Showing posts with label Lex Luger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lex Luger. Show all posts

Friday, January 7, 2011

The 2BWE Video Project: Pages 8-11

This is the the first part of the Big Bad WWE Encyclopedia Project, in which I watch one video featuring each entry in said encyclopedia. For more about the guidelines of this project, look to the post below this one here. The first post will deal with pages 8-11, which has 15 entries spread across the four pages. So, let's get started, shall we.

Page 8- 3 Minute Warning: Rob Van Dam and Kane vs 3 Minute Warning

This match took place on the February 10, 2003 edition of Raw. Unfortunately, Johnathan Coachman is on commentary. 3 Minute Warning comes out with their manager, Rico. You may think that it wouldn't make much sense to pair a hairdresser with a duo of Samoan street thugs, and you'd be right. Rosey comes out wearing a shirt that says '350' on it, which must not be his weight since he looks a good 50 pounds over that number. RVD and Jamal start off, and RVD gets a quick two count after a legsweep followed by a standing moonsault. Jamal whips RVD into the corner in charges, only to get a back elbow to the face. RVD leaps to the top, but Jamal shoves him off the turnbuckle and into the barrier on the outside. Rico does his part by rolling RVD back in, and Rosey is tagged in and gets a two count after a big splash. 3MW keep RVD grounded in their corner with brawling tactics and quick tags, and Jamal gets a two count after a superkick. In an unwise move, Jamal decides to go after Kane and knocks him off the apron. He then tries a double team move with Rosey, but RVD moves out of the way and rolls over to tag in the big man, Kane. Kane is, as Coachman put it "on fire", taking on both members of 3MW with ease. A flying clothesline takes down Rosey, and Kane goes to chokeslam Jamal, but Rosey breaks that up. Which turns out to be only a minor setback, as Kane clotheslines Jamal down and takes down Rosey with a big boot. RVD and Kane do a modified Rocket Launcher, which ends with Jamal taking a sidekick to the face, and then Jamal takes Rolling Thunder. Rosey breaks up the cover, but Kane quickly disposes of him. Jamal misses a charge to the corner, and staggers after a leaping side kick from RVD. That allows Kane to chokeslam the big man, and RVD puts on the finishing touches with a 5 Star Frog Splash while Kane holds off Rosey and Rico. Post match, RVD and Kane celebrate their victory with thumb pointing and pyrotechnics. Quick tag match that wasn't too bad, but nothing too remarkable. I'd give it a 1.75 out of 5.

P8- Abe Knuckleball Schwartz: Abe Knuckleball Schwartz Theme Music

To the shock of no one, there isn't much videos of the man with a baseball painted on his face, so this is the best I could do. It's not much of a theme either, as it sounds like a MIDI version of 'Take Me Out to the Ballgame'. I'll let you judge for yourself how good it is here:

 


P8- Adam Bomb: Adam Bomb and Johnny Polo WWF Debut vs Bert Centeno

This match is from the May 22, 1993 episode of WWF Superstars and is the debut of Mr. Bomb, who comes to the ring with Johnny Polo. Both Mr. Bomb and Mr. Polo would have many other monikers during their careers, as you might best know them from WCW as Wrath and Raven, respectively. Adam Bomb has some cool sounding theme music, and some really ugly yellow sunglasses on, while Centeno is from Puetro Rico and shockingly, does not have an entry in the WWE Encyclopedia. Bomb backs Centeno into a corner and wails away on him before he gets bored of that and sidewalk slams Centeno down. Bomb shows off his aerial skills with a dropkick, and then throws Centeno out of the ring. After some brawling on the outside, Bomb throws Centeno in, and then knocks him down again with a slingshot shoulderblock from the apron that the announcers found impressive. Bomb asks if we're ready to see the bomb, and whether Centeno was ready or not, he takes the power bomb and the loss. Not much to say about this one, but the match did make Adam Bomb look good in his debut, so it accomplished it's goal. I'd give it a 1.5 out of 5.

 
P8- Adorable Adrian Adonis - Snake Pit with Adorable Adrian Adonis and Jimmy Hart

I think this is from the December 7, 1986 episode of Wrestling Challenge, but I'm not 100 % sure. Jake Roberts starts by quoting a few lines from Prince's 'When Doves Cry'. Then we get a recap of last's week return of Adorable Adrian where he attacked Roddy Piper on Piper's Pit, which seems to make Roberts happy. Adonis and Jimmy Hart come out and present Roberts with some flowers, including one for Roberts' snake Damien. Adonis then accuses Piper of being jealous of him and his former interview segment, the Flower Shop, and threatens anybody that gets in his way as he calls himself the 'Judge Wapner' of wrestling. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing to be, but that's the analogy Adonis has chosen to use. Roberts wraps things up by saying "We (meaning him and Adonis, I suppose) were not born from the original sin, but we may well be the original sinners". I'm going to use that line at my next job interview or family gathering. I tell you, they don't have any characters like Roberts and Adonis anymore in wrestling, and that's not a good thing. I'd give the segment a 3.2 out of 5.


P9- Adrian Adonis and Dick Murdoch - Hulk Hogan and Antonio Inoki vs Adrian Adonis and Dick Murdoch

This match is from New Japan Pro Wrestling, and I think the date of this match is November 25, 1983, but I'm not exactly sure. Adonis and Murdoch would be WWF Tag Team Champions a few months after this match, which takes place against the top two guts in New Japan at the time. Adonis and Inoki start, and after some rope-running, Inoki catches Adonis with a drop toe hold before tagging in Hogan. Back elbow by Hogan, and Adonis bounces off the elbow and into the nearby ropes to get slammed by Hogan. Hogan with the big legdrop, but only gets a one count. Murdoch and Adonis use some underhanded tactics to gain the advantage, and Murdoch is tagged in. Arm wringer by Murdoch, but Hogan is strong enough to get in his corner and tag out to Inoki. Murdoch gets a side headlock, only to take a back suplex for his efforts. However, Murdoch is able to regain the advantage with some punches and kicks, and tags out to Adonis, and the two deliver a double elbow drop to Inoki. Adonis and Murdoch prove to be masters of tag team psychology by keeping Inoki in their corner with brawling tactics, quick tags, and chinlocks. Inoki tries to move himself to tag out to Hogan, but Adonis breaks it up by coming in and smashing Hogan with a fist, riling the Hulkster up and causing the ref to hold him back. Murdoch gets a two count after an atomic drop, and then he and Adonis double team Inoki as Adrian drops an elbow on his opponent while Murdoch holds him across his knee. Adonis puts Inoki in a backbreaker submission which ends when Murdoch is tagged in and drops the knee across Inoki's gut. A Murdoch elbow drop gets a two count, as does a swinging neckbreaker, and Murdoch tags out after a piledriver. Adonis then makes his first mistake of the match attempting to put Inoki in an abdominal stretch, but Inoki reverses it into one of his own, then uses the opening to tag in Hogan. Hogan whips Adonis off the ropes and catches him with a running knee lift that knocks Adonis back into the ropes with such force that he gets tied up in the ropes. After punching and biting Adonis, Adrian escapes with the help of Murdoch, only to take a suplex from Hogan for a two count.  Hogan then grounds Adonis with a front headlock, which Adonis only escapes after an eye gouge. Adonis then hits an inverted Atomic Drop on Hogan before tagging out to Murdoch. Murdoch pounds away at Hogan's face before attempting a suplex, but it's blocked. After some brawling, Hogan whips Murdoch into a corner and charges, only to take an elbow from Murdoch that sounded as if a firecracker went off. A Murdoch elbow drop gets two, as does an Adonis elbow from the second rope after a tag. Hogan shakes the cobwebs off, whips Adonis into the ropes and attempts his patented Axe Bomber clothesline, but Adonis ducks and hits a clothesline of his own. Adonis misses a charge and Hogan tags to Inoki, who takes care of Adonis with a dropkick and an enziguri. Murdoch breaks the cover up, and oh here go hell come as all four men are now brawling in the ring. Then they go out of the ring, but Adonis is the only one able to beat the ref's count, so your winners by countout are Adonis and Murdoch. Pretty good match that makes me wonder what they could have done with a 18-20 minute instead of the ten they were given here, as it did feel somewhat rushed. Still, I'd give it a 2.7 out of 5.

P9- Ahmed Johnson: Ahmed Johnson Joins Nation Of Domination

This video is what it says it is, as Ahmed Johnson joins the Nation of Domination on the June 16, 1997 edition of Raw. Fortunately, Ahmed does not speak during this video. Instead he gives Undertaker the Pearl River Plunge after a match, goes to the entrance ramp, and gives the Nation salute along with the rest of his new cohorts. Jim Ross does not seem too happy on commentary, wondering why Ahmed wouldn't stand up to the Undertaker on his own instead of waiting until two other men beat him down. Well, that's just how it is in wrestling. Ahmed would be in the Nation for about a week before suffering another injury, then coming back from that injury to be kicked out of the Nation. So in hindsight, this really meant nothing, but it was shocking at the time since Ahmed and the Nation were at odds for nearly a year at this point. Oh well. I'll give this a 2.1 out of 5.

P9- Al Perez: Brad Armstrong vs Al Perez

In case you don't know, Al Perez was a wrestler who had his most success in the late 1980s with World Class and the NWA before moving on to a brief stint in the WWF. After that, Perez was allegedly supposed to be revealed as the mysterious Dark Scorpion in WCW, but refused to job to Sting and left the company. Anyway, I don't really know when this match is from except that it took place sometime in 1988. We are joined in progress as Perez (w/ Gary Hart) has Armstrong in an arm wringer, then backs him into a corner. Perez misses an elbow drop after snapmaring Armstrong down, and after the two get to their feet, Armstrong puts Perez in an arm wringer. Despite Perez's best efforts, Armstrong shows dogged determination and just refuses to let go of that arm. Finally, after a minute and a half, Perez backs Armstrong into the corner and catches him with a knee to the gut. He goes to whip Armstrong into another corner, but dang it if Brad doesn't grab a hold of that arm again. Both men get back up, and the two have a bit of a stare-off before a tie up. Perez tries to smash Armstrong in the corner, but is literally beaten to the punch, so Perez backs away in pain. Back up, Armstrong once again works on Perez's arm with a standing arm bar. Perez gets out of it with brawling tactics and sends Armstrong to the ropes, only to be knocked down with a shoulder block. Perez does get the upper hand after ducking a charging Armstrong, which sends Armstrong through the ropes and outside the ring. Armstrong takes a stun gun (Steve Austin's old finisher, not a taser) throat first on the guardrail, and Perez continues to beat on Armstrong on the outside of the ring while making sure to break the ref's count. Perez with a whirly-bird maneuver followed by a leaping knee drop, but Armstrong is able to kick out at the last second. Perez with a front chinlock, and Jim Ross states that he believes Perez is a future World Champion. Well, at the time I'm sure it made sense, but time makes fools of us all. Armstrong has a brief offensive flurry, but Perez cuts it off with a punch to the ribcage, and keeps control with a mixture of strikes and basic wrestling holds. After a minute or two of this, Armstrong finally gets on his feet and escapes, then slams Perez down to the mat. Armstrong with a running elbow drop, but Perez moves out of the way, and then hits a leaping knee drop for another two count. Perez throws Armstrong into the corner but misses a charge, so Armstrong goes to work on Perez. At this point, the video stops, and the poster didn't post the rest of this match, so I'm left to rate what I saw. From what I could tell, this wasn't too bad of a match, as both wrestlers were strong technical wrestlers who were able to put together some nifty sequences, even if all the arm work by Armstrong was soon forgotten. I'd give it a 2.4 out of 5.


P9- Al Snow: Al Snow Reveals "The Five Deadliest Maneuvers"

This video kind of sucks, as Bill Apter of 1wrestling.com asks Al Snow what in his opinion is the five deadliest maneuvers in wrestling. Snow manages to show his sense of humor by making lame-ass jokes about Bill Apter's privates and some jokes about Pat Patterson's sexual preferences. He lists the piledriver as the most dangerous maneuver in wrestling and once again makes a dumb sophomoric joke. Even though it was two minutes long, it's two minutes I'd rather have spent doing something else, so I'll give it a 0.15 out of 5.


P10- Albert: Too Cool and Rikishi vs. Val Venis, Test, and Albert (w/ Trish Stratus)

This match took place on June 5, 2000 episode of Raw, a week after Too Cool (Grandmaster Sexay and Scotty 2 Hotty) won the tag team titles. For some reason, the beginning of the match is chopped out, so after the entrances, the video goes straight to Rikishi wailing away on Val Venis. A Samoan Drop by Rikishi flattens Val, and then Rikishi catches Test and Albert with clotheslines. Rikishi sets up Val for the Stinkface, but Albert barges best and smashes Rikishi into the corner. Test comes in and sends Rikishi down with a big boot, and Trish's team works over Rikishi like a 400 pound Samoan punching bag while the ref restrains his teammates. After Rikishi reverses an Irish whip, Albert goes for a sunset flip, which proves to be a poor idea as Rikishi sits on his chest multiple times, knocking the breath out of the man they call Albert. Grandmaster Sexay is tagged in, and takes all three of his opponents down with dropkicks. In comes Scotty, and the two double team both Test and Albert. Sexay with a powerbomb on Venis, but Test breaks up the pinfall. However, Test gets bulldoged down by Scotty, setting him up for one of the most asinine moves in wrestling, the Worm. The fans seem to love it though, and after Scotty does his thing. Sexay hits the Hip Hop legdrop from the top rope and covers, but the ref is distracted with Rikishi and Val brawling on the outside. While the ref is away, Trish comes in and tries to hit Sexay with a boot, but that's blocked, and Sexay uses the boot to flatten Test. But the ref is still distracted, so Val sneaks in and hits Grandmaster with a title belt, which results in the pinfall and gives the victory to T & A and Val. Post match, Rikishi takes care of buisness while his teammates recover, and eventually Val is down in the corner in perfect position for the stinkface. Trish comes back in the ring to prevent this from happening, but after a series of unfortunate events it is Trish that ends taking the Stinkface, which is just as disgusting as it sounds. This match wasn't very good. I'll give it a 1.3 out of 5.


P10- Aldo Montoya: Justin "Hawk" Bradshaw vs. Aldo Montoya

The Portuguese Man O' War, the incredible Aldo Montoya, takes on future WWE Champion Justin "Hawk" Bradshaw in a match from the May 13, 1996 edition of Monday Night Raw. Before all that, we get a clip of Terry Bradshaw talking about Armor All. Aldo has a more elaborate entrance than one would think he would get, complete with fireworks and all. Bradshaw comes out to the ring with Uncle Zebekeih. The match starts, and Aldo tries a hit-and-run approach by using a dropkick and staying away from the big man after getting a strike or two, but eventually he gets caught after a cross-body attempt and slammed to the mat. Bradshaw retains control until Montoya rebounds from an Irish Whip into the corner and clotheslines his opponent down. The tide turns, however, after Bradshaw powerbombs Montoya while Uncle Zeb is on commentary accusing the WWF's big stars of avoiding Bradshaw. Bradshaw with a big slam and a running senton (huh?), and then he celebrates with a Stan Hansen esque taunt. Bradshaw continues to dominate with a bearhug and a series of punches, a body slam, and an elbow drop. Finally, Montoya gets a break after ducking a clothesline and knocking Bradshaw off balance with two dropkicks, then going to the top and knocking down his opponent with a dropkick from there. Montoya's moment of glory doesn't last for long, as Bradshaw reverses an Irish whip and then plants him with a big boot before putting on the finishing touches with a big time clothesline. That gets the three count. Post-match, Montoya is 'branded' by Uncle Zeb, by which I mean he places a branding iron on his chest for half a second without leaving a mark. Eh, wasn't too bad, but not that good either. I'll give it a 1.65 out of 5.


P10- Alexis Smirnoff: AWA Bobby Bold Eagle, Pete Sanchez vs. Yuri Gordyenko, Alexis Smirnoff

This match is from an AWA on ESPN episode in 1986. From what I can tell, this match aired on December 31, 1986. Gordyenko and Smirnoff are both stereotypical Russians that have patterned their look after Ivan Koloff, while Bold Eagle is supposed to be a Native American but looks about as pale as I do. Smirnoff and Sanchez start out, with Smirnoff controlling Sanchez with an arm bar. Tag to Yuri, he does a couple of strikes and tags out to Smirnoff. Smirnoff continues to work on the arm before Sanchez is able to escape and at least get to his feet. However, that doesn't last long as a Smirnoff big boot knocks him back down. Tag to Yuri, he slams down Sanchez and stomps on him before tagging out again. Sanchez is able to use his veteran mind to get over and tag in Bold Eagle, who strikes Smirnoff a couple of times and whipping him into the corner, only to be caught with a big boot and selling that move by slowly falling on his knees, much to the displeasure of this crown. Eagle takes another big boot, and then takes a vertical suplex before Gordyenko is tagged in. The two Russian then double team Eagle by giving him a dual Stun Gun on the ropes, and Gordyenko gets the three count. Well, that was not good at all. Post match, the Russians are interviewed by Larry Nelson, with Gordyenko doing most of the talking. That makes little sense, as Gordyenko is, shall I say, not very good on the mic. Anyway, they promise to win the Tag Team Titles and take them home to mother Russia. This video, all in all, wasn't very good, and Bobby Bold Eagle is rather terrible as a wrestler. I'll give it a 0.69 out of 5.

P10- Alicia Fox: Melina vs. Alicia Fox

This match took place on the June 19, 2009 edition of Smackdown and features WWE Women's Champion Melina in a non-title match against Fox. It is announced, that Melina will defend her title against Michelle McCool in nine days, and McCool accompanies Fox to the ring. Tie-up to start, both women get out. Alicia tries a clothesline but Melina does a bridge and then kicks Alicia in the face from that position. Melina tries to keep the advantage with punches, but Alicia does a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker out of nowhere that gets a one count. Alicia then keeps Melina on the mat with a legscissors, and then turns that instead some sort of hybrid full-nelson camel clutch hold that I'd never seen before. Looks like a good hold for a finisher, although it would take multiple steps to apply. But I digress. Anyway, Melina gets up and ducks a clothesline, climbs on Fox's back and then does a sunset flip powerbomb to get the three count. Post match, Michelle McCool comes in and kicks Melina in the face. She then sets Melina up against a table and does a running knee into Melina's head. McCool grabs the mic and promises to become Women's Champion and bring the title home to Mother Russia. Well, maybe not that last part. Quick match that wasn't too bad, so I'd give it a 1.75 out of 5.


P11- The Alliance: Team WWF (The Undertaker, Kane, Big Show, Rock, and Chris Jericho) vs. The Alliance (Shane McMahon, Rob Van Dam, Booker T, Kurt Angle, and Steve Austin)

This match took place at Survivor Series 2001, and fortunately for me, I already did a review of this match somewhere else, so while I will watch it, I will be lazy and just use a previous review right here because the match is rather long, so here it is:
This is a elimination tag battle to see who survives another day, the WWF or the Alliance, wrapping up a horribly botched angle where Kurt Angle represents two companies he never wrestled for. The video starts with another montage, illustrating a) that Rock and Jericho haven't been getting along, b) that Angle and Austin haven't been getting along, and c) that Vince McMahon claims that Stone Cold will swerve his team in the match. The video ends with all 10 superstars shown with a Puddle of Mudd song in the background, kind of killing the moment. All 10 men come out separately, which takes up a lot of time. Rock and Austin start trading punches, and the match is on. For the first ten minutes, everybody but Big Show and Shane get in. For some reason, it seems the Undertaker and Booker T spend the most time in. Nothing too significant of note, other than the Undertaker hitting two Old Schools and Shane Mcmahon breaks up about 8 pinfalls, pissing Jim Ross off in the process. The Big Show finally gets tagged in, and he's a HOUSE OF FIRE for a minute, knocking everyone down in his path like a wild tornado through a county fair. He goes to chokeslam Angle, but gets out, goes behind him, and hits the Olympic Slam on Show. Angle tags in Booker, who hits the ax kick with a spinarooni thrown in for good measure. RVD comes in, hits the frog splash, then tags in Shane, who hits a sub-Test level elbow drop on Show to get the three-count, making Show the first man eliminated. Poor guy was only in there for a minute, but whatever. Shane dances around like a jackass, only to turn around to find The Rock waiting for him. The Rock pounds him. Kane comes in, hits a chokeslam, tags out to Undertaker, who hits a nasty-looking tombstone. Then Jericho is tagged in to hit the lionsault and get the pin, evening the score. Angle comes in, gets the advantage, then tags in Booker, who gives Jericho three bodyslams in a row. Kane comes in after awhile, but gets doubled by Booker and RVD. Rvd hits a frog splash on Kane, but the count is broken up and suddenly, everybody's brawling on the outside, except for RVD and Kane. RVD goes back up to the top, kicks Kane in the face, and gets the three count, eliminating Kane. Undertaker comes in and starts dominating people, at one point clotheslining everybody on the other team down in each corner of the ring. He gives Angle the Last Ride, but Austin gets Taker with the Stunner for the three, giving the Alliance a 4-2 advantage. Rock and Booker square off, but Rock quickly gains the advantage. Rock rolls up Booker, and gets the three count. Now things are a bit even. RVD comes in and takes it right to The Rock. RVD goes to the top, but the Rock powerbombs him off for a two count. Jericho is tagged in, and he and RVD exchange some offense. At one point, I think RVD kicked Jericho straight in the mouth. RVD goes for a split-legged moonsault, but Jericho gets the knees up, I guess, and then hits THE STROKE?!? for a three count. I totally forgot that short period of time where they tried to get the Stroke over as a finisher for Jericho. Just as well they gave up on that. Now the sides are even, but Angle and Austin isolate Jericho with fine brawling action. Jericho fires back, however and goes for a clothesline. He and Austin meet head on and both men are down. Austin tags Angle, and Jericho gets the hot tag to the Rock. Rock catches Angle with a dragon-screw leg whip, puts the sharpshooter on, and Angle taps instantly, giving the WWF a 2-1 advantage. Uh-Oh. Austin knocks down the Rock, Jericho tags himself in. Austin nearly gets the three after reversing Jericho's flying bodypress attempt. Jericho tries for the Walls of Jericho, it's countered. Austin tries his own version, but again it is countered. Austin then awkwardly rolls Jericho up for the three count, leaving the match at 1-1. Jericho won't leave, but Rock gets in and spinebusters Austin down. But WAITAMINUTE, Jericho lays out The Rock with the Stroke. Jericho walks away smugly, but Rock kicks out at two. Jericho comes back to lay some more plunder on the Rock, but Undertaker comes out to put an end to that. Rock and Austin go outside to do some brawling. They come back in, and Austin puts a poor looking sharpshooter on The Rock. The Rock, unsurprisingly, gets to the rope. Rock counters with a poor looking sharpshooter of his own, but again, Austin gets to the rope. They both try to hit their finisher, but Rock finally lands a STUNNER on Austin. He nearly gets a three, but referee Earl Hebner is pulled out by everyone's favorite referee, Nick Patrick. Austin hits a Rock Bottom on Rock, but Patrick doesn't count fast enough yet again and The Rock kicks out. Austin punches Patrick, and Patrick sells a punch like only Nick Patrick can. Austin hits a stunner on Rock, but there be no referee. Kurt Angle comes out, hits Austin with Austin's own WWF Title, propelling him into The Rock, who hits the Rock Bottom from there. Hebner wakes up, and Rock gets the final pinfall, "saving" the WWF in the process. Vince McMahon comes out with his arms up in the air and throwing his jacket down in celebration. Match was pretty good and suspenseful, particularly when Austin and The Rock was in there, but man was it long, which in this situation makes sense, I suppose.

Well, I didn't give a numerical score to this match before, so I will now. Overall, I'd give it a 3.68 out of 10.

P11- The Allied Powers: Allied Powers vs. Jeff Jarrett and The Roadie

This match was taped on May 15, 1995 and later shown as part of the Coliseum Video title 'Wrestlefest 95'. Lex Luger and Davey Boy Smith, the Allied Powers, are led to the ring by two guest flag bearers. The video cuts part of the beginning off, so it's joined in progress as Jarrett arm drags Smith and then struts around the ring, and then he does that same sequence again. Irish whip by Jarrett is reversed by Smith, who follows up with a pair of clotheslines. Delayed vertical suplex by Davey Boy, who then goes for the pinfall, but The Roadie breaks it up. He's tagged in and slows Davey Boy down with some brawling tactics, but Smith gets the advantage once again after a pair of headlock takedowns and tags in Luger. A double back elbow by the Powers gets a two count, and then Luger tries to go to work on the arm, but a knee to the gut stops his momentum. Roadie punches Luger a few times before entering the corner and tasting a back elbow from Luger, who follows up with a pair of arm drags and an armbar. Roadie gets back up, elbows Luger in the face, and tags out to Jarrett, who comes in and starts wailing away on Luger. Jarrett whips Luger into the ropes and tries to hit him with a back elbow, but Luger ducks and gives Jarrett a gorilla press slam instead. Luger puts Jarrett in the 'Rebel Rack', but the Roadie comes in and chop blocks Luger in the knee. Tag to Roadie, he gets a two count after a knee drop and then tags to Jarrett. Luger nearly gets a pinfall after a sunset flip, then he takes a Jarrett clothesline and goes down. After some stomps, Jarrett whips Luger in and ducks, only to take a DDT type maneuver (Luger just grabs him by the hair and falls back, sending Jarrett down to the mat). Both men get back up, then get back down again after a double clothesline. Roadie is tagged in, and now so is Davey Boy, who starts cleaning house on his opponent with a series of clotheslines, then does a double noggin knocker on Jarrett and Roadie. Vertical Suplex on the Roadie, but Jarrett breaks up the count. Luger takes care of Jarrett while Davey Boy scoops up Roadie and delivers the Running Power Slam. Cover, and Davey Boy gets the victory for his team. Well, I guess it wasn't that bad, so I'll give it a 2.15 out of 5.

P11- Alundra Blayze: Alundra Blayze vs. Luna Vachon


The women formerly known and later known as Madusa, Alundra Blayze defends her WWF Women's Championship against Luna Vachon in a match from the July 7, 1994 edition of WWF Superstars. Luna starts off strong by backing Blayze into the ropes and delivering a few knees to the gut, but loses the advantage after Alundra ducks a pair of clotheslines and then flattens Vachon with a dropkick. A Blayze Irish whip into the corner is reversed, but Blayze once again is too quick for Vachon, as she flips over the ropes and then dodges a charging Luna, sending Vachon flying to the outside. Luna collects herself, then trips up Blayze and slams her leg into the ring post. Back in the ring, Luna applies a Boston Crab. After struggling to escape for about a minute, Blayze somehow does a sunset flip from the Boston Crab and nearly gets a three count. Luna gets back up first, and slows Alundra down with some brawling tactics and a leglock. Vachon whips Alundra into the corner and charges, but Blayze is able to use her quickness advantage again to apply a sunset flip for a two count. But Luna is up again, and catapults Alundra throat first into the bottom rope, then follows up with a swinging neckbreaker. Luna goes to the ropes, and hits the Vader Bomb on her opponent, but since Luna doesn't have nearly the same girth as Vader, Alundra is able to kick out at two. After a bodyslam, Luna tries to finish things up with a top-rope maneuver, but misses the big splash. Alundra is up quickly and bulldogs Luna down to the mat. Luna misses a punch, which allows Blayze to get behind Luna and German suplex Vachon. Blayze bridges and holds on long enough to get the three count. Short match, but a solid effort all in all. I'd give it a 2.1 out of 5.

Well, that's it for the first part of the Big Bad WWE Encyclopedia Video Project, a.k.a. the BWE squared Video Project. If you have a better name, then do not hesitate to suggest it. Also, if you have any thoughts about the project thus far or any other posts, or you have an idea for future posts, then let me know about those thoughts and ideas either by leaving a comment on the blog or by sending me an e-mail at kthec2001@gmail.com.

Friday, October 22, 2010

An update about the lack of updates

For the past couple of days, I've been trying to rack my brain to come up with some topic to write about, or something to review, but for whatever reason, I just could not think of anything. I guess I have a case of writer's block or something. Actually, this has been the case pretty much all month, as I just can't seem to get motivated to post anything lately. So, I apologize for the lack of updates and, quite frankly, the downturn of quality around here the last few weeks. Hopefully, it's just a temporary setback and I'll be back to reviewing all sorts of crazy things in the upcoming weeks, probably starting tomorrow or early Saturday morning. So don't fret, all you Canon Review followers out there, because this train is going to keep on rolling. Now here's a video of Lex Luger talking:

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Canon Wrestling Review: WCW Monday Nitro: April 17, 2000

This post comes thanks to one of the new features on blogspot, the stats menu. One of things that you can do with the stats feature is find out which search terms led a viewer to your blog. Well, according to the amount of people who have ended up here searching for the Wendy's Triple Baconator, I take it that a lot of people are hungry. Anyway, I saw that some reader ended up on the Canon Review because they searched for WCW Monday Nitro: April 17, 2000. So obviously, somebody wants more information about that particular show, so I figured, why not watch this here episode of Nitro and see how it is. Since it takes place during the Bischoff-Russo era, I have a strong feeling that it will suck, but I've been surprised before.

- It's the night after Spring Stampede 2000, and as such we get a minute and a half of still shots detailing last night's show. A lot of crap happened and Mancow wrestled Jimmy Hart, that's all I remember from that show. Your idiots in the booth tonight are Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson, and Mark Madden. A whole bunch of confetti and red balloons drop from the ceiling, and security guards are shown blocking the main entrance in order to block the Millionaire's Club  from entering. Great, take the only people in the company that can draw off the show. Good strategy. Anyway, here comes Russo with his New Blood champions, Chris Candido (Cruiserweight Champion), Buff Bagwell, Shane Douglas (Tag Team Champs), and Scott Steiner (United States Champion). Russo gets on the mic, tells Jim Ross to kiss his ass, than introduces the new World Champion Jeff Jarrett, who also wishes for JR to smooch his backside. Jarrett expresses anger at not being asked to star in Ready To Rumble, which wouldn't make any sense since Jarrett was employed elsewhere at the time the movie was filming, than challenges Diamond Dallas Page to a Triple Cage Match straight out of the movie, which I'm sure everyone has seen at least 25 times, as it's just that great. Anyway, Eric Bischoff comes out with DDP's wife Kimberly, and the two go on to explain why Kimberly bashed her husband in the head with a guitar last night. Apparently, Kim is sick of being in DDP's shadow, and states that she's the real star of the Page family. Russo keeps talking while we cut to the parking lot, where DDP is calmly told that he's not allowed in the building tonight. DDP does not respond kindly to this, knocking out the unarmed security guards and heads to the ring. There's a riot squad around the ring, but they let DDP in without resistance. DDP gets a couple of shots in before the 5-on-1 advantage gets the best of him. Here comes the riot squad, and they start beating up the New Blood with nightsticks. They take off their helmets, and holy moly, it's Ric Flair, Sting, and Lex Luger of the Millionaire's Club! Who saw that coming? I think everyone did. Not the worst way to start, but it took a little too long to get going.

- To the back, where Bischoff chews out a group of New Blood wrestlers for not helping out earlier. Booker T takes exception, and the two exchange words before Booker and the rest leave in a huff. Hulk Hogan calls up Bischoff, and threatens him with a beating in five minutes. Shawn "The Perfect One" Stasiak and Curt Hennig wrestle each other in the first match of the evening. Ms. Hancock is out, for reasons unknown. Hennig hip tosses Stasiak a couple of times, but Stasiak uses punches and two body slams to take advantage. Hennig rolls out, Stasiak gets too close and Hennig pulls him out of the ring. Hennig chops Stasiak and bounces him against the guardrail and the announce table. Hennig sees Mark Madden, and does what any reasonable man would do and throws a cup of water in Madden's face. Unfortunately, the water does not short out Madden's mic, so I still have to hear him talk. Back in, Hennig Cartwheels out of an Irish whip! but Stasiak grounds Hennig with a clothesline. Stasiak uses a suplex to get a 2 count on Hennig, and goes to Irish whip Hennig, but that gets reversed and Stasiak ends up eating a kneelift for his troubles. Hennig with a running clothesline that catches both Stasiak and the referee. Perfectplex from Hennig, but there's no referee. While Hennig gets up to check on the ref, Stasiak digs out some brass knuckles out of his kneepad, and uses them to knock out Hennig. A Perfect Plant (kind of like an F-5, only Stasiak falls forward on his face instead of back) finishes Hennig off, and Stasiak gets the upset victory. Useless match that had no heat and did nothing for anybody. 1 out of 5.

- To the outside, where Hulk Hogan is surrounded by policemen blocking him from the building. Hogan gives the cops a Super Mega Stare, and the cops meekly back down for fear of suffering the wrath of Hulkamania. Apparently, Rockford, Illinois has the wimpiest police force in the United States. Hogan enters the building, seems to wander around as if he doesn't know where the entrance is, and the camera cuts to Stasiak stomping away on Hennig. Hogan, having found the correct way to go finally, comes out, saves Hennig from Stasiak's stomps and throws Stasiak out of the ring, and then we break for commercial.

- Back in the ring, Hogan has a microphone. He goes on about how he hasn't lost a step and is still the top dog and this and that, and challenges anyone in the back that wants to take his spot to come on down and get some. He then starts using his real name while running down Bischoff and Russo, so you know it's a SHOOT~! Hogan, or Terry Bollea as it were, claims that he has more heart than any other wrestler in the back. Well, that's sure to make him some friends. Hogan calls out Kidman, but Kidman shows up on the bigscreen and challenges Hogan to come back to the parking lot for a fight. Hogan rushes out, but he doesn't see Eric Bischoff and the notorious white Hummer. Uh oh.

- Mean Gene is with Jeff Jarrett, who has decided to put an open contract out, and the first New Blood member to sign it gets a shot at his World Title tonight. Hopefully it will be Shannon Moore. Jarrett then concludes the interview by calling Mean Gene a "Jurassic Slapass". Hey, that's my nickname! To the ring, where the Wall is going to wrestle Terry Funk for the WCW Hardcore Title. Yes, Bischoff and Russo's master plan to get the Hardcore Title is to send out The Wall. Funk slams a chair against the Wall's head to begin the match. Wall shrugs it off and throws Funk over the top rope out of the ring. Wall grabs the chair and heads to the outside, but takes a low blow. Funk uses the chair across the Wall's back, and climbs to the top rope. Moonsault press by Funk onto Wall, but that move didn't go quite as planned as Funk nearly lands on his on the outside. Ouch. Wall's up first and delivers a big boot to Funk. The two get on the announce table, and Wall piledrives Funk on the table, but it doesn't give at all and the two just fall off the table. Wall drags Funk around the outside, throwing him against one guardrail and slamming another guardrail against him. Further back, Wall finds a round cage, and uses it to slam the door on Funk's head a couple of times. Wall seems to be in control, until a bunch of tables mysteriously fall on Wall and knock him out. Funk puts a table on the Wall, double foot stomps through it, and gets the three count. A somewhat entertaining spectacle that was ruined by a crappy ending. I'll give it a 1.4 out of 5.

- To the back where Kronick demands a shot at the World Tag Team Titles tonight, but Russo denies them. Meanwhile, somebody signs Jarrett's contract, and when Jarrett sees who it is, he's not happy about it at all. Who is the mystery opponent? I bet it's The Artist Formerly Known as Prince Iaukea. Mean Gene is talking with DDP, who promises to gain revenge on Eric Bischoff for stealing his wife and will leave Mike Awesome laying tonight.

- Bob Probert's in the crowd tonight, watching the Mamalukes (Johnny the Bull and Big Vito) come out. In the back, Kronick is beating up the Harris Brothers, who were supposed to wrestle the Mamalukes but now they can't. What a shame, Kronick comes out instead and brawls with the Mamalukes. Full Nelson slam by Adams on Vito. Johnny the Bull does a flat-footed jump from the ring to the top rope, turns around and jumps back down, but eats a Bryan Clark chokeslam for his efforts. An F-5 from Adams onto Vito, and both Mamalukes end up taking Kronick's High Times finisher (double choke slam) before Adams gets the mic. He states that whoever faces them will end up in chronic pain and living a chronic nightmare, and Russo better give them a title shot or he'll find out what a chronic nightmare entails for himself.

- Vampiro comes out and grabs a mic. He says that Sting knows nothing about pain and that last night at Spring Stampede (where he came out from under the ring and dragged Sting down with him to presumably issue a beating) was only the beginning. At Slamboree, Vampiro promises to devour Sting. That starts Sting's music in the lights go out. The lights come back on just as Sting finishes his descent from the ceiling. Sting beats on Vampiro with his bat for a while, giving Vampiro a lesson in pain, as Sting put it. Sting finishes off with the Scorpion Death Drop to leave Vampiro laying in the middle of the ring. Sting proclaims WCW is his turf before leaving once again. Well, that made Vampiro look like a chump, building very little interest in their match at Slamboree since Sting just got his revenge right then.

- Hogan is still looking for Kidman, and asks some kids if they know where he is. Meanwhile, Jarrett moans and groans to Russo about his title match tonight against the mystery opponent. I bet it's Wade Barrett. DDP comes out as a fan holds up his book, Positively Page, which had recently come out around this time. His opponent is Mike Awesome, and the two waste no time as Page connects with a tornado clothesline and starts beating on Awesome in the corner. Irish Whip to the corner, but Awesome is able to springboard off the second turnbuckle with a back elbow, which almost gets a three count. A big splash from Awesome also gets 2. Irish Whip by Awesome, but Page is able to deliver a floatover DDT which also gets a two count. The two exchange clotheslines, and Page catches Awesome with a Uranage slam for a 2 count. Page eats a back elbow and goes to the outside, allowing Awesome to deliver a springboard lariat to the floor. Man, Awesome went a long way on that move. Awesome tries to give Page a standing splash against a guardrail, but Page moves and slams Awesome in the back with a chair. The announcers take this time to commentate about WCW's new lax disqualification rules. Back in. Page charges in with a chair, but Awesome slams his foot into the chair and into Page's face. A forearm to the chair in front of DDP's head sends Page to the outside. Chris Kanyon runs in, which gets a disqualifaction only half a minute after they talked about the new WCW's policy of letting fights go on. Kanyon takes a German suplex for his efforts, and Awesome goes to get a table. Kevin Nash's music hits, and Awesome waits for him to come to the ring. Instead Nash comes out of the crowd and attacks him from behind, before powerbombing Awesome through the table. Match was rushed, but if these two had 10 minutes they might of had a good match. Instead I'll give it a 1.5 out of 5.

- Tank Abbott is here, hopefully to beat up on Mark Madden again. Mean Gene is talking with the Tag Team champs, Shane Douglas and Buff Bagwell. What an odd combination. Bagwell and Douglas talk about their opponents at Slamboree, which are Lex Luger and Ric Flair, respectively. Douglas then calls Luger a jackass and challenges him to a match tonight, which Luger accepts, provided Vince Russo does not interfere. Tank Abbott is coming to the ring, and Mark Madden is throwing a fit for fear of taking another Tank beating. Abbott puts Madden in his place by yelling "Don't even look at me, fat ass". Ha, of all the wrestlers in the world, Tank Abbott is one of them. Tank goes on to explain that once again, until Goldberg comes back to face him, he will beat up another innocent person. This week's victim was to be part owner of the Chicago Blackhawks Bruce MacArthur, but before Tank could get started, Blackhawks' tough guy Bob Probert (perhaps the best fighter in NHL history) leaped over the rail and saved his boss. Security came out to break the two apart before anything could happen. Such a shame, because it would have been interesting to see those two go at it.

- Hogan asks Terry Taylor, who just arrived about 90 minutes into the show, where Kidman is. Taylor leads Hogan in Kidman's direction, and the fight may finally happen soon. Jarrett is informed by Russo that his mystery opponent still wants the match tonight, which greatly displeases Jarrett to the point where he calls Russo J.J. Dillion. Well, obviously that means that Jarrett's opponent will be Ole Anderson. Lex and Shane Douglas are out to have their match. Luger starts by punching Shane, and than spends the next minute or so using kicks, punches, and turnbuckle smashes all over Douglas, making the Franchise look like a jobber. Douglas finally gets a Russian legsweep and chokes Luger with a piece of tape. Irish Whip into the corner by Douglas, he charges, only to eat a boot to the face. Luger with a series of clotheslines, which brings out Buff, Buff comes out with his music and pyro going off during the middle of the match, distracting Luger and allowing Douglas to take advantage. Luger ducks a clotheslines and runs off the ropes, only for Bagwell to grab his foot. Luger drags Bagwell to the apron, but a low blow sends Luger down. While Bagwell preoccupies himself with Luger's manager Miss Elizabeth, Douglas whips Luger into the guardrail, near a fan with a Sting mask. The fan attacks Douglas with a bat, and reveals himself to be Ric Flair. The two go to beat on Shane inside the ring, and the ref calls for the bell. Russo comes out to drag off Douglas, and the three go to the back arguing about something. You know, for a show that is promising the promotion of the young guys, the young guys are sure taking a butt-whooping on this show. This was no different. I'll give it a 0.6 out of 5 and hopefully I'll forget that I ever watched this match.

- Hogan has finally found Kidman, after 1 hour of looking for him. He starts kicking Kidman's butt before Torrie hits him with a 2 x 4. That doesn't faze Hogan, so he grabs Torrie by the throat and backs her up against a post before Kidman makes the save. Kidman gets two punches on Hogan before Hogan just annihilates Kidman, throwing him against the wall and a plastic cart a few times before yelling that he will kill Kidman. Bischoff is seen hiding in the corner while Hogan picks up Kidman and throws him into a dumpster. Hogan sees Bischoff and goes after him. Bischoff goes in the Hummer, but it won't start, so he takes off up the ramp and out of the parking garage. Hogan decides to get in the Hummer and remarkably, it starts right back up. The hell? He then proceeds to ram the dumpster containing Kidman with the Hummer three times, which is probably illegal in most states. Hogan takes off in the Hummer up the ramp, presumably to commit vehicular homicide on Eric Bischoff. God, this is stupid. Kidman is then rescued from the dumpster and put on a stretcher by medical personnel. 

- Jarrett comes out to wrestle the mystery opponent. That man could be none other than Josh Hamilton. Oh wait, it's Scott Steiner, accompanied to the ring by three of his 'freaks', I suppose. The match starts, and Steiner goes to work on Jarrett in the corner. A clothesline and elbow drop follows by Big Poppa Pump, and Steiner then slams Jarrett with a gorilla press drop. After Steiner whips Jarrett into the corner, Jarrett gets the boots up into a charging Steiner, and starts stomping away at his opponent. Cross body block from the top by Jarrett, that gets a two count. He follows up with a dropkick, but Steiner reverses an Irish Whip and then catches Jarrett on his shoulder as Jarrett leaps in an attempt to dodge Steiner. Slam into the corner by Steiner, followed by a choke while Jarrett's in the Tree of Woe. Belly-to-Belly gets two for Steiner, and after the two exchange low blows, Steiner gets the advantage and puts Jarrett in the Steiner Recliner. Out comes Booker T, who scissor kicks Steiner, drawing the DQ and saving Jarrett's title in the process. Booker grabs Jarrett and says, "you're welcome, punk". That makes for the third DQ of the night, when the announcers had been talking all night about how WCW is going to let their wrestlers fight. Match wasn't long enough to mean anything and wasn't all that good anyways. I'll give it a 1.2 out of 5.

- Hogan's in the back with a pipe, he finally finds Bischoff, and Bischoff takes off running all the way to the ring, Hogan backs up Bischoff in the corner and starts threatening him, when Bret Hart comes out with a chair. Hart swings the chair, but the show goes off the air before we see who he blasts with the chair. Hopefully it's both of them.

This show was 31 flavors of suck. The matches didn't go very long, the interviews tended to drag, and their was way too much Hogan walking around cursing backstage. Plus the show did nothing for the New Blood except make them look like chumps, especially Kidman and Vampiro. This was just one bad wrestling show. I'll give it a 1.8 out of 10, and I recommend nobody go back and watch this tripe. Well, thanks for reading, and if you have any ideas for blog posts or reviews, or thoughts about this post, let me know about them either by e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com or by leaving a comment.


Kidman & Hulk Hogan Brawl 17.4.00
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Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Brett Favre is BACK! I think, and more fun with YouTube reccomendations

Well boys and girls, it seems as if our national crisis is over. Brett Favre is in Minnesota right now and all sings are pointing to Favre coming back for a 93rd season in the NFL. Personally I'm disappointed, as I thought Favre would drag the suspense out one more week before coming back. But Favre's back and his return can only mean one thing, that football season has officially begun. I'm so excited that I can't think straight, so I'm going to watch a few videos that YouTube tells me to watch and share my thoughts about them.

Video 1: Brett Favre's First Completion

Actually, this wasn't a recommendation, I just wanted to see a Brett Favre video. This video is of a young Brett Favre in 1992 playing against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who at this time were still wearing their hideous orange and white uniforms. In this clip, Favre rolls out to the right and throws, but his pass is tipped by defensive end Ray Seals. Favre, ever the competitor, is undaunted by this turn of events, and proceeds to catch the live ball himself. This doesn't go well for Mr. Favre, as he is quickly tackled for a loss. So, yes, Brett Favre's first completed pass was to himself. Also, even as a youngster, the announcers are quick to point out the competivness of Brett Favre. If he pulled this same play this year, I'm sure whoever is announcing will have an on-air orgasm explaining how Brett Favre 'just likes to have fun out there' Especially if those idiots on the ESPN Monday Night Football crew call the game. I don't think there's a football player those guys don't love, especially Jon Gruden, who gushes over quarterbacks ad nauseum. But I digress.



Video 2: Bobby Heenan unveils Narcissist Lex Luger

Well, this was rather interesting. I believe after watching this video that not only is the Narcissist in love with himself, but Bobby Heenan is in love with the Narciassist. The whole video is five minutes of Luger posing in front of a mirror while Heenan prods him on by saying things such as 'Don't tease us Lex, show us', and "oh, are you ever put together". Finally, Luger stops posing to drop some knowledge on us, telling us that all the other wrestlers will bow down on their knees before him, and that he is the "most mesamorphically, magnificent physical specimen"  Luger threatens Heenan's former charge Mr. Perfect some and that's all there is to it. After the interview, Heenan says that this is the "highlight of my career". I'm 99.9% sure that Heenan would not say the same about this moment today. Anyway, the Narcissist made such an impact that he was repacked a mere six months later as Lex Luger, the All-American.



Video 3: ESPN MLB Commercial

I believe that this commercial is from 2007, but I'm not 100% sure. Anyway, it's just a basic commercial which describes how much you love baseball or something like that. I wouldn't think that I needed to be told how and why I came to love baseball, but by golly ESPN does that for me anyway. Maybe I'm just tired, but I did not care much for this commercial. Perhaps you will like it more.



Video 4: The Price is Right: Temptation Goof from 1983:

In this clip of a Price is Right episode from back in the day, a woman is playing a game called Temptation, where she must select a number from the prices of four items to guess the correct price of a new car. It's hard to believe that the price of a new car could be less than 10,000 dollars, but here we are. The person can either take the four prizes and walk away, or try to play for the car. If they win the car, they also get the other prizes, if not they win nothing. Usually they play for the car. The prizes are a $350 dollar space heater, some luggage, an electronic blood pressure reader, and a touchtone telephone which must have been a big deal at this time, because it was valued at $550 dollars. I wouldn't pay more than five dollars for that phone today. Anyway, the lady chooses her numbers, and gets the first three right without a problem. But as Bob Barker pushes the button to reveal the fourth number, the door won't drop. Bob tries and tries, but the blasted thing won't work. Bob explains to the lady that she will have to wait until the next day. The lady then tries to push the button and what do you know? It works and she won the car. To be honest, I think they made up a malfunction just to build up suspense, but hey, that's showbuisness for you. I wonder what happened to all of those prizes?



Well, I think I'll stop for now. Tommorrow I will try to have two posts on the Canon Review, but I'm not promising anything. I will promise that soon justice is coming to The Canon Review, and by justice I mean TNA's Hardcore Justice 2010. I can feel your excitement coming from your various internet connections. Remember, if you have any ideas for future reviews, or comments on this post, then send them to me either by e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com or by leaving a comment on the blog.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

WCW Monday Nitro: February 21, 2000

I got up somewhat early today, so instead of doing something productive, I decided to go on YouTube and watch an old WCW Monday Nitro. This episode is from February of 2000, which means that it will more than likely suck. Here is a recap of what I saw.

- This episode takes place the night after Superbrawl 2000, which was highlighted by Tank Abbott holding a knife to his opponent and threatening to kill him. At least that was the highlight for me. The show starts with Mean Gene Okerlund in the ring, ready to welcome "this man", whoever that is. Lex Luger comes out wearing a FUBU shirt, which is the exact moment FUBU became uncool. Luger tries to not stumble over his words and complains that he should have beat Hulk Hogan last night. Hulk Hogan comes out, says he and Luger should wrestle tonight and that he came prepared with an "18-foot high steel cage" hanging above the ring. So Hogan and Luger in a cage is your main event this evening.

- They show a clip of Jarrett hitting a wheelchair bound Kevin Nash with a guitar last week. Jeff Jarrett and the Harrises come out with four women that they show on screen for 2 seconds. You know, if you're going to pay these women to show up, you could at least give them a few more seconds of air time. Anyway, Jarrett complains he should have won the World Title last night against Sid and Scott Hall, he's got stroke, blah, blah, blah. He pulls out a contract stating that if he didn't win at Superbrawl, he gets a 1-on-1 match with the champion. It was signed by commissioner Kevin Nash, the same man Jarrett clobbered just last week. Huh? Jarrett concludes by saying he's going to unleash the Harris boys upon WCW tonight. Oh no.

- Backstage, Kidman can't find his camera, while Madusa, wearing Tommy Hilfiger overalls, is mad over her lack of a match this evening. She blames Oklahoma, then destroys the white board with all the matches on it.

- We finally have a match, as the camera-less Kidman comes out to face Lash Leroux. Kidman lands on his head after a Lash headscissors. The match ends abruptly as the Harris Brothers run out. They beat up on the two cruiserweights, and give Kidman the H-Bomb, which according to Mark Madden destroys everything within a 20 foot radius. How a crappy double choke slam can be that destructive, I have no idea. Anyway, the Harris brothers walk to the back yelling about something. Meanwhile, Kidman's camera catches Buff Bagwell trying to hit on The Maestro's girlfriend, Symphony. Buff is rejected, and tells Symphony not to mention any of this.

- Vampiro comes out, he lost to Kidman last night. Out comes Finlay in gray camouflage, and we have a match. The match is wild and wooly, as Finlay bashes Vampiro's throat into a chair on the outside. They get back in, and Vampiro takes the advantage. At one point, he basically dives back first into Finlay in some sort of reverse Thesz press. Vampiro motions for the Nail in the Coffin, but Finlay stiffly clotheslines him. Finlay however, gets rolled up after missing a charge into the turnbuckle, and Vampiro wins the match. Finlay does not like this turn of events, and tombstones Vampiro.

- Backstage, the Maestro is beating up on Buff, Buff is unhappy that The Maestro hit him in the face. Meanwhile, La Parka is reading a newspaper when Madusa propositions him.

- Mean Gene interviews Booker, who's upset over losing his music and his T (seriously, he lost the letter T to Ahmed "Big T" Johnson). He says he's ready for war against Big Vito. Vito and the rest of the Marmalukes come out. Disco is confused, because in the space of thirty seconds, the match has been changed to Booker vs. Disco Inferno. Disco then changes the match to a handicap match, Booker vs. the Marmalukes for their World Tag Team Titles. Booker answers by cracking Disco in the mouth, and the match is on. So we have one man fighting for the Tag Team Titles. OK then. Booker wallops on everybody for 90 seconds before Disco throws him off the top rope for the DQ. The Marmalukes are stomping on Booker. To make things even better, the Harris Brothers come out. They destroy the Marmalukes and give Disco the H-Bomb, then deliver an H-Bomb to Booker. The Harrises stand strong. Why WCW would put this much effort into building up a Tag Team that nobody would ever buy a ticket to see, I'll never know.

-To the back, where Mean Gene is standing with Terry Funk and Dustin Rhodes, who have a match with the two biggest bad asses in WCW, the Harris Brothers. Funk and Rhodes promise victory. Sid is shown, and says something in a psychotic voice. We get a recap of the Harrises' butt kicking tonight, and Harlem Heat 2000, with Big T in a pink jumpsuit is interviewed. Stevie Ray is not bothered by Booker's beatdown by the Harris boys, and Harlem Heat 2000 promise dominance or something.

- Oklahoma comes out as the WCW Cruiserweight Title Match graphic is shown. Everyone's favorite wrestling parody will be joining us for commentary. The Champion, The Artist Formerly Known as Prince Iaukea, comes out to ripoff of Purple Rain. It sounds better than most of the other theme songs. La Parka comes out, apparently he has lost 100 pounds and got breast implants. WAITAMINUTE! That's Madusa, who dresses as La Parka to anger Oklahoma or something. Oklahoma comes into the ring, unmasks La Dusa, only to get a few weak slaps for his trouble. La Parka comes out and hits Oklahoma with his chair. However, the Artist hits La Parka with another chair, and misses his finish (a jumping DDT off the top rope) for the three count. Well, that was a whole pile of suck. Where are the Harris Brothers when you need them?

- Ric Flair is with Luger while he trains. Flair says Luger is going to end Hulkamania before he gets cut off by the entrance of Terry Funk and Dustin Rhodes. The Harrises come out to the nWo theme song with Jeff Jarrett (apparently, they were the only three members of the mighty nWo). Jarrett blesses us by joining the commentary team. The Harris brothers beat on Funk for a while. Funk finally gets the advantage, but one of the Harrises knock Dustin down before Funk can tag out. Funk is not deterred, and puts the other Harris in a spinning toe hold. That gets Jarrett off the headset (thank God) with his guitar, but Funk meets him at the pass. Sid comes out to even the sides, and Jarrett hits some black guy with his guitar because, well, he had to hit somebody. Sid chases Jarrett off as Funk finally tags Rhodes in. Rhodes turns on Funk with a DDT because, well, why not? Jarrett speeds off in his car while in the ring, Rhodes brains Funk with a steel chair.

- Backstage now, Gene is interviewing Buff, who says he will get ruff with The Maestro. Meanwhile, Rhodes is beating up Funk outside as Funk was about the get into the ambulance. Rhodes gives him a few shots and Funk is left lying. While the paramedics are checking on Funk, Rhodes gets into the ambulance and drives off. Yep, Dustin Rhodes STOLE AN AMBULANCE! That's gangsta right there. Gene is in the ring, and he brings out Sid for an interview. Sid complements Jarrett on his wit, but promises to rule over him at Uncensored, where Jarrett's rematch will take place. Sid promises Jarrett that he will see him in hell, and hell will be Uncensored 2000. Sounds about right. Meanwhile in the back, Booker and Kidman are being separated from the Harris Brothers by security, and Ric Flair complements Dustin Rhodes for turning on Terry Funk, saying to Gene that tonight, Dustin Rhodes became a professional wrestler.

- To the ring, where we have Buff vs. Maestro. These two have no chemistry whatsoever, as Buff nearly misses a neckbreaker due to Maestro taking it too early. Buff takes control, then goes to the outside to talk to Symphony. This enrages the Stro, as he charges towards Buff. But Buff moves, and Maestro runs into Symphony, bumping her against the ring steps. Symphony sells the ring steps as if she's Hulk Hogan, and gets right back up. The Cat comes out, which distracts Maestro and the production team, as they miss Buff's blockbuster which ended the match. The Cat says that, since James Brown showed up last night at SuperBrawl, the Maestro must change his music due to a bet the two had. The Cat plays' Maestro new theme, which sounds like Notorious B.I.G. if he had Down's Syndrome. Maestro is angered by his new music, and chokes out the referee before the music stops playing, placating Maestro.

- Sid gets in his limo and speeds off to give chase to Jarrett. This despite the fact that Jarrett had a twenty minute headstart and Sid's in a limo. I guess it goes to show that Sid is dumb. A video package from last week's Saturday Night is shown, highlighting Janitor Jim Duggan's TV Title defense against Robert Gibson, and Lord Steven Regal's challenge to Duggan, saying that if he can't beat Duggan for the TV Title, he will retire from WCW. All of this for a title that Duggan found in the garbage.

- Hey, it's Bam Bam Bigelow. He comes to the ring, and The Wall jogs behind him and attacks Triple-B from behind. Bigelow threw a lot of moves at The Wall, including a top-rope headbutt and an enziguri, but Wall kicked out of every last one of them. Wall catches Bigelow on the top rope, and chokeslams him off for the surprise victory. According to Tony Schiavone, "The Wall is awesome!" Whatever you say, man.

- Hogan is beating on the side of a steel mesh fence, repeatedly screaming Luger, Luger, Luger. Hulk Hogan is psychotic, brother! Meanwhile, Ric Flair tells Arn Anderson and David Flair to step up their games. Why, I don't know. Anderson and David just stare blankly with the same bewilderment in their eyes as everyone watching at home. Gene is back with Hogan, who declares that he will be the man that escapes the cage, what ya gonna do, yadda, yadda, yadda. Flair and Luger are walking to the ring when they see Hogan's manager Jimmy Hart, getting water. They decided to push Hart into a bag of popcorn.

- Luger comes out with Flair, and they take turns kicking Jimmy Hart's ass down the entrance ramp. They beat on him some more until the show goes to commercial. When the show comes back on, Flair and Luger are still delivering a beating to Hart. Hogan finally comes out, there are a few chairshots and blow exchanged, nobody sells anything, and finally Flair is sent to the back and Luger and Hogan are in the cage. Hogan takes advantage, using his cast (due to Luger "breaking his arm") to his advantage. Luger takes advantage after slamming Hogan's head into the steel, and delivers his weak looking blows. Luger got Hogan up for a vertical suplex, and then puts Hogan in the Torture Rack. As Luger is about to walk out of the cage, Hogan Hulks up, and starts peppering Luger with blows. Flair comes out, chops Hogan to no avail, and gets the ol big boot leg drop combo. Miss Elizabeth (Luger's manager at the time) sneaks in a chair while Hogan continues the beatdown of Flair and Luger. Hogan takes off his weightbelt, but Luger finally sees the chair and smacks Hogan in the back with it. Flair takes the weightbelt and whips Hogan with it. Security comes in to try and break things up, but Luger takes care of security head Doug Dillinger, and then "breaks his arm" by weakly stomping on a chair which has Dillinger's arm in between the back and the seat of the folding chair. The show ends, with no man escaping the cage. How hard would it have been for Luger to quickly walk out to win the match? Did they really have to end it in a no contest? Stupid WCW.

Overall, this show was only good from an unintentional comedy standpoint. The best match was probably Vampiro vs. Finlay, and that match was short and sucked anyway. The Harris Brothers were in four different segments even though nobody in the history of wrestling has ever given a crap about them. The best part of the show was Dustin Rhodes stealing an ambulance. I'd give it a 2 out of 10. Remember, if you have any ideas for future reviews, then let me know at KtheC2001@gmail.com. Review ideas can be about anything, even oven mitts.