An Eveving with Doink the Clown

I know what you're saying right now, "Just one Evening?" Yes, it is a tribute to everyone's favorite wrestling clown, Doink. Portrayed by a lot of wrestlers, but primarily by Matt Borne, Doink was a prominent member of the WWF for 3 years from 1993-95. He is most known for being a clown, and eventually they added a dwarf clown, Dink, to his act as well. Doink started out as an evil clown hell-bent on causing chaos, but eventually turned good and feuded with the likes of Bam Bam Bigelow and Jerry Lawler. Well, without further adieu, let's send in the clown!

Match 1: Doink the Clown vs. Typhoon, Monday Night Raw, February 1, 1993

Doink is the heel in this match, and has some eerie entrance music. The announcers deride Doink, but the clown gets a 'Doink' chant from a small pocket of the Raw crowd. Doink starts the match by outwrestling Typhoon, performing wrist locks and drop toe hold so he's able to control the much larger Typhoon. He has control until trying to punch the big man down, but Typhoon doesn't budge. Doink bounces off the ropes, but is caught and slammed by Typhoon. Typhoon back Doink into the corner, tries to avalanche him but misses. This allows Doink to hit a shoulder block from the middle rope for the cover, and with a grip on Typhoon's tights, Doink the Clown gets the victory over a much larger opponent. The match was just there, but the commentary was just brutal, as "comedian" Rob Bartlett told some rather unfunny jokes in an unenthusiastic manner. I'll give it a 1.2 out of 5.

Match 2: Doink the Clown vs. Mr. Perfect, sometime in 1993

According to the announcers, this match is a qualifying match for the King of the Ring tournament. Doink comes out eating popcorn and has a demented look in his eyes. He then goes on to make a kid cry in the audience. That ticks Perfect off, so he goes after Doink and starts brawling with him in the aisle. The two head back to the ring, and Perfect dominates early, working over the leg of Doink and even putting him in the figure four. They go to the outside, but Doink gets the advantage by posting Perfect. They go back to the ring, and Doink is in control, but he doesn't want to just beat Perfect, he wants to outwrestle him. So he tries and succeeds to do just that for a while until Perfect finally gets a second wind. The two combatants exchange punches when the bell rings. Mr. Perfect hits Doink with the Perfect Plex, but is told by the referee that the match has ended due to a time limit draw. Perfect asks "Bozo" for five more minutes, and at first it looks as if Doink is going to oblige, but he thanks otherwise of the offer. He does sneak in and attack Perfect from behind just before the video ended. Decent match, I'll give it a 2.3958 out of 5.

Match 3: Doink vs. Cory Student, WWF Superstars

This match came after Doink's face turn, as he comes out with his dwarf mascot Dink. Student looks to be a big guy, about 4 inches taller than Doink. Doink picks Dink up on his shoulder, and Dink sprays Mr. Student with water from the flower on his lapel, to the delight of some of the crowd. Match starts, they lock up, and Doink takes him down immediately. Doink then grabs under Student's shoulders, flips him on his back, and gets the three count in a match that was half a minute. I guess Student must have sucked, considering the powers that be only had him in the ring for thirty seconds without much effort being exerted. The match was just a reason to display Doink's technical wrestling skills, but it was short so I'll give it a 1.1 out of 5.

Match 4: Doink vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley, WWF Raw, October 16, 1995

The internet's least favorite wrestler takes on a clown. Before the match, there's a video hyping the night's upcoming cage match between Bret Hart and Dr. Issac Yankem. Yay. Helmsley is doing his aristocrat gimmick at this time, spraying something all around the ringside area. Doink comes out, and it's time to rumble, I suppose. Doink takes advantage early by confusing Helmsley with his antics, but that ends after a HHH clothesline. Doink regains the advantage, but once again loses it after missing an elbow drop. Helmsley gets a pair of two counts after a knee drop and a vertical suplex. HHH puts the sleeper on Doink, but he escapes. Doink gets a pair of two counts after a small package and backslide. Doink tries a cross body block, but Helmsley ducks out of the way. Helmsley sets up Doink for the pedigree, and really plants Doink with it. I got to say, the move looks much better here than the way he does it now. Anyway, HHH gets the pin, and afterward, Barry Horowitz talks about baseball with Hakushi. Match wasn't bad or anything, it was just boring. I'll give it a 1.9 out of 5.

Well, there you have it. To be honest, Doink's a better wrestler than I remembered him being, at least at the beginning of his run. I still wouldn't recommend watching a 6 hour comp tape of Doink the Clown, however. Well, thanks for reading, and if you have an idea for a future post on The Canon Review, than let me know about it either by e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com or by some other way.