Before I delve in to the 249th post on The Canon Review, I have a slight announcement to make. As the two people that read this blog on a regular basis know, earlier in the year I attempted to undertake a project in which I would watch one video from every single entry featured in the WWE Encyclopedia. Well, as of now, that project is on hiatus. The main reason is that I have found the posts to be too long and really kind of dull, plus it takes like eight hours to do one post. So, that's that for now. Now onto some commercials that aired in the 1980s. Why? you ask. Well, I don't know, but after watching the first video featured in this review, I was just inspired to watch more 80s ads.
Commercial One: WSPA "We're the Team" Promo
WSPA is the CBS affiliate in my neck of the woods, and in 1987 the masterminds at WSPA put together this one minute promo for their news team, proclaiming that "We're the Team". The team of what is never quite explained, but whatever. In this ad, the Eyewitness News team works on stories while weatherman Jack Roper brings a pizza for everybody, because I guess he didn't have anything else to do. While this commercial is about as cheesy as that pizza, and the song isn't very good, I actually prefer commercials like this for the news instead of the crap we get today, where they basically tell you that you should be afraid of everything and anything and you'll suffer great hardship if you don't tune in at 5, 5:30, 6, 11, 11:59, and 4:20 a.m. Compared to that, I'd much rather watch a bunch of newscasters trying their hardest to be the team.
Commercial 2: Exxon Commercial from 1989
With gas prices about to go up to $7.95 a gallon, here's a look at a gas station commercial from 1989, where Exxon promises that they have the correct fuel for all the ten million people buying a new car that year. Also, there's a lot of shots of a tiger in this commercial, so one could say that this commercial is running on 'tiger blood'. The most notable part of this ad to me was the lame jingle in it, which goes as follows: 'Turn the Key, Feel Free, Eeeeexxxxxxxoonnn Gasoline'. Of course, Exxon had a whole lot of other troubles in 1989 besides a lame theme.
Commercial 3: 1984 Cool Whip Commercial
This commercial features a family sitting down to eat some pudding when the wise cracking announcer shares his disbelief that the mother is only going to serve plain pudding. He strongly suggests, along with the help of a jingle singer, that she slathers some Cool Whip on it, and her husband and daughter agree. Way to usurp her authority there announcer guy. Another lame jingle is included in this commercial, with the lyrics being 'couldn't they, shouldn't they, wouldn't they love it more with Cool Whip?' Personally, I wouldn't, but to each their own I suppose.
Commercial 4: Commodore 64 Commercial from 1982
Those clever people over at Commodore 64 had a great idea in this commercial. They decided to ask the competion's computers which is the best value to buy based on price and memory, and guess what? Each computer, the IBM, the Apple, and the Radio Shack, all said Commodore 64. Sure, they could have just made a program designed to display the words Commodore 64, but since when have you known advertisers to mislead the audience about a product? To test this theory out, I asked my computer which is the best value on the market. For some reason, the answer that came up was a Digitus 1000, so I think I should rewrite the program. For all I know, the Commodore 64 was the best computer on the market at this time, but I wouldn't trust the claims of this commercial as far as I could throw it. Although, it would be mighty hard to throw a commercial, but I digress.
Well, it's getting late, so I'm going to bed. Hopefully, you've enjoyed this mini blast from the past. Well, thanks for reading, and if you any ideas for future posts, or thoughts about this post, than either leave a comment on the blog or send them to me at e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com.
Showing posts with label commercials. Show all posts
Showing posts with label commercials. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
The Canon Review Presents: Christmas Commercials
Yes my friends, it is that time of year once again. Where Santa Claus becomes a bigger television presence than Jay Leno, where beer companies trot out videos of horses riding through the snow, where store after store talks about their place being the best place to go for your holiday shopping. Yes, Christmas is coming, and with that comes tons and tons of commercials proclaiming 'Happy Holidays' while trying to convince you to buy some overpriced junk in the spirit of peace and goodwill. So with that in mind, Canon Review reader Dickson S. came up with a topic to review. He describes it as follows:
"Find and post three really terrible Christmas commercials off of youtube.com and explain why you think they just are not very good. Christmas is coming around once again and I always hate with a passion most all of the Christmas commercials. See if you can find ones from years past. I know I remember some that make me hurt already. Good luck!"
Well, all right then. Let's get this started, shall we?
Video 1: 1980's 7-Up Christmas Commercial
Like many a Christmas commercial, this one features Santa Claus and his elves and is set at the North Pole. Apparently in the 7-Up version of the North Pole, the elves look exactly like miniature replicas of Santa Claus, white beard and all. Anyway, it's a hard day's night up at the North Pole, as Santa is bushed and the elves are fatigued after making Cabbage Patch Kids or whatever. So Santa goes to the fridge, which is filled with nothing but 7-Up. He uses some sort of summoning power to grab a can and takes a sip, which inexplicably sends the elves into some sort of euphoric tizzy. The elves themselves start drinking seven up and act as if there isn't a care in the world. I guess 7-Up is much like an alcoholic beverage to the elves. To me it tastes like flat Sprite, but to each their own I suppose. I'll give it a 2 out of 5.
Video #2: Dad Got Hosed: Verizon Christmas Commercial
If there is anything I detest in this world, it is cell phone commercials. They're all stupid and either showing off a bunch of apps you don't need or full of the type of people you wouldn't associate yourself with because they're either too self involved, greedy, or both. In this wonderful commercial, a father is reviewing what he gave his kids, which are two of the hottest cell phones around at this time along with an entire network of creeps following their every move, making sure that they always have a signal. Meanwhile, the father asks his kids what he got, and after one of them weakly responds 'aftershave', dad corrects her by saying "Dad got hosed". Well, isn't that a lovely message to send during the holiday season. Yes, nobody likes getting aftershave, but thanks a lot dad, for making everybody feel awkward about enjoying their new phones. Also, I'm not exactly sure what he expected his kids to get him, and besides, isn't Christmas more about giving than receiving? Not according to the good folks at Verizon. I'm giving this crap a 0.29 out of 5.
Video #3: Funny N64 Christmas Ad - 1998
This title is clearly a misnomer, because there's nothing funny about this ad whatsoever. In this commercial, four teenagers sing a spoof of Jingle Bells voicing their displeasure over their Christmas gifts. They continue to sing by explaining that instead of CD no one knows, they would have rather gotten games for the N64 like Turok and South Park. Well, it could be worse, they could have gotten Superman 64. I don't know how hearing a bunch of spoiled brats singing off key makes anybody want to play Nintendo 64 games, but what do I know? I'll give it a 0.50 and stop thinking about it.
Video #4: 1980's Kentucky Fried Chicken Christmas Commercial
Although the original request called for three, here's an extra bad commercial. In this commercial, an Ebernezer Scrooge character is befuddled by the high prices of Christmas shopping. Lucky for him, Kentucky Fried Chicken has a deal, selling a nine piece box for $5.59, and a 15 piece bucket for $9.29. Well, old Scrooge went a little bit overboard after hearing this news, as the end of the commercial shows Scrooge in front of a giant pile of boxes and buckets of chicken. So, either everyone he knows is going to get some second-rate fast food chicken, or Scrooge is stocking up for the apocalypse. Even so, I'd rather deal with this commercial than an ad with a bunch of spoiled teens singing poorly. I'll give it a 1.4 out of 5.
Well, thanks for reading, and if you have any thoughts on this or other posts, or ideas for future posts, than share them either by leaving a comment or by sending me an e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
The Canon Review Presents: Commercials with Cartoon Characters Selling Food
Since the beginning of time, or at least the beginning of television, advertisers have used cartoon characters in commercials to shill all sorts of stuff. From credit cards to shoes to insurance to even cigarettes, cartoon characters have been called upon to advertise. One of the most common users of cartoon characters in commercials are the fast food restaurants, mainly because these places target kids with toys and all sorts of other stuff in order to get their parents to buy their food. Of course, you probably know this, as it's really just common sense. Even so, here are a few examples of famous cartoon characters selling food to consumers.
Commercial 1: Foghorn Leghorn for Kentucky Fried Chicken - Yep, this commercial features an animated chicken telling people to eat chicken. This 1988 ad features Henrey Hawk trying to capture Foghorn Leghorn because, in his own words, he's a "chicken hawk and [Foghorn] is a chicken". Well, Mr. Leghorn does not want to deal with Henrey Hawk right now, so he tells his tormentor that Kentucky Fried Chicken is the place to get what he craves because they do chicken right. Which brings up the question, how would Foghorn Leghorn know this? Unless he's actually a customer of KFC? In that case, Mr. Leghorn is a terrible individual and a traitor to his species. Or maybe he just likes the biscuits. At any rate, Foghorn Leghorn sends Henrey Hawk on his way by placing him on a frisbee and throwing him into the great unknown. Well, this commercial definitely raises more questions than it answers. At best, Foghorn Leghorn is a small man who is not above selling out his fellow chickens for consumption by humans and chicken hawks, and at worst, he's a cannibal. All I know is that it doesn't really make me want to eat chicken, so I'll give it a 1.35 out of 5.
Commercial 2:Burger King's Kids Club featuring Toy Story Toys: This 1995 commercial starts off with a boy in between two old ladies. While the two ladies are pinching the kid's cheeks, he gets zapped to Burger King via animated remote control, which we later see belongs to a typical "cool kid" from the 1990s. The kid asks if we are looking for somewhere cool to go, then suggests that Burger King is that somewhere cool to go. I highly dispute his claims, as I've been to a few that were far from 'cool'. But I digress. At the time, Burger King was doing what every other fast food chain worth their salt does, and giving away free crappy toys featuring characters from the latest movie with the purchase of a kid's meal. This time, it was Toy Story toys, and believe it or not, I still have two of those Buzz Lightyear toys that came with the kid's meal lying around in my house somewhere. After every kid in the place has a toy, the cool kid cartoon comes back in spouts off some nonsense about the Burger King Kids' Club. This was slightly annoying, so I'll give it a 1.4 out of 5.
Commercial 3: The Simpsons for Kentucky Fried Chicken - Over the years, the Simpsons have sold more crap than a manure factory, so it comes as very little surprise that Homer Simpson would be featured in a commercial based on food. Actually, he's in multiple commercials like this, but this is the first one I saw so I'll go with this one. In this ad, Homer leaves his local KFC with a bucket of chicken and a 7-Up. Homer assumes that the cashier made a mistake by not charging for his drink and walks away happy, but unbeknownst to him, the 7-Up is free, but Homer starts freaking out after spotting the police. In his panic, Homer tries to sneak out of the bathroom window but gets stuck. Luckily, his father Abe is walking by, but Abe informs Homer that the 7-Up is actually free (in Canada only, according to the ad) and to make matters worse, he jacks the chicken and the drink from Homer's fingers. Sucks to be Homer, but it also sucks for Grandpa Simpson because now he has to eat KFC. Just kidding. This wasn't too bad and got the point of the ad across in a humorous manner, so I'll give it a 3.1 out of 5.
Commercial 4: The Noid vs. Domino's Pizza Dome of Quality - In some cases, as this ad from 1987 shows, advertising companies will come up with their own animated characters to feature in commercial. In this case, the Noid was featured in Domino's commercials throughout the 80s with his sole purpose in life seemingly being ruining fresh pizzas. Done in claymation, the Noid was a rather quirky character, with a red jumpsuit and rabbit ears. The Noid seemed like an odd character to feature, but he was all over the place in the 1980s and even got his own video game for the Nintendo called Yo Noid. I'm sure it sucked, but not every advertising icon gets a video game. Anyway, in this commercial, the Noid once again tries to ruin a Domino's pizza, so he gets a baseball bat. But somehow is swing is blocked by an invisible dome of quality that shields the pizza. This raises another question, if the Noid can not penetrate the dome, than can the regular consumer do so in order to eat their pizza? The Noid once again tries to destroy the pizza by running at a high rate of speed towards it, but once again the dome blocks the Noid and he turns into a big pile of clay. I think the Noid has an unhealthy obsession with Domino's and should seek psychiatric help, but I'm only an amateur psychologist. Perhaps I'm just too tired, but I really don't get the Noid's appeal and I wonder why so many hipster doofuses call for his return. I'll give this ad a 1 out of 5.
Well, I think that's going to be all for now. If you have any thoughts about these ads or the products sold in them, then feel free to leave a comment. Also, if you have any ideas for future reviews, then let me know about them either by leaving a comment or by e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com
Commercial 1: Foghorn Leghorn for Kentucky Fried Chicken - Yep, this commercial features an animated chicken telling people to eat chicken. This 1988 ad features Henrey Hawk trying to capture Foghorn Leghorn because, in his own words, he's a "chicken hawk and [Foghorn] is a chicken". Well, Mr. Leghorn does not want to deal with Henrey Hawk right now, so he tells his tormentor that Kentucky Fried Chicken is the place to get what he craves because they do chicken right. Which brings up the question, how would Foghorn Leghorn know this? Unless he's actually a customer of KFC? In that case, Mr. Leghorn is a terrible individual and a traitor to his species. Or maybe he just likes the biscuits. At any rate, Foghorn Leghorn sends Henrey Hawk on his way by placing him on a frisbee and throwing him into the great unknown. Well, this commercial definitely raises more questions than it answers. At best, Foghorn Leghorn is a small man who is not above selling out his fellow chickens for consumption by humans and chicken hawks, and at worst, he's a cannibal. All I know is that it doesn't really make me want to eat chicken, so I'll give it a 1.35 out of 5.
Commercial 2:Burger King's Kids Club featuring Toy Story Toys: This 1995 commercial starts off with a boy in between two old ladies. While the two ladies are pinching the kid's cheeks, he gets zapped to Burger King via animated remote control, which we later see belongs to a typical "cool kid" from the 1990s. The kid asks if we are looking for somewhere cool to go, then suggests that Burger King is that somewhere cool to go. I highly dispute his claims, as I've been to a few that were far from 'cool'. But I digress. At the time, Burger King was doing what every other fast food chain worth their salt does, and giving away free crappy toys featuring characters from the latest movie with the purchase of a kid's meal. This time, it was Toy Story toys, and believe it or not, I still have two of those Buzz Lightyear toys that came with the kid's meal lying around in my house somewhere. After every kid in the place has a toy, the cool kid cartoon comes back in spouts off some nonsense about the Burger King Kids' Club. This was slightly annoying, so I'll give it a 1.4 out of 5.
Commercial 3: The Simpsons for Kentucky Fried Chicken - Over the years, the Simpsons have sold more crap than a manure factory, so it comes as very little surprise that Homer Simpson would be featured in a commercial based on food. Actually, he's in multiple commercials like this, but this is the first one I saw so I'll go with this one. In this ad, Homer leaves his local KFC with a bucket of chicken and a 7-Up. Homer assumes that the cashier made a mistake by not charging for his drink and walks away happy, but unbeknownst to him, the 7-Up is free, but Homer starts freaking out after spotting the police. In his panic, Homer tries to sneak out of the bathroom window but gets stuck. Luckily, his father Abe is walking by, but Abe informs Homer that the 7-Up is actually free (in Canada only, according to the ad) and to make matters worse, he jacks the chicken and the drink from Homer's fingers. Sucks to be Homer, but it also sucks for Grandpa Simpson because now he has to eat KFC. Just kidding. This wasn't too bad and got the point of the ad across in a humorous manner, so I'll give it a 3.1 out of 5.
Commercial 4: The Noid vs. Domino's Pizza Dome of Quality - In some cases, as this ad from 1987 shows, advertising companies will come up with their own animated characters to feature in commercial. In this case, the Noid was featured in Domino's commercials throughout the 80s with his sole purpose in life seemingly being ruining fresh pizzas. Done in claymation, the Noid was a rather quirky character, with a red jumpsuit and rabbit ears. The Noid seemed like an odd character to feature, but he was all over the place in the 1980s and even got his own video game for the Nintendo called Yo Noid. I'm sure it sucked, but not every advertising icon gets a video game. Anyway, in this commercial, the Noid once again tries to ruin a Domino's pizza, so he gets a baseball bat. But somehow is swing is blocked by an invisible dome of quality that shields the pizza. This raises another question, if the Noid can not penetrate the dome, than can the regular consumer do so in order to eat their pizza? The Noid once again tries to destroy the pizza by running at a high rate of speed towards it, but once again the dome blocks the Noid and he turns into a big pile of clay. I think the Noid has an unhealthy obsession with Domino's and should seek psychiatric help, but I'm only an amateur psychologist. Perhaps I'm just too tired, but I really don't get the Noid's appeal and I wonder why so many hipster doofuses call for his return. I'll give this ad a 1 out of 5.
Well, I think that's going to be all for now. If you have any thoughts about these ads or the products sold in them, then feel free to leave a comment. Also, if you have any ideas for future reviews, then let me know about them either by leaving a comment or by e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
The Canon Review Presents: Commercials with Big-Name Actors Before they were Big
Sorry for the long title, but I'm not very good with titles. Today we look at a few commercial of huge stars before they were too big to star in commercials like these. Well, we've all got to start somewhere. Personally, I'm going to start right about now.
Commercial 1: Steve Carell for Brown's Chicken
In this commercial, Steve Carell plays a manager for a Brown's Chicken fast food restaurant. Brown's Chicken is a buisness primarily located in the Chicago area, and honestly, until now, I had never heard of it. Anyway, Carell is putting up the words "Cholesterol Free Cooking" on a sign and is advertising that Brown's has no extra cholesterol in their cooking oil and batter. Well, the wind starts to pick up and the letters in Cholesterol and Cooking blow away, leaving just the word free on the sign. Naturally, that draws a crowd to the location, which Carell seems not too pleased about. I guess it was supposed to be funny, but it just didn't resonate with me. It is interesting that this commercial is at least 15 years old, and Carell looks like he's hardly aged since then. I'll give it a 2 out of 5, as at least the commercial got its point across and wasn't too annoying.
Commercial 2: Adam Sandler for Mastercard
This looks to be from the late 1980s, but I'm not sure exactly what year it was produced. Anyway, Sandler's character is a young man looking to buy his first apartment. When he sees who his neighbor is, Sandler takes the place and asks the lady to dinner. But before he can set up the dinner, Sandler has to furnish his apartment, so he uses his Mastercard to buy all sorts of crap. The commercial ends with the date and a toast to the new apartment. Sandler's hair is a little longer than what you may be used to seeing, but you can definitely tell it's him. Surprisingly, Sandler is rather low-key in this ad, but I don't think the commercial called for someone to yell and sing songs or anything like that. I'll give it a 2 out of 5, as it was a middle of the road ad that neither offended nor entertained.
Commercial 3: Brad Pitt for Pringles
This commercial was made in 1989 and answers the long-time question, does Brad Pitt like Pringles? Apparently he and his cohorts love the chips because they stop their car when they find out they ran out of Pringles. So, instead of driving to the store and getting more, they decide to seek out other people that have Pringles so they can mooch off of them. Luckily in this parallel universe this commercial seems to take place in, Pringles is the preferred food of hot young women in bikinis, and they seem to have lots of cans available. Everyone eats a bunch of Pringles and live happily ever after, at least until Pitt and his cohorts take off with the Pringles and the hot ladies have to seek out other people driving by with cans of Pringles, which they soon find, by the way. And the cycle continues until the end of time, or at least until Pringles comes out with cheddar flavored Pringles. Also, there's an annoying jingle at the end that calls Pringles the fever reliever. I'll have to remember that the next time I get a fever. What a bunch of tripe this is, and for all you Brad Pitt fans out there, he's in the ad for about 6 or 7 seconds, but you can spot him pretty easily. Still, this sucks, so I'll give it a .9 out of 5.
Commercial 4: Jason Alexander for the McDonalds McBLT
I've talked about this before elsewhere, but dang it, I want to talk about it again. This commercial is definitely from the 1980s, as you have a bunch of people singing nonsense and a burger that comes in a big-ass Styrofoam case. We start with Jason Alexander asking some random people if they want a better lettuce and tomato burger instead of all the crap that don't quite make it. He then asks some other people if they want a burger which is hot but the lettuce and tomato stay cool. Well, McDonalds has the answer for you with the McDLT. It's not really different from any other burger, but it comes in a special two bun carrying case, one side has the meat, while the other side has the lettuce and tomato. All you have to do after that is decide when to put the two buns together and enjoy. This is such a monumentous occasion that Alexander and a bunch of the town people decide to break into song to celebrate this wonder of hamburger science. All the while you can almost see poor Mr. Alexander start to lose his hair during the progression of this commercial. Maybe it's me, but it seems as if he had a little less hair at the end than at the beginning. Well, you can see for yourself soon enough. All I know is that this commercial sucks and the McDLT doesn't exist anymore, because nobody wanted to carry their burgers in a briefcase. I'm giving this a 1 out of 5, because now the jingle's stuck in my head.
There are much, much more commercials featuring celebrities before they were famous, but I think it's best that I stop here for now, so thanks for reading. Remember, if you have any thoughts about this or other posts, or ideas for future posts, than you can let me hear about them either by leaving a comment or by sending me an e-mail at kthec2001@gmail.com.
Commercial 1: Steve Carell for Brown's Chicken
In this commercial, Steve Carell plays a manager for a Brown's Chicken fast food restaurant. Brown's Chicken is a buisness primarily located in the Chicago area, and honestly, until now, I had never heard of it. Anyway, Carell is putting up the words "Cholesterol Free Cooking" on a sign and is advertising that Brown's has no extra cholesterol in their cooking oil and batter. Well, the wind starts to pick up and the letters in Cholesterol and Cooking blow away, leaving just the word free on the sign. Naturally, that draws a crowd to the location, which Carell seems not too pleased about. I guess it was supposed to be funny, but it just didn't resonate with me. It is interesting that this commercial is at least 15 years old, and Carell looks like he's hardly aged since then. I'll give it a 2 out of 5, as at least the commercial got its point across and wasn't too annoying.
Commercial 2: Adam Sandler for Mastercard
This looks to be from the late 1980s, but I'm not sure exactly what year it was produced. Anyway, Sandler's character is a young man looking to buy his first apartment. When he sees who his neighbor is, Sandler takes the place and asks the lady to dinner. But before he can set up the dinner, Sandler has to furnish his apartment, so he uses his Mastercard to buy all sorts of crap. The commercial ends with the date and a toast to the new apartment. Sandler's hair is a little longer than what you may be used to seeing, but you can definitely tell it's him. Surprisingly, Sandler is rather low-key in this ad, but I don't think the commercial called for someone to yell and sing songs or anything like that. I'll give it a 2 out of 5, as it was a middle of the road ad that neither offended nor entertained.
Commercial 3: Brad Pitt for Pringles
This commercial was made in 1989 and answers the long-time question, does Brad Pitt like Pringles? Apparently he and his cohorts love the chips because they stop their car when they find out they ran out of Pringles. So, instead of driving to the store and getting more, they decide to seek out other people that have Pringles so they can mooch off of them. Luckily in this parallel universe this commercial seems to take place in, Pringles is the preferred food of hot young women in bikinis, and they seem to have lots of cans available. Everyone eats a bunch of Pringles and live happily ever after, at least until Pitt and his cohorts take off with the Pringles and the hot ladies have to seek out other people driving by with cans of Pringles, which they soon find, by the way. And the cycle continues until the end of time, or at least until Pringles comes out with cheddar flavored Pringles. Also, there's an annoying jingle at the end that calls Pringles the fever reliever. I'll have to remember that the next time I get a fever. What a bunch of tripe this is, and for all you Brad Pitt fans out there, he's in the ad for about 6 or 7 seconds, but you can spot him pretty easily. Still, this sucks, so I'll give it a .9 out of 5.
Commercial 4: Jason Alexander for the McDonalds McBLT
I've talked about this before elsewhere, but dang it, I want to talk about it again. This commercial is definitely from the 1980s, as you have a bunch of people singing nonsense and a burger that comes in a big-ass Styrofoam case. We start with Jason Alexander asking some random people if they want a better lettuce and tomato burger instead of all the crap that don't quite make it. He then asks some other people if they want a burger which is hot but the lettuce and tomato stay cool. Well, McDonalds has the answer for you with the McDLT. It's not really different from any other burger, but it comes in a special two bun carrying case, one side has the meat, while the other side has the lettuce and tomato. All you have to do after that is decide when to put the two buns together and enjoy. This is such a monumentous occasion that Alexander and a bunch of the town people decide to break into song to celebrate this wonder of hamburger science. All the while you can almost see poor Mr. Alexander start to lose his hair during the progression of this commercial. Maybe it's me, but it seems as if he had a little less hair at the end than at the beginning. Well, you can see for yourself soon enough. All I know is that this commercial sucks and the McDLT doesn't exist anymore, because nobody wanted to carry their burgers in a briefcase. I'm giving this a 1 out of 5, because now the jingle's stuck in my head.
There are much, much more commercials featuring celebrities before they were famous, but I think it's best that I stop here for now, so thanks for reading. Remember, if you have any thoughts about this or other posts, or ideas for future posts, than you can let me hear about them either by leaving a comment or by sending me an e-mail at kthec2001@gmail.com.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
WE MUST PROTECT THIS HOUSE! and other bad sports commercials
Sorry about the lack of activity yesterday, I just started a new job and it was given to me on rather short notice, so I had a lot of paperwork to do and other stuff, not to mention working, so I just didn't have time for The Canon Review yesterday, my bad. Today's post was going to be about top comedians or something about Elvis, but that all changed when, for some reason, I decided to watch this commercial from a few years ago:
Wow, there was a lot of testosterone in that commercial. I know what they were going for, but it was just so over the top that it ended up being goofy. Just a bunch of yelling and screaming and macho, manly-meaty stuff here in this commercial. Of course, my favorite part is the end, where the UnderArmour team (I didn't know they had a team) were standing around in a circle, and their captian, I guess (which, btw, was former NFL Defensive End Eric Ogbogu) was yelling "WE MUST PROTECT THIS HOUSE!" My least favorite part, by far, was seeing Ralph Friedgen (the coach in this commercial, and the University of Maryland Head Coach in real life) in a skin-tight shirt. No thanks.
So, in tribute, I have decided to try and find some other bad commercials dealing with sports. Let's see what we can come up with.
The Michael Vick Experience
The idea of this commercial was simple, a ride based off of Michael Vick. It was less than accurate, as they didn't have the customer underthrow his receivers, or bankroll a dog-fighting enterprise, but it will have to do. It's not a bad commercial, but I would say it's inaccurate because Derrick Brooks was one of the defenders, and if this were real life, than Brooks would pick off a Vick pass and go eighty yards for a touchdown, because that guy used to own Vick. But I don't think there were be many people clamoring to get on that ride. Also, I wish somebody would have told Vick to speak up, because you can hardly hear the words out of his mouth.
Pete Rose Aqua Velva Commercial
Pete has a bit of a reputation for doing anything for a paycheck, whether it's by putting his name on a brand of sausages or getting beaten up by Kane at Wrestlemania or by making commercials like this. The commercial starts out with Rose at bat, when a fan yells out at Rose, asking what kind of aftershave a man really wants. I'm going to try that the next time I go to a ballgame, even if it's a little league game or something. From there, it goes from bad to worse, as Rose, the fan, the umpire, and the young popcorn vendor start singing about Aqua Velva. Rose does most of the singing, if you can call it that, and the only good thing about this commercial is that it's short. well, that, and it's camp value, I suppose.
Mike Schmidt Chevy Commercial
This is definately an 80s commercial, just listen to the background music. Anyway, Mike Schmidt is helping demostrate the toughness of the Chevy Work Truck. How, you ask? By hitting the grill of the truck with a baseball bat. Even though Schmidt is one of the most powerful hitters of all-time, he cannot dent the grill of the truck, because it's so damn durable. I somewhat dispute this claim, as it looks as if Schmidt is too close to the truck to get a good swing at it. Schmidt goes on to say that his lawyers wouldn't let him hit a Ford Truck in the same way because, "you know why". Yes I do, it's called vandalism. The commercial ends with the jingle "today's truck is Chevrolet" Well, if you say so.
Tiger Woods Nike Commercial from last week
There's only one word I have to say, and that is ugh. That's not even a word, but it sums up my feelings on the commercial perfectly. In this black-and-white commercial, Tiger is staring at the camera while a voiceover of his late father is played, where is presumably talking to Tiger about his recent transgressions. At best, this commercial is creepy, and at worst, it is completely exploitative. I really don't know what the heck Nike and Tiger's agents were thinking with this one, so watch for yourself and see if you can figure it out.
Well, that's it for now, although I probably could have done 20 more. Perhaps one day there will be a sequal, but until then, thanks for reading, and if you have any ideas for future posts, than let me know about them in any way possible.
Wow, there was a lot of testosterone in that commercial. I know what they were going for, but it was just so over the top that it ended up being goofy. Just a bunch of yelling and screaming and macho, manly-meaty stuff here in this commercial. Of course, my favorite part is the end, where the UnderArmour team (I didn't know they had a team) were standing around in a circle, and their captian, I guess (which, btw, was former NFL Defensive End Eric Ogbogu) was yelling "WE MUST PROTECT THIS HOUSE!" My least favorite part, by far, was seeing Ralph Friedgen (the coach in this commercial, and the University of Maryland Head Coach in real life) in a skin-tight shirt. No thanks.
So, in tribute, I have decided to try and find some other bad commercials dealing with sports. Let's see what we can come up with.
The Michael Vick Experience
The idea of this commercial was simple, a ride based off of Michael Vick. It was less than accurate, as they didn't have the customer underthrow his receivers, or bankroll a dog-fighting enterprise, but it will have to do. It's not a bad commercial, but I would say it's inaccurate because Derrick Brooks was one of the defenders, and if this were real life, than Brooks would pick off a Vick pass and go eighty yards for a touchdown, because that guy used to own Vick. But I don't think there were be many people clamoring to get on that ride. Also, I wish somebody would have told Vick to speak up, because you can hardly hear the words out of his mouth.
Pete Rose Aqua Velva Commercial
Pete has a bit of a reputation for doing anything for a paycheck, whether it's by putting his name on a brand of sausages or getting beaten up by Kane at Wrestlemania or by making commercials like this. The commercial starts out with Rose at bat, when a fan yells out at Rose, asking what kind of aftershave a man really wants. I'm going to try that the next time I go to a ballgame, even if it's a little league game or something. From there, it goes from bad to worse, as Rose, the fan, the umpire, and the young popcorn vendor start singing about Aqua Velva. Rose does most of the singing, if you can call it that, and the only good thing about this commercial is that it's short. well, that, and it's camp value, I suppose.
Mike Schmidt Chevy Commercial
This is definately an 80s commercial, just listen to the background music. Anyway, Mike Schmidt is helping demostrate the toughness of the Chevy Work Truck. How, you ask? By hitting the grill of the truck with a baseball bat. Even though Schmidt is one of the most powerful hitters of all-time, he cannot dent the grill of the truck, because it's so damn durable. I somewhat dispute this claim, as it looks as if Schmidt is too close to the truck to get a good swing at it. Schmidt goes on to say that his lawyers wouldn't let him hit a Ford Truck in the same way because, "you know why". Yes I do, it's called vandalism. The commercial ends with the jingle "today's truck is Chevrolet" Well, if you say so.
Tiger Woods Nike Commercial from last week
There's only one word I have to say, and that is ugh. That's not even a word, but it sums up my feelings on the commercial perfectly. In this black-and-white commercial, Tiger is staring at the camera while a voiceover of his late father is played, where is presumably talking to Tiger about his recent transgressions. At best, this commercial is creepy, and at worst, it is completely exploitative. I really don't know what the heck Nike and Tiger's agents were thinking with this one, so watch for yourself and see if you can figure it out.
Well, that's it for now, although I probably could have done 20 more. Perhaps one day there will be a sequal, but until then, thanks for reading, and if you have any ideas for future posts, than let me know about them in any way possible.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Random Cereal Commercials
Today, The Canon Review is going to feature a certain theme, breakfast cereal. In case you don't know, cereal is a food that usually comes in a box and is primarily consumed with milk. According to Wikipedia, cereal was developed in the late 19th century as a vegetarian alternative to the primary breakfast of the time, which was bacon, sausage, eggs, ham, all that good stuff. It eventually became popular due to the fact that no cooking was involved, so a family could have a healthy breakfast without using too much effort. Got that? Good. Anyway, in this review, I will be going on YouTube and watching old commercials for cereals, and then commenting on them. Let us begin, shall we?
Ad #1: Nintendo Cereal System
The great thing about the Nintendo Cereal System is that it's two cereals in one. Unfortunately, both cereals look about as appetizing as a bowl full of gravel. This commercial is kind of out there, as Mario traps a bunch of kids in televisions and leads them through the worlds of Super Mario Bros and Zelda. Why are the kids wearing television sets, exactly? Is that really neccesary. The commercial also has a crummy theme song in which Nintendo is chanted about eight times in thirty seconds. Also, look at the kids as they jump awkardly, especially the kid in the green sweater. That's not normal. Anyway, I never had the pleasure of having Nintendo Cereal System, but I'm sure it wasn't all that great. Maybe I'm wrong, but something tells me I'm not.
Ad #2: Lucky Charms Cereal
This commercial is from 1992. The concept is simple, there's a mountain of marshmallows, and Lucky is using his Irish magic to change them into his Lucky Charms. That's fine, but why doesn't Lucky spend some time on the rest of his cereal, because that's the part that could use some work. I don't know why the people of General Mills won't make Lucky Charms all marshmallow bits, because the only reason people buy the cereal is for the marshmallow, and besides, the rest of the cereal is just awful and barely fit for human consumption. Anyway, the commercial ends with a couple of kids successfully obtaining Lucky's charms, I guess, and there's free Play-Doh inside each box, so at least you have that to look forward to.
Ad 3: Frosted Flakes Cereal:
This commercial is from 1984. Hey look, we're at the beach, and Tony and a girl are eating Frosted Flakes and watching two kids dominate at volleyball. I guess they get cocky, because they challenge Tony and the girl to a game. They accept, but only after they finish their Frosted Flakes because they're GRRREEEAAAT! The other team chuckles at the notion of the girl playing the net, but personally, I would bet my money on the team with the 6 foot tiger playing. Naturally, Tony's teammate, powered by a bunch of sugar coated corn flakes, gets a big spike, impressing her opponents and giving their team a 1-0 advantage. According to the commercial, Frosted Flakes brings out the tiger in you. That's GRRRRRRRRREAT! I've always wondered what could possibly possess a tiger to spend his days traveling the globe eating nothing but Frosted Flakes, but to each their own.
Ad #4: Apple Jacks Cereal
Apple Jacks had some interesting commercials back in the day, and by interesting, I mean they featured a bunch of smart-aleck kids who you wanted to smack upside their heads. This commercial is no different, as four lamebrain boys are sitting around when one of the kids' dads comes around, saying "I thought you were going to clean the garage" One of them says "we're just resting". Some other dummy starts impersonating the man or something, saying hey why do those kids eat Apple Jacks, they don't taste like apples. Another kid says well that's not why we like them. and a third one chimes in "then why?" The dad comes around, says "I know, I know, you just do" and everyone else says "yeah" in agreement. Why Kellogg's decided to advertise Apple Jacks as the cereal that people like but no one knows why, I'm not sure. I guess it worked, because they made like a 100 different types of the same commercial. This commercial is much more annoying than I just described, but your mileage may vary. As for the cereal itself, well, let's just say I'm a big fan.
Ad# 5: Mr. T Cereal
There's not a lot that can be said about this ad, or the cereal which contains nothing but T's. Just watch it once, and the song will be stuck in your head.
Well, that's it for now. Join us later when The Canon Review reviews three different cereals. What cereals are they, you ask? Well log in later to find out.
Ad #1: Nintendo Cereal System
The great thing about the Nintendo Cereal System is that it's two cereals in one. Unfortunately, both cereals look about as appetizing as a bowl full of gravel. This commercial is kind of out there, as Mario traps a bunch of kids in televisions and leads them through the worlds of Super Mario Bros and Zelda. Why are the kids wearing television sets, exactly? Is that really neccesary. The commercial also has a crummy theme song in which Nintendo is chanted about eight times in thirty seconds. Also, look at the kids as they jump awkardly, especially the kid in the green sweater. That's not normal. Anyway, I never had the pleasure of having Nintendo Cereal System, but I'm sure it wasn't all that great. Maybe I'm wrong, but something tells me I'm not.
Ad #2: Lucky Charms Cereal
This commercial is from 1992. The concept is simple, there's a mountain of marshmallows, and Lucky is using his Irish magic to change them into his Lucky Charms. That's fine, but why doesn't Lucky spend some time on the rest of his cereal, because that's the part that could use some work. I don't know why the people of General Mills won't make Lucky Charms all marshmallow bits, because the only reason people buy the cereal is for the marshmallow, and besides, the rest of the cereal is just awful and barely fit for human consumption. Anyway, the commercial ends with a couple of kids successfully obtaining Lucky's charms, I guess, and there's free Play-Doh inside each box, so at least you have that to look forward to.
Ad 3: Frosted Flakes Cereal:
This commercial is from 1984. Hey look, we're at the beach, and Tony and a girl are eating Frosted Flakes and watching two kids dominate at volleyball. I guess they get cocky, because they challenge Tony and the girl to a game. They accept, but only after they finish their Frosted Flakes because they're GRRREEEAAAT! The other team chuckles at the notion of the girl playing the net, but personally, I would bet my money on the team with the 6 foot tiger playing. Naturally, Tony's teammate, powered by a bunch of sugar coated corn flakes, gets a big spike, impressing her opponents and giving their team a 1-0 advantage. According to the commercial, Frosted Flakes brings out the tiger in you. That's GRRRRRRRRREAT! I've always wondered what could possibly possess a tiger to spend his days traveling the globe eating nothing but Frosted Flakes, but to each their own.
Ad #4: Apple Jacks Cereal
Apple Jacks had some interesting commercials back in the day, and by interesting, I mean they featured a bunch of smart-aleck kids who you wanted to smack upside their heads. This commercial is no different, as four lamebrain boys are sitting around when one of the kids' dads comes around, saying "I thought you were going to clean the garage" One of them says "we're just resting". Some other dummy starts impersonating the man or something, saying hey why do those kids eat Apple Jacks, they don't taste like apples. Another kid says well that's not why we like them. and a third one chimes in "then why?" The dad comes around, says "I know, I know, you just do" and everyone else says "yeah" in agreement. Why Kellogg's decided to advertise Apple Jacks as the cereal that people like but no one knows why, I'm not sure. I guess it worked, because they made like a 100 different types of the same commercial. This commercial is much more annoying than I just described, but your mileage may vary. As for the cereal itself, well, let's just say I'm a big fan.
Ad# 5: Mr. T Cereal
There's not a lot that can be said about this ad, or the cereal which contains nothing but T's. Just watch it once, and the song will be stuck in your head.
Well, that's it for now. Join us later when The Canon Review reviews three different cereals. What cereals are they, you ask? Well log in later to find out.
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