Fun with Random Wrestling Matches

I've had a bit of writer's block over the past two days, but by golly I'm back with a review of a few different wrestling matches that looked interesting to me. Hopefully, this post will be interesting to you.

Match 1: Shinya Hashimoto vs. Jake Roberts IWGP Championship, 9-23-93

Roberts comes out with a snake to the same music that Fit Finaly used in WCW, looking as if he's had a couple of prematch libations. Hashimoto enters with the IWGP Title on his shoulders. Match starts, and the two delay before finally tying up. The first few minutes of the match is just a series of rest holds between the two, usually broken up by Hashimoto and followed by Roberts pantomiming his disgust. Roberts goes for his patented DDT twice early on, but each time Hashimoto is able to escape, much to Roberts' chagrin. After Hashimoto turns down a handshake, he whips Roberts into the ropes. Roberts tries for a leapfrog, but seems to have hurt his knee on the landing. The ref spends a minute checking Roberts, but while Hashimoto has his back turned, Roberts comes to life and knocks Hashimoto down with a forearm. The Snake follows up with a short arm clothesline, calls for a DDT, and hits it. Instead of going for the cover right away. Roberts does some jumping jacks to prove that the knee is fine, and motions that he's about to win the belt before finally making the cover, but Hashimoto kicks out at two. Roberts, still in control, knocks Hashimoto to the outside and tries to get his snake, but the referee puts a stop to that. Instead Roberts keeps on the attack of Hashimoto, hitting an atomic drop for two and a clothesline as well. Roberts goes to choke the champ, but Hashimoto is able to block it and get back to his feet. An irish whip sends Roberts to the corner, he bounces off chest first and then takes three kicks to the torso from Hashimoto. Hashimoto tries a back suplex, but Jake counters with a sloppily performed bulldog. Both men get back up, Hashimoto hits a leaping kick to the face, and then follows with a spinning heel kick which gets the three count for him. Post match, Roberts pulls out the snake, but Hashimoto is able to escape before being attacked. Roberts then drops the snake to the mat, lets it slither around the ring for a few seconds before kicking it to the outside and stuffing it back in his back. Yes, he kicked a snake out of the ring. I'm sure PETA wouldn't care for that if they bothered to watch Japanese wrestling over 15 years old. This match wasn't all that great, as both men have probably had hundreds of matches better than this one. I'll give it a 1.85 out of 5.


Jake Roberts vs Shinya Hashimoto
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Match 2: Steve Williams vs. Davey Meltzer, UWF, 9-23-90

For those of you that remember Herb Abrams's Universal Wrestling Federation, it should come as little surprise that he would name a prelim guy after the writer of the Wrestling Observer and send him to face Dr. Death Steve Williams. Yes, this match is little more than an inside joke that I'm sure hardly anybody actually got. Why Abrams was mad at Meltzer? We'll never know for sure, but considering Herb Abrams died of a cocaine overdose after chasing prostitutes with a baseball bat, naked, while covered in baby oil, well it could be anything. Anyway, Meltzer seems to have borrowed some boots, as his has the same red skull and crossbones logo as Dr. Death's. Meltzer goes for a handshake, but gets a hard clothesline from Williams instead. From there, it's just total domination from Dr. Death, as he punishes Meltzer with a series of knife edge chops, turnbuckle smashes, a big gorilla press, and a pair of shoulder blocks out of the three-point stance while Abrams makes veiled comments about Dr. Death sending a message. Finally, Williams scoops Meltzer up, runs and bounces him off of two turnbuckles before finally planting him with the Oklahoma Stampede. That gets the three count. Afterwards, Williams digs out some paper, writes on it, and shoves it in Meltzer's mouth while Abrams remarks "Steve is sending a message to Dr. Death." This was a mildly entertaining squash, but nothing worth seeing twice. I'll give it a 1.24 out of 5.




Match 3: Beau James vs. Tony Givens, NCW, 2001

This is from some independent company in the Tennessee-Kentucky area. Tony Givens looks like your typical indy prelim guy, billed at 170 pounds but probably 155 or less. James, the "King of Kingsport, TN", is billed at 282 pounds and looks like a sleazier Ron Jeremy, if that is possible. James does not waste any time, attacking Givens before the bell and smothering him with punches, stomps, and other brawling tactics. James throws Givens to the outside and continues to punish the youngster before bringing him back in. Cover, but James lifts Givens up and continues his assault as the announcer mentions his feud with Todd Morton and that last week, a masked man stole Beau James' crown.  James picks Givens up, and throws him over the ropes onto the elevated entrance ramp. James follows up with a big slam off the ramp onto the concrete floor. Back in the ring, James once again goes for the cover and lifts Givens's head off the canvas before 3. After a minute or so of chinlocks, James informs the crowd that he will end Givens's career with a piledriver. However, Todd Morton comes out with James's crown on his head, distracting James. This allows Givens time to roll up James and get the upset victory over the veteran. Afterwords, Morton puts the crown of Givens as the two walk to the back. Nothing really worth seeing again here. I'll give it a 0.95 out of 5.



Match 4: Dingo Warrior vs. Frenchy Martin - 7-10-87

The future Ultimate Warrior takes on veteran prelim wrestler Frenchy Martin in one of his first WWF appearances. Interestingly, the 'Dingo' Warrior is from Queens, NY, far from any dingos that I'm aware of.  Tie up to start, Frenchy smacks the Warrior across the chest, but to no effect, as Warrior violently shoves Frenchy down. After another tie up and knockdown and some shenanigans about hair pulling from Martin, Warrior lifts Martin up and places him on the turnbuckle before backing away. Martin tries to get a running start to attack Warrior, but gets nothing but a big shoulderblock and back elbow from the Warrior for his troubles. Martin goes to the outside to catch his breath, and takes his sweet time doing so. Back in, Martin continues to take punishments, eating a back elbow and taking a huge body slam. Finally, Warrior gorilla presses Martin and throws him down to the mat, covering Martin and getting the three count. Match was just a showcase for Warrior, and he was very green around this time, so it's not that great. I'll give it a 0.75.

Match 5: Col. DeBeers, Ryuma Go, and Psicosis vs. Rey Mysterio Jr., Billy Jack Haynes, and C.W. Bergstrom, June 22, 1994 2-out-of-3 Falls

I defy you to come up with a weirder six-man tag team than the Mexican luchadore Psicosis, the Japanese comedy wrestler Ryuma Go, and Col. DeBeers, whose gimmick is that of a racist South African mercenary. You find a match with a weirder trio than that, and I will waste no time reviewing it. To top it all off, they come out to Kiss's "Love it Loud" and pose with some ring girls for one of the weirdest photos in wrestling history. The combination of Haynes, Bergstrom (a big blond guy with a Dok Hendrix haircut) and Mysterio is rather strange itself. Everybody gets introduced with their very own ring girl, and it takes a while to clear everyone out before the match begins. Wisely, Mysterio and Psicosis start the match off, and the two exchange standard lucha libre moves to excite the crowd. After a few minutes, Rey tags in Haynes, and Rey uses Haynes as a launching pad to floor Psicosis with a couple of high flying manuevers before Haynes clotheslines Psicosis out of the ring. Ryuma Go comes in, and he and Haynes actually put together a decent chain wrestling sequence before they stand off. Go gets control after some punches, and keeps Haynes down with some stomps and choke holds before Billy gets up and floors Go with a clothesline. In comes DeBeers to face off with Haynes, but he eats a huge shoulderblock and eventually is knocked out of the ring by Haynes and Mysterio. Bergstrom comes in, does nothing but a side headlock for a minute and tags out to Mysterio, who now must face the much larger DeBeers. Mysterio crawls between the Colonel's legs a couple of times before DeBeers catches him in the corner with a punch. DeBeers backs Rey up against the corner and tries to avalanche Rey, but Rey ducks and Col DeBeers ends up landing gut first on the top turnbuckle, bouncing up and down before Rey kicks him off and DeBeers takes a huge bump to the mat. Mysterio to the top, he dives, but is caught and slammed by DeBeers, who attempts to follow with an elbow drop, but he misses. Tags to Bergstrom and Go. Bergstrom takes a slam and neckbreaker from Go, and Ryuma drags Bergstrom to his corner. DeBeers comes back in, but Bergstrom is able to counter DeBeers' irish whip with a pair of clotheslines. Tag to Haynes, and while DeBeers is dazed, Haynes clotheslines the Colonel from behind and gets the first fall for his team.

The second fall starts, and Haynes tries to lock in the Full Nelson on DeBeers, but Go cuts him off. From there, the three back Haynes into the corner and deliver a variety of punishing holds on him, including a swinging neckbreaker from Go followed with a gutwrench suplex, which gets a two count. Go continues to go to work on Haynes, keeping him grounded with moves such as elbow drops and chinlocks. Go then decides to work on Haynes's left leg with a kneebar. From there, Go and DeBeers work over the leg with stomps and other leglocks, such as the spinning toe hold, wrenching on Haynes's leg violently. Finally, the ref counts to three, as Haynes' shoulder is down due to the spinning toe hold, and DeBeers takes the second fall for his team.

The third fall starts in chaos, as Haynes is still being worked over by Go while Psicosis attacks Rey Mysterio, performing a backdrop and a snake-eyes on Mysterio before both men leave the ring. Poor Billy spends the next five minutes with his leg under constant attack from Go, DeBeers, and Psicosis. Go puts Haynes in a figure-four, but he won't give and Psicosis is tagged in. He goes up top, but Haynes is able to move. However, DeBeers gets tagged in before Haynes can reach his corner. From there, Haynes is still under fire from DeBeers and Go, ad Go uses a single leg crab and an Indian death lock to try to get the submission victory, but Haynes just won't give up. Finally, after minutes of constant attack, Haynes is able to kick DeBeers a couple of times in the thigh with his good leg, knocking him down and allowing Haynes to tag in Bergstrom. Bergstrom comes in on fire, with clotheslines and slams for everyone in sight before tagging out to Mysterio and launching him towards Go for a dropkick. In comes Psicosis, and Rey baffles him with a Maivia Hurricane. After attempting it once, Mysterio is able to hit the leaping hurracanrana on the second attempt, covers Psicosis, and gets the deciding fall for his team. What a strange match, as if it was half lucha style, half southern tag style, and there was a lot of confusion in this match. Plus, Bergstrom was by far the weak link in the match, although since he was in the least, he didn't do too much damage. Overall, I'd give this a 2.39 out of 5.



Well, that's all for now. Thanks for reading, and if you have any comments about this post, or ideas for future posts, than let me know about them either by leaving a comment or by sending me an e-mail at kthec2001@gmail.com.