Today, The Canon Review is going to feature a certain theme, breakfast cereal. In case you don't know, cereal is a food that usually comes in a box and is primarily consumed with milk. According to Wikipedia, cereal was developed in the late 19th century as a vegetarian alternative to the primary breakfast of the time, which was bacon, sausage, eggs, ham, all that good stuff. It eventually became popular due to the fact that no cooking was involved, so a family could have a healthy breakfast without using too much effort. Got that? Good. Anyway, in this review, I will be going on YouTube and watching old commercials for cereals, and then commenting on them. Let us begin, shall we?
Ad #1: Nintendo Cereal System
The great thing about the Nintendo Cereal System is that it's two cereals in one. Unfortunately, both cereals look about as appetizing as a bowl full of gravel. This commercial is kind of out there, as Mario traps a bunch of kids in televisions and leads them through the worlds of Super Mario Bros and Zelda. Why are the kids wearing television sets, exactly? Is that really neccesary. The commercial also has a crummy theme song in which Nintendo is chanted about eight times in thirty seconds. Also, look at the kids as they jump awkardly, especially the kid in the green sweater. That's not normal. Anyway, I never had the pleasure of having Nintendo Cereal System, but I'm sure it wasn't all that great. Maybe I'm wrong, but something tells me I'm not.
Ad #2: Lucky Charms Cereal
This commercial is from 1992. The concept is simple, there's a mountain of marshmallows, and Lucky is using his Irish magic to change them into his Lucky Charms. That's fine, but why doesn't Lucky spend some time on the rest of his cereal, because that's the part that could use some work. I don't know why the people of General Mills won't make Lucky Charms all marshmallow bits, because the only reason people buy the cereal is for the marshmallow, and besides, the rest of the cereal is just awful and barely fit for human consumption. Anyway, the commercial ends with a couple of kids successfully obtaining Lucky's charms, I guess, and there's free Play-Doh inside each box, so at least you have that to look forward to.
Ad 3: Frosted Flakes Cereal:
This commercial is from 1984. Hey look, we're at the beach, and Tony and a girl are eating Frosted Flakes and watching two kids dominate at volleyball. I guess they get cocky, because they challenge Tony and the girl to a game. They accept, but only after they finish their Frosted Flakes because they're GRRREEEAAAT! The other team chuckles at the notion of the girl playing the net, but personally, I would bet my money on the team with the 6 foot tiger playing. Naturally, Tony's teammate, powered by a bunch of sugar coated corn flakes, gets a big spike, impressing her opponents and giving their team a 1-0 advantage. According to the commercial, Frosted Flakes brings out the tiger in you. That's GRRRRRRRRREAT! I've always wondered what could possibly possess a tiger to spend his days traveling the globe eating nothing but Frosted Flakes, but to each their own.
Ad #4: Apple Jacks Cereal
Apple Jacks had some interesting commercials back in the day, and by interesting, I mean they featured a bunch of smart-aleck kids who you wanted to smack upside their heads. This commercial is no different, as four lamebrain boys are sitting around when one of the kids' dads comes around, saying "I thought you were going to clean the garage" One of them says "we're just resting". Some other dummy starts impersonating the man or something, saying hey why do those kids eat Apple Jacks, they don't taste like apples. Another kid says well that's not why we like them. and a third one chimes in "then why?" The dad comes around, says "I know, I know, you just do" and everyone else says "yeah" in agreement. Why Kellogg's decided to advertise Apple Jacks as the cereal that people like but no one knows why, I'm not sure. I guess it worked, because they made like a 100 different types of the same commercial. This commercial is much more annoying than I just described, but your mileage may vary. As for the cereal itself, well, let's just say I'm a big fan.
Ad# 5: Mr. T Cereal
There's not a lot that can be said about this ad, or the cereal which contains nothing but T's. Just watch it once, and the song will be stuck in your head.
Well, that's it for now. Join us later when The Canon Review reviews three different cereals. What cereals are they, you ask? Well log in later to find out.