Tuesday, March 2, 2010

The Canon Review's Tribute to Jay Leno

In case you haven't heard, Jay Leno took his seat on The Tonight Show back last night. I didn't watch the show, but I assume Jay had some guests on and made jokes about Bill Clinton, as Leno is wont to do. Perhaps he even went out onto Hollywood Boulevard and asked dumb tourists questions. I did not care much for Leno's Tonight Show before he left, and I'm not expecting major changes, so chances are I will not watch too much of The Tonight Show with Jay Leno in the near future. But, in a futile attempt to be current, The Canon Review has decided to put together a little tribute to Jay Leno. By tribute, I mean I'll watch some videos of Jay Leno and probably find a way to rip him and his unfunny shtick. So sit back and enjoy The Canon Review's tribute to the man that makes ABC's Nightline funny, Jay Leno.

Jay Leno Doritos Commercial:

This is back in the 1980s, a time where many people thought Jay Leno was still funny. Leno is in a room with a bunch of 1980s computers. He says that we are not falling behind in chip technology, because Doritos just came out with their cool ranch flavored chips, with a "secret All-American ingredient". I hope that ingredient isn't sand. Anyway, Leno takes a bite, and the computers start going crazy, their screens start blinking real fast and each computer displays a word like "Crunch!" and "Yum". No wonder people preferred Japanese computers back then. The commercial ends with a robotic arm handing Jay another chip and Jay saying "You won't find a chip like this in Japan", which to me is good news because Cool Ranch Doritos suck. One of the computers say in a electronic voice, "You tell em, Jay" and that's the end of the commercial. I guess making some crappy flavored chip was a big blow in the technology wars or something. I realize that I am being hard on Cool Ranch Doritos, and if you like them, that's cool. I'm just not a fan of ranch flavored chips, or Jay Leno, or computers that go crazy when you bite a chip.

Jay Leno on Freddie Prinze and Friends

This was from an HBO comedy special from 1976 featuring Freddie Prinze, then star of the TV series "Chico and the Man" and other comedians doing stand-up routines. One of them was a young Jay Leno, who is sporting a white man afro and a ridiculous looking straw hat. He starts by asking the audience if there's anyone from America, yay. I must say that some of his act here was decent. The parts where he goes on about how the news sensationalizes stories and always use the same terms like "sensless" was somewhat funny. Leno is also humourous talking about how advertisers believe the public is so stupid. It kind of fell apart at the end, as Leno spent half the act making fun of the comedy club and did a stupid joke about handblowers in bathrooms. But some of it was actually kind of funny. Check it out for yourself and see if you agree:

Jay Leno Rides into Atlanta

This video is from 1985, and is a segment from WAGA's PM Magazine program. Leno is in Atlanta to do a benefit show, so he's on the show to promote his appearance. So, what better way to promote his appearance than a cheesy skit dreamed up by local television producers. The video starts with Leno in a leather jacket on his Harley, as he rode into Atlanta on his bike. As Leno goes through Atlanta, he makes some jokes and is annoyed once he discovers the cameras. Leno arrives at the club, and a guy in front offers to park it for him. Leno offers a 500 dollar tip, but the guy holds out until Leno gives him another 500 bucks. That's quite a generous tip. Leno enters the club, meets somebody from the show, and then goes to the bathroom. The cameraman tries to follow him in, but Leno blocks his attempt, much to the relief of the audience. Leno meets the club owners to get his check, expecting a big one, but only gets 50 dollars due to air conditining repairs. Bunch of cheapskates charging Leno for their problems. Meanwhile, Leno gives the cameraman 500 bucks to get away from him, and the guy that parked Leno's bike sells it to another dude for 500 bucks. Leno asks the club owner where his bike was since the valet parked it, but the club owner tells Jay there is no valet. Motorcycle theft has never been so hilarious. Anyway, the skit ends, and the host asks Leno about his bike. Leno tells a joke about how people tell these horrible stories about motorcycles if they see you riding one, which I guess was funny. The skit fell kind of flat, though, although it wasn't horrible, it wasn't very good either. Hopefully Leno's act that night was funnier.

Jay Leno promotes welding

Leno's in his garage, showing off some super car he's having other people building for him. Some of those people are welders, who according to Leno are "bleeding him dry" Leno appreciates their work, however, and is asking for more people to join the welding ranks. Leno says that along the way, working with our hands became passe' and it's a shame. Nothing like a man that has never worked with his hands telling us to do just that. Leno's point is that there aren't enough young welders in the workplace, which may be true, but I wouldn't know. Leno ends the video by recycling the "bleeding me dry" joke and something on his garage wall falls down, drawing a chuckle from someone behind the camera. That was a lot like the Tonight Show, only with a message. The video also serves as another excuse for Leno to show off one of his cars, as he has about 5,920 by this point.

Well, that was a hoot. There were a couple of highlights, but most of the videos were a lot like the Tonight Show, boring and unfunny. You know, there was a time where Jay Leno was considered one of the funniest comedians out there. Now he's just an example of somebody doing the same unfunny shtick for years and years, and, like Andy Williams, his primary audience is people well over the age of 50. However, he has all those cars and more money than many countries, so I doubt he's losing any sleep over it. I won't watch his show, but there are a lot of people that apparently do, even if I don't know anybody that actually watches the show. I won't even get into that whole fiasco involving Conan O'Brien, because I don't want to fill up this post with a bunch of swear words. The bottom line is, Leno is back on the Tonight Show, people will watch, and I will still remain bewildered as to why.

I'm not done with Leno yet, because sometimes in the next few days, I will review a horrendous sight. Jay Leno wrestling. That's right, I'm going to watch WCW Road Wild 1998, which featured Jay Leno in the main event teaming with Diamond Dallas Page against the nWo's Hollywood Hogan and Eric Bischoff. I'm a little excited as I've never actually seen the show, but I'm sure it will be bad. If you have any ideas for future reviews or feedback on the Canon Review, then e-mail them to me at KtheC2001@gmail.com.

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