Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The Canon Review Presents: Christmas Commercials

Yes my friends, it is that time of year once again. Where Santa Claus becomes a bigger television presence than Jay Leno, where beer companies trot out videos of horses riding through the snow, where store after store talks about their place being the best place to go for your holiday shopping. Yes, Christmas is coming, and with that comes tons and tons of commercials proclaiming 'Happy Holidays' while trying to convince you to buy some overpriced junk in the spirit of peace and goodwill. So with that in mind, Canon Review reader Dickson S. came up with a topic to review. He describes it as follows: 

"Find and post three really terrible Christmas commercials off of youtube.com and explain why you think they just are not very good. Christmas is coming around once again and I always hate with a passion most all of the Christmas commercials. See if you can find ones from years past. I know I remember some that make me hurt already. Good luck!"

Well, all right then. Let's get this started, shall we?

Video 1: 1980's 7-Up Christmas Commercial

Like many a Christmas commercial, this one features Santa Claus and his elves and is set at the North Pole. Apparently in the 7-Up version of the North Pole, the elves look exactly like miniature replicas of Santa Claus, white beard and all. Anyway, it's a hard day's night up at the North Pole, as Santa is bushed and the elves are fatigued after making Cabbage Patch Kids or whatever. So Santa goes to the fridge, which is filled with nothing but 7-Up. He uses some sort of summoning power to grab a can and takes a sip, which inexplicably sends the elves into some sort of euphoric tizzy. The elves themselves start drinking seven up and act as if there isn't a care in the world. I guess 7-Up is much like an alcoholic beverage to the elves. To me it tastes like flat Sprite, but to each their own I suppose. I'll give it a 2 out of 5.

Video #2: Dad Got Hosed: Verizon Christmas Commercial

If there is anything I detest in this world, it is cell phone commercials. They're all stupid and either showing off a bunch of apps you don't need or full of the type of people you wouldn't associate yourself with because they're either too self involved, greedy, or both. In this wonderful commercial, a father is reviewing what he gave his kids, which are two of the hottest cell phones around at this time along with an entire network of creeps following their every move, making sure that they always have a signal. Meanwhile, the father asks his kids what he got, and after one of them weakly responds 'aftershave', dad corrects her by saying "Dad got hosed". Well, isn't that a lovely message to send during the holiday season. Yes, nobody likes getting aftershave, but thanks a lot dad, for making everybody feel awkward about enjoying their new phones. Also, I'm not exactly sure what he expected his kids to get him, and besides, isn't Christmas more about giving than receiving? Not according to the good folks at Verizon. I'm giving this crap a 0.29 out of 5.

Video #3: Funny N64 Christmas Ad - 1998 

This title is clearly a misnomer, because there's nothing funny about this ad whatsoever. In this commercial, four teenagers sing a spoof of Jingle Bells voicing their displeasure over their Christmas gifts. They continue to sing by explaining that instead of CD no one knows, they would have rather gotten games for the N64 like Turok and South Park. Well, it could be worse, they could have gotten Superman 64. I don't know how hearing a bunch of spoiled brats singing off key makes anybody want to play Nintendo 64 games, but what do I know? I'll give it a 0.50 and stop thinking about it.

Video #4: 1980's Kentucky Fried Chicken Christmas Commercial

Although the original request called for three, here's an extra bad commercial. In this commercial, an Ebernezer Scrooge character is befuddled by the high prices of Christmas shopping. Lucky for him, Kentucky Fried Chicken has a deal, selling a nine piece box for $5.59, and a 15 piece bucket for $9.29. Well, old Scrooge went a little bit overboard after hearing this news, as the end of the commercial shows Scrooge in front of a giant pile of boxes and buckets of chicken. So, either everyone he knows is going to get some second-rate fast food chicken, or Scrooge is stocking up for the apocalypse. Even so, I'd rather deal with this commercial than an ad with a bunch of spoiled teens singing poorly. I'll give it a 1.4 out of 5.


Well, thanks for reading, and if you have any thoughts on this or other posts, or ideas for future posts, than share them either by leaving a comment or by sending me an e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com

1 comment:

  1. Well commercial number one was very poorly made and was not even creative at all. It did not make me want to drink 7UP the least bit.

    The second commercial is just like most any other typical cell phone commercial. It was a lame attempt to try to be funny and relevant to today's kids. Just a waste.

    The third video makes Christmas,video games, and people that age all seem like spoiled little emo children. I suppose it was for the parents that have no idea what to buy for kids that play games. Either way it was dumb and another waste of tv time.

    Video four was my favorite one even though it was not very good either. I hate the fact that he insist on buying so much food for himself and as much as I hate KFC that food could have gone to poor people. I know it was not real but damn that waste of shitty food is not a good message for Christmas.

    p.s For some reason it never lets me sign in so I have to comment by other means. :(