MONGO! He makes his presence felt by delivering clotheslines and bodyslams to both of his opponents. Three point stance into football tackle by Mongo onto Konnan. YEAH! The two Horsemen are in control but here comes Syxx. But Benoit sees him coming and catches him with a brutal clothesline. The Horsemen continue to take the fight to the opponent, and Mongo picks Syxx up and slams him against the roof of the cage. Benoit with the Crippler Crossface on Syxx, and Bagwell breaks it up quickly, much to my delight. I'm not going to get into why that delighted me, but if you know much about Chris Benoit than you might know why. Benoit gets up and throws Syxx into the cage, but that is ignored by the announcers because Curt Hennig has come from the back with his arm in a sling. Flair enters the ring with knife-edge chops for everyone. The Horsemen spend the next two minutes dominating the nWo until Kevin Nash comes in. Nash goes after Flair, whips him into the ropes and sidewalk slams him down. Benoit comes over, but Nash picks him up and slams him back first against the cage. While Mongo is still fighting Konnan, Nash catches him with a big boot and all three Horsemen are down. Buff once again takes this time to mug for the camera. You know, Bagwell knew where the cameras were more than any other wrestler I've ever seen. In a way I almost admire that, but at the same time it gets annoying rather quickly. Syxx is rubbing Flair's face into the cage, but the camera focuses on Hennig. There's some brawling going on between the two teams, and Flair has Syxx in the Figure Four when Hennig comes in. He takes off the sling to reveal two pairs of handcuffs, much to the delight of the crowd. The crowd turns on Hennig about ten seconds later when he hits his teammates Mongo and Benoit with the cuffs and goes right after Flair. Benoit and Mongo are being handcuffed to the cage while the rest of the nWo take turns stomping on Flair. Nash gets a mic and asks if Benoit and Mongo want to surrender, but they refuse. Flair continues to take a beating while Bagwell takes the mic and asks Benoit if he wants to quit, and gets spit on for his efforts. Jacknife powerbomb by Nash onto Flair, and Mongo and Benoit both continue refusing surrender. Finally, Hennig drags Flair and positions his head near the cage door, and Nash threatens that unless the Horsemen quit, Hennig is going to slam the door into Flair's head. Mongo surrenders, but Hennig's such an evil guy that he slams the door in Flair's face anyway. To be honest, it didn't look quite as bad as the announcers were making it out to be, but it still looked painful enough. The nWo wins, Nash proclaims that the Horsemen are dead and Schiavone calls this the most sickening night of his life. Flair would come back a month later and feud with Hennig, so I guess it wasn't that bad. The match was decent enough but the ending kind of sucked the life out of the crowd and really made the Horsemen look like idiots. Plus, even at the time, you could see Hennig's turn coming a mile away. I'll give it a 2.40 out of 5.

Overall, despite the down note it ended it, WCW Fall Brawl 1997 wasn't a bad pay-per-view. Three were three rather good matches and two others that were decent as well. The worst match was the nWo-Page and Luger match, but even that served its purpose. I'll give the show en masse a 6.5 out of 10, as it was three hours of good wrestling action. Well, thanks for reading this monstrosity of a post, and if you have any thoughts about Fall Brawl 97, feel free to leave a comment. Also, if you have ideas for future reviews, than send them me via e-mail at kthec2001@gmail.com. I leave you with the nWo mocking the Horsemen on Nitro:

Canon Video Challenge: Van Hammer vs. the Cruiserweights

Yesterday, a friend of mine and a reader of The Canon Review, Dickson S., came up with a video challenge for me. For some reason, he was watching matches featuring everyone's favorite rock star-wrestler, Van Hammer, and I guess he wanted me to experience the awesomeness of Van Hammer as well, so he came up with a video challenge. The rules are simple:

1. Watch four matches featuring Van Hammer
2. The matches must be against opponents that are considered "cruiserweights"

Well, it took me an hour, but I found four such matches that qualify, so good for me. Let's get this thing started, shall we?

Match 1: Van Hammer vs. Alex Wright, WCW Monday Nitro, September 14, 1998

Here's a non-interesting tidbit, this is the first wrestling match to ever take place at the Bi-Lo center in Greenville, SC. Wright comes out doing his dance, while Hammer comes out dressed like a hippie with a peace sign on his tie-dye shirt. For some reason, Hammer comes out to the old Hollywood Blondes theme song. Hammer speaks into the camera, saying "excuse me while I beat this guy". We start with a tie up, Wright is whipped into the ropes but leapfrogs over Hammer. He celebrates the leapfrog by dancing. Wright takes Hammer down by his hair and starts stomping on him in the corner. Hammer gets up, backdrops the charging Wright, and gives hi two big bodyslams, sending Wright to the outside. Hammer chases Wright back in, but Ernest Miller comes down from the back. While Hammer is taunting Wright from the outside of the ring, Miller ring Hammer's bell with a jumping kick to the side of the head, causing a disqualifaction. Miller gets on the mic, says he's the greatest and other stuff before Doug Dillinger and some police officers handcuff Miller and escort him out of the building. For what, kicking Van Hammer? Who among us would not have done the same thing if we were put in Ernest Miller's shoes? Match was short and not good, so I'll give it an 0.7 out of 5.

Match 2: Van Hammer vs. Chris Jericho, WCW Thunder, January 14, 1999

Jericho comes out with his personal bodyguard, the legendary Ralphus. Before the match, Jericho gets on the mic, and promises to make Perry Saturn wear a dress after their upcoming match at Souled Out 99. Hammer comes out saying something about how too much partying will mess up your brain. The match starts, Jericho dropkicks Hammer after an irish whip and highsteps around the ring. Jericho irish whips Hammer, but Hammer catches Jericho with a short-arm clothesline, and mocks Jericho while Chris is on the ground. The two exchange moves for a couple of minutes, Jericho hits a spinning wheel kick and a vertical suplex. Jericho whips Hammer to the ropes, but Hammer holds on, causing Jericho to whiff on a dropkick. Saturn comes out, maybe to kick Van Hammer in the head. Hammer superplexes Jericho, but only gets a two count. Hammer is unfazed by the kick out, and proceeds to give Jericho a sleeper-hold slam. That only gets two as well. Hammer goes for an enziguri (huh?), but Jericho counters into the Liontamer, forcing Hammer to tap out. Jericho wins, and Saturn applauds his future foe before heading to the back.   Short match that was neither good nor bad, just there. I'll say a 1.5 out of 5.

Match 3: Van Hammer vs. Mikey Whipwreck, WCW Great American Bash, June 13, 1999

Yes, WCW charged people 30 dollars to watch Mikey Whipwreck and Van Hammer wrestle. Not only that, this same card featured Hak vs. Brian Knobbs, Disco Inferno vs. Buff Bagwell, and my favorite match, Ernest "The Cat" Miller vs. Horace Hogan. No wonder WCW is out of buisness. Anyway, Hammer comes out not dressed as a hippie this time, instead wearing a black singlet which says Hammer in big white letters. The match starts, and Hammer dominates his much smaller foe. Hammer continues to dominate Whipwreck. Hammer beals Mikey off the top rope after blocking a monkey flip, a move which the three idiots calling the match actually shut up about the White Hummer for a second to yell OOOOOOOOOHH! Hammer follows up with some of the weakest looking stomps in the history of Western civilization. Hammer picks Mikey up on the turnbuckle, and delivers a good looking Superplex, but he lands hard on his neck, which temporarily shakes him up. Hammer follows with a legdrop but only gets two. Hammer puts Mikey in an abdominal stretch, and the crowd begins to chant "boring" as Bobby Heenan says something about Billy Ripken possibly being in the crowd tonight. Oooh, Billy Ripken, what a big star! Mikey tries to get in some offense, but Hammer has none of it and throws Mikey outside the ring. Hammer sets up the ring steps against the guardrail, picks Mikey up in a fallaway-slam type position, climbs the stairs, and drops Mikey throat first on the guardrail. Why Hammer needed the steps, I'll never know. Hammer goes to pick up Whipwreck, but Mikey counters, and pulls Hammer by his singlet into the guardrail. Mikey gets back in, does a suicide dive, and Hammer has to hustle just to catch him, as Whipwreck was well short of his target. Both men get back in, Whipwreck with a Thesz press from the top, but only gets two. Whipwreck dives off the second turnbuckle, but gets caught and rudely slammed down by Hammer. Oh no, Hammer's taking down the straps which means the end is near. Kurt Angle would later steal that from Van Hammer, or at least I choose to believe that. Hammer with a cobra clutch slam on Whipwreck, which gets the three count. After the match, Hammer looks in the camera and says "I've got nothing to say to you". Tony Schiavone says that sounds like his wife. I wish Tony had nothing to say to us. There was nothing terrible about this match, but it's not something I'd go out of my to see again. I'll give it a 1.95 out of 5.

Match 4: Van Hammer vs. Blitzkrieg, WCW Thunder, September 9, 1999

Another non-interesting note, 9-9-99 was the day the Sega Dreamcast was released to the public. Just thought you might like to know. Hammer comes out and Blitzkrieg soon follows. I guess it's Blitzkrieg's turn to use the old Hollywood Blondes' music. Basically, Hammer throws Blitzkrieg around the ring for about five minutes, doing multiple biels  and also doing some sort of move where he spins Blitzkrieg around on his back and slams him down to the mat. They plug the upcoming WCW Mayhem video game, which Mike Tenay pronounces as "Mayham". Hammer is in control until he goes for a senton (huh?) off the second rope and misses. Blitzkrieg does a standing moonsault, but Hammer sort of moves on the second one and Blitzkrieg mostly misses. Hammer with a biel, but Blitzkrieg counters another biel attempt with a kick to the face. They go to the outside, where Blitzkrieg is able to show off his aerial prowess with an asai moonsault off the apron. Back in, Blitzkrieg tries for a slingshot attack, but Hammer catches him and throws him down. A cobra clutch slam shortly after ends the match and your winner is Van Hammer. This match was just as boring as the other ones, I'll give it a 1.2 out of 5.

Well, that was fun. On one hand, Van Hammer's a big guy that doesn't screw up many of his moves and has some agility. On the other hand, Van Hammer has a pedestrian offense and shows little to no psychology in any of his matches. Is Hammer the worst wrestler I've ever seen? Far from it, but most of his matches are just boring to me. I'm sure there are a few huge Van Hammer fans out there who appreciate his work and felt that he never got a fair shot in WCW, but I'm not really one of them. Well, thanks for reading, and if you have any thoughts on this topic, or any ideas for future topics for The Canon Review to cover, than share them either by leaving a comment or by sending me an e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com. As a bonus, here's the Hollywood Blondes' theme song that 20 other WCW wrestlers used over the years. If you watched any WCW over the years, than trust me, you will recognize this song.

The Canon Review of Starrcade 1994

After reviewing the brief WCW tenure of the Honky Tonk Man a couple of weeks ago, I found myself interested in watching more of World Championship Wrestling, circa 1994. This can't be a healthy interest, as most wrestling fans are not big fans of that particular time period, and for good reason. Well, I don't care, I'm going to watch and review Starrcade 1994 anyway. Starrcade 1994 is notable because the main event featured WCW World Champion Hulk Hogan taking on his best friend Brutus Beefcake, going by the moniker of "The Butcher" for some reason here. Yes my friends, WCW's biggest show of the year is main-evented by Brutus freakin' Beefcake. But wait, there's more, as the other big matches include Sting vs. Avalanche (John Tenta), Vader vs. U.S. Champion Hacksaw Jim Duggan, and in what was likely the match of the year, Kevin Sullivan wrestles Mr. T. This looks to be quite the show. Actually, I've seen it before, but that was like 10 years ago and besides, a show like this should be rewatched at least 9 times. So, in the words of Tazz, here comes the pain.

We open with a rundown of the card and the introduction of our announcers, Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, and Gene Okerlund doing the interviews. Great, I'm going to have to suffer three hours of Bobby telling jokes and Tony refusing to laugh at any of them. Bobby makes some joke about Nashville being full of rednecks which Tony ignores and Gene chastises Bobby for. Aaron Tippin sings the national anthem, wearing a Tampa Bay Lightning jersey for some reason. After that, we see clips of Randy Savage promising to confront Hogan at Starrcade and Hogan accepting the Wrestler of the Year award from Pro Wrestling Illustrated magazine. After all of that nonsense, we are finally ready to start this show.

Up first is the first of tonight's "Triple Main Event", between Vader and Hacksaw Jim Duggan for Duggan's United States Championship. Duggan comes out ready to fight tonight, as he constantly beats Vader to the punch and keeps his opponent off balance for the first few minutes of the match with a variety of clotheslines and punches. Duggan even pulls out a cross-body block and bodyslams the 450 pound Vader at one point. Eventually, Vader takes control, and gets a two count after the Vader splash off the second rope. A short while after, Vader attempts the moonsault, but Duggan moves out of the way. Duggan gets back up, clotheslines Vader a couple of more times, and catches and slams Vader down after Vader jumped off the middle rope. Duggan's got the cover, but referee Nick Patrick is distracted by Vader's manager, Harley Race. Duggan goes into the three point stance and charges his opponent, but Vader throws Duggan into Race, who puts Duggan's 2 x 4 in the air and Duggan runs into it. Duggan's down, but Vader picks him up off the ground, and slams him face first with an inverted powerbomb type maneuver. That gets three, and Vader's the new United States Champion. Not a bad match, and Duggan got the crowd fired up early, even though a lot of people cheered when Vader eventually won. Too many clotheslines in this match, though, and Vader didn't seem all that interested, to be honest. I'll give it a 2.5 out of 5.

Mean Gene's in the back with the Faces of Fear (Butcher, Kevin Sullivan, and Avalanche). Sullivan's the only one that should talk, but everybody gets some mic time and Butcher ends up flubbing a couple of lines. Up next is a matchup of two young superstars. One of which would become arguably the biggest star in the business, while the other had a few years of employment, but by and large was out of the sport a few years later. It's Alex Wright vs. Jean-Paul Levesque, better known today as Triple-H. I suddenly became very sleepy while watching this match. A LOT of chin locks and mat wrestling that really goes nowhere. Levesque used a spinning wheel kick at one point, which I don't think he's done since. The end comes after Levesque whips Wright into the corner, Wright backflips behind his opponent, schoolboys Levesque and gets the victory. After watching the match, it was clear that Levesque was the better worker, but both men were very inexperienced at this point and the match basically killed the crowd dead. Afterwards, WCW kept pushing Wright as it's hot young superstar, while Levesque soon left WCW to go on to bigger and better things in the WWE. In hindsight, I think WCW might have made a mistake here. Match gets a 1.2 out of 5.

The next match is supposed to be the third Honky Tonk Man-Johnny B. Badd match, but HTM walked out on the company just before the show, so mercifully I am spared from watching that debacle. Instead we get Arn Anderson vs. Johnny B. Badd for Badd's television title. Heenan states that they should have bombed Nashville instead of Horishima, which just horrifies Schiavone. I guess Heenan's not a fan of the Music City. The match starts with a bunch of tie-ups, Badd pulls off a move, and Arn quickly backs away sequences. Johnny B. gets the advantage with a few punches, but Arn hits the spinebuster, but doesn't cover Badd because he's still dazed from the punches. From there, Arn takes over, using the abdominal stretch, and a sleeper hold. Badd gets out of the sleeper, puts on his own sleeper, but Anderson gives Badd the jawbreaker to get out of it. Both men get back up, and Badd counters out of an Irish whip with a nice-looking headscissors. He gets a couple of two counts, than attempts the sunset flip from the top rope. Badd hits it, but Anderson once again kicks out at two. Anderson rolls up Badd and has his foot on the ropes, but the referee saw it and gets Arn off of him. Arn thinks he's won for some reason, but Badd sneaks up behind him and uses the same finish as the previous match, a schoolboy that gets the three count. Anderson is in shock and Badd retains the TV title. Probably better than anything HTM and Badd could have put together, but I wouldn't go out of my way to watch this match again. I'll give it a 2 out of 5.

The Nasty Boys are presented with the 1994 PWI Award for Tag Team of the Year, which leads us into our next match featuring the Boys and Harlem Heat, who are accompanied by Sister Sherri. The match starts off as a brawl between the two teams, but quickly becomes an honest to goodness wrestling match. That's not really a good thing, though, as basically the Nasties do a lot of arm work on Harlem Heat, but that's quickly forgotten, so we basically got four minutes of mat wrestling for no real reason. Stevie Ray drags Jerry Sags out of the ring, and gives him a pump kick out in the aisle, giving Harlem Heat the advantage. However, Booker T's the legal man, so we have to wait for about a minute before Stevie drags Sags (hey, that rhymes) back to the ring. From there, Booker T delivers a scissor kick, but only gets two. Harlem Heat slows the match down even more, because clearly that's what this show needed, another slow match. Sags delivers a DDT to both men and gets the hot tag to Brian Knobbs, who gets in there and brawls with Stevie Ray. Sherri gets on the apron, goes to spray Knobbs with some sort of aerosol product, but she "accidentally gets Stevie Ray instead. I say accidentally because Knobbs ducked some five seconds before Sherri used the spray. Booker gets on the top, but Knobbs throws him off and Sags hit a big elbow drop. Cover, but Sherri dives off the top to break it up. Somehow, the Nasties see this and move, making Sherri land on Booker T instead. The ref calls for a disqualification, and the Nasties have Sherri cornered. They then stick Sherri's face in Sags' arm pit. Well, that's disgusting. After the match, both teams are shown in the back delivering promos about how they'll continue to fight or whatever. The promos looked very ECW-ish, if that makes any sense at all. This match kind of sucked, I'll give it a 1 out of 5.

Sting is presented with PWI's most popular wrestler of the year. We go to the back with Sting and Gene. Sting says he's tired of hearing everybody talk about what they're going to do at Starrcade, so naturally, he talks about what he's going to do at Starrcade. I wish he would have talked more, because up next we have Kevin Sullivan wrestling Mr. T. Sullivan comes out, and we get another ECW-style promo of Sullivan clawing at the wall backstage because he's crazy. Mr. T has decided to dress like a prisoner, with a black-and-white striped shirt and stocking hat on. T gets the first moves in, but Sullivan gets the advantage with some brawling. They go the outside, a cameraman trips over the stairs, and unfortunately for him, T and Sullivan decide to wrestle in the exact same area, so the poor cameraman is under Mr. T, who is getting beat down by Sullivan. It was actually funny, at least to me. Santa Claus comes out, somebody in the audience pulls off his hat and Jimmy Hart gives him a megaphone to put in his bag. Santa's actually Evad Sullivan, Kevin's "brother" and he wallops Kevin in the back with the sack. Mr. T covers, and wins the match. Evad celebrates with the fans outside the ring, but Kevin comes up from behind and beats him up. He takes Evad to the ring, and Evad's pants are falling off. Luckily, he had his wrestling gear underneath, or otherwise that would have been a quite unwelcome sight. Kevin piledrives Evad, takes Santa's belt off, and whips his "brother" in the face with the belt. That looked like it might hurt. The match gets a 0.3 out of 5, as T really couldn't do anything and well, it just sucked.

Hulk Hogan and Jimmy Hart are in the back with Gene. Hulk addresses both the Butcher and Randy Savage and promises to rip all of his opponents in half. Jimmy Hart says he'll never leave the Hulkster's side. Well, that turned out to be a lie, didn't it. Avalanche comes out for his match with Sting, and naturally, Sting follows. What transpires after this is one of the sloooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeesssssssstttttttt matches you will see. Avalanche does hardly anything and is blown up about five minutes in. All Sting can do with Avalanche is kick him in the leg and wait for Avalanche to get his breath back. Sting tried, but it just was not going to happen. Avalanche stalls a lot and does a bunch of side headlocks with the occasional leg drop or clothesline thrown in. Sting finally starts to get some momentium, knocking Avalanche down with a clothesline. He backs the 'Lanche into the corner and hits the Stinger Splash, but the referee was trapped behind Avalanche and he goes down as well. Sting turns over Avalanche for the Scorpion Death Lock, but Kevin Sullivan interferes. Sting has some success fighting them off, but the numbers are too much for Sting. Avalanche uses his patened sit-down splash on Sting, and goes for another one but Hogan comes out and chases his two enemies out with a chair. Sting wins by disqualifaction, marking yet another unsatisfying and cheap finish on this show. I almost fell asleep during this match at least twice, so I'll give it a 0.5 out of 5.

We see Jimmy Hart win the Manager of the Year Award from PWI. Whoop-dee-damn-do. We then get a recap of the events that led up to Hogan wrestling his best friend. See, a masked man kept attacking Hogan, and at Halloween Havoc, that man was revealed to be Brutus Beefcake. So, here we are. Butcher comes out with Sullivan and Avalanche, while Hogan comes with Jimmy Hart and a chair. Michael Buffer makes the introductions, which takes up about three minutes of time, Avalanche and Sullivan are sent to the back, and off we go. This match set the record for most back rakes used in a single match, as 80% of both men's offensive repertoire was the dreaded back rake. Hogan even pulled out the dreaded chest rake as well. Hogan uses a chair, but the match still continues. Hogan starts biting the Butcher, but again, the ref lets it go. Butcher does something, I don't remember, but it ends with a nerve hold on Hogan. Butcher then puts his patented sleeper on Hogan. Hogan's arm drops twice, but he just barely holds it up the third time. Butcher thinks that he's won, but he has not, and Hogan begins to Hulk out all over Butcher. Sullivan runs out, and Avalanche struggles to jog out. They both get blows from Hogan, so they hang out on the apron and watch Hogan legdrop Butcher for the three count. Afterwards, the three Faces of Fear surround Hogan, but here comes Randy Savage. Savage shakes Sullivan's hand, but WAITAMINUTE! Savge attacks Sullivan and teams with Hogan to run the threesome off. Savage shakes Hogan's hand and the two celebrate. To the locker room with a post-match interview with Savage and Hogan. They talk about this and that, but here comes Vader, who calls the Hulkster out. Chaos then ensues as wrestlers and security struggle to hold the two men apart. Looks like we've got a main event for the next WCW Pay-Per-View spectacular. I don't know what to give this match and I never want to see it again, so I'll just say a 1 out of 5 and leave it at that.

Well, that was not very good at all. Most of the matches either disappointed or sucked as much as you thought they would. The first match was the best of the night, and even that was just ok. So I strongly recommend you not watch this show unless you are having trouble falling asleep one night. I'll give the whole show a 2.4 out of 10. Well, thanks for reading, and if you have any better ideas for reviews than this, then for goodness sakes send them to me. You can send them either by e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com or by leaving a comment on the blog.