Earlier today, reader Ben W. and I were reminiscing about the time preliminary wrestler Kenny Kaos was suddenly given one half of the Tag Team Titles by Rick Steiner on an episode of Nitro. I liked thinking about it so much that I decided to watch that very show when it happened. So strap up and hold on tight, as we review the October 26, 1998 version of WCW Monday Nitro.
We start with dancing from the Nitro Girls and some fireworks. The usual gang of idiots are here, but before the show starts, Tony Schiavone has some bidness to take care of. See, the night before was WCW Halloween Havoc, and due to the fact that they went 20 minutes over schedule, some people did not get to see the conclusion of the show, which was the conclusion to that God-awful Hogan-Warrior match and the entire main event between Diamond Dallas Page and WCW Champion Goldberg. So, out of the kindness of their hearts, WCW has decided to air the entire main event unedited during the broadcast. According to Schiavone, the competition is claiming that this is a ratings ploy, but to prove those bastards wrong, the match will air at 9:00 eastern at the beginning of the second hour. Oddly enough, that's when the competition is supposed to start their show. Coincidence? Larry Zybszko says that technology is not perfect and if you think this is bad "wait until the KY2 bug hits in the year 2000". That sounds awful, thank goodness that didn't happen.
DANGER! HIGH VOLTAGE! Out comes Kaos to no reaction. He faces off against Stevie Ray of the nWo, who the announcers decry for having the gall to refer to himself as the "enforcer" of the nWo. Hey, that's Arn Anderson's name, come up with something else. Ray beats up Kaos both inside and outside the ring, and says something incoherent into the camera. Kaos comes back with a springboard clothesline, which brings out Buff Bagwell. Bagwell throws Stevie Ray his slapjack and distracts the referee long enough for Stevie to nail Kaos with it. Stevie than hits his finisher, also known as the slapjack (double underhook facebuster). How odd. Ray gets the three and the nWo puts the boots to Kaos. That brings out Rick Steiner with a T-shirt underneath his singlet to chase them off. Rick grabs a mic and says, hey Kaos, mind being my partner in defending the tag titles tonight? Kaos, not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, accepts. Of all the people Steiner could have chosen, he chose a guy that already got beat down by the nWo and hasn't won a match in about two years unless its against Lodi or somebody like that. Now the fans are treated to two Kaos matches in one night. That will bring in the ratings.
Next is the late, great Kanyon taking on the still living but merely average Prince Iaukea. Kanyon asks the crowd, "Who's better than Kanyon?" which gets a lot of responses but not the one Kanyon was looking for, so he kicks Iaukea in the gut and starts the match in anger. Kanyon is on offense for most of the match, but Iaukea gets a couple of moves in, including a backdrop out of an attempted piledriver on the stairs by Kanyon and a springboard senton on a standing Kanyon. Of course, the announcers are too busy talking about how Rick Steiner won the Tag Team titles last night against three men by himself. Kanyon could have taken a leak in the middle of the ring and they'd still be talking about Rick Steiner or the great decision made to air the DDP-Goldberg match on this show. Kanyon counters a backslide into the Flatliner, and pins his opponent for the three count. He then proclaims himself the King of the World, a la Leo DiCaprio in Titanic. Decent enough match, although not enough time was given to make it worthwhile.
The Nitro Girls are dancing around the announce table, which causes Tony and Mike Tenay to react like they've never seen a woman before. Gene Okerlund is in the ring, and he introduces the Four Horseman, which causes Tony to yell in the mic in approval. There's no Mongo McMichael here for some reason, but Ric Flair assures us that he'll be here later. Well, let's hope not. Flair goes on about how Eric Bischoff will fail in his attempts to block him from wrestling, which brings out a rather pale looking Bischoff. Bischoff says that he's made a mistake, that he's underestimated the fans love of Ric Flair and that we will see Ric Flair wrestle tonight. Flair says Hell yeah, bring out anybody and he'll take them on. The announcers are optimistic but cautious of Bischoff's true intentions.
There's a video shown of this week's winning Nitro Party, with a bunch of dumb wannabe frat boys acting like Konnan and Bagwell while watching Nitro. Stills are shown of last night's Kevin Nash vs. Scott Hall match, where Nash just walked away after powerbombing Hall twice. We go to the entrance ramp, where Alex Wright comes out to face Barry Horowitz. The announcers spend most of the match talking about what nice guys they are for showing last night's PPV Main Event. Wright, to the surprise of absolutely no one, is in control most of the match, although Horowitz counters a top rope dive from Wright. Horowitz does his patented pat on the back, before messing up his own top rope move. Wright hits the Rude Awakening on Horowitz and gets the victory. He then celebrates by doing his stupid dance. Match was short and not that great.
Lee Marshall announces the location of next week's Nitro, which I don't care enough to remember, and then we get a recap of last night's Hogan-Warrior match, which I believe was named the worst match of the year. The announcers have decided that the match was too graphic to show on the air even though some people didn't see the ending. It also sucked on ice. Anyway, Horace Hogan helped his uncle win a week after his uncle brained him with a steel chair, leaving 11 stitches on Horace's head.
Sick Boy comes out to be squashed by Wrath, who actually gets quite a good reaction from the fans. Sick Boy gets almost no offense in, and Wrath gets to show off his skills, including a slingshot shoulderblock and a bunch of power moves. Wrath sets up Sick Boy for the Meltdown (pumphandle slam), which gets a HUGE reaction from the fans. Wrath gives the fans what they want and gets the victory to the delight of the crowd. Match was a squash, but man these people were really digging Wrath at this time. Too bad he had to rug pulled out from under him a few weeks later.
The announcers remind us that Ric Flair will wrestle and that now is finally the time to show the Page-Goldberg match. Michael Buffer does the ring announcing for this match, noting that Page is from the Jersey Shore by way of the school of Hard Knocks, just like The Situation. Page comes through the crowd, while Goldberg comes out accompanying by a 10 man security force for reasons that are unknown to me even to this day. Match starts, and each man can't get an advantage, although it's clear that Goldberg is the superior athlete. Goldberg does a backflip to counter a Page leg sweep, which impresses everybody. For the first few minutes, Goldberg seems to be targeting the arm of Page, presumably to prevent him from using the Diamond Cutter. Goldberg retains control until Page does a headscissors out of a power slam attempt. Didn't think Page could do that move. Goldberg side kicks Page in the chest, backing him into the corner. He then goes for the spear, but Page moves and Goldberg slams his shoulders into the ring post. Goldberg's hurt his arm, which allows Page to hit a flying clothesline and then counter a spinebuster into a tornado DDT. Page calls for the Diamond Cutter, but Goldberg has none of that and spears Page to the ground. But it's with his bum shoulder. The two slowly get up, and Goldberg goes for the Jackhammer, but hasn't the strength to do it. He finally gets Page up, but Page counters with the Diamond Cutter! The crowd explodes after that, but Page doesn't have enough energy to make the cover. Page finally gets the cover, but only gets a two count. Page then tries a suplex, but unfortunately for him Goldberg is able to counter and use the Jackhammer on Page. Goldberg gets the win in what was his best match to date at this point, and may be the best match of his career. Great match, I would recommend it to anyone if you want to see good wrestling.
Now back to the crap. Gene catches up with Kevin Nash in his dressing room, which has two couches and a bathroom for some reason. Gene asks Nash why he didn't pin Scott Hall, but wait a minute, Hall is in the room as well. What's going on? Nash just wants his friend back, and Hall admits that last night he "hit a wall" and realized some things. Just when you think the two will become friends again, The Giant sneaks in and beats Nash up. Hall joins in, and eventually they pick up Nash and throw him through a wall. I guess Nash was the one that hit the wall after all.
A video of the Nitro Girls is shown, before we go back live to see the Nitro Girls dance. That was unnecessary, but I don't mind. The nWo Hollywood contingent comes out, with new member Horace Hogan. Somebody forgets to turn up the mic, so Bischoff repeats this stupid line three times: "Life is good when you're with Hollywood". Hulk Hogan gets the mic, says that when you wear the black and white you do it for life and that in order to do so, you must prove your loyalty by stabbing yourself in the heart in the name of Hollywood. The hell? Which brings us to Horace, as he "passed the test" last night and is given the nWo T-shirt and a nWo weightbelt. Hulk calls Horace the "most important, most valuable member of nWo Hollywood". It must be opposite day for the nWo. Strange promo.
Zbyszko is replaced by Bobby Heenan, and Tony wastes no time in expressing his displeasure about it. Watching these old Nitros is somewhat interesting now just because of the thinly-veiled comments both Tony and Bobby have for each other, as you can really feel the hatred between the two. Try watching a Nitro from say, 97 onward, and you'll be able to pick up on that rather easily. Anyway, Perry Saturn comes out, with a new vest that looks, um, interesting. He is followed by Eddy Guerrero who was the leader of the lWo at this time. This should be a good match, but Eddy at this point was burnt out, so we shall see. Saturn uses an overhead belly-to-belly early on, but Guerrero gains the advantage after dropkicking Saturn's knee. Guerrero then continues the attack on the leg. Guerrero does his trademark slingshot somersault, this time on Saturn's knee. After a few more moves, Saturn is able to gain the advantage after turning a tornado DDT into a Northern Lights suplex. From there, Saturn starts throwing around Eddy with his T-Bone suplex and a Falcon Arrow, which of course the announcers don't know the name of. Saturn signals for the DVD, which brings out lWo members Damian 666 and Hector Garza. Saturn has little problem fighting them off, overhead belly-to-belly suplexing both of them quite nicely. This brings out the rest of the lWo, including a guy who nobody knows. The unknown man, who btw is Eddy's close personal friend Art Flores, uses a sweet brainbuster on Saturn, setting him up for a frog splash by Eddy. The lWo celebrates the beatdown of Saturn. Decent match, could of been better if given more time, but what can you do.
Gene-O is at the entrance ramp, he brings out Judy Bagwell. The crowd is on the edge of their seats with anticipation over what Buff's mom will say. Judy is tired of Buff's actions, and says that he has disgraced the Bagwell name. Brother Jeff is pissed at Buff, I am sure. Mrs. Bagwell goes on to say that she loves Marcus with all of her heart, but she's had enough of Buff. Me too, and he's only been on the show for a minute thus far.
The Giant and Stevie Ray come out representing the nWo against the newly-minted tag team Champions Rick Steiner and Kenny Kaos. Just because Kaos has to wrestle twice doesn't make it okay to subject us to two Stevie Ray matches in one night. Where's Bryan Adams when you need him? Predictably, the nWo beats up Kaos something fierce, or as fierce as the 550 pound Giant can at this point. To call him unmotivated is an understatement. Rick gets tagged in, hits a Steinerline for what looked like a three count but was only two, but the nWo take over again. Double team coming, but Kaos distracts the Giant, allowing Steiner to backdrop Stevie Ray. Steiner then hits a dangerous looking bulldog off the top on Stevie Ray and the champs retain. Good for them, although things would get worse once Steiner decided to make Judy Bagwell a tag team champion a few weeks later. Match was awful, however it was short at least.
Fireworks go off to signify the third hour of Nitro and to wake up the crowd after that last match. Eric Bischoff has replaced Tenay on commentary, which is a lateral move as far as I'm concerned. Bischoff says that he is a man of his word and we will see Flair wrestle, and he delivers, sort of. Instead of a live match, we get clips from Flair vs. Hulk Hogan at Bash at the Beach 1994, with all of the clips shown to make Flair look bad against the Hulkster. Well, technically, Bischoff didn't lie, but it's still crap. Mr. T and Shaquille O'Neal were there at ringside and Hogan wins with a legdrop and celebrates with the two. Bischoff says that this just shows that Flair will always be second best to the Hulkster. He asks the announcers how Flair looked, and Heenan says not too good, which causes Tony to scream at him. I bet Heenan just wanted to pop Schiavone on many days.
The Cruiserweight Title is on the line in this next match, as Juventud Guerrera takes on the champion, Billy Kidman, whose normally white shirt is now an ugly shade of gray. Wash your shirt, Kidman. This match was quite fun, as they start out fast and just pick up speed from there. A lot of two counts and great looking manuevers by these two wrestlers packed into six minutes. The end comes after Juvi learns you can't power bomb Kidman, as he counters with a Tiger Bomb, setting him up for a Shooting Star Press, which he landed perfectly for once. Kidman gets the win and the crowd shows its appreciation. Back to the announce table, where a Sting and Macho Man video are both plugged. Heenan tries to steal one of the videos, but Tony catches him in the act.
The nWo music plays for the 293rd time tonight, and this time Scott Steiner and son of Judy Bagwell come out. Steiner asks if the ladies love him for his mind or his body, and to that I say what mind? Bagwell is angry at his mother, and says that women belong at home cooking and cleaning. Buff than implores his dad to put Judy back in her place. So now Buff hates all women? Steiner than calls out J.J. Dillon to set up a match between him and his brother. Dillon comes out, says something about it being late in the show so you can't have your rematch. Steiner then says that he's an honest man but he has lied. Okay. Instead, Steiner has two questions for Dillon. One, why did the referee that started the match last night didn't finish the match, and two, well we never get that far as Dillon gets beaten up for failing to answer the first one correctly. Security tries to break it up, but Scott puts Dillon in the Steiner Recliner while Buff runs interference.
The Warrior's music plays, which the announcers act like they've never heard before even though the dude's been in the company for three months by now. Warrior gets a pretty good reaction from the crowd, and then proceed es to speak about how Hogan is a chicken or something. Warrior proceeds to drop an S-bomb during the interview. I don't think you can do that. He says Hogan has opened the door to Warrior's hell, and that he is the gatekeeper. Well good for you Warrior. Hogan comes out, followed quickly by Horace and Bischoff, and not so quickly by The Giant. Horace attacks first but gets clotheslined out of the ring for his trouble. The Giant comes in, but sufferes the same fate, but that allows Hogan to clubber on Warrior from behind. Warrior recovers, delivers a flying shoulder tackle to Hogan, and the Warrior stands tall in the ring. He wouldn't be in WCW much longer after this, however.
There's a commercial for WCW Bashin' Brawlers that is shown. Hey, I used to have some of those. They would scream out whenever you put pressure on a body part, for example, if you twist their arm, they would say "OW, you're hurting my left arm" They only made one for the big names, like Page, Savage, and Hogan. If only they made one for Van Hammer. The nWo music plays yet again, bringing out Scotts Hall and Steiner. Lex Luger and Konnan come out, and we have a tag match that quickly degenerates into an all-out brawl. Luger squares off with Hall while Steiner and Konnan fight. It's interesting that whenever one pair goes to the outside, the other pair go back to the inside of the ring. Well, maybe not interesting. Eventually, Luger hits Hall with the bionic forearm and signals for the Torture Rack, but Steiner comes to stop that with a low blow. Konnan brings a steel chair, and crushes Steiner on the head with it. Luger than jabs Hall with the chair. The two teams keep fighting until commercial, and the match is eventually declared a no-contest. Meh.
Michael Buffer is here to announce the main event, a match for the U.S. Title between DDP and the Champion Bret Hart. Buffer gets Hart's name right this time, something he has struggled with before. The two trade moves for a while, and it's a good back-and-forth affair between the two. Hart starts to take control after a Russian Leg Sweep and a DDT on DDP, which the announcers seemed to find funny. Hart gets a two after the DDT, and starts freaking out on Mickey Jay, which gives Page the opening to hit the Cactus Jack clothesline and a pancake. Page goes up top, but Hart catches him and superplexs his foe down to the mat. Only two, Page small packages Hart for two, but the Hitman regains control with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Flying elbow off the second rope by Hart, but Page gets out at two, which causes Hart to call Mickey Jay's mother a whore or something. Page takes Hart down with a Fujiwara armbar, but instead of holding on, he just lets go. That was awkward. Page gets Hart in the corner, bashes his head into the turnbuckle, but Hart manages to mule-kick both Page and the ref in the jewels. Hart digs out some knucks, revives the ref, but Page suddenly catches him with the Diamond Cutter. On this night, that would be enough, and we have a new U.S. Champion. This does not please Hart, as he gets a chair and starts attacking Page's leg with it. He puts DDP in the sharpshooter, which cause Page to scream in agony. Hart eventually tires of that, and goes back to bashing Page's leg with the chair before Goldberg comes out just as the show was ending. Good match, not great, but good.
Overall, this show was made a lot better due to the airing of Page-Goldberg, but even so it was still just an average show. At least there were two good matches in the final hour in Kidman-Juvi and Hart-Page, but all the nWo stuff was either boring or just plain dumb. I'll give this show an overall score of 4.89 out of 10. Tomorrow at The Canon Review, we pay tribute to Kenny Kaos, for no good reason whatsoever. But until then, if you have any better ideas for reviews, than send them to me either by leaving a comment or by e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com. Here's some videos from this episode of Nitro.
Showing posts with label nitro. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nitro. Show all posts
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Sunday, May 2, 2010
WCW Monday Nitro: December 22, 1997
Before we begin, I must give a belated plug to my friend Sonny Bone and the game that he made in a mere 48 hours, Savory Sea Hoss. The game is a lot of fun to play, and is probably better than some games that cost 48 dollars or more right now. So check it out here at http://www.ludumdare.com/compo/ludum-dare-17/?action=rate&uid=1365
This review is courtesy of an idea from reader Dickson S. who remembered this particular episode of Nitro quite well, although not very fondly, as this was the Nitro episode where the nWo took over with a new set and took about 30 minutes of air time putting it together. I remember switching to Raw for most of the night, as this show was ridiculous. But, I do what I am told, and so I have decided to watch and review this particular episode of Nitro, except for one match which I couldn't find posted anywhere on the internet. Since that match is Mongo McMichael vs. Meng, I'm going to assume I did not miss anything. On to the show.
We start with an announcement paid for by the nWo. How nice of them. This one features Eric Bischoff talking for three minutes about how he's going to beat up Larry Zbyszko and take over Nitro for the nWo at Starrcade, which is only six days away. Bischoff goes on about how quick he is, and how Zbyszko won't see his kicks coming, but he's going to feel them, oh yes, he's going to feel them. The video mercifullly ends, and we have a match, between Fit Finlay (Finley according to the on-screen graphics) and Eddie Guerrero (WCW Cruiser-weight Champion). This is a non-title match, and Finlay is still going with the brown mullet at this point in his career. The crowd seems to be behind Finlay because I guess they hate Guerrero more. This is a short match, but a good one, as Finlay was really fired up here per usual and Guerrero did more than enough to hold his own. Finlay used a stiff kick on Guerrero's face, and hit a nice superplex on his opponent as well, which got a nice pop from the crowd. Just when Finlay was about to tombstone him, Guerrero escapes and leaves the ring, as he's got a big match at Starrcade against Dean Malenko to prepare for, and he doesn't need this crap right now. Finlay wins by countout.
We get a video previewing the Giant Kevin Nash match that never happened at Starrcade, due to Nash having a hangnail or something. Both men promise to beat the other. Next is Mongo vs. Meng, and I couldn't find this match, so I'm just going to assume that Mongo won with a springboard dragonrana. Mean Gene is in the ring, and he introduces Diamond Dallas Page. Page comes down wearing a shirt that says "Deck the Hog" and is giving the fans some DDP shirts as an early Christmas gift. DDP says he loves Christmas "and that's a shoot". Quick, somebody take away his mic, DDP is SHOOTING!! He then says that he has a present for Curt Hennig this Sunday, and it's his very own Diamond Cutter. It remains to be seen if Hennig accepts this gift.
Up next is a six man tag match between the teams of La Parka, Psicosis, and Silver King against Rey Misterio Jr., Juventud Guerrera, and Hector Garza. Silver King's the only man I know that wears a belt with his wrestling trunks. Since these guys aren't given much time, they decide to not waste time and start flying around and across the ring immediately. Zbyszko theorizes that these men are so fast because they "ran from the federales' as kids". I think I'll just leave that alone. Everybody gets their chance to show off a move or two, including Hector Garza's awesome corkscrew plancha to the outside of the ring. Match ends when Rey sets Silver King up on the top turnbuckle, and then proceeds to give him a reverse huracanrana. He follows that up with a springboard huracanrana that went so fast Silver King may have suffered whiplash, and gets the three count. Short match, but very exciting.
Next we have Hammer from the Flock, making his return to TV match against Chris Benoit. Benoit says Hammer needs help, and he'll take on all of the Flock. Nobody ever said that Benoit was smart. Benoit takes control early, but after interference from Saturn, Hammer gains the advantage. Hammer nearly kills Benoit with an alley-oop powerbomb that was supposed to have Benoit bounce off the turnbuckle, but he came up just short. Benoit starts to take control again, which brings the entire Flock over the railing and eventually they get Hammer disqualified. Post-match, Saturn puts Benoit in the Rings of Saturn not once, but twice, and the announcers wonder if Benoit will make it to Starrcade.
You know, we haven't seen the, oh wait a minute, here comes the nWo. Well, actually, it's just the b-team of the nWo, and they proceed to chase the announcers off and force all of the remaining crew to wear "nWo Nitro" shirts. The crew then tries to remove anything on the set that says WCW on it and replace it with nWo stuff. Scott Norton and Vincent are the only two helping, while Rick Rude is calling the shots and Buff Bagwell is acting like an idiot. An nWo Nitro poster drops from the rafters, which prompts Buff to say "That sign's almost as buff as I am." How can a sign be buff, anyways? Buff goes to the ring, tries to force the ring announcer into wearing a shirt, but he refuses and gets tossed to the canvas for his efforts. Buff spraypaints the ring and holds a sign somebody made in honor or him. Rude screams "Pyro!, Pyro!, Fireworks! Fire...Works!) and some weak pyro goes off. There's an nWo Nitro sign that drops from the celing and completely blocks the entrance way. Smart planning guys. We go to commercial with some fan saying "Welcome to the nWo, Bret (Hart)" in a feminine manner.
The nWo Nitro intro plays, and Bischoff comes out on a motorcycle, presumably to gloat. He then introduces the rest of the nWo, including the big cheese himself, Hollywood Hogan, wearing sun glasses Elton John would consider ridiculous. Since it's almost Christmas, the nWo has some gifts for Hogan, including a motorcycle, which according to the production tech, is the "wrong one, Go*da**it". This is going off real well. They eventually bring the right bike out, which has Hogan's face and the nWo logo painted on it. How they got that bike confused with the regular black one, I'll never know. But wait, there's more, as an open roof stretch limo with a hot tub and two "nWo Nitro girls" is presented as another gift for Hogan. Geez, how much does this guy need? They should have given that stuff away to one lucky viewer, or three, for having to waste 30 minutes of their lives on this crap.
Finally, somebody from WCW shows up backstage, but it's J.J. Dillion, so he's not going to do anything. He tells Rick Steiner that he doesn't have to go out there to face Scott Norton due to the circumstances, but Steiner and manager Ted DiBiase say screw that mess, we're going out there anyway. So match on. The announcers are Eric Bischoff, which is bad, and Kevin Nash and Rick Rude, which are an improvement over the usual crew. They show a clip from last week of Norton botching a powerslam on Rick, driving Rick head first into the match. Rick seems ok, though, and starts with a punch and a Steinerline on Norton. The two trade heavy blows and power moves, and Rick actually belly-to-belly suplexes the much larger Norton over his head. The two botch an attempted belly-to-belly from Steiner off the top rope, however. Konnan comes out to attack Rick, causing the ref to disqualify Norton. That brings out Scott Steiner, which brings out Vincent, which in turn brings out Ray Traylor. The Steiners and Traylor clear the ring, and the nWo threesome say they'll get those guys at Starrcade on Sunday. Match was pretty blah and only about 3 minutes long.
The three nWo announcers talk about how Nash is going to squash The Giant at Starrcade, and Disco Inferno, the TV Champion comes out, much to the amusement of Nash and Rude. He's facing the U.S. Champion, Curt Hennig, in a non-title match. Naturally, the nWo puts Hennig over big-time, especially his buddy Rude, whose every word out of his mouth in this match is about how awesome Hennig is. Hennig controls most of this match, and is very methodical in his approach, but not too slow. Disco gets a couple of moves in, and even get a two count after a swinging neckbreaker. But Hennig puts an end to that flurry, and hit the Perfectplex on Disco for the win.
Bobby Heenan comes out, begging for an announcing job on nWo Nitro. Heenan sucks up to Bischoff in a way that is almost admirable. Guess that's why Lee Marshall calls him the "Weasel". Nash decides to let Heenan have his spot, and we are on to the next match, which is Harlem Heat vs. Lodi and Riggs. Bischoff and Rude are strangely complimentary of Harlem Heat, calling them one of the best tag teams in the world. Lodi and Riggs may be the worst tag team in the World, or at least the least likely to win any matches. Riggs and Booker T start, and the Heat have the advantage over Riggs, but it's not a total squash until Lodi gets tagged in. For the next four minutes, Lodi does not get one offensive move in, as the Heat dominate. Stevie Ray manages to use both the Pump Kick and the "Attitude Adjustment" on Lodi in this match, moves that are finishers in the WWE today. The end comes with the Harlem Heat's "Big Apple", which is like a Hart Attack, only instead of a clothesline, Booker T does a leaping superkick to his opponent's face. Oh, and for some reason Mike Tenay takes the commentary over for Bischoff in the middle of the match, so nWo Nitro is now being called by two WCW guys and Rick Rude. Go figure. Match was a beatdown of Lodi and just a showcase for Harlem Heat, which is strange considering that it's nWo Nitro and none of these teams are nWo.
Our next match is Chris Jericho vs. Buff Bagwell. Before that, I must say that this show feels like its seven hours long. Also, Konnan has been in the limo for the last 45 minutes, so at least he's enjoying himself.Anyway, Bagwell takes three minutes to get to the ring, and Jericho decides, what the hey, I'm going to kick Bagwell in the face for real. This should have been a better match than it was, but for whatever reason, these two just don't have any chemistry. At least Jericho got a couple of good moves in, and nearly got the three count after a double-underhook backbreaker. Match ends after Jericho attempts a top-rope huracanrana, flips, lands on his feet, only for Buff to catch him with the Blockbuster (neckbreaker where Bagwell flips over his opponent to deliver the move. Bagwell then beats up the referee because he called him fat or something. When is this show going to end?
Oh great, Bischoff and Hogan are back out. Hogan's going to get more gifts from the nWo. First of all, we have a replica of the WCW Heavyweight Title belt, made into a ring. It's big and gold and looks gaudy. Bischoff actually gets down on his knees like he's going to propose to Hogan before giving him the ring. I was hoping for a proposal, actually, as it would be much more interesting than this. But wait, there's more, as the nWo has prepared giant posters showing Hogan on the cover of Sports Illustrated (the only pro wrestler to accomplish that feat, by the way) and of Hogan choking Sylvester Stallone during Rocky III. Hogan acts overwhelmed with the kindness shown to him, while everyone in the crowd looks board. Except for the small contingent that started chanting "Rocky" after the second poster was shown. Mercifully we go to commercial break.
The nWo limo is being backed out of the arena for some reason, and mercifully it is time for our main event, Randy Savage vs. Lex Luger. The two decide to trade blows all around the ring, and then they brawl on the outside of the ring and even into the first row of the crowd as well. Luger takes control with a couple of running clotheslines, but accidentally nails the ref with the bionic forearm. This allows Savage to go to the outside and hide behind Elizabeth, and suddenly Buff comes out and nails Luger from behind. Nash comes out and Jacknifes Luger, and finally Savage finishes it off with a top rope elbow drop that had him fly three-quarters of the ring. Even at a late age, Savage still had the best elbow drop in wrestling. The ref wakes up just enough to count the pin, and Macho Man Randy Savage is the victor. Match was short and none too thrilling, like most of these matches tonight.
Damn it, Hogan and Bischoff come out again. Will Bischoff give Hogan a Hummer this time? Hogan talks about how Sting will go down in defeat at Starrcade when suddenly, another gift shows up. Bischoff looks confused, as he insists it's not from him. The limo comes back, and out comes Bret Hart, walking to the ring with a smirk on his face. Hogan opens up the gift, and it's a paper mache' of his own head. Hogan acts like he's seen The Ultimate Warrior in a mirror, and Sting ziplines from the entrance way as the show comes to an end. The hell? I'm confused, maybe you can watch this and tell me what happens.
This show was painful to watch. The first hour was decent, but everything after the six-man tag sucked on ice and made me want to bang my head against Mount Rushmore. Keep in mind two things here, one, this was the last show before Starrcade, only being promoted as the biggest show in WCW's history at the time with the most anticipated main event WCW has probably ever had, and they promote the show as being a tribute to Hogan and a takeover by the nWo which left the opposition looking like a bunch of spineless fools. Also, they made an entirely new set, which I'm sure was not cheap to produce, and this is the only show where any of that stuff and any of the T-shirts were used. Just an awful show, and unfortunately, would only be the first of many bad decisions made by WCW over the next few months. I'll give it a 1.5 out of 10, as the only entertaining parts were the six-man tag, Guerrero-Finlay, and Rick Rude demanding fireworks.
Well, thanks for reading. If you have any ideas for future posts, than let me know either by leaving a comment or by sending me an e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com.
This review is courtesy of an idea from reader Dickson S. who remembered this particular episode of Nitro quite well, although not very fondly, as this was the Nitro episode where the nWo took over with a new set and took about 30 minutes of air time putting it together. I remember switching to Raw for most of the night, as this show was ridiculous. But, I do what I am told, and so I have decided to watch and review this particular episode of Nitro, except for one match which I couldn't find posted anywhere on the internet. Since that match is Mongo McMichael vs. Meng, I'm going to assume I did not miss anything. On to the show.
We start with an announcement paid for by the nWo. How nice of them. This one features Eric Bischoff talking for three minutes about how he's going to beat up Larry Zbyszko and take over Nitro for the nWo at Starrcade, which is only six days away. Bischoff goes on about how quick he is, and how Zbyszko won't see his kicks coming, but he's going to feel them, oh yes, he's going to feel them. The video mercifullly ends, and we have a match, between Fit Finlay (Finley according to the on-screen graphics) and Eddie Guerrero (WCW Cruiser-weight Champion). This is a non-title match, and Finlay is still going with the brown mullet at this point in his career. The crowd seems to be behind Finlay because I guess they hate Guerrero more. This is a short match, but a good one, as Finlay was really fired up here per usual and Guerrero did more than enough to hold his own. Finlay used a stiff kick on Guerrero's face, and hit a nice superplex on his opponent as well, which got a nice pop from the crowd. Just when Finlay was about to tombstone him, Guerrero escapes and leaves the ring, as he's got a big match at Starrcade against Dean Malenko to prepare for, and he doesn't need this crap right now. Finlay wins by countout.
We get a video previewing the Giant Kevin Nash match that never happened at Starrcade, due to Nash having a hangnail or something. Both men promise to beat the other. Next is Mongo vs. Meng, and I couldn't find this match, so I'm just going to assume that Mongo won with a springboard dragonrana. Mean Gene is in the ring, and he introduces Diamond Dallas Page. Page comes down wearing a shirt that says "Deck the Hog" and is giving the fans some DDP shirts as an early Christmas gift. DDP says he loves Christmas "and that's a shoot". Quick, somebody take away his mic, DDP is SHOOTING!! He then says that he has a present for Curt Hennig this Sunday, and it's his very own Diamond Cutter. It remains to be seen if Hennig accepts this gift.
Up next is a six man tag match between the teams of La Parka, Psicosis, and Silver King against Rey Misterio Jr., Juventud Guerrera, and Hector Garza. Silver King's the only man I know that wears a belt with his wrestling trunks. Since these guys aren't given much time, they decide to not waste time and start flying around and across the ring immediately. Zbyszko theorizes that these men are so fast because they "ran from the federales' as kids". I think I'll just leave that alone. Everybody gets their chance to show off a move or two, including Hector Garza's awesome corkscrew plancha to the outside of the ring. Match ends when Rey sets Silver King up on the top turnbuckle, and then proceeds to give him a reverse huracanrana. He follows that up with a springboard huracanrana that went so fast Silver King may have suffered whiplash, and gets the three count. Short match, but very exciting.
Next we have Hammer from the Flock, making his return to TV match against Chris Benoit. Benoit says Hammer needs help, and he'll take on all of the Flock. Nobody ever said that Benoit was smart. Benoit takes control early, but after interference from Saturn, Hammer gains the advantage. Hammer nearly kills Benoit with an alley-oop powerbomb that was supposed to have Benoit bounce off the turnbuckle, but he came up just short. Benoit starts to take control again, which brings the entire Flock over the railing and eventually they get Hammer disqualified. Post-match, Saturn puts Benoit in the Rings of Saturn not once, but twice, and the announcers wonder if Benoit will make it to Starrcade.
You know, we haven't seen the, oh wait a minute, here comes the nWo. Well, actually, it's just the b-team of the nWo, and they proceed to chase the announcers off and force all of the remaining crew to wear "nWo Nitro" shirts. The crew then tries to remove anything on the set that says WCW on it and replace it with nWo stuff. Scott Norton and Vincent are the only two helping, while Rick Rude is calling the shots and Buff Bagwell is acting like an idiot. An nWo Nitro poster drops from the rafters, which prompts Buff to say "That sign's almost as buff as I am." How can a sign be buff, anyways? Buff goes to the ring, tries to force the ring announcer into wearing a shirt, but he refuses and gets tossed to the canvas for his efforts. Buff spraypaints the ring and holds a sign somebody made in honor or him. Rude screams "Pyro!, Pyro!, Fireworks! Fire...Works!) and some weak pyro goes off. There's an nWo Nitro sign that drops from the celing and completely blocks the entrance way. Smart planning guys. We go to commercial with some fan saying "Welcome to the nWo, Bret (Hart)" in a feminine manner.
The nWo Nitro intro plays, and Bischoff comes out on a motorcycle, presumably to gloat. He then introduces the rest of the nWo, including the big cheese himself, Hollywood Hogan, wearing sun glasses Elton John would consider ridiculous. Since it's almost Christmas, the nWo has some gifts for Hogan, including a motorcycle, which according to the production tech, is the "wrong one, Go*da**it". This is going off real well. They eventually bring the right bike out, which has Hogan's face and the nWo logo painted on it. How they got that bike confused with the regular black one, I'll never know. But wait, there's more, as an open roof stretch limo with a hot tub and two "nWo Nitro girls" is presented as another gift for Hogan. Geez, how much does this guy need? They should have given that stuff away to one lucky viewer, or three, for having to waste 30 minutes of their lives on this crap.
Finally, somebody from WCW shows up backstage, but it's J.J. Dillion, so he's not going to do anything. He tells Rick Steiner that he doesn't have to go out there to face Scott Norton due to the circumstances, but Steiner and manager Ted DiBiase say screw that mess, we're going out there anyway. So match on. The announcers are Eric Bischoff, which is bad, and Kevin Nash and Rick Rude, which are an improvement over the usual crew. They show a clip from last week of Norton botching a powerslam on Rick, driving Rick head first into the match. Rick seems ok, though, and starts with a punch and a Steinerline on Norton. The two trade heavy blows and power moves, and Rick actually belly-to-belly suplexes the much larger Norton over his head. The two botch an attempted belly-to-belly from Steiner off the top rope, however. Konnan comes out to attack Rick, causing the ref to disqualify Norton. That brings out Scott Steiner, which brings out Vincent, which in turn brings out Ray Traylor. The Steiners and Traylor clear the ring, and the nWo threesome say they'll get those guys at Starrcade on Sunday. Match was pretty blah and only about 3 minutes long.
The three nWo announcers talk about how Nash is going to squash The Giant at Starrcade, and Disco Inferno, the TV Champion comes out, much to the amusement of Nash and Rude. He's facing the U.S. Champion, Curt Hennig, in a non-title match. Naturally, the nWo puts Hennig over big-time, especially his buddy Rude, whose every word out of his mouth in this match is about how awesome Hennig is. Hennig controls most of this match, and is very methodical in his approach, but not too slow. Disco gets a couple of moves in, and even get a two count after a swinging neckbreaker. But Hennig puts an end to that flurry, and hit the Perfectplex on Disco for the win.
Bobby Heenan comes out, begging for an announcing job on nWo Nitro. Heenan sucks up to Bischoff in a way that is almost admirable. Guess that's why Lee Marshall calls him the "Weasel". Nash decides to let Heenan have his spot, and we are on to the next match, which is Harlem Heat vs. Lodi and Riggs. Bischoff and Rude are strangely complimentary of Harlem Heat, calling them one of the best tag teams in the world. Lodi and Riggs may be the worst tag team in the World, or at least the least likely to win any matches. Riggs and Booker T start, and the Heat have the advantage over Riggs, but it's not a total squash until Lodi gets tagged in. For the next four minutes, Lodi does not get one offensive move in, as the Heat dominate. Stevie Ray manages to use both the Pump Kick and the "Attitude Adjustment" on Lodi in this match, moves that are finishers in the WWE today. The end comes with the Harlem Heat's "Big Apple", which is like a Hart Attack, only instead of a clothesline, Booker T does a leaping superkick to his opponent's face. Oh, and for some reason Mike Tenay takes the commentary over for Bischoff in the middle of the match, so nWo Nitro is now being called by two WCW guys and Rick Rude. Go figure. Match was a beatdown of Lodi and just a showcase for Harlem Heat, which is strange considering that it's nWo Nitro and none of these teams are nWo.
Our next match is Chris Jericho vs. Buff Bagwell. Before that, I must say that this show feels like its seven hours long. Also, Konnan has been in the limo for the last 45 minutes, so at least he's enjoying himself.Anyway, Bagwell takes three minutes to get to the ring, and Jericho decides, what the hey, I'm going to kick Bagwell in the face for real. This should have been a better match than it was, but for whatever reason, these two just don't have any chemistry. At least Jericho got a couple of good moves in, and nearly got the three count after a double-underhook backbreaker. Match ends after Jericho attempts a top-rope huracanrana, flips, lands on his feet, only for Buff to catch him with the Blockbuster (neckbreaker where Bagwell flips over his opponent to deliver the move. Bagwell then beats up the referee because he called him fat or something. When is this show going to end?
Oh great, Bischoff and Hogan are back out. Hogan's going to get more gifts from the nWo. First of all, we have a replica of the WCW Heavyweight Title belt, made into a ring. It's big and gold and looks gaudy. Bischoff actually gets down on his knees like he's going to propose to Hogan before giving him the ring. I was hoping for a proposal, actually, as it would be much more interesting than this. But wait, there's more, as the nWo has prepared giant posters showing Hogan on the cover of Sports Illustrated (the only pro wrestler to accomplish that feat, by the way) and of Hogan choking Sylvester Stallone during Rocky III. Hogan acts overwhelmed with the kindness shown to him, while everyone in the crowd looks board. Except for the small contingent that started chanting "Rocky" after the second poster was shown. Mercifully we go to commercial break.
The nWo limo is being backed out of the arena for some reason, and mercifully it is time for our main event, Randy Savage vs. Lex Luger. The two decide to trade blows all around the ring, and then they brawl on the outside of the ring and even into the first row of the crowd as well. Luger takes control with a couple of running clotheslines, but accidentally nails the ref with the bionic forearm. This allows Savage to go to the outside and hide behind Elizabeth, and suddenly Buff comes out and nails Luger from behind. Nash comes out and Jacknifes Luger, and finally Savage finishes it off with a top rope elbow drop that had him fly three-quarters of the ring. Even at a late age, Savage still had the best elbow drop in wrestling. The ref wakes up just enough to count the pin, and Macho Man Randy Savage is the victor. Match was short and none too thrilling, like most of these matches tonight.
Damn it, Hogan and Bischoff come out again. Will Bischoff give Hogan a Hummer this time? Hogan talks about how Sting will go down in defeat at Starrcade when suddenly, another gift shows up. Bischoff looks confused, as he insists it's not from him. The limo comes back, and out comes Bret Hart, walking to the ring with a smirk on his face. Hogan opens up the gift, and it's a paper mache' of his own head. Hogan acts like he's seen The Ultimate Warrior in a mirror, and Sting ziplines from the entrance way as the show comes to an end. The hell? I'm confused, maybe you can watch this and tell me what happens.
This show was painful to watch. The first hour was decent, but everything after the six-man tag sucked on ice and made me want to bang my head against Mount Rushmore. Keep in mind two things here, one, this was the last show before Starrcade, only being promoted as the biggest show in WCW's history at the time with the most anticipated main event WCW has probably ever had, and they promote the show as being a tribute to Hogan and a takeover by the nWo which left the opposition looking like a bunch of spineless fools. Also, they made an entirely new set, which I'm sure was not cheap to produce, and this is the only show where any of that stuff and any of the T-shirts were used. Just an awful show, and unfortunately, would only be the first of many bad decisions made by WCW over the next few months. I'll give it a 1.5 out of 10, as the only entertaining parts were the six-man tag, Guerrero-Finlay, and Rick Rude demanding fireworks.
Well, thanks for reading. If you have any ideas for future posts, than let me know either by leaving a comment or by sending me an e-mail at KtheC2001@gmail.com.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
WCW Monday Nitro: February 21, 2000
I got up somewhat early today, so instead of doing something productive, I decided to go on YouTube and watch an old WCW Monday Nitro. This episode is from February of 2000, which means that it will more than likely suck. Here is a recap of what I saw.
- This episode takes place the night after Superbrawl 2000, which was highlighted by Tank Abbott holding a knife to his opponent and threatening to kill him. At least that was the highlight for me. The show starts with Mean Gene Okerlund in the ring, ready to welcome "this man", whoever that is. Lex Luger comes out wearing a FUBU shirt, which is the exact moment FUBU became uncool. Luger tries to not stumble over his words and complains that he should have beat Hulk Hogan last night. Hulk Hogan comes out, says he and Luger should wrestle tonight and that he came prepared with an "18-foot high steel cage" hanging above the ring. So Hogan and Luger in a cage is your main event this evening.
- They show a clip of Jarrett hitting a wheelchair bound Kevin Nash with a guitar last week. Jeff Jarrett and the Harrises come out with four women that they show on screen for 2 seconds. You know, if you're going to pay these women to show up, you could at least give them a few more seconds of air time. Anyway, Jarrett complains he should have won the World Title last night against Sid and Scott Hall, he's got stroke, blah, blah, blah. He pulls out a contract stating that if he didn't win at Superbrawl, he gets a 1-on-1 match with the champion. It was signed by commissioner Kevin Nash, the same man Jarrett clobbered just last week. Huh? Jarrett concludes by saying he's going to unleash the Harris boys upon WCW tonight. Oh no.
- Backstage, Kidman can't find his camera, while Madusa, wearing Tommy Hilfiger overalls, is mad over her lack of a match this evening. She blames Oklahoma, then destroys the white board with all the matches on it.
- We finally have a match, as the camera-less Kidman comes out to face Lash Leroux. Kidman lands on his head after a Lash headscissors. The match ends abruptly as the Harris Brothers run out. They beat up on the two cruiserweights, and give Kidman the H-Bomb, which according to Mark Madden destroys everything within a 20 foot radius. How a crappy double choke slam can be that destructive, I have no idea. Anyway, the Harris brothers walk to the back yelling about something. Meanwhile, Kidman's camera catches Buff Bagwell trying to hit on The Maestro's girlfriend, Symphony. Buff is rejected, and tells Symphony not to mention any of this.
- Vampiro comes out, he lost to Kidman last night. Out comes Finlay in gray camouflage, and we have a match. The match is wild and wooly, as Finlay bashes Vampiro's throat into a chair on the outside. They get back in, and Vampiro takes the advantage. At one point, he basically dives back first into Finlay in some sort of reverse Thesz press. Vampiro motions for the Nail in the Coffin, but Finlay stiffly clotheslines him. Finlay however, gets rolled up after missing a charge into the turnbuckle, and Vampiro wins the match. Finlay does not like this turn of events, and tombstones Vampiro.
- Backstage, the Maestro is beating up on Buff, Buff is unhappy that The Maestro hit him in the face. Meanwhile, La Parka is reading a newspaper when Madusa propositions him.
- Mean Gene interviews Booker, who's upset over losing his music and his T (seriously, he lost the letter T to Ahmed "Big T" Johnson). He says he's ready for war against Big Vito. Vito and the rest of the Marmalukes come out. Disco is confused, because in the space of thirty seconds, the match has been changed to Booker vs. Disco Inferno. Disco then changes the match to a handicap match, Booker vs. the Marmalukes for their World Tag Team Titles. Booker answers by cracking Disco in the mouth, and the match is on. So we have one man fighting for the Tag Team Titles. OK then. Booker wallops on everybody for 90 seconds before Disco throws him off the top rope for the DQ. The Marmalukes are stomping on Booker. To make things even better, the Harris Brothers come out. They destroy the Marmalukes and give Disco the H-Bomb, then deliver an H-Bomb to Booker. The Harrises stand strong. Why WCW would put this much effort into building up a Tag Team that nobody would ever buy a ticket to see, I'll never know.
-To the back, where Mean Gene is standing with Terry Funk and Dustin Rhodes, who have a match with the two biggest bad asses in WCW, the Harris Brothers. Funk and Rhodes promise victory. Sid is shown, and says something in a psychotic voice. We get a recap of the Harrises' butt kicking tonight, and Harlem Heat 2000, with Big T in a pink jumpsuit is interviewed. Stevie Ray is not bothered by Booker's beatdown by the Harris boys, and Harlem Heat 2000 promise dominance or something.
- Oklahoma comes out as the WCW Cruiserweight Title Match graphic is shown. Everyone's favorite wrestling parody will be joining us for commentary. The Champion, The Artist Formerly Known as Prince Iaukea, comes out to ripoff of Purple Rain. It sounds better than most of the other theme songs. La Parka comes out, apparently he has lost 100 pounds and got breast implants. WAITAMINUTE! That's Madusa, who dresses as La Parka to anger Oklahoma or something. Oklahoma comes into the ring, unmasks La Dusa, only to get a few weak slaps for his trouble. La Parka comes out and hits Oklahoma with his chair. However, the Artist hits La Parka with another chair, and misses his finish (a jumping DDT off the top rope) for the three count. Well, that was a whole pile of suck. Where are the Harris Brothers when you need them?
- Ric Flair is with Luger while he trains. Flair says Luger is going to end Hulkamania before he gets cut off by the entrance of Terry Funk and Dustin Rhodes. The Harrises come out to the nWo theme song with Jeff Jarrett (apparently, they were the only three members of the mighty nWo). Jarrett blesses us by joining the commentary team. The Harris brothers beat on Funk for a while. Funk finally gets the advantage, but one of the Harrises knock Dustin down before Funk can tag out. Funk is not deterred, and puts the other Harris in a spinning toe hold. That gets Jarrett off the headset (thank God) with his guitar, but Funk meets him at the pass. Sid comes out to even the sides, and Jarrett hits some black guy with his guitar because, well, he had to hit somebody. Sid chases Jarrett off as Funk finally tags Rhodes in. Rhodes turns on Funk with a DDT because, well, why not? Jarrett speeds off in his car while in the ring, Rhodes brains Funk with a steel chair.
- Backstage now, Gene is interviewing Buff, who says he will get ruff with The Maestro. Meanwhile, Rhodes is beating up Funk outside as Funk was about the get into the ambulance. Rhodes gives him a few shots and Funk is left lying. While the paramedics are checking on Funk, Rhodes gets into the ambulance and drives off. Yep, Dustin Rhodes STOLE AN AMBULANCE! That's gangsta right there. Gene is in the ring, and he brings out Sid for an interview. Sid complements Jarrett on his wit, but promises to rule over him at Uncensored, where Jarrett's rematch will take place. Sid promises Jarrett that he will see him in hell, and hell will be Uncensored 2000. Sounds about right. Meanwhile in the back, Booker and Kidman are being separated from the Harris Brothers by security, and Ric Flair complements Dustin Rhodes for turning on Terry Funk, saying to Gene that tonight, Dustin Rhodes became a professional wrestler.
- To the ring, where we have Buff vs. Maestro. These two have no chemistry whatsoever, as Buff nearly misses a neckbreaker due to Maestro taking it too early. Buff takes control, then goes to the outside to talk to Symphony. This enrages the Stro, as he charges towards Buff. But Buff moves, and Maestro runs into Symphony, bumping her against the ring steps. Symphony sells the ring steps as if she's Hulk Hogan, and gets right back up. The Cat comes out, which distracts Maestro and the production team, as they miss Buff's blockbuster which ended the match. The Cat says that, since James Brown showed up last night at SuperBrawl, the Maestro must change his music due to a bet the two had. The Cat plays' Maestro new theme, which sounds like Notorious B.I.G. if he had Down's Syndrome. Maestro is angered by his new music, and chokes out the referee before the music stops playing, placating Maestro.
- Sid gets in his limo and speeds off to give chase to Jarrett. This despite the fact that Jarrett had a twenty minute headstart and Sid's in a limo. I guess it goes to show that Sid is dumb. A video package from last week's Saturday Night is shown, highlighting Janitor Jim Duggan's TV Title defense against Robert Gibson, and Lord Steven Regal's challenge to Duggan, saying that if he can't beat Duggan for the TV Title, he will retire from WCW. All of this for a title that Duggan found in the garbage.
- Hey, it's Bam Bam Bigelow. He comes to the ring, and The Wall jogs behind him and attacks Triple-B from behind. Bigelow threw a lot of moves at The Wall, including a top-rope headbutt and an enziguri, but Wall kicked out of every last one of them. Wall catches Bigelow on the top rope, and chokeslams him off for the surprise victory. According to Tony Schiavone, "The Wall is awesome!" Whatever you say, man.
- Hogan is beating on the side of a steel mesh fence, repeatedly screaming Luger, Luger, Luger. Hulk Hogan is psychotic, brother! Meanwhile, Ric Flair tells Arn Anderson and David Flair to step up their games. Why, I don't know. Anderson and David just stare blankly with the same bewilderment in their eyes as everyone watching at home. Gene is back with Hogan, who declares that he will be the man that escapes the cage, what ya gonna do, yadda, yadda, yadda. Flair and Luger are walking to the ring when they see Hogan's manager Jimmy Hart, getting water. They decided to push Hart into a bag of popcorn.
- Luger comes out with Flair, and they take turns kicking Jimmy Hart's ass down the entrance ramp. They beat on him some more until the show goes to commercial. When the show comes back on, Flair and Luger are still delivering a beating to Hart. Hogan finally comes out, there are a few chairshots and blow exchanged, nobody sells anything, and finally Flair is sent to the back and Luger and Hogan are in the cage. Hogan takes advantage, using his cast (due to Luger "breaking his arm") to his advantage. Luger takes advantage after slamming Hogan's head into the steel, and delivers his weak looking blows. Luger got Hogan up for a vertical suplex, and then puts Hogan in the Torture Rack. As Luger is about to walk out of the cage, Hogan Hulks up, and starts peppering Luger with blows. Flair comes out, chops Hogan to no avail, and gets the ol big boot leg drop combo. Miss Elizabeth (Luger's manager at the time) sneaks in a chair while Hogan continues the beatdown of Flair and Luger. Hogan takes off his weightbelt, but Luger finally sees the chair and smacks Hogan in the back with it. Flair takes the weightbelt and whips Hogan with it. Security comes in to try and break things up, but Luger takes care of security head Doug Dillinger, and then "breaks his arm" by weakly stomping on a chair which has Dillinger's arm in between the back and the seat of the folding chair. The show ends, with no man escaping the cage. How hard would it have been for Luger to quickly walk out to win the match? Did they really have to end it in a no contest? Stupid WCW.
Overall, this show was only good from an unintentional comedy standpoint. The best match was probably Vampiro vs. Finlay, and that match was short and sucked anyway. The Harris Brothers were in four different segments even though nobody in the history of wrestling has ever given a crap about them. The best part of the show was Dustin Rhodes stealing an ambulance. I'd give it a 2 out of 10. Remember, if you have any ideas for future reviews, then let me know at KtheC2001@gmail.com. Review ideas can be about anything, even oven mitts.
- This episode takes place the night after Superbrawl 2000, which was highlighted by Tank Abbott holding a knife to his opponent and threatening to kill him. At least that was the highlight for me. The show starts with Mean Gene Okerlund in the ring, ready to welcome "this man", whoever that is. Lex Luger comes out wearing a FUBU shirt, which is the exact moment FUBU became uncool. Luger tries to not stumble over his words and complains that he should have beat Hulk Hogan last night. Hulk Hogan comes out, says he and Luger should wrestle tonight and that he came prepared with an "18-foot high steel cage" hanging above the ring. So Hogan and Luger in a cage is your main event this evening.
- They show a clip of Jarrett hitting a wheelchair bound Kevin Nash with a guitar last week. Jeff Jarrett and the Harrises come out with four women that they show on screen for 2 seconds. You know, if you're going to pay these women to show up, you could at least give them a few more seconds of air time. Anyway, Jarrett complains he should have won the World Title last night against Sid and Scott Hall, he's got stroke, blah, blah, blah. He pulls out a contract stating that if he didn't win at Superbrawl, he gets a 1-on-1 match with the champion. It was signed by commissioner Kevin Nash, the same man Jarrett clobbered just last week. Huh? Jarrett concludes by saying he's going to unleash the Harris boys upon WCW tonight. Oh no.
- Backstage, Kidman can't find his camera, while Madusa, wearing Tommy Hilfiger overalls, is mad over her lack of a match this evening. She blames Oklahoma, then destroys the white board with all the matches on it.
- We finally have a match, as the camera-less Kidman comes out to face Lash Leroux. Kidman lands on his head after a Lash headscissors. The match ends abruptly as the Harris Brothers run out. They beat up on the two cruiserweights, and give Kidman the H-Bomb, which according to Mark Madden destroys everything within a 20 foot radius. How a crappy double choke slam can be that destructive, I have no idea. Anyway, the Harris brothers walk to the back yelling about something. Meanwhile, Kidman's camera catches Buff Bagwell trying to hit on The Maestro's girlfriend, Symphony. Buff is rejected, and tells Symphony not to mention any of this.
- Vampiro comes out, he lost to Kidman last night. Out comes Finlay in gray camouflage, and we have a match. The match is wild and wooly, as Finlay bashes Vampiro's throat into a chair on the outside. They get back in, and Vampiro takes the advantage. At one point, he basically dives back first into Finlay in some sort of reverse Thesz press. Vampiro motions for the Nail in the Coffin, but Finlay stiffly clotheslines him. Finlay however, gets rolled up after missing a charge into the turnbuckle, and Vampiro wins the match. Finlay does not like this turn of events, and tombstones Vampiro.
- Backstage, the Maestro is beating up on Buff, Buff is unhappy that The Maestro hit him in the face. Meanwhile, La Parka is reading a newspaper when Madusa propositions him.
- Mean Gene interviews Booker, who's upset over losing his music and his T (seriously, he lost the letter T to Ahmed "Big T" Johnson). He says he's ready for war against Big Vito. Vito and the rest of the Marmalukes come out. Disco is confused, because in the space of thirty seconds, the match has been changed to Booker vs. Disco Inferno. Disco then changes the match to a handicap match, Booker vs. the Marmalukes for their World Tag Team Titles. Booker answers by cracking Disco in the mouth, and the match is on. So we have one man fighting for the Tag Team Titles. OK then. Booker wallops on everybody for 90 seconds before Disco throws him off the top rope for the DQ. The Marmalukes are stomping on Booker. To make things even better, the Harris Brothers come out. They destroy the Marmalukes and give Disco the H-Bomb, then deliver an H-Bomb to Booker. The Harrises stand strong. Why WCW would put this much effort into building up a Tag Team that nobody would ever buy a ticket to see, I'll never know.
-To the back, where Mean Gene is standing with Terry Funk and Dustin Rhodes, who have a match with the two biggest bad asses in WCW, the Harris Brothers. Funk and Rhodes promise victory. Sid is shown, and says something in a psychotic voice. We get a recap of the Harrises' butt kicking tonight, and Harlem Heat 2000, with Big T in a pink jumpsuit is interviewed. Stevie Ray is not bothered by Booker's beatdown by the Harris boys, and Harlem Heat 2000 promise dominance or something.
- Oklahoma comes out as the WCW Cruiserweight Title Match graphic is shown. Everyone's favorite wrestling parody will be joining us for commentary. The Champion, The Artist Formerly Known as Prince Iaukea, comes out to ripoff of Purple Rain. It sounds better than most of the other theme songs. La Parka comes out, apparently he has lost 100 pounds and got breast implants. WAITAMINUTE! That's Madusa, who dresses as La Parka to anger Oklahoma or something. Oklahoma comes into the ring, unmasks La Dusa, only to get a few weak slaps for his trouble. La Parka comes out and hits Oklahoma with his chair. However, the Artist hits La Parka with another chair, and misses his finish (a jumping DDT off the top rope) for the three count. Well, that was a whole pile of suck. Where are the Harris Brothers when you need them?
- Ric Flair is with Luger while he trains. Flair says Luger is going to end Hulkamania before he gets cut off by the entrance of Terry Funk and Dustin Rhodes. The Harrises come out to the nWo theme song with Jeff Jarrett (apparently, they were the only three members of the mighty nWo). Jarrett blesses us by joining the commentary team. The Harris brothers beat on Funk for a while. Funk finally gets the advantage, but one of the Harrises knock Dustin down before Funk can tag out. Funk is not deterred, and puts the other Harris in a spinning toe hold. That gets Jarrett off the headset (thank God) with his guitar, but Funk meets him at the pass. Sid comes out to even the sides, and Jarrett hits some black guy with his guitar because, well, he had to hit somebody. Sid chases Jarrett off as Funk finally tags Rhodes in. Rhodes turns on Funk with a DDT because, well, why not? Jarrett speeds off in his car while in the ring, Rhodes brains Funk with a steel chair.
- Backstage now, Gene is interviewing Buff, who says he will get ruff with The Maestro. Meanwhile, Rhodes is beating up Funk outside as Funk was about the get into the ambulance. Rhodes gives him a few shots and Funk is left lying. While the paramedics are checking on Funk, Rhodes gets into the ambulance and drives off. Yep, Dustin Rhodes STOLE AN AMBULANCE! That's gangsta right there. Gene is in the ring, and he brings out Sid for an interview. Sid complements Jarrett on his wit, but promises to rule over him at Uncensored, where Jarrett's rematch will take place. Sid promises Jarrett that he will see him in hell, and hell will be Uncensored 2000. Sounds about right. Meanwhile in the back, Booker and Kidman are being separated from the Harris Brothers by security, and Ric Flair complements Dustin Rhodes for turning on Terry Funk, saying to Gene that tonight, Dustin Rhodes became a professional wrestler.
- To the ring, where we have Buff vs. Maestro. These two have no chemistry whatsoever, as Buff nearly misses a neckbreaker due to Maestro taking it too early. Buff takes control, then goes to the outside to talk to Symphony. This enrages the Stro, as he charges towards Buff. But Buff moves, and Maestro runs into Symphony, bumping her against the ring steps. Symphony sells the ring steps as if she's Hulk Hogan, and gets right back up. The Cat comes out, which distracts Maestro and the production team, as they miss Buff's blockbuster which ended the match. The Cat says that, since James Brown showed up last night at SuperBrawl, the Maestro must change his music due to a bet the two had. The Cat plays' Maestro new theme, which sounds like Notorious B.I.G. if he had Down's Syndrome. Maestro is angered by his new music, and chokes out the referee before the music stops playing, placating Maestro.
- Sid gets in his limo and speeds off to give chase to Jarrett. This despite the fact that Jarrett had a twenty minute headstart and Sid's in a limo. I guess it goes to show that Sid is dumb. A video package from last week's Saturday Night is shown, highlighting Janitor Jim Duggan's TV Title defense against Robert Gibson, and Lord Steven Regal's challenge to Duggan, saying that if he can't beat Duggan for the TV Title, he will retire from WCW. All of this for a title that Duggan found in the garbage.
- Hey, it's Bam Bam Bigelow. He comes to the ring, and The Wall jogs behind him and attacks Triple-B from behind. Bigelow threw a lot of moves at The Wall, including a top-rope headbutt and an enziguri, but Wall kicked out of every last one of them. Wall catches Bigelow on the top rope, and chokeslams him off for the surprise victory. According to Tony Schiavone, "The Wall is awesome!" Whatever you say, man.
- Hogan is beating on the side of a steel mesh fence, repeatedly screaming Luger, Luger, Luger. Hulk Hogan is psychotic, brother! Meanwhile, Ric Flair tells Arn Anderson and David Flair to step up their games. Why, I don't know. Anderson and David just stare blankly with the same bewilderment in their eyes as everyone watching at home. Gene is back with Hogan, who declares that he will be the man that escapes the cage, what ya gonna do, yadda, yadda, yadda. Flair and Luger are walking to the ring when they see Hogan's manager Jimmy Hart, getting water. They decided to push Hart into a bag of popcorn.
- Luger comes out with Flair, and they take turns kicking Jimmy Hart's ass down the entrance ramp. They beat on him some more until the show goes to commercial. When the show comes back on, Flair and Luger are still delivering a beating to Hart. Hogan finally comes out, there are a few chairshots and blow exchanged, nobody sells anything, and finally Flair is sent to the back and Luger and Hogan are in the cage. Hogan takes advantage, using his cast (due to Luger "breaking his arm") to his advantage. Luger takes advantage after slamming Hogan's head into the steel, and delivers his weak looking blows. Luger got Hogan up for a vertical suplex, and then puts Hogan in the Torture Rack. As Luger is about to walk out of the cage, Hogan Hulks up, and starts peppering Luger with blows. Flair comes out, chops Hogan to no avail, and gets the ol big boot leg drop combo. Miss Elizabeth (Luger's manager at the time) sneaks in a chair while Hogan continues the beatdown of Flair and Luger. Hogan takes off his weightbelt, but Luger finally sees the chair and smacks Hogan in the back with it. Flair takes the weightbelt and whips Hogan with it. Security comes in to try and break things up, but Luger takes care of security head Doug Dillinger, and then "breaks his arm" by weakly stomping on a chair which has Dillinger's arm in between the back and the seat of the folding chair. The show ends, with no man escaping the cage. How hard would it have been for Luger to quickly walk out to win the match? Did they really have to end it in a no contest? Stupid WCW.
Overall, this show was only good from an unintentional comedy standpoint. The best match was probably Vampiro vs. Finlay, and that match was short and sucked anyway. The Harris Brothers were in four different segments even though nobody in the history of wrestling has ever given a crap about them. The best part of the show was Dustin Rhodes stealing an ambulance. I'd give it a 2 out of 10. Remember, if you have any ideas for future reviews, then let me know at KtheC2001@gmail.com. Review ideas can be about anything, even oven mitts.
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