With Halloween fast approaching, many television networks have been showing horror movie after horror movie, full of monsters and mayhem and all sorts of terror. Well, one movie that hopefully will not be shown is the 1964 horror classic The Creeping Terror. Considered one of the worst movies of all-time, The Creeping Terror was produced, and directed by Art J. Nelson, who also starred in the film under the alias Vic Savage. The Creeping Terror also starred a giant monster composed mainly of sewn together carpet pieces and powered by a team of college students. Since the film was shot in the desert, I'm absolutely positive that being under that suit was not a fun experience to say the least. The film also stars a bunch of people you've never heard of, and for good reason. The plot of this monstrosity is rather simple, a monster has landed from outer space, and has started to eat people. So it's up to acting sheriff Martin (Savage), his wife, his deputy, a scientist, and the country's worst infantry unit to slow this thing down before everyone gets swallowed up. A few thoughts about this film.
- The monster, to put it nicely, moves at a glacial pace. I've seen houses move faster than this monster. So to say it's creeping is accurate. Nevertheless, despite its lack of speed, the monster is an effective killing machine for one reason and one reason only. Each one of his victims refuse to escape in any form. With the exception of the boyfriend leaving his girl to die by crab-walking on out of there, the victims just scream a lot and stare into the monster's eyes, waiting for it to crawl over them and swallow them whole. As Mike wondered during the film, "did people not run during the 50s"? Even if the victims were to walk at a brisk pace, they would avoid their doom, but I guess that was just too advanced for this film.
- To make matters worse, since the monster really couldn't do anything, all of its victims had to physically crawl in to the contraption of carpets. This is especially noticable in the first feeding scene, where the girl in the bikini is eaten by the monster. What is also noticable is that the camera lingers for a rather long time on the girl's backside and legs squirming around trying to get out (or in, I suppose) of the monster's clutches. This is not the last time that we get to see this shot, and it's shown so much that I wonder if the director has a fetish involving women squirming in giant monsters or something.
- Most of the film's dialogue is narrated. In fact, the narration is so through that instead of hearing the characters carry out conversations, we basically get a summary of what is being talked about from the narrator. It's kind of annoying, to be honest, and being told that the colonel told the scientist to go to hell doesn't have the same impact as hearing the words from the horse's mouth would. According to rumor, Nelson may not have had much of choice, as it's been mentioned that the original soundtrack was lost and in a last-ditch effort, Nelson was forced to have the narrator talk over the film. Of course, it's also been reported that Nelson just wanted to save money, so he had a narrator talk in a studio over the footage. Considering the poor camera work, lack of production values, and cheap monster, I tend to believe the latter is true.
- Then again, that may have been a smart idea, as what little dialogue spoken by the actors is not only poorly dubbed, but the actors are just awful. It seems as if whoever is in the movie is unable to accurately portray fear, anger, or much else for that matter. Some of the acting is so bad that it needs to be seen to be believed.
- The most confusing sequence in the whole movie, and by golly there are a lot of them, is when Martin brings his deputy Barney over to his house for drinks. About halfway through, the narrator starts jumping in telling the audience about how Martin's marriage has changed his relationship with Barney, and basically saying that Barney should suck it up because getting married is what real men do or something. I think somebody involved with the film was tired of his friends ragging on his marriage. The scene ends with the happy couple making out like two clumsy teenagers, while poor Barney is sitting right next to them on the couch. Well, I think that's just rude, and really puts Barney in an awkward situation. Judge for yourself and see if you agree:
There's more, oh yes, there's more. Like the hootenanny and the third-rate folk rock, and the dance hall scene where all sorts of subplots pop up out of nowhere, and none of them gets resolved. Also, there's the mother that checks her baby's temperature in an unpleasant manner, although thankfully it's not shown, only implied, and that's not even mentioning the worst army in the history of cinema, accepting the team in the Pauly Shore classic In the Army Now. For bad movie lovers, this flick has it all, poor cinematography, a terrible plot, bad acting, bad sound, one of the worst monsters in cinematic history, women dancing in tight pants, and even a preachy message about marriage. Bottom line, this movie is so bad it's good, and the riffing by the MST3K crew, while humorous, is almost unnecessary due to the sheer ridiculousness of the original film. The Creeping Terror is not good, not good at all, but it is oddly captivating and at least it's not as bad as Red Zone Cuba. I'll give the movie a 1 out of 10, and the episode itself a 5.5 out of 10, as there's quite a few funny bits in between the film.
Well, thanks for reading, and if you have any comments about this or previous posts, or ideas for future reviews or posts, than share them either by leaving a comment or by sending me an e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com.
Showing posts with label bad acting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bad acting. Show all posts
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Canon MST3K Review: The She Creature
Earlier this afternoon, I decided to watch Mystery Science Theatre 3000 episode 808, which is a little movie called The She Creature. Yes, The She Creature is as bad as it sounds. Anyway, this movie was made in 1956 and directed by Edward L. Cahn, who directed a whole bunch of other movies that are nowadays found on DVD for 1 dollar at Wal-Mart, and stars a lot of B-movie veterans such as the leading man of This Island Earth, Lance Fuller. The plot of this movie is as follows; a man named Dr. Carlo Lombardi is summoning up The She-Creature for reasons unknown, and the She-Creature is going around killing people. Meanwhile, Lombardi has a woman named Andrea under his hypnotic trance, and Lombardi is desperate to prove that his whole schtick of reverting people to past lives and summoning sea creatures is all legit. To do so, he tries to convince a Mr. Ted Erickson (Fuller), a professor of Psychic Research. Erickson is skeptical of Lombardi, but becomes smitten with Andrea and spends the rest of the movie trying to free Andrea from Lombardi's psychic hold. A few notes about this movie:
- Man, there's some bad acting in this film. Fuller in particular is just horrible, as his acting ranges from a state of disinterest to acting like he's been shot with a tranquilizer dart. He never bothers to make eye contact with any of the other actors, often has a blank stare on his face, and mumbles his lines to the point where you can't hear what he's saying and he just trails off. The show even featured a skit with Mike Nelson trying to perfect Lance Fuller's particular brand of acting, or non-acting, as it were. As it turns out, it was a little harder than expected, such is the depth of Fuller's wooden performance.
- Meanwhile, Dr. Lombardi, played by Chester Morris, was a deadly serious man who acts as if humor and wit is a foreign concept. He has a creepy relationship with Andrea, sends the She-Creature to kill innocent people for little to no reason and has an ego the size of Montana. Plus, he has a dark thin mustache and wears a cloak, so you know he's evil. He's also much more interesting than Erickson, so you kind of find yourself rooting for him to kill off Erickson.
- It was mentioned during the film that the woman playing Andrea (Marla English) should have been given a Purple Heart for her role in the film. That may be a little far, but considering she spent most of the movie with Lombardi right up in her face the whole time, and Lombardi is not a handsome man by any means, she should have at least been given a bonus.
- The best actor in this cast is, by far, the dog that played King. He barks and growls and cowers on command, and actually shows more than one emotion, unlike most of his costars. Actually, he was the only character I was interested in seeing on the screen.
- Erickson, for reasons unknown to me, hangs around an older rich gentleman named Chappel and his daughter Dorothy, who is smitten with the professor. This in spite of the fact that he expresses on multiple occasions a disdain for the wealthy and affluent. Yet he still keeps coming back to their parties, eating their food and being served by their butlers. What's more, Erickson has a rich, pretty blonde women whose way into him and seems to be pleasant enough, yet he chooses to go after Andrea, who has more baggage than the Atlanta airport and has all the personality of a house plant. Come to think of it, Erickson has that same personality, so maybe they're meant for each other.
- As for the She-Creature, well she's some sort of crustacean type who is about as big as The Great Khali and can not be slowed down with bullets. She also moves about as slow as the Great Khali, and her finishing move is the same as Khali's an overhead chop to the head, which is rather effective with her claw hands. Now, how can you tell she's a She-Creature, you ask? Well, the designers of the costume decided to make the She-Creature rather well-endowed, so to speak, making for one strange looking sea monster.
Overall, I think Mike Nelson summed it up best when he said that he'd like to put this movie in a stump grinder. There's so much wrong with this movie. The acting is terrible, the lighting is nearly as bad, and the plot is rather simple and full of holes to boot. Even the riffs on the movie seemed to be lacking something. I'd give the movie a 2.0 out of 10, and the episode a 4.8 out of 10. Well, thanks for reading, and if you have any ideas for future reviews, or comments about this review, then share them either by leaving a comment or by sending me an e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com
- Man, there's some bad acting in this film. Fuller in particular is just horrible, as his acting ranges from a state of disinterest to acting like he's been shot with a tranquilizer dart. He never bothers to make eye contact with any of the other actors, often has a blank stare on his face, and mumbles his lines to the point where you can't hear what he's saying and he just trails off. The show even featured a skit with Mike Nelson trying to perfect Lance Fuller's particular brand of acting, or non-acting, as it were. As it turns out, it was a little harder than expected, such is the depth of Fuller's wooden performance.
- Meanwhile, Dr. Lombardi, played by Chester Morris, was a deadly serious man who acts as if humor and wit is a foreign concept. He has a creepy relationship with Andrea, sends the She-Creature to kill innocent people for little to no reason and has an ego the size of Montana. Plus, he has a dark thin mustache and wears a cloak, so you know he's evil. He's also much more interesting than Erickson, so you kind of find yourself rooting for him to kill off Erickson.
- It was mentioned during the film that the woman playing Andrea (Marla English) should have been given a Purple Heart for her role in the film. That may be a little far, but considering she spent most of the movie with Lombardi right up in her face the whole time, and Lombardi is not a handsome man by any means, she should have at least been given a bonus.
- The best actor in this cast is, by far, the dog that played King. He barks and growls and cowers on command, and actually shows more than one emotion, unlike most of his costars. Actually, he was the only character I was interested in seeing on the screen.
- Erickson, for reasons unknown to me, hangs around an older rich gentleman named Chappel and his daughter Dorothy, who is smitten with the professor. This in spite of the fact that he expresses on multiple occasions a disdain for the wealthy and affluent. Yet he still keeps coming back to their parties, eating their food and being served by their butlers. What's more, Erickson has a rich, pretty blonde women whose way into him and seems to be pleasant enough, yet he chooses to go after Andrea, who has more baggage than the Atlanta airport and has all the personality of a house plant. Come to think of it, Erickson has that same personality, so maybe they're meant for each other.
- As for the She-Creature, well she's some sort of crustacean type who is about as big as The Great Khali and can not be slowed down with bullets. She also moves about as slow as the Great Khali, and her finishing move is the same as Khali's an overhead chop to the head, which is rather effective with her claw hands. Now, how can you tell she's a She-Creature, you ask? Well, the designers of the costume decided to make the She-Creature rather well-endowed, so to speak, making for one strange looking sea monster.
Overall, I think Mike Nelson summed it up best when he said that he'd like to put this movie in a stump grinder. There's so much wrong with this movie. The acting is terrible, the lighting is nearly as bad, and the plot is rather simple and full of holes to boot. Even the riffs on the movie seemed to be lacking something. I'd give the movie a 2.0 out of 10, and the episode a 4.8 out of 10. Well, thanks for reading, and if you have any ideas for future reviews, or comments about this review, then share them either by leaving a comment or by sending me an e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com
Sunday, June 6, 2010
The Canon Review of two CSI; Miami Episodes
Today at the Canon Review, we are going to take a look at two random episodes of the world famous Televison show, CSI: Miami. CSI Miami is a show that has become famous for a variety of reasons, and I myself have watched many an episode, and yet I still can't figure out exactly why it's so popular. The show is just so over the top and the acting is bad, especially that of David Caruso, whose one liners that start off each episode have been compiled into a hilarious YouTube clip right here:
Wow, wasn't that just great. On with the first episode.
Episode 1: Cyber-lebity (Season 6, Episode 2)
Wow, I don't know where to start here. A kid is murdered at a swim meet, old school style, with a crossbow. Meanwhile, his girlfriend Candide believes that it is connected to her newfound fame after someone posted a picture of her on the internet, and everybody went crazy over her. As it turns out, she's not wrong. The team investigate the case, meeting up with the athletic director who has a wall full of pictures of Candice in and out of the pool, which is rather creepy indeed. Since everybody on this show is supersmart, they figure out what crossbow was used after a montage of firing crossbows. Meanwhile, Wolfe, who normally is a part of the team but is on leave for reasons I don't remember, is assigned to be Candice's private security guard. More trouble ensues when the latest cyber-lebity becomes none other than good ol' Horatio Caine, and it is revealed to the public that he put away a mafia killer. Eventually, Caine's life in threatened, and his car is stolen too. The car was stolen by the mobster's son, who also set fire to a building but for some reason, is not charged with any crime after he was brought into custody. Ok then. Meanwhile, since everybody all of sudden knows about the physics of crossbows, we find out that it was a woman that took the shot. It turns out to be Candice's rival on the swim team, Miranda, who used her charms to get into the Athletic Director's office, grabbed a crossbow, calibrated it, and attempted a long distance shot that even the best trick shooter would have difficulty pulling off in order to kill Candice. I mean, in order to hit her target, she would have to miss the eight people in front of her and had about a quarter of a second, and even then it's unlikely to a killshot. The only problem was, Candice never got off the block, and Luke happened to be in the wrong spot at the wrong time. The shot Miranda was going for had a minute chance at best of hitting her target, so you got to wonder why she didn't try a more direct way to ice her rival.
Oh, but we're not finished, as Horatio gets one of his lab techs to post his location online to lure his stalker out. Turns out, it's the mobster's son, the same guy they let go two hours ago, and look, there happens to be a gun lying around. The son picks up the gun, Horatio tries to talk him out of it, but the kid fires four shots, and Horatio is, wait, he's still standing. Turns out Mr. Caine set the gun there himself and filled it with blanks, just to trick his nemesis. The kid gets arrested, and once again justice is served. Also, there's a stupid sub-plot involving Candice's father faking a kidnapping in order to scare his daughter, but we really don't need to get into that, now do we. This episode was so ridicoulous it almost made sense. I'll give it a 4 out of 10.
Episode 2: Mia/NYC Non Stop (season 2, episode 23)
We start off with a teenage girl at a party. She realizes that she is late, and better get home or her parents will 'kill' her. That turns out to be a poor choice of words, because she gets home to find that her parents were brutally murdered. Horatio and the coroner arrive at the scene, and Horatio promises justice in the way only he can. Eventually, they find out that, due to the killer hocking up fluid, he lives in New York, because they're just that smart. Horatio finds out that he's back in New York, and he decided to go there himself and leave the kids at home. Up there, he meets Mac Taylor (Gary Sinise), and the rest of the New York CSI crew, which oddly enough, would have a show of their known mere months after this episode. Yes, my friends, this is the episode which launches CSI's second spin-off. When we meet Mac, he is at the murder scene of an undercover cop, when Horatio walks in. What's great about this scene is that while everything else is dark and gray, Horatio seems to have a bright aura around him, almost as if he's been superimposed in the shot. I'm sure it was a lighting trick, but still, The New York crew isn't as bombastic as their coharts from Miami, which is a bit of a relief.
Anyway, they nearly catch the killer, but he escapes, and then all of a sudden, they learn that he killed the wrong people in Miami, and has gone to New York to finish the job. So, he kills a millionaire and his wife, and their son suffered stab wounds but does live. It's discovered that the man had a little female company on the night of his murder, while his wife was passed out from a cocktail of pills. They interview the girl, she says she was there but didn't kill him. It's discovered that the woman also had an 'erotic encounter' with the son that night, which turns the investigation's attention towards him, since his knife wounds were different than the ones his parents suffered. But that turns out to be a red herring, as we finally discover that it was the doorman that hired the thug to kill them, in order to collect on some inheritance money the millionaire left him in his will after the doorman saved his life. The case wrapped up, Horatio waves goodbye to Mac, Mac turns around to say something to him, but Horatio makes like Houdini and disappears. Not a bad episode, and certainly not as silly as the previous one, but with all the different characters, it felt a little cluttered. I'll give it a 6.2 out of 10.
Overall, CSI: Miami is a silly little show that anybody can pick up on the storyline in about 25 seconds, so a lot of people watch it due to its mixture of simplicity and excitement. Nothing wrong with that, but there are times where things are so over the top that the show just becomes downright silly. Also, the acting ranges from decent to ridiculous, so it's no surprise that nobody's been nominated for an Emmy. There are worse shows than this on the air, but there are much better shows as well. Well, thanks for reading, and if you have any ideas for blog posts or reviews, let me know about them either by e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com or some other way.
Wow, wasn't that just great. On with the first episode.
Episode 1: Cyber-lebity (Season 6, Episode 2)
Wow, I don't know where to start here. A kid is murdered at a swim meet, old school style, with a crossbow. Meanwhile, his girlfriend Candide believes that it is connected to her newfound fame after someone posted a picture of her on the internet, and everybody went crazy over her. As it turns out, she's not wrong. The team investigate the case, meeting up with the athletic director who has a wall full of pictures of Candice in and out of the pool, which is rather creepy indeed. Since everybody on this show is supersmart, they figure out what crossbow was used after a montage of firing crossbows. Meanwhile, Wolfe, who normally is a part of the team but is on leave for reasons I don't remember, is assigned to be Candice's private security guard. More trouble ensues when the latest cyber-lebity becomes none other than good ol' Horatio Caine, and it is revealed to the public that he put away a mafia killer. Eventually, Caine's life in threatened, and his car is stolen too. The car was stolen by the mobster's son, who also set fire to a building but for some reason, is not charged with any crime after he was brought into custody. Ok then. Meanwhile, since everybody all of sudden knows about the physics of crossbows, we find out that it was a woman that took the shot. It turns out to be Candice's rival on the swim team, Miranda, who used her charms to get into the Athletic Director's office, grabbed a crossbow, calibrated it, and attempted a long distance shot that even the best trick shooter would have difficulty pulling off in order to kill Candice. I mean, in order to hit her target, she would have to miss the eight people in front of her and had about a quarter of a second, and even then it's unlikely to a killshot. The only problem was, Candice never got off the block, and Luke happened to be in the wrong spot at the wrong time. The shot Miranda was going for had a minute chance at best of hitting her target, so you got to wonder why she didn't try a more direct way to ice her rival.
Oh, but we're not finished, as Horatio gets one of his lab techs to post his location online to lure his stalker out. Turns out, it's the mobster's son, the same guy they let go two hours ago, and look, there happens to be a gun lying around. The son picks up the gun, Horatio tries to talk him out of it, but the kid fires four shots, and Horatio is, wait, he's still standing. Turns out Mr. Caine set the gun there himself and filled it with blanks, just to trick his nemesis. The kid gets arrested, and once again justice is served. Also, there's a stupid sub-plot involving Candice's father faking a kidnapping in order to scare his daughter, but we really don't need to get into that, now do we. This episode was so ridicoulous it almost made sense. I'll give it a 4 out of 10.
Episode 2: Mia/NYC Non Stop (season 2, episode 23)
We start off with a teenage girl at a party. She realizes that she is late, and better get home or her parents will 'kill' her. That turns out to be a poor choice of words, because she gets home to find that her parents were brutally murdered. Horatio and the coroner arrive at the scene, and Horatio promises justice in the way only he can. Eventually, they find out that, due to the killer hocking up fluid, he lives in New York, because they're just that smart. Horatio finds out that he's back in New York, and he decided to go there himself and leave the kids at home. Up there, he meets Mac Taylor (Gary Sinise), and the rest of the New York CSI crew, which oddly enough, would have a show of their known mere months after this episode. Yes, my friends, this is the episode which launches CSI's second spin-off. When we meet Mac, he is at the murder scene of an undercover cop, when Horatio walks in. What's great about this scene is that while everything else is dark and gray, Horatio seems to have a bright aura around him, almost as if he's been superimposed in the shot. I'm sure it was a lighting trick, but still, The New York crew isn't as bombastic as their coharts from Miami, which is a bit of a relief.
Anyway, they nearly catch the killer, but he escapes, and then all of a sudden, they learn that he killed the wrong people in Miami, and has gone to New York to finish the job. So, he kills a millionaire and his wife, and their son suffered stab wounds but does live. It's discovered that the man had a little female company on the night of his murder, while his wife was passed out from a cocktail of pills. They interview the girl, she says she was there but didn't kill him. It's discovered that the woman also had an 'erotic encounter' with the son that night, which turns the investigation's attention towards him, since his knife wounds were different than the ones his parents suffered. But that turns out to be a red herring, as we finally discover that it was the doorman that hired the thug to kill them, in order to collect on some inheritance money the millionaire left him in his will after the doorman saved his life. The case wrapped up, Horatio waves goodbye to Mac, Mac turns around to say something to him, but Horatio makes like Houdini and disappears. Not a bad episode, and certainly not as silly as the previous one, but with all the different characters, it felt a little cluttered. I'll give it a 6.2 out of 10.
Overall, CSI: Miami is a silly little show that anybody can pick up on the storyline in about 25 seconds, so a lot of people watch it due to its mixture of simplicity and excitement. Nothing wrong with that, but there are times where things are so over the top that the show just becomes downright silly. Also, the acting ranges from decent to ridiculous, so it's no surprise that nobody's been nominated for an Emmy. There are worse shows than this on the air, but there are much better shows as well. Well, thanks for reading, and if you have any ideas for blog posts or reviews, let me know about them either by e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com or some other way.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Canon MST3K Review: Werewolf
Today was a strange day, which somewhat explains why I'm posting at 4:00 in the morning. It's also fitting that today was a strange day, because Werewolf is a strange movie. Quite frankly, Werewolf was 31 flavors of awful, featuring a plot that made little sense, a director with no clue, and actors as wooden as Hacksaw Jim Duggan's 2 x 4. All of this does make this movie very easy to mock, and the gang at Mystery Science Theater sure did a thorough job of mocking this schlock. Now, a few notes from the movie, Werewolf:
- This movie was made in 1996, making this the most recent film ever spoofed on MST3K. If you saw this film, you would think it was made in 1976, not '96.
- The director of this movie is a man by the name of Tony Zarindast. He directs with the touch of a man that has no idea what he is doing, as there are a lot of poor shots in this film. In one scene, the camera pans over a mural in a bar for what seems like a minute, for no good reason at all. Another shot is a still shot of a building, for 25 seconds. The building ended up being the setting for two minor scenes in the film, so why Mr. Zarindast spent so much time fixated on it is a mystery. Whoever mixed the sound in this movie did a poor job, as there are many parts where you can't hear the actors' lines over the music and there were a couple of times where all you could hear was mumbling, during what were supposed to be big scenes. Also, the score of this movie is just awful.
- The biggest star in the movie, if you can call him that, is Joe Estavez, better known as Martin Sheen's brother. He plays one of the archeologists. He's in the movie for about 5 minutes, shoots a werewolf, and is never heard from again.
- The movie has an interesting beginning, as three archeologists are digging, their boss Yuri comes over and yells at them to work harder. They don't really listen, but find something in the dirt. Yuri comes over, somebody trips over the thing, and all of a sudden a fight breaks out, as Yuri kicks everybody's ass. I don't know why everybody started fighting, but it did turn out to be one of the few decent scenes in the movie, so there's that.
- Yuri's the main villian in this movie, a power hungry archeologist who will stop at nothing to become famous for his work. He also has about eight different hair styles throughout the movie, changing color and form throughout the movie, which seems to take place in the timespan of four days. Every scene Yuri is in, his hair changes, and nobody knows why.
- Yuri's not the only problem, as the lead character is a writer named Paul, who the MST3K crew referred to as a "Rent-a-Center" Andy Garcia. That would be fine, except Paul shows no real emotion in the film unless he transforms into a werewolf. Paul became a werewolf after Yuri hit him with the skull of an ancient werewolf, because, as everyone knows, if someone hits you with the skull of an animal, you will become that animal when the moon is full.
- The worst actor in the movie is a woman by the name of Adrianna Miles, who plays an archeological assistant named Natalie. I am 600% sure that she slept with someone to get in this movie, because she has all of the acting talent of a can of beets. She can't pronounce werewolf correctly, which is a minor problem in a movie about werewolves. She also has a heavy European accent that goes in an out throughout the film, and usually reacts to events with a dumb look on her face and one word answers. The girl acts as if she "hardly knows what a hat is", yet she's supposed to be this super smart archeologist who's also a kick-ass pool player. The only thing I can complement her on is her big pair of, well, you know.
- For some reason, there's a character named Sam the Keeper, who watches over the house Paul rented. What he's a keeper of, I have no clue, but he carries a shotgun, has a Santa Claus beard, and acts as if he's been huffing paint for 10 years straight. In the movie, we find out that Sam just found out that Dracula's a f*g**t, and that we don't have to believe him but "that's the facts". How Sam came across this information is never mentioned, and is probably best left ignored. Naturally, when confronted by the werewolf, Sam is without his gun, and instead of calling the cops, he decides to pray for the police to show up. While I'm not questioning his religious beliefs, I do wonder why he didn't use the phone there.
- It's hard to pick a worst scene in this movie, but two of them really stand out. The first one is where Paul the werewolf is chasing after one young woman, and for some reason we hear three different women screaming. The second one takes place after Yuri injects a 60 year old security guard with werewolf blood for some reason. The guard transforms into a werewolf while driving. He seems to be driving ok, even though he passed the same gas station three times, when all of a sudden he randomly hits barrels of oil in a shot which was clearly out of sequence with the rest of the film, killing him instantly. While that's bad, it's still not worse than having three women screaming for one.
In conclusion, this movie is so bad that's its good. From the wooden acting to the poor directing to the bizarre soundtrack, this movie is just awful, but at least it's funny, if by accident. The MST3K crew come up with a lot of quality lines, which wasn't too hard for a movie that offered so much material. As a movie, I'd give it a one out of 10, but as an MST3K episode, I'll give it a 7.64 out of 10, as chances are that you will laugh a lot during this episode. Well, thanks for reading, and feel free to let me know of any ideas for future posts here at The Canon Review. Hopefully, you find this review absolutely fasicnating, like Natalie did.
- This movie was made in 1996, making this the most recent film ever spoofed on MST3K. If you saw this film, you would think it was made in 1976, not '96.
- The director of this movie is a man by the name of Tony Zarindast. He directs with the touch of a man that has no idea what he is doing, as there are a lot of poor shots in this film. In one scene, the camera pans over a mural in a bar for what seems like a minute, for no good reason at all. Another shot is a still shot of a building, for 25 seconds. The building ended up being the setting for two minor scenes in the film, so why Mr. Zarindast spent so much time fixated on it is a mystery. Whoever mixed the sound in this movie did a poor job, as there are many parts where you can't hear the actors' lines over the music and there were a couple of times where all you could hear was mumbling, during what were supposed to be big scenes. Also, the score of this movie is just awful.
- The biggest star in the movie, if you can call him that, is Joe Estavez, better known as Martin Sheen's brother. He plays one of the archeologists. He's in the movie for about 5 minutes, shoots a werewolf, and is never heard from again.
- The movie has an interesting beginning, as three archeologists are digging, their boss Yuri comes over and yells at them to work harder. They don't really listen, but find something in the dirt. Yuri comes over, somebody trips over the thing, and all of a sudden a fight breaks out, as Yuri kicks everybody's ass. I don't know why everybody started fighting, but it did turn out to be one of the few decent scenes in the movie, so there's that.
- Yuri's the main villian in this movie, a power hungry archeologist who will stop at nothing to become famous for his work. He also has about eight different hair styles throughout the movie, changing color and form throughout the movie, which seems to take place in the timespan of four days. Every scene Yuri is in, his hair changes, and nobody knows why.
- Yuri's not the only problem, as the lead character is a writer named Paul, who the MST3K crew referred to as a "Rent-a-Center" Andy Garcia. That would be fine, except Paul shows no real emotion in the film unless he transforms into a werewolf. Paul became a werewolf after Yuri hit him with the skull of an ancient werewolf, because, as everyone knows, if someone hits you with the skull of an animal, you will become that animal when the moon is full.
- The worst actor in the movie is a woman by the name of Adrianna Miles, who plays an archeological assistant named Natalie. I am 600% sure that she slept with someone to get in this movie, because she has all of the acting talent of a can of beets. She can't pronounce werewolf correctly, which is a minor problem in a movie about werewolves. She also has a heavy European accent that goes in an out throughout the film, and usually reacts to events with a dumb look on her face and one word answers. The girl acts as if she "hardly knows what a hat is", yet she's supposed to be this super smart archeologist who's also a kick-ass pool player. The only thing I can complement her on is her big pair of, well, you know.
- For some reason, there's a character named Sam the Keeper, who watches over the house Paul rented. What he's a keeper of, I have no clue, but he carries a shotgun, has a Santa Claus beard, and acts as if he's been huffing paint for 10 years straight. In the movie, we find out that Sam just found out that Dracula's a f*g**t, and that we don't have to believe him but "that's the facts". How Sam came across this information is never mentioned, and is probably best left ignored. Naturally, when confronted by the werewolf, Sam is without his gun, and instead of calling the cops, he decides to pray for the police to show up. While I'm not questioning his religious beliefs, I do wonder why he didn't use the phone there.
- It's hard to pick a worst scene in this movie, but two of them really stand out. The first one is where Paul the werewolf is chasing after one young woman, and for some reason we hear three different women screaming. The second one takes place after Yuri injects a 60 year old security guard with werewolf blood for some reason. The guard transforms into a werewolf while driving. He seems to be driving ok, even though he passed the same gas station three times, when all of a sudden he randomly hits barrels of oil in a shot which was clearly out of sequence with the rest of the film, killing him instantly. While that's bad, it's still not worse than having three women screaming for one.
In conclusion, this movie is so bad that's its good. From the wooden acting to the poor directing to the bizarre soundtrack, this movie is just awful, but at least it's funny, if by accident. The MST3K crew come up with a lot of quality lines, which wasn't too hard for a movie that offered so much material. As a movie, I'd give it a one out of 10, but as an MST3K episode, I'll give it a 7.64 out of 10, as chances are that you will laugh a lot during this episode. Well, thanks for reading, and feel free to let me know of any ideas for future posts here at The Canon Review. Hopefully, you find this review absolutely fasicnating, like Natalie did.
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