Friday, September 10, 2010

Did Ray Lewis just destroy Saturn? and other Sports Commercials

Earlier tonight, I was watching the Vikings and Saints play in the first game of the NFL season when I saw a most peculiar commercial. In it, Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis comes out of the shower covered in foam talking about how tough it is to play football and how awesome Old Spice is, while at the same time tossing a saddle onto a giant raven outside the window. Yes, you heard me, a giant Raven. He then hops out the window and jumps on the raven, which has plastic eyes, and the two fly up into space, as the raven is apparently powered by rockets. The raven then shoots a laser and blows up Saturn. I don't know if that's the worst commercial I've ever seen or the best, but it really captured my attention. I don't know what a raven ridden by Ray Lewis has to do with bodywash, but it works for me. Check it out for yourself:

With that in mind, here are some other commercials featuring sports stars.

Commercial 1: Magic Johnson for Kentucky Fried Chicken

On some basketball court, Magic Johnson has a bucket of Hot n' Spicy chicken when these two other basketball players, who look to be no older than 23, come up to Magic and want some chicken. Magic's all like, 'this chicken is too hot to handle' and to prove his point, he breathes fire like a dragon. That fire launches a basketball off the rack and off of the backboard into the net. For some reason, the ball causes an explosion when it goes into the net, and the commercial ends with Magic Johnson saying; "They don't call me Magic for nothing". Never mind Magic Johnson using a double negative there, but I don't think I would want a bucket of chicken that caused me to shoot out a long line of flames from my mouth, because who knows what something that strong will come out as on the other side. That commercial makes me want to stay away from KFC, more so than usual.

Commercial 2: Bret Hart for Pizza Pizza

This isn't the whole commercial, but it's enough to write about. Bret Hart's at a pizza place when the guy behind the counter says he'll throw in a second pizza for a toonie, which in Canada is a 2 dollar coin. Suddenly Bret yells; "yeah I WANT TO CRACK THE CARDBOARD!" Um, what the heck does that mean? Also, what does it have to do with getting a second pizza? I'm greatly confused. Anyway, the video ends with Bret telling us to "crack the cardboard" and come to Pizza Pizza, finishing with "Tell 'em the Hitman sent you". I wonder how they would react at a Pizza Pizza if I went in there and told them that the Hitman sent me. However, since the closest Pizza Pizza to me is Ontario, I doubt I'll be making it up there soon.  I guess I'll just have to crack the cardboard in spirit instead.

Commercial 3: Cecil and Prince Fielder for McDonalds

Oh how things were so much simpler back in 1992. In this ad, Cecil Fielder, then the most powerful hitter in baseball, and his son Prince, a future big-leaguer himself, are playing a backyard game of baseball, which for some reason is being announced. The announcer starts by saying, "Cecil Fielder's at the plate, he looks hungry". Well, he always looks hungry. Anyway, the ad goes on to advertise various cheeseburgers, including a triple for a $1.69. Hey, that's a good deal. Prince ends up striking his old man out, although to be fair Cecil was using what looked to be a plastic bat, and the two then go off to McDonalds, but not before Prince apologizes for striking out Cecil. This commercial is so odd today considering that Prince, now the first baseman for the Milwaukee Brewers, does not eat meat anymore (even though he's still as big as he was when he ate meat, and if you've ever seen Prince you know how big he is). Also, Prince has not talked to his father in years due to a spat over money. Here's a look at the Fielders in somewhat happier times.

Commercial 4: Deion Sanders Nike Commercial

This ad is from 1996, and for some reason features Jerry Stiller dressed up as Vince Lombardi. The commercial shows highlights of Deion making playing and celebrating said plays while Stiller justifies Deion's flamboyant celebrations. At the end, Stiller does a little dance in the style of Deion. I guess at the time it seemed like a good idea. Maybe Deion needs to crack the cardboard as well, as that would be more entertaining than this was.

Well, I think I'm going to call it a day. Thanks for reading, and if you have any thoughts about this post, or ideas for future posts, than feel free to share them either by leaving a comment on the blog or by sending me an e-mail at


  1. I don't think it's ever a good idea to tell someone, "The Hitman sent me."

    ***Tasteless joke: Maybe those Mexican mayors thought Bret Hart was there to meet them. (

  2. I think it's always a good idea to tell them the Hitman sent me. Even if I go to the post office, I'll tell them that the Hitman sent me.

    Or, at the very least, I will inform the post office personnel that I want to crack the cardboard.

  3. Hey I found this blog while searching for the Bret Hart commercial. In the off chance that you read years old blog postings, I'll explain what is going on in that commercial.

    Pizza Pizza was running a promotion called Crack The Cardboard where they would sell you a second pizza in an extremely long box for an extra two dollars.

    On the top of the box there was a strip of plastic that you could tear off, and on the underside of it there would be a prize. I forget what the grand prize was but it was probably a car or something.

    The prize you were most likely to win was $1000 dollars off the purchase of a new home.